Nervous about family drama
lovekcdillas
7 years ago
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sushipup1
7 years agolovekcdillas
7 years agoRelated Discussions
Nervous about telling Dad that I'm getting married
Comments (7)What we want to do is is just get the license and go to the Justice of the Peace to be married and THEN have a ceramony when we're settled on the east coast. Please don't do this. This suggestion--which I am seeing more and more of--really bothers me. To have a reception later is fine. To have two ceremonies is not. You can only, technically, get married once. That is the REAL wedding. Any other *ceremony* is simply theater. I think it's really disrespectful to the marriage ceremony to repeat it "just for show." If you have a DIFFERENT ceremony later (the way many Europeans do--a civil ceremony first, a religious one later--that makes sense. Or if you have a small civil ceremony, and then later have a ceremony you call "the blessing by the families" and you make up stuff for your families to promise to support and bless your marriage--that could work. But if you do it too much later, don't expect other people to get all that terribly excited about it. I know of people who got married by proxy (husband was in Iraq, she was stateside), and were going to repeat the ceremony in person--that made sense. I like Gellchom's points, as always. I think you need to talk to your dad. What can he do to you, if he's unhappy? Yell at you? Hang up the phone. Ask you some pointed questions about how well you know this guy you're marrying, but that he's never heard of? Be able to answer them--even if the answer is, "I don't speak to you that often, and I don't tell you everything, Dad." Why is it they haven't heard you mention your boyfriend in the intervening 2 years? Why is it you didn't tell your dad you were planning to get married, back when you decided to, 2 years ago? That's probably the most sensitive thing--but just get past it. Tell them now, and get it over with. Call them up and say, "remember that guy I mentioned briefly? Well, I wasn't that clear I have a friend whose dad was SO upset at the idea that his grown-and-living-on-her-own daughter (her sister) would MARRY!!! her long-time, stable, loving boyfriend, whom they had met many times before and apparently liked, that the dad was nasty, refused to go, refused to let my friend go, refused to let the mom go, and refused to speak to the sister for YEARS. I hope your dad isn't like that. But if he is, then I think you should tell him now, and then ignore him until he decides to be sane again. Because if he's going to be mad SIMPLY because you're getting married, then he's insane. But in general, I really think it's a very bad idea to surprise families with this sort of news. Tell them ahead of time, as soon as you can, now that you realize there's a problem. And if I were your parent, and you did not offer me the oportunity to be there when you married, I would be VERY hurt....See MoreARE YOU UP FOR MORE FAMILY DRAMA? THIS IS A TRUE STORY
Comments (9)Sorry nanny, I wasn't clear. The lady is diabetic, heart problems, had a stroke, and crappy insurance so if bills not paid, she is in danger. The latest scandal was that son has a new girlfriend and was spending the night with her. Found mother on the floor the following morning and was rushed to hospital where she stayed 3 weeks near death. who leaves an infant or an elderly unattended? On the other side of the coin, he's trying to have a life and found somebody he likes or loves. I know these people. And you are right, the story is like a soap. I tried to be succinct about characters and not add my personal opinion. I've lost my patience hearing the story. just wanted to see that people thought of these characters. maybe theyre the kind reality shows are made of....See MoreFamily drama during the holidays
Comments (32)Even close families can breed dramas from time to time!! I have two older siblings who I normally get along with just fine. But both have issues with our mother (now deceased) and tend to remember her as some sort of ogre. Which she was not, at least to me, but I am the youngest by a good margin so maybe things were different when they were growing up. Anyway, she - like all of us - was not perfect and did have some personality traits that could be confrontational. Oddly enough, both of them have similar traits - like holding grudges indefinitely - that they see in each other but not in themselves. I once made the mistake of telling my brother he was more like the mother he resents than he realized - I can see her in him so clearly - and he was so offended by this remark, he stopped speaking to me for weeks. In order to eliminate the drama and resume a normal relationship with him, I just ate crow and apologized for my remarks (true or not). Sometimes you DO just have to be the bigger person. This is nothing like the OP's situation and I agree that she did the reasonable thing given those circumstances. I only mention my experience because family drama can occur in any family and under what are usually peaceful circumstances. We don't get to choose who we are related to, even though sometimes we would have liked to!! And families are important, so in my case I made the effort to keep the peace :-))...See MoreAnother "what do you think?" (Skip if you don't like family drama)
Comments (35)I agree with mtn. I would let her know in passing conversation that you are looking forward to meeting your daughter's bf's parents. Just give her a heads up that you will not be having Thanksgiving at your home. It sounds like you guys do a great deal for her. I would in no way feel bad about it. I can see how your husband felt slighted. He goes out of his way for her and it seems maybe she doesn't always reciprocate or maybe acknowledge how fortunate she is to have such a wonderful brother. Good luck with everything! You are a very thoughtful and kind person!...See Moresushipup1
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