Your concerns over damage to the wood by water or pebbles in shoes or high heels are all valid. Bad news is there is not a product invented yet to eliminate those concerns. High heels or any shoes for that matter should never be worn on the floors. And the finish will delay the damaging effects water causes. But wont prevent it. Polyurethanes gives you the best in protection and looks.

Whitewashing a red oak floor makes it turns a bit pinkish, which I don't find attractive. It also won't work with the white cabinets. Also, when it wears off in high traffic areas it will look very unattractive, as you will see the original wood color there. Your floors don't have to be a dead blackish brown. They can be a beautiful deep mahogany color which will add life to the kitchen, and look very rich and elegant, especially with a beautiful sheen. That will be gorgeous with the white cabinets, and black counters.

Buy only top shelf wood floor finishing products and you will have an attractive and durable floor. Something like Traffic or an equivalent two-part finish. I've been doing wood floor finishing with Traffic for almost a decade now and my floors hardly show any wear at all. For the lightest effect, seal with the companion sealer, either BonaSeal or Bona DTS. Bona now has a finish available here called Novia. It is self-sealing and environmentally sound, whatever that means in real life. I know little about it.

If your flooring professional has Loba Invisible 2K, then they have access to Loba 2K Supra AT. The Supra AT is the BEST OF THE BEST in the Loba line up and will create an EXCELLENT surface that is scratch resistant with a lovely velvety/grippy feel to it (it has the best antislip properties of any finish on the market). The $40/gallon water born finishes from 40 years ago are the one's you have heard stories about. In today's world, all the product development is with water based (because oil based is illegal in Europe). Which means the last 10 years (I would even say the last 5 years with Loba) have seen a MASSIVE jump forward in performance. And remember: oil based finishes have HORRIBLE odours that can take MONTHS to dissipate (summer months when the doors and windows are open 24/7). In winter it can take twice as long to get rid of the odour. And for some that means hotels or staying with family/friends for the whole time (no one likes a house guest who sticks around for 4 months). And the oil based finishes turn "yellow" within a few DAYS (you will never see the gray you were hoping for). And then they turn orange (darker yellow) over time...like a few years.