Mizzm - we have a "BEST" by Broan range hood. It is a 48" wide x 24" deep Model K260 with stainless baffles. We use an external 1200 cfm blower by BEST along with a Fantec silencer. Our duct has a length of 13' physical feet with one 45 degree and one 90 degree bend. The 48" hood was $1050 and the external blower was $780, both purchased locally where I'm located. Sound levels are hard to describe but I'll try: Lowest speed (this hood has variable blower speed) - on low you can't hear it 50% speed - our refrigerator running will drown out the blower but noise level of wind hiss is similar. So far it seems this will be the speed we used the most. 75% a bit louder than the refrigerator but only hear wind noise with air going thru baffles - loud enough to hear but noise drops off as soon as you back off from the hood, especially about 5 feet away. This speed so far is all we've needed when doing the most smoke producing cooking - using cast iron skillets super hot and blackening various meats. Tons of smoke and 75% power easily pulls everything out. 100% - a slight hum from the remote blower and a fair amount of hiss of air being sucked thru the baffles. Sound level probably about 3/4 way between the sound of a refrigerator running and a table top microwave (probably closer to the microwave). We haven't seen yet where this full speed has been needed - but good to know its there. Our previous range hood had an 8 sones sound level and just for reference - 8 sones is similar (to us) as a jet engine running the the kitchen - or maybe even a lawn mower. 8 sones is very distracting and hard to have a good conversation. We looked at many different hoods and every hood we saw with an internal blower was loud so we knew we really needed the external blower. With our kitchen remodel our kitchen will be part of a great room and we wanted the quietest possible blower setup we could get. We are 100% satisfied with the performance and noise levels. With our remodel, we will soon have a different rangetop installed (already delivered), a 48" BS with 24" grill and we have no concerns about our range hood being able to do the job since it's already proven it can handle what we throw at it. I would not hesitate to purchase the BEST products again - much cheaper than others and nice quality.

Thank you all for your suggestions. azzalea, I do many of the repairs. I am more handy then most men and can do a lot of things except electical and appliance work. In the past month I've hung a new door on our coat closet then painted it and put in a new knob, which meant moving the striker and redrilling the striker hole in the jamb. I've also removed our handrail on the stairs going to 2nd floor because the original builder didnt' sink the screws into studs, just the lath and plaster, and after 50+ years the handrail was hanging by a thread. I patched the holes, sanded them down and painted, found the studs, moved the brackets & re-hung the handrail. I also patched the plaster in the downstairs bathroom ceiling when the upstair toilet overflowed & leaked through, then sealed and painted it. So construction type work doesn't scare me. I grew up in the 60's and 70's who while Dad was taking my brother to job sites with him, it would never have occurred to him to take me or teach me anything. What I know I've learned through "osmosis." I did replace the light switch in the bathroom but the problem isn't in the switch - and I am not qualifed to tear into the walls for the wiring or the service box. And the lamp is far, far away from any water. We have a 6' counter, with sink at one end, and the lamp is on the other end. And at 75, my dad can run rings around most 50 year olds. Through exercise, eating right & right living, he's never taken and Rx, never had a major illness, and is more physically fit than I am. He retired because he and his partner just finished a 15 acre development, and his partner ran for a state-level polical office and won. Dad decided rather than do it all himself on the next develoment since his partner would be tied up most of the time, he'd just end the partnership. I give it 6 months - he'll be buying more land and doing another development on his own. My dad can't sit still for 5 mintues. You are all right - my dad is who he is and I will never change that. He is not the way I want him to be and that will not change. I need to let it go - and let go of letting what he thinks of me bother me. What is hard is that I call every Thursday night and have for the past 25 years. My dad answers EVERY TIME (in his world, women don't answer the phone). Before I can talk to my mom, I have to hear him groan and moan about how awful the world is for about 15 minutes. He grew up dirt poor and has become wildly successful by any measure - wealth, status, friends, etc. Yet he still complains to me every week about how the world isn't a fit place for my sons to grow up in. I bite my tounge every week and every time they visit or I visit them (2x a month). I tell myself, it's only 24 visits a year and 52 phone calls a year. What bothers me the most is that if my brother, who also lives in my town, calls and wants Dad to do something on his house, my Dad drops everything to do it. He has helped my brother finish his basement, install sheetrock in his garage, build an arbor and porch swing, and finish the "bonus room" over hisgarage. He says it's because my brother's house is new (new build develoment house - about 10 years old) and it's easier to work on a newer house. My brother fits my dad's expectation of what a Man should be - he works in a factory, rides a motorcycle, is the "ruler of his household," etc and his wife is the traditional wife. They don't have kids.

