Dear Lord, what a mess.

What on earth were you thinking, to get involved with a married man? Even though he was "in the process of divorce", he was still married. What would you have done if they had decided to halt the process midway and get back together again? As it is you are in pole position for being called "the homewrecker" further down the track, even if it isn't strictly true. Do not believe it won't be thrown at you in the heat of an argument in the future.

Then, without the benefit of a stable relationship- ie, a partner who was not already committed elsewhere, you got pregnant. (Note that I _didn't_ say "benefit of marriage" because while I think that is desirable for a whole lot of reasons which have nothing to do with "morality", I accept that not everyone wants to be married.)

Now you find yourself pregnant, with an unsupportive partner, and being expected to cope with a child who appears to have some serious issues which have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her disengaged parents. And you have no way of really changing this little one's behaviour, because as a stepparent (and really not even that as you are not married to this child's father) you have no rights to take your BF's daughter to a therapist or anyone who could assist.

I sincerely doubt it is going to get any better and could very well get worse once your baby is born. You won't get any help from your BF raising your child (why would he suddenly change?) and as you say, making sure that SD doesn't make good on her threats is going to be a full time job every other week.

I'd cut and run as far away as possible, because if you are close, your BF could get visitation rights, which would mean your baby and his older daughter may be in the same household at the same time- without you to watch your baby as closely as whoever succeeds you would do (you don't think he'll replace you?). If you are too far for easy visitation he may not insist, since he doesn't seem to want to put much effort into the daughter he already has.

I do realize that this is a terrible situation. I was blind sighted by my partner about when the divorce would be finalized and lied to on countless occasions about the status of the divorce. Otherwise I would not have stayed in said relationship for so long. I have been told numerous times that the divorce was finalized and came to realize that this was a lie only after I got pregnant with our son, and the only reason I found out was because I looked online at court records... it was never a matter of choosing to be with a married man because I was unaware. I agree that things moved too fast.

On another note, I am not taking his child to therapy. I am currently the only one that is going... I guess I just made a lot of mistakes and I'm trying to fix them.

So you're in a relationship with a liar who also expects you to do the childcare he's not willing to do himself and take crap from his daughter as well? Why does this not scream "Leave now!" to you? Seriously, bail and take the pet with you.

Yikes. While I feel for the kid in her situation,that's really not your problem. If she abuses your pet, she may very well abuse your baby. If it were me, I would have been gone the first time I found out he lied about still being married. If you don't watch her,you don't love him? That's pure manipulation , and if it were me I would say, "well I don't love you or your psycho spawn ."

Get your stuff,get your pet, and get the heck out of there. Don't look back and do not let him get your baby to leave unsupervised with the brat.

I honestly give you much credit for realizing that at age 19 you are basically a maid and babysitter. Some SMs have been put in that position for years and years before having an epiphany. And, sadly, even now society in general tends to think that is SMs role--to suck it up and take it.

No. It is not SMs role to take on the burden of someone else' divorce and take care of their child for them while they are off doing their thang. I always say, two people with children can't live together, get divorced, and the ones to suffer the most wind up being their children and the people they go on to remarry (or get involved with).

Step-parenting only works if you have the support of the bios--both your DH and bio-mom. I also always say, manipulative, controlling BM and weak, enabling DH = step hell. But, you already have an advantage in realizing this at age 19. Others above have given good advice. Just remember, you DON'T have to suck it up and take it.

Trust is so important -- but after all the lies, can you trust him? You and the baby may be better off without him.

go home to your family!

Oh my! Please take the pet and go! Don't marry into this situation and have it all be legal! Much easier to go now. Sounds like the father won't try to be involved with your son if he acts this way towards his daughter. Get child support for your son and raise him the way you want to. Don't let a liar manipulate you any further!

I agree - you MUST leave this guy & place a report to Child & Family services about the daughter. If he lied to you about his divorce he is already lying to you about other things. HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. The way he is acting is showing his true character & you are better off without him.

My Mother had 8 children & she had a saying "one child is like none, 2 is like 10". You need to BE THERE for your baby - he will not be. I feel terribly for the other child but you need to take care of yourself and your baby. If you cannot afford to be on your own go to Social Services and get help, ask family & friends for help.

Good grief...you all do realize this child is 3 years old? Not much more than a baby.

Good grief. . . no one is going after a 3 year old here. They are letting a 19 year old, barely an adult herself, know that she (and her unborn child) doesn't have to be a servant to a divorced couple who clearly does not have their act together.