My Mother did and I have had other friends in such circumstances. In those cases, they were in age-restricted apartment complexes. Some with more services than others, like a bus, rec activities. For more money, in other places, you might get weekly housekeeping and some meals. Mother's complaint was that she was surrounded by old people (she was 93), the food isn't usually very good (but usually balanced), the bus schedule is not convenient, lots of gossipy people. Most of the residents are women.

Hope this helps a little.

We were looking at independent living for my mom where all meals are provided, there is an activity schedule and housekeeping is provided but no nursing care. The only negative we heard was that it's like high school with the queen bees, the mean girls and cliques. They are 90% women.

My mom decided to continue to live on her own until she was ready for a nursing care facility which is where she is moving to next month. Although it is a memory care facility as Alzheimers has claimed her.

Do you like the facility you are currently in seniorgal? Your meals often sound good.

In response to Raven--I have lived here over ten years. We had a change in management about 3 years ago and I have been less happy with things since then. Mostly, my opinion is that the current management does not have the expertise to handle a large operation like this.

Just today I awoke to find that my heat would not turn off. Thermostat set at 63, thermometer reading 75. Service people said they can't do anything until it gets colder, which is a ridiculous answer.

I will shortly contact the manager for a clarification on that, She has seemed to me to be penny-wise and pound-foolish on lots of things. In all fairness I have to say that she may be pressed from above.

Yes, our meals have sometimes been quite good--sometimes too much starch to suit me. There has been a frequent turnover of chefs, which makes it difficult sometimes.

In my opinion, should I move, I'd just find another set of problems.

My MIL lived in a CCC until she died last year. She had the usual complaints of living in a place that you don't control - and they didn't do things to her way of thinking. It was a very nice facility but she didn't participate in a lot of the activities. S he refused to eat in the dining room in the evening because you "had to get dressed up" So she ate her main meal of the day in the cafe and then complained about it. She decided when she was ready to move to assisted living and that was one of the real benefits of living there in that she was able to move into that facility without a lot of hassle on her part. She again didn't like the way they did things but it worked out okay for her, although she wouldn't participate in most of the group activities. When the time came, hospice came in and took care of her right in her room. All in all, it was a very good place and we were happy she had made all these decisions herself.

SueVa, where are you located? My daughter lives in Purcelville and wants me to move closer to her and her family. I live in Maryland about 1.25 hours from them.

Sue, I would like to know where you live too. I may need to move somewhere like that in the next decade or so.

Satine, Kathsgdn, I live in Augusta County, across the mountain from Charlottesville. (Yeah, I know, not supposed to be too specific, or the Gremlins will getcha if you don't watch out!) I would love to have either of you, or both, as neighbors. I know where Purcelville is but don't know how far away it is; shouldn't be too far though. But Kath, best hurry. I'm 92.

I love that you are so happy there Sue!

Seniorgal I don't understand that response to your thermostat problem either it makes no sense. Plus it's costing them more money keeping the heat on. I bet if you approach her with that money loss idea she would be quick to get it fixed.

The place mom was in was a beautiful place but the care givers were not very good and were constantly changing. It was unfortunately our only option in the area she lived.

It is very disappointing when a place that you like changes, and not for the better.

I hope things improve for you.

My MIL was in "congregate living" at a United Methodist Home for 3 years before she ended up in full-blown nursing care. She was blind and hard of hearing so it was wonderful having her in a safe environment with people around she could socialize with. It was sort of like a suites hotel room but no kitchen. Instead she had a MW and a small fridge. She went down the hall to the dining room where they served 3 meals a day. We paid separately for a cleaning lady to come in once a week. They had a van to get you around, would plan activities and then had some social and religious things go on as well. It was so great, esp in the winter time. During storms, the staff would sleep over to make sure they were there to serve the meals.

The place was associated with an assisted living and nursing home, so when MIL had her "event" and was no longer able to live by herself, they got her into a nice room at the nursing home right away.

It really was the ideal solution for her.

Sue, I put both Purcelville and Charlottesville in google maps, and it came up with 106 miles. I am glad, you like where you are. Sometimes, I wonder, about the future, but overall, I feel fine about my life.

Moni

Purcellville, VA is not too far from Gainesville, Leesburg, Haymarket all of which have nice independent and assisted senior living communities. The one I am familiar with is Regency in Old Dominion, Haymarket.

Sue_va Augusta County is a great place. It is so beautiful. I lived there for most of my 23 years of life but recently moved to the DC area. Much different up here. Sorry that was so off topic!

In the late 1950s our family lived in Allegheny County (only for three years).

I'm sure there are good ones every where, so it is a good idea to look around, ask questions, and talk to some of the residents. I visited 4-5 in this area before I choose this one. Dakota, I remember you from a recent thread. I grew up in the DC area and back then it was a great place to live; but much different now. When you come home for a visit be sure to let me know.

I think the whole "Assisted Living" thing has become a gold mine for investors. Licensure is minimal -- they are basically only offering room and board and are not liable for anything medical. Homes are built on spec and sold and traded like commodities. What you go into isn't going to stay the same. (Seniorgal's new owners/management is an illustration.)

I knew some folks who lived in "assisted living" and there were licensed care-givers present. Some of the residents needed assistance with medications and others needed assistance with their bathroom things. Admittedly, the care-givers were not highly visible, but they were there.

Sue, I've driven through the area you live in a few times on my way to visit a friend who lives in Virginia. Pretty area!

