Even if it isn't not normal, that should be the standard! What a great idea. Transporting the gifts can be unwieldy and a burden. I'd be glad to take that task off their hands.

Weddings have changed somewhat, from when most of us were married. Hardly anyone takes a wedding gift to a wedding anymore, though there's usually a table for the few that are carried in. So you are actually in the majority to have your gift sent to the couple before the big day. Enjoy yourselves!

Well, crap. I changed it to my address.

We got married almost 14 years ago. With the exception of gifts given at showers, about 90 percent of our gifts were sent to our address, and it was great.

I dont mean to sound like a Bridezilla because I was not and was so grateful for our wonderful gifts and the generosity of our family and friends. But I did not care if they were gift wrapped or if I got it 3 weeks before the wedding. I opened it if I had time, and Hubby and I waited and opened some after the wedding. With a shipped gift, I always had a clear indication of who the gift was from and who we should thank for it. (Though please use last names as well if there is any possibility of confusion, because my husband and I both have cousins named Terri who married men named Gary!)

Sending a wedding gift directly is much more convenient for both parties. Also, this was not a concern for us, but I have heard of gifts being stolen from ceremony and reception sites. I cannot imagine, as either the giver or receiver, wanting to transport things like wedding china. Believe me when I say that the bride and groom will not be paying attention to who is walking in with gifts and who is not! Just go and enjoy the day!

I asked on Facebook too and apparently I am behind the times. Just tried to have the address changed but it's too late. Have to get a tracking number, call them back...and if it was sent via U.S. mail there's no way to reroute it. Too much hassle. I will take it to my son and have him give it to the couple before the wedding.

No one around here brings gifts to weddings, though some cultures stress bringing money and do not buy gifts. It is a real hassle protecting gifts and getting them to the couple's home without things being stolen, broken, or lost. The bride has enough to do that day without adding this protective assignment to her family member.

The last three weddings I attended, there wasn't a gift table. Either people brought money (I did and most others) or maybe a gift was sent directly.

My son asked the groom, his friend, and apparently he thinks they are brought to the wedding. lol I will probably wrap it and take it to my son's to give to them before the wedding to avoid the hassle for them.

" The address is automatically coming up as the recipient's. Is this normal? "

Yes.

here's an old fogey chiming in... I loathe the "custom" of bringing gifts to the wedding/reception. It becomes a major hassle for some poor soul to deal with in getting them to the final destination.

I was married 48 years ago, and the custom then was for gifts to be sent directly to the bride's house. My reception was held under a huge tent on my parents' side lawn. In those days, it was common to open the gifts as they arrived and display them inside the house for the guests to see if they so chose.

After the whole affair, we left for our honeymoon, and then went immediately to Texas where my DH was stationed. It was left to my dear parents to pack everything in a huge wooden crate and ship our gifts to us. Got the crate in time for Thanksgiving, and had fun opening them all over again!

I was brought up that it is poor manners to bring the gift to the wedding.
Actually it is also perfectly proper etiquette to send the gift after the the wedding if you chose to do so. Bringing gifts to the wedding was traditionally considered adding hardship to the bride and groom giving them one more thing to worry about. Someone has to watch over them, money envelopes can get lost, someone has to pack them up, someone has to store them while the couple are on their honeymoon.

Gifts go to the bride's home if he is not living with the groom. If she is ,they go to their home.

Agreeing with all the others. Gifts should be sent ahead of time.

Have fun at the wedding!

If the gift is a 25 pound microwave oven or an end table, don't bring it to the wedding. If it's a check in an envelope, I think you can do as you wish.

Watchme, "how you were brought up" means that was your mother's opinion. There's no one right answer other than to use common sense, be considerate, and be a good guest who makes the occasion memorable for all for the right reasons.

I send gifts to the bride's home and a month before the wedding is not a problem at all. I wouldn't be happy if it wasn't gift wrapped though. A lot of mail order places do make gift wrapping an option...

"I was brought up during a period of our history when society followed basic etiquette rules. Because of this people generally knew what was expected."

That's interesting. When was that? Too bad you have to hang out now with people who don't know their place in the world as you see it. "Rules of etiquette" have never been anything more than common sense suggestions for people who have trouble using their own common sense. And lists of self-imposed protocols for people who want to gripe about what others do or don't do. These have never been an exclusive rule book for acceptable conduct, I'm not sure why you suggest otherwise.

On the last comment, are you saying you don't know knowledgeable people you can learn from as so many do and as I do too?

Watchme, I'm from Oregon and from a middle-class family. For any weddings we attended in our growing-up years, it was expected that guests take their offerings to the wedding itself; there was always someone there to corral the gifts and make sure they made it to the final destination. This is what happened at my wedding 33 years ago, as well. Perhaps there were geographical and/or class etiquette differences at that time.

Sjerin I think you may be right about some geographical differences. Smaller communities where people all know one another would be a bit different I would expect. But I think mostly it is generational. I am a decade ahead of you and a great deal changed post 60's. My best friend is only 3 years my junior and we are amazed at how differently our life experiences (and outlooks) in school and home were and out outlook on things even though we were raised in similar circumstances, similar neighborhoods and went to similar schools.

I was going to mention regional differences as well. I'm on the west coast (Cdn) and gifts are taken to the wedding. They were 32 years ago when I got married and they still are today.

