Yes, Kath, it is expensive like that. I was totally floored as well, back when I found out. However, fostering older kids is a tough job. Most have been from foster home to foster home, and have problems. I know, I don't have it in me to do such.

Moni

This might be a cruel question -

But, are you doing it because you will be paid for it or because you really have the heart, patience, empathy, and sympathy for it and genuinely want to help these kids.

Are you prepared to guide them through all the difficulties of not just being a teen-ager but also being an unwanted teenager. Will you dump them at the first sign of trouble or are you there for the long haul. What are your own behaviour boundaries for these kids because I suspect that your expectations will have to be different than with your own kids.

We had two foreign exchange students from France for a short time as their long term families were unable to host them till after their vacations. It was obvious they both came from rich families. Wonderful girls though.

God bless you for even thinking about fostering teenagers! I have never done it and couldn't but it's wonderful that you would consider opening your home/heart to them. It's definitely needed.

When my daughter was in Costa Rica, the host family (the mom actually looked at this as her job) was paid for each student. She took two in at a time.

Here's an interesting concept: when I was a program director at a senior center, we had many seniors in volunteer roles. They received a stipend. Certainly not a salary.

But, the thought was that it shouldn't cost to be a volunteer. So, stipend covered bus fare and lunch.

I see nothing wrong with having help with expenses.

You might be able to start with short term intervention to get a feel for the population. Then, you might commit to something ongoing.

You already have the experienced of having what is first a stranger come and live in your home.

Good luck. There are so many success stories. It is very sad how some children just have never gotten a break, and need caring people like yourself.

A good friend of mine fostered two pre-teens -- a brother and sister. It was their first fostering experience. She and her husband eventually (fairly quickly) adopted them. There was a rough adjustment period with the boy, who was a little older (I think 11 when he came to them), but he and the rest of the family got through it. At about the same time, they adopted a girl from Thailand. (No more room in the house, so no additional fostering.)

The boy just graduated from high school with honors. They're a great family!

Blfenton, I don't think I'd be doing it for the money because from what I've read, most foster parents put out more money for the kids than they get from the state. I've spent thousands of dollars on these exchange students, taking them places, especially the first two. I just think maybe I should have spent it on someone who needed it more. I've been better with these two, letting them pay for things when we go out, but it still seems weird having them pay for meals and entertainment when we go out.

Find a support group of foster parents. Talk to them first. This is a BIG undertaking and completely different from being 'housemom' to exchange students.

Eld6161, you are supposed to treat them like your own kids, give them chores around the house, spend time with them etc...you feed them at home and provide food if they choose to take their lunches to school. If they eat school lunches then they have to pay for it. They're supposed to pay for everything you do outside of the home. I find it weird that your daughter was fed at different times than the family or other student. The whole idea of foreign exchange is to get to know the people and their country and customs.

Chisue, I realize it's going to be very different. Am a little worried about getting a child who is destructive or violent. I know all foster kids aren't going to have those issues. Just wondered what other people experienced. I have another meeting set up with KVC next week. Making a list of questions for him.

Great idea, Chisue. I thought you'd have a valuable contribution here.

I know two families (they're related) that do. They have focused on younger children, none in their teenage years, and the older of the two couples has had nearly a dozen children in their household over the past 20 or so years.

From one perspective, they have been very giving and selfless in helping rescue children from poor home situations and "the system" by giving them love and nurturing in their own home. They do have an ulterior motive - they are devout members of what I consider to be an extreme evangelical Christian church and they see their foster child effort almost as if they were missionaries recruiting converts among the natives in the jungle. I'm sure they more than hold up their end of the bargain as far as the local Social Welfare department is concerned and who knows, maybe they support what they're doing. But it's as if the poor little kids were being emotionally and spiritually kidnapped, they don't have a chance to see a balanced view. I find the situation to be on the borderline of being inappropriate but it's not my place to speak up.

What is KVC? The state agency?

You need to talk to the people actually doing the fostering. There is *nothing* like a self-help group -- people who have been there and done that, and are still doing it. You need to hear the "stories that would curl your hair" and have some training in how to act when the inevitable blow-ups occur. Most of these kids are *damaged* -- by their parents, their foster parents, they system.

You will get not just the teen, but the teen's whole past, including the family he or she was originally removed from -- presumably for cause. These kids have all kinds of problems. Their experiences in life have taught them some hairy lessons.

I remember a study that supported leaving kids with natural family if at all possible. Many foster kids go back to the family that was judged unfit as soon as they 'age out' of care. That tie exists. That *hope* exists against all reality.

We foster parented a boy about 15 years ago. He was 12, and we had a 12 year old son as well. We already knew each other (small town) and the boy (I'll call him T) was basically a good kid. His parents were druggies and both got sent to prison at the same time. His mother was only in for 6 months, so we knew that she was going to get him back when she was released.

We were legally-qualified foster parents, filling out all the paperwork and going through the background checks. We were paid about $300/month.

It was hard for me. T was a sweet boy, even though the local sheriff told us that it was unbelieveable the kinds of things T had seen and the situations he had been placed in. His mother called, from prison, on T's birthday. He didn't even really want to talk to her. And when she got out, he didn't want to leave us. I tried really hard not to get attached to him because I knew how things were going to work out. We never ever saw the father (he may still be in prison - I'm not sure). We never foster parented again. Once was enough for me; it was too hard on me emotionally.

The rest of the story: his mother has stayed drug-free and employed ever since she was released from prison. T and his girlfriend had a little boy about 3 years ago and they got married this summer in our church with their son as ring bearer. T has a good job and his wife is in college. He has never been in trouble as far as I know.

Yes, Chisue, it's the state agency.