Have a question about wedding gifts
Kathsgrdn
7 years ago
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rob333 (zone 7b)
7 years agosjerin
7 years agoRelated Discussions
Yet another wedding gift question
Comments (12)One of my pet peeves, thank you notes. I told my son and my daughter when they were young that if someone thinks enough of you to buy you a gift, the least you can do is write them a thank you note. Just because you receive an invitation to a graduation, shower or wedding, a gift isn't mandatory! Write a thank you note to thank them for the gift they gave you and for remembering and thinking of you. I do agree that any thank you is better than nothing, but not much. I helped with a wedding shower a few years ago, the hostesses bought the couple their cookware and had a nice shower for them. A year and a half after they were married I got a form letter, and so did everyone else, I assume, telling us what all they had been doing, how busy they were and "thanks for the gift." I think after that amount of time, I would have just as soon they hadn't bothered. I'm sorry, but to me not writing a thank you note and thanking the person for what they bought and gave to you is simply bad manners and thoughtless! Anyone has time to write 10 or 15 notes in the evenings, until you get it done. If not, don't socialize so much!!...See MoreAnother question about etiquette - but this is for a wedding
Comments (30)First, nobody is obligated to go thousands of miles to attend a wedding. I don't care if they're immediate family, that does not obligate you. Fer cryin out loud, sometimes the bride and groom aren't even in the same spot! LOL I would not likely attend many weddings or funerals that are thousands of miles away. Second, nobody is obligated to spend a DIME they can't afford to attend a wedding. Expecting that is selfish. No way would I spend the money if I couldn't well afford it. Third, nobody is obligated to condone something they honestly feel is not right. This isn't an endorsement nor condemnation to your opinion, simply a fact. And it doesn't matter whether it's reasonable or not. If *you* don't feel the marriage is right, for whatever reason and regardless of whether you're even correct on it, you don't have an obligation to attend and as I said, maybe only the bride and groom (or groom and groom or bride and bride, or dog and horse, etc. are "obligated" to attend in the first place. If you felt the marriage was illegal, for instance a sham to gain citizenship or something, you'd be a hypocrite to attend and endorse it IMO. Also, you're not obligated to send a gift if you don't want to give one. Sounds like you would like to give something since you've said you're happy for him and would like to meet his friend. I have a policy that I make known: Don't ask me a question you don't want answered. Don't pull this if you can't say something nice... BS on me. Don't even try. That's a silly saying. If you ask me "Does this dress make me look fat?" I may well tell you that no, the dress doesn't make you look fat, it's the extra 40 pounds on the hips that makes you look fat. He asked your opinion, you gave it. He couldn't accept it. He's trying to pull the if you can't say something nice crapola and you don't need to subscribe. Sounds to me that he wants to be more high profile on his beliefs, orientation and political activities. I wouldn't get caught up in it. Yes, if you haven't been invited it's not an issue right now but it's reasonable to sort your feelings now. And no, I certainly would not lie. I don't tell people I can't get off work, or the car wouldn't start or some lie that everyone can see through. You don't say why, you say you won't be attending the event. If you regret that you can't go, say you regret that you won't be attending. If they press, there's a lot of reasons, distance and financial should be the first considerations. And by then if they don't understand, there's no need to say more. And as far as being judgmental or uncomfortable at a wedding, sheesh! How often does that happen? Most? "She's not good enough for him..." "He's not good enough for her..." "My, my, do you suppose she's pregnant???" "S/He's not the same religion, color, nationality, from the same town, talks funny, doesn't have the same education,..." "MY child's wedding was nicer than this..." bla,......See MoreKitchen Related Wedding Gift Baking Question
Comments (38)LOL!!!! KD, I think the guys I'm thinking of were using their mixers for thinks like waffle batter (I just use a whisk for that), cupcakes (good Daddy), and stiff peaked eggwhites for baked omelettes. That would be an interesting thread, though. ... What's the weirdest thing you ever made in your mixer? :) Kaysd said it well--the memorable big ticket item is it exactly. Especially nowadays when they give couples the scanner gun and they pick things like spatulas, they may get a lot of matched things and stuff they need, but a couple of young recent brides I know have felt kind of let down by a lot of their gifts. Not unappreciative, but just kind of flat. They were all things off the registry, in the store's standard wrapping. No surprises, not many Wow gifts. Generous ones were more of the box full of stuff variety than the single memorable big ticket one. No clever gifties at the shower. Not many really special things for the wedding. It's all very efficient, but there aren't the warm memories. When I was in college and couldn't afford an expensive shower gift, I got some utensils and a box grater at the dime store and wired them together to make a robot. For a wedding, I'd give what I called the "crystal gift certificate". That's a small crystal (or silver, or whatever) serving piece that fit my budget, which could be easily exchanged. They never were exchanged, however. Sometimes, that was the only "fine" piece the couple got and they loved to have it. I can afford to give lovely presents now, but I try to put as much thought and effort into them as I did when I had to be clever. That's what people love and remember. It's not really about the stuff. It's about helping the new couple create a home and giving them lasting things that will bring lovely memories to them over the years as they use them....See MoreWedding gift for Boston wedding - anyone know current customs?
Comments (11)I honestly don't know anything about what would be an appropriate gift in Boston. In fact, as far as Houston (where I've lived my whole life), AFIK there's no "custom" gift. Not that I'm up on all that stuff!! The thing is, I give what I feel comfortable giving rather than trying to figure out what the couple expects or what the local tradition might be. If money is the custom there, they'll already be getting a lot of checks. Why not make your gift one of the few personal items that stand out and get remembered? I have a few quotes below from a very wise person who frequents this forum. See if you can figure out who said all this: When I got married, I did not have enough experience to know what would REALLY come in handy as my family and entertaining needs grew. Even then, I could see the difference between the gifts our peers gave us -- "unique," fun, or short-term stuff (e.g., a bed tray and a subscription to a book review) -- and the things the "grown-ups" got us: serving pieces, carving board, tablecloths, dishes, flatware, etc. We liked and appreciated all of it, but I could see the older generation had the better idea, and theirs are the gifts I am still gratefully using almost 26 years later. Registries tell me colors, styles, etc. I often give a silverplate water pitcher (there's an example of something you don't know you'll need but never have enough of, if you entertain). I look at the couple's registry to decide whether to choose a very simple or more ornate style. Not many young couples need giant serving platters or dishes, flatware, and crystal for 12 or 18. But years later, when they start to take their turn hosting holiday meals and family get-togethers -- for a family that will probably be getting larger -- they are going to need all that stuff -- at least many people do. Twenty-six years ago, I never imagined serving 29 people dinner in my home. But that is what we are doing tomorrow! So even though at the time it seemed like we would never use all the platters, bowls, and pitchers, I have used every one of them many times over the years. The nicest bonus is that every time I use the "boring" items, even all these years later, I think fondly of the person who gave it to me. That is a very lovely experience you don't get if all you get is cash or things you registered for yourself. My favorite gift was a big, fancy silver plate platter from my great aunt. She had received it as a wedding gift when she married into our family in the 1950s. I certainly didn't have occasion to use it much in the early years of our marriage, but I use it all the time now, and I think of her every time I see it. This is probably more a matter of local and ethnic custom than anything else. In many communities the northeast, for example, it seems that cash gifts are so customary that "thing" gifts are unusual (for wedding gifts \-\- these people also often give very large "thing" gifts for engagements and showers). But several posters who live in the south have reported that in their communities cash gifts are considered impersonal to the point of being a no\-no. Both are common here. I prefer to give a "thing" gift, but that's just my preference....See MoreKathsgrdn
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