Yes, some are sent to whatever address if ordered on-line, but when my niece got married 5 years ago her registry was with Crate and Barrel and if I had ordered from them she was going to have to go there and pick it up. I didn't order from them.

So I guess the west coast is poorly mannered. Oh well.

ETA - I definitely don't live in a small community.

Snidely I probably know far more knowledgeable people than you would dream. I simply don't drop names and live vicariously through them. Really smart people don't have to expound on every subject and they don't go out to compete and try to one up others all the time. They are secure in their knowledge. They share knowledge but don't call people out to raise themselves up.

When I got married almost 14 years ago, gifts were brought to the wedding. Of course we were also classless enough that we only had punch, cake, nuts and mints. No meal and no alcohol.

In fact, I've only been to 2 weddings that served food and drink. One was a caterers son, the other was a friend who transplanted from New York.

My friend was very excited and I tried to explain that weddings just aren't like that around here and people probably won't stay. She ended up disappointed that most guests left within an hour or two of the reception. Where she is from, weddings are all day (and night) affairs.

Gifts were brought to both of those weddings as well.

I like having the gift sent to the couple prior to the wedding. I know first hand what a hassle it is for the couple to organize: gift "runners", a gift table, a couple people to alternate safeguarding the gift table, and three people to coordinate transport of the gifts to a safe location after the wedding/reception (one to watch the table inside during the process, one to watch the vehicle outside during the process, and one to go back and forth loading the vehicle with the gifts).

Most registries offer gift-wrap service for an additional fee.

1955 I was a Jr bridesmaid at a (distant) family wedding in extreme upper level Bloomfield Hills, Michigan. Like way up there. I recall the enormous display of silver and china and crystal in the 'family room' of the landmark MCM house. All before the wedding. Presents from the top people of the big automakers. It really made an impression on this 8 year old. As in "geez, what's all this stuff for?" But that's for another discussion!

Dang, reading this post again made me remember the RSVP. I have it ready to mail, along with a couple bills..but I forgot to mail them when I went out this afternoon. Good thing I have to go back out shortly.

My daughter was married 3 years ago and except for a few cards offering their regrets, everyone brought their gifts to the wedding dance/reception. Guess it must depend where you live.

I can't remember the last time I brought a gift to a wedding. Buying online and not having to deal with wrapping and schlepping is wonderful!

Today my oldest daughter and son in law are attending a wedding of his niece. They took their gift of money with them. In this area it is custom to take gifts to the wedding reception. The wedding they are attending will have a reception this evening and a brunch tomorrow. Our 3 daughters all had big weddings. Two of them were in 1976, just cake and punch and nuts and then I think 11 years ago, Amber was married and she had a very nice big reception. It was catered. Gifts were taken to the reception. I don't believe anyone had gifts delivered. At my wedding, I had no gifts, no reception. I think it is more common now not to open the gifts at the reception but done at a later date, although at times they do open gifts then. It just depends what the bride wishes to do.

Sue in Central Indiana

I have done both, it just depends on the wedding. My oldest daughter went to a wedding today and took a gift. My nephew is getting married in September and I will be ordering his online since his wedding is going to be about 2 hours away for everyone. My gfs daughter is getting married in July and they have rented a park building to open all the presents the next day, so no matter if you sent it early or that day, it will be opened the day after.

DH and I were married in a suburb of Chicago over fifty years ago.

I've never attended a wedding or reception where gifts were displayed. People didn't bring gifts to weddings. Even a registry was open to question because it could be viewed as an expectation of gifts. The invitee was simply being asked to honor the couple by witnessing a ceremony and celebrating with them.

Gifts of cash were considered impersonal. This protocol, of course, resulted in newlyweds making many trips to multiple stores to return duplicates and gifts they would never use. We did have a registry, but still had many returns, resulting in...cash. LOL

Gifts *are* brought to bridal showers, where they are opened in public.

The invitation to a wedding (and reception) is usually extended by the family of the bride or by the couple. An RSVP goes to the parents or the couple. Gifts are sent ahead of the wedding to the bride or the couple. Thank you notes are expected ASAP, although Emily Post gave newlyweds up to a year. If the wedding is cancelled, all gifts are to be returned immediately.

Gift-wrapping exists because you are giving *A Gift*!

All this formality is in support of what is presumed to be a binding, once-in-a-lifetime commitment.

This is what I have adopted over the years. If I'm invited to the wedding shower, I bring a gift from their registry or send it if I can't attend. If I'm invited to a wedding, I bring cash in a card. If I can't attend the wedding, I'll decide what to send, but I'll send it to them, either something from their registry, or money. There seems to always be a table for gifts. The last one I went to had an empty bird cage, and that is where everyone put their envelopes of money. If invited to both, I do both.

one word of caution! be really really careful as to where a gift table is placed!! went to a wedding for dh's co-worker...the table was places outside the dinner area...and more than one gift was swiped! (note it was a hotel) and not restricted for other patrons!! we were lucky as the guys had a "guy" shower at work, and ours was received...

My observations: Local guests bring gifts to the wedding. Out of town guests have them sent ahead. LARGE gifts are best managed by sending ahead. Many couples request no wrapping (going green). Most "old" movies where weddings are featured the gifts arrive and the parents and are on display for weeks prior to the wedding. Perhaps that is a socio-economic nuance of the rich and famous? Stealing of gifts is an experience I have heard of but never experienced. I have never seen a gift registry that did not offer a gift wrapping service. Totally agree for large occasions use both first and last names when giving gifts.