Incredible show last night. I think it was the best show so far. I was thoroughly entertained. For the first time, Sanjaya wasn't bad. His performance was much better than anything he's done before. The person who really bothers me and I think could very well be booted off tonight is Phil Stacey. He was the first one to perform. I just don't like him. Something about that guy really bothers me? And I think that out of all the performances last night, his was the weakest. Until Sanjaya's performance last night, I thought he should be the one to go. Guess we'll find out tonight. I agree that LaKisha should have listened to Lulu. I wasn't as impressed by her last night as I usually am. I'm adding Jordin to my favs too. And I rather like Haley, the girl with the mole and thought she was pretty good last night, though not the best. But I don't think she can win this. Melinda is just awesome as far as I'm concerned. I think she'll do well wheather she wins this or not. I look forward to her performances every week. Joy

Here goes. Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.) I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sixed Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it it a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adeqate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out- way too cool! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the dam thing and pushed the button..... Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arc between the prongs. How disappointing !! I do love a little fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so! Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arc of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeee... I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to my wife whatt he burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc. etc. There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger. I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time. So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, tazer in the other. The directions said that: A one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; A two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; A three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water... All the while I'm looking at this LITTLE device (measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way -- trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I was sitting there alone, the dog looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?) I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight - always 20/20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. (Don't ya hate that?) I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY ****** !!!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" NOTE: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a tazer, one note of caution.... There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by violent thrashing about on the floor. Then if you're lucky, you won't jam one of the prongs 1/2 inch deep in your thigh like yours truly. SON-OF-A-BISQUIT- EATER that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there?? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching... and I swear I smelled burning flesh and hair.. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure. By the way has anyone seen my testicles? I think they rolled away. I'm offering a reward. They're round rather large. Miss'em.... sure would like to get'em back. It's good to know that the wife will be safe from stupid assailants..... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for all your hard work Karen! Can't wait to read it in its entirety. Jodi-

we're Jewish; we just dance:) weddings are especially seen as a must-occasion to dance whether you move gracefully or not; most dances are fast; one has to be happy..and more than that, make groom and bride happy. so folks really go out of their way and just dance..on my first wedding that was a traditional one (it was not a big wedding but still around hundred people; we chose one of the cheaper hotels as our venue mostly since it had a view on Jerusalem hills..) and many hotel guests from other countries just came to watch the wedding. since guys made a huge rope out of hotel napkins tied together and were jumping that rope:) also since one's supposed to make a bride and a groom happy and to make them feel even more elated one of the traditions is to put a bride on one chair, a groom or another-and then several strong guys raise the chairs and dance with you in the air while you try to hold hands...when you're not holding onto that chair for dear life..:) that was kinda scary. But they didn't drop us. So if I sound sometimes like I've been dropped in my childhood too many times-it didn't happen on my first wedding:) (after the wedding, one Brazilian lady-who was amongst the enchanted watchers- talked me into giving her my wedding bouquet , with tears in her eyes, because, per her explanation, she needed good fortune or something. I saw her for the first time in my life and kinda wasn't inclined to..kinda at all..but she was so hysterical I of course gave her the bouquet..lol) (second wedding, I just put on my best jeans and we went to the local City Hall..so no wedding:) but I remember the first one quite warmly of course. even though the Rabbi was unexperienced, it was his first wedding ever and he was so anxious that he told us after the wedding it will be his last one too. LOL