I have never heard of this. I can't imagine inviting people to my home and having a cash bar. We are hosting DH retirement party next weekend, not charging people for their catered food and drink. Paying for out of town guests hotel rooms. After living together for ten years, why ask for money now?

It isnt the couple having it,Terilyn,it is thru another group of ppl,done in the fashion of a shower or stag,which is what used to be done back in the day.Nowadays here,it seems that it is the norm having the J&J instead of a shower or bachelor party.

Ok, makes more sense now! Thanks!

It is tradition here to have a shower for the bride,or a stag/bachelor party for the groom.

So this new era of J&J is a combination of the 2 I s'pose.

I don't think its' so much that any couple "expects" anything to be honest-more of a congratulatory get together for all involved.

I do know that with this particular couple -,the no shower idea for the bride was because they have lived together this long.

Friends close to the couple are hosting this particular get together-I'm not certain that the couple even are aware as yet.

The weekend just past was a wedding for another young couple-their J&J was a month ago-and they too have lived together for a period of time.

So,I s'pose this is just a traditional sort of function here now.

No, you don't usually bring a gift but they do sell you tickets for raffles and such and you can win prizes if your number is chosen. They also have games like hammer the nail into a stump that you buy tickets to play.

Rhonda, did you purchase tickets to go to the J&J? The last one I was at I won a huge Rigid wet/dry shop vac and a big lantern/flashlight with the raffle tickets I purchased. They had a lot of fun games

Never heard of a J&J?? Sounds like something teens would do when left "home alone"... big booze/house party with attendees paying to get in to cover cost??

I'd never heard of it, either, but it sounds like quite a celebration according to my research. No gifts, apparently.

It's a very long held tradition in some parts of Canada and the US. One article I read mentioned that these events may go against the grain for "pearl clutching etiquette experts", lol, but are very much entrenched in regional customs.

I have been to a JJ once and I didn't bring a gift. It was a long time ago but I think I bought tickets. It was more fun than a shower, but I remember not really liking having to pay to go to their party. It seemed kinda odd. In hindsight, what's the difference between handing someone cash or giving them a gift they may or may not use? I wish I had all of the cash instead of all of those wine glasses I registered for. Really, how many people did I think I was going to have over drinking wine? During my kitchen remodel, I ended up donating almost all of them to a local charity. Hopefully someone is enjoying them because they were pretty :)

In general, if you have to purchase tickets to go, then buy your own drinks and purchase raffle tickets etc. then I would say no gifts. The raised money is the gift. I usually buy tickets then don't go LOL.

not in good taste to demand that anybody pass a test before having a party or celebration.

not in good taste to decree when presents are or are not apt.

I've never heard of this and don't understand the concept. Is this couple in financial difficulty? Is there some occasion involved? A marriage? A ten-year anniversary? (They're splitting up? LOL)

I, for one, would greatly prefer this over some dumb shower. I cannot think of a wedding shower that was ever fun. It just sounds like fun! If it's thrown by friends to be kind to them, how can that ever be wrong, or "reaching", regardless of the number of years they've been together?

I dated someone 8 years. We didn't live together, ever. I guess, if we'd gotten married, we'd have been well past the 5 or 6 year limit for gifts. Despite the fact it was our only serious relationship either of us had had, and we were in our early 20s.

"Rhizo...It's a very long held tradition in some parts of Canada and the US. One article I read mentioned that these events may go against the grain for "pearl clutching etiquette experts", lol, but are very much entrenched in regional customs."

I'm afraid my pearls are indeed in a twist over this one! Just can't imagine such an event.

We've been to Jack and Jill showers and even had one when we were getting married 32 years ago. This is on the Cdn west coast. Those type of showers were just joint bride/groom showers with both guys and girls as guests. There were gifts but they were things such as wine shower or a bar shower, gardening/garage shower. We hadn't been living together for 10 years either.

I've never heard of this type of games/raising money type of shower for the happy couple , Maybe the money is for their honeymoon or a downpymt on a house or to help pay for a wedding.

Without more information, it sounds like a money-grabber to me and I'd have to think long and hard about whether or not I would go to it.

I never heard of it. I read the Wikipedia article about it.

The description of buying tickets, raffles, games, cash bar, etc reminds me of charity fundraisers I've been to except in this case the cause is the wedding?

Seems bizarre to me but maybe it wouldn't be if I had grown up with it as a cultural norm.

Since it seems most like charity fundraisers I've been to I will say, I would never bring a gift to that type of event but if I wanted to contribute more I would either make an additional donation of cash or I would donate an item for the raffle or silent auction.

I'm not keen on the idea of paying for someone else's wedding/honeymoon. If they can't afford a "big to-do" why not just do it on the cheap? Have a pot luck/byob reception? And especially if they've lived together for years...plenty of time to save up.

Years ago, we would call this an engagement party for the couple. However, I have never heard of buying tickets etc. Sounds like a carnival! I guess it could be fun though.

And, depending on the amount of tickets you buy, it might be cheaper than an actual present?

Cherryfizz-no,there hasn't been a mention of tickets-just show up buy drinks if you're a drinker,and play the games.

The end result I s'pose, is to raise money "instead" of the shower gift thing for the couple for whatever they choose to do with it.

My question has been answered,thank you all!

A couple doesn't usually arrange their own Jack and Jill, it is usually hosted by friends of the couple or whoever is in the wedding party. I know I only spent $15 for my ticket, maybe $5 for the 50-50 draw and maybe another $5 on raffle tickets for items. The prizes I went home with were valued at more than $100

It sounds like a buck and doe or stag and doe the terms used in my region. There are lots of names for them depending on your region. It is traditional and expected that a young couple will likely have one. Yes money is made at these events. Often the proceeds will go to cover the meal at the wedding and other wedding costs. Left over money help the couple as they start their life together. Growing up in a rural area there were few bars so buck and does wedding receptions, bush, house, parties were what you did. Buck and does gave more people an opportunity to celebrate with the couple. Not everyone could attend the wedding or wedding reception so going to the buck and doe showed support. Example I attended school with the couple, or your a neighbor, co worker, but was not a close friend I might go to the buck and doe enjoy the party but wouldn't have attended the wedding or reception because it was usually for family and close friends. Things are changing as rules around serving alcohol and insurance costs, are making it harder to host them. People are waiting to get married and living together longer before getting married. The kind of wedding people are throwing are different too. Used to be every weekend there was a listing or two of a buck and doe in the paper, not so anymore. But as to bringing gifts nope, leave that for the wedding reception. Good luck on a door prize !