Don't confuse senior living alternatives. In investigating options for my Mother, I have found Independant Senior Living and Assised Living to be two totally different things even though often offered on the same campus. Independent is just that, no caregivers, just often meals, light housekeeping, etc, while Assisted Living has more of a caregiving component and will assist with medication management, bathing, mobility etc. and has have licensed caregivers on staff. My mother has chosen Independent for now. But it's nice to know that she can progress to higher levels of care in the same facility if that becomes necessary.

Moni, your mileage stats may help satine get a better idea of distance from her daughter, and here, which is almost in a straight line.

Kath, next time you make that trip, please come by and visit.

When you are considering these types of facilities, make sure you investigate the local categories of zoning and safety regulations. In my city there was a fire in a "Senior Living" facility which turned out to have been built under "apartment" zoning regulations. Make sure you understand what you are entering into.

I'm concerned about escalating fees what is essentially Room & Board, often with promises of greater care levels in the future at the same facility. The 'same facility' may experience different owners, management and changes many times over as corporations buy and sell their rate-paying 'occupancy'. These are businesses.

Few states or municipalities do much supervision once a facility is built. Public Health Departments are understaffed and underfunded. Inspections are rare -- and are often performed following advance notice to the facility. Check your public health department to see how and when inspections are made -- and if mandated corrections are made. Having laws and requirements is useless without enforcement. Another factor is that residents are very unlikely to complain to authorities, fearing retribution.

Of course there are fine residences. Just don't be naive.

The continuing care facility my mother entered at the independent living stage had a felon with no medical licenses in charge of the nursing portion. (Most people don't investigate beyond looking at the apartments, the dining room, the bus to the grocery store.)

Would a shared housing situation be worthwhile for a number of people who are finding living alone a bit too much?

I think that there are several advantages.

There is more intellectual and emotional stimulation/satisfaction that living alone.

There'd be fewer chores when four or five or so share them ... and if two can agree on how one should be done, sharing a job is more fun than doing it alone. A number of seniors say that looking after this place is getting just too onerous. Three wouldn't be a good idea: two would become better friends, and one would be the odd guy out.

They'd eat better: if it were your turn to get/share in getting lunch, tea and toast just wouldn't cut it, though for many, living alone, they'll settle for such ... (rather frequently?).

People who live with you can notice if there are minor changes in your habits or operation, which may give an indication of upcoming difficulties.

The inhabitants could check on one another's keeping up with their medications and other health-related issues.

There'd be a major saving in housing costs, living in one (usually larger) place than individuals would require.

Following someone's release from hospital care, though an individual living alone could well have no one to act as caregiver during their recovery at home, the others in this shared home could pick up the slack while the recovering one wasn't fully capable. And they'd not be a "bed blocker" in the hospital.

If the one who had the health problems were not able to take over their share of the responsibilities after a time, the original arrangement would have been that they would need to make other living arrangements.

But they'd have developed major savings over having moved into a caregiving facility originally. And quite likely had a preferable living situation in the interim.

As the senior component of our society increases, and fewer workers have pensions, it seems to me that arrangements such as this will be helpful in future years.

Some say that, while one of those old large, two-storey houses would be a good candidate, that the stairs are a major deterrent for many. I wonder whether, using some of the savings enjoyed from delaying the costly entry into a retirement home, they could build an elevator. Or one of those stair-rail chairs might be adequate ... or even as a temporary solution pending the building of an elevator.

ole joyful ... who won't be around, over the longer term, to find out

Chisue, you are so right. My sisters and I are extremely lucky that one of us is able to take care of Mom at this time. It makes my bp go up, just thinking about what we would do if we had to move her. Is there some useful protocol to follow when trying to check out a facility? I fear there isn't much.

OJ, I think your idea is a good one, but they are few and far between. It takes much effort for strangers to live together, but it can be done. I hope you might be so lucky if it ever came to that! You make many good points.

oj -- Congregate Living might suit you. These small operations are usually organized by churches. A home is purchased. A few Seniors agree to live together and be 'family' to one another. Each person has his or her own bedroom and bath, and the living room, kitchen and grounds are communal. The organization is responsible for licensing the house, upkeep, vetting 'family' candidates, etc., and they arbitrate problems.

DH and I support a Chicago organization called H.O.M.E. It aids Senior in their own homes, provides transportation, and has two medium size apartment buildings. Often a young family will live with the Seniors for reduced rent while they cook and otherwise aid the tenants.

sjerin -- Medicare has information on how to find licensed facilities. They have lists of questions for you to ask when you inspect. (I don't know if they also encourage you to double-check with whatever agency licenses and inspects, but I'd sure do so.)

I have had some experiences of shared housing ... six years, three in Arts and 3 in theology, and about 80 people living in a dorm in the seminary, only about 1/3 of them theologs, usually 2-3 per room. My first experience of flush toilet and bath was when I went to Univ.

Then with two other newly-arrived male missionaries living by ourselves on a small island near Pusan, Korea, more or less speechless to the locals when our language teachers were gone, nights and weekends.

Then with three guys and about 4 women in two houses, eating together, in Seoul, Korea, and later sharing two storeys of one house in Pusan with a man and wife, eating separately: 4 years, in total.

A year after my return to Korea following furlough, family of 5 newly-arrived missionaries couldn't enter partly-built home for them (builder bankruptcy - we paid about 150% of building cost for that place), they moved into my little Japanese-style 2-br house for a couple of months, my fiancee arrived, we were married and shared that house with them for several months after that, till their new home was finished. Can anyone spell "sardines"?

After divorce, boarding with an old lady in her 80s for about 4 years, ending 41 years ago. She was a sweetheart: helped alleviate my post-divorce bitterness re women.

ole joyfuelled