I agree with so much that has been said. However, I think that there is no one solution. In my case, "Divorce Poison" -as many other step-parent/family books- became a semiread book because I couldnÂt deal with the bleakness of that situation. If you prepare for the worst (it does get 3x worse than what one can ever imagine), please keep on hoping for the best! The odds are against us step-families, but it can be done, and many people here are a testament to that. I did the same thing you did with my "step-wife". I came from such a positive experience, I thought it would be possible NO MATTER WHAT. Boy, did she prove me wrong! If I can give you any advice, here it is: 1. Please try not to let HER issues affect YOUR behavior with the children as others have already said. It sounds like you care for those children; keep on caring and letting them know that you care: they'll receive the message. 2. Find resources that make you stronger, not that instill further fear and doubt. I know there are certain people I can talk to, but others that just donÂt help. I talked to a family therapist to sort things out early on; I began reading books about parenting; I found a momÂs group where my biggest guide has been a bio-mom 3. TALK TALK TALK with your fiancé. He can be your biggest ally as well as your biggest foe. I canÂt tell you the times my husband and I fought, I cried, we walked out on one another, but we stuck with it and things are so much better now. We hit roadblocks every so often, but we have gotten much better in overcoming them. 4. I hate to say this because I like to talk EVERYTHING out, but I agree with everyone in saying that minimizing communication with the children's mother is probably a good thing, at least for the time being. I am all about communication, but if you donÂt have clear boundaries (it takes time to set them, sometimes you have to seek legal recourse as we did), a big wall might just be the best solution for now. 5. Be watchful of that "chameleon" behavior many children of divorced parents exhibit. Reading up on it really helped us call them on it and help them get out of the habit. Their allegiance will always be towards their bio-parent, no matter how damaging these adults can be towards their own children. However, if addressed early on, it can be curbed. The book that helped me the most early on was, "The Single GirlÂs Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife". It was so positive and encouraging. I laughed and cried with it and found some good practical tips that worked wonders in my situation. I adored my family-to-be and this book gave me so much hope when things got tough. Good luck lady! Keep us posted PS I just want to say, if I have a gagillion semi-read books, I also refer back to them here and there. I am just not able to read them all the time or all in one period of time. It goes back to suggestion number 2, I try to stay positive.....

I read your original post and pretty much skipped the follow ups because I want to respond, just to YOUR post and not the opinions of others. "she left him after 11 years when she becamse pregnant by a bf. She now lives with the bf, who is abusive physically and verbally, and the 3 kids live with her too because they go to school there and their dad works at a feed lot FULL TIME!!" Working full time is NO reason to leave your three children in a situation with a physically & verbally abusive stepdad or worse, just her boyfriend. "OK, so the problem. The kids spend weekends and some holidays and summer with us. When they are at our house, I am with them all day when he is working. I discipline and hand out chores and rewards...all the things expected of a mother. We get along very well and my bf backs me up when needed. Recently we recieved the 13 year olds grades from first nine weeks and she is basically flunking all core classed. I'm talking C's and D's. (and not even a C+). My bf was upset too and we talked and he talked with the ex. I also e-mailed his 13 year old about how I felt. I am a teacher, so I thought maybe I'd have a different insight. They never bring homework with them on the weekends and I told her I want to see homework from now on. The next night the ex called my bf and was very upset that I e-mailed and he talked to her for 30 minutes and seemed to agree with everything she said. Then he was angry at me and when I tried to defend myself....he kicked me out." I disagree with anyone that says you were trying to assume "parental" anything. You were however, the babysitter while he was at work. Before my now husband moved in, I kept his daughter when she didn't have school and he had to work (on his weeks because he had her every other week) I don't have a problem with that. Your post is titled "future?" so I assume you'd like to marry this guy and if he felt that way about you, he would value YOUR opinion. The fact that he threw you out is a clear sign that he still lets his ex rule his life and that's not a place you want to be. I guarantee it. "Was I wrong??? I just don't think it's fair to ask me to perform motherly responsibilities when they are staying with us, but I have no say otherwise if it makes the ex angry. I feel that at least I am a good influence on their lives. The ex's bf is an abusive jerk who is definately involved in the kids lives...so how much room does she have to talk??" I don't think you were wrong to have an opinion about her grades and wanting to help her. You are a teacher and that was a positive. The fact that she would rather be jealous that it's coming from you because you are with him, is her problem. It only became your problem when he listened to her and threw you out. Do you think that if her teacher from school called and said what you did, she would have had a problem with it? I don't. "The 13 year old e-mailed me back and said she was trying in school but her homework is always late because she has practice right after school and then babysits for her little sister til 11pm when her mom finally comes home from work. Then she doesn't have time. I just don't feel she has her priorities straight. If she can't keep up with school work, then maybe she shouldn't be playing ball at school. And what is wrong with asking them to bring homework to our house on the weekends so I can help them??" If you are back with your BF, I wouldn't worry about it. If she asks for your help, offer it but for now, he hasn't put a ring on your finger and you are not responsible for his kids. You can be their friend and help if you want, but it's not the same as "mothering" although I think I know what you mean. When my kids were young, our house was where all the kids wanted to play because we had a pool. and I considered feeding or teaching them things, mothering. I heard the phrase "turf war" used and I agree, too many moms and step mom's get so far into a battle that the kids get sucked into a war zone. I don't see it too much with men but I'm sure that happens too. "I guess I just don't know how to disengage when I have to be a "parent" part of the time. If I am to be with my bf, i want to be a part of their lives too. And not just their friend. Am I in the wrong?? I feel he owes me an apology and needs to acknowledge what I do for his children. Is that wrong?? Please give me some advice because I am hurting right now and don't know where to go from here." You have to disengage until he marries you. Until he does that, you are nothing more than a friend to his kids. I would think hard and seriously before continuing to be with a guy that has already thrown you out and allows you to take care of his kids when he can't. To be honest, it sounds like you may have some "codependency" issues because you can't fix things, especially if your BF and his ex don't want you to. Why are you even bothering???