I'm helping my friend unclutter her home. She is a widow.
L Bay
7 years ago
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My widow friend...
Comments (42)I'm also late to the topic, but wanted to share with y'all. Two wks ago shortly after our DD's study group left, a big outside roach crawled across the rug. Our resident pest control tech. (DH), naturally exterminated the bug. Shortly after he calls me over for a consultation on something crawling across the floor remarking that it looks like a crab. Naturally I respond with "IMPOSSIBLE". To our astonishment we do confirm that it was indeed what looked like a small crab (maybe fiddler). While taking care of the crustacean, DD gives off a panic cry for her father to come exterminate another roach. Now we do get the outside roaches coming in sometimes but this seemed kind of weird. I was so glad that this did not happen while the study group was there. I couldn't help myself but later made some sort of remark about the size of that crab and any guest he might have had over...Bawhahahahahahahahah. Well guess ya had to be there....See MoreI'm hurt by how I was treated by friend at lunch at her house
Comments (29)Ok, I've answered some of these points above already but once again to clarify: 1. There wasn't enough room at the table, so we did fix a plate but it wasn't just a matter of taking our seats. There were no seats to take. Going to the kitchen was a last resort - I didn't know what else to do. 2. The hostess had not yet eaten by the time we arrived. So she couldn't remain sitting at the table and eat without getting up. She wasn't already sitting at the table. She was standing, fixing herself a plate. 3. I didn't realize how late we were till we got there - there was no set starting time and she lives an hour away, we sat in the Friday-Afternoon-Heading-Out-Of-Town traffic which I don't know if you can imagine unless you live in a place like Houston where it's unpredictable at best and can be horrific. 4. My children, ages 17 and 20 WERE includded - it's a holiday. (for those who aren't Jewish, maybe that's not meaning anything to you, but would you go to a friend's house for say, Easter Lunch, and leave your kids at home, no matter what age? This would be comparable to that. In any case the invitation which was sent via email said, You and your family. There's NO question, the kids were included. 5. She made no attempt to sit near us. She put her plate down as if she meant to sit near us but came back before ever sitting anywhere, picked up her plate, and went to the other table. I don't mind if she sat with us or not, it's just the way she acted as if she was going to, then apparently changed her mind. Even THAT wouldn't have mattered had it been a table with others in addition to just our family. It was just weird, the four of us, sitting alone in the kitchen, no other guests sitting or eating with us, the rest of the entire party in another room, and no attempt to integrate us into the party. Yeah, we're guilty of being late. But as hostess, it's her duty to make us comfortable and welcome, late or not. That's what I think you'd learn in an etiquette class. 6. And again - we were about 20 minutes late. Is that really late enough to turn around after being in the car one hour and not show up at all? If someone were 20 minutes late to my house and let that convince them to blow off my party, I'd be horrified. 7. I HAVE gotten over this, WAY over this. I wasn't going to answer lizzynola's post for that reason and because most of her questions/comments had already been covered in my previous posts. But since the discussion continues, I'm answering. I am glad I was able to vent here. I'm no longer mad or hurt. I'm still good friends with her. She had no ill intentions. I thank you all for your comments. May...See MoreMy Friend gets beat by her husband..how can i help?
Comments (17)SHE MUST GET OUT. Period. This person could kill her - I am not exaggerating. The sooner and faster the better. Physical abuse is a deal breaker. Having said that, I realize that she won't leave him on her own volition...right now. But here are some suggestions: 1) Do some research for her - find a women's shelter that puts women in protective care and keeps their whereabouts confidential...the kind that basically helps them "disappear," and offers counseling on a daily basis. Have it ready if/when she's ready to consider it. 2) Unless she is convinced that she must leave, she will almost certainly return, even if she were to leave for awhile. Find a counselor in your area who specializes in women's issues and abuse issues, and encourage (STRONGLY and CONTINUALLY encourage) her to visit. 3) Call the cops. Ask them what you can/should do as someone who knows what's going on. They can advise you on what - if anything - you may be able to do if the situation you described happens again. 4) Keep her trust and be her friend so that you can be her confidante. You may be the only person she's telling and she needs to be telling someone. Even if you "push" a bit to get her out of her home, always let her know how much you care about her, and that you're there for her. Get her talking about the abuse (ask her how she feels when it's happening, ask her if she thinks it's okay for a husband to beat his wife, etc.). Also talk to her about how she sees herself - chances are she has a very low view of herself and you can help "re-frame" her views by telling her how valuable you think she is. Sometimes an "a-ha" moment is possible for a person when they begin to hear themselves talk. And keep telling her - with as much urgency as you can - that she should never be treated this way by anyone and that she needs to get out ASAP. 5) Find out if she's talking to anyone else about this. If she has family that are reliable and who know what's going on, consider putting together an "intervention," wherein everyone sits her down for a "come to Jesus" talk about the danger she's in. It's good that you want to be her friend. She's lucky to have you....See MoreMy dear friend is being abused by her demented Mom - advice?
Comments (21)I was fortunate in that my Mom did not show signs of violent behavior. The wandering was bad enough while she was still able to walk. I think your friend needs to rethink taking care of her Mom. If she finds it hard now, it is only going to get worse. Much worse! As you know I was the sole caregiver to my sweet Mom for over 10 years and I would never ever put myself in that role again and my Mom was a dear gentle patient. Your friend's life will change forever if she takes this challenge on. You become an appendage of the person you are caring for because as the dementia progresses you have to do everything for that person. My Aunt was the violent type, my sweet gentle religious Aunt turned into a rabid animal locked in a cage. Swearing, hurting my Uncle, telling lies that almost put my Uncle in jail. My Aunt paced, back and forth. She wouldn't sit to eat, sleep. She walked and walked and ranted. She would get out of the house and walk into a neighbours house and act like it was her home and not theirs. Even after my Uncle put her in a nursing home she never found peace until she died. That is what Alzheimer's did to her. As someone above said, get the Alzheimer Society involved. They will send out a case worker but first your friend's Mom needs to be assessed by a Doctor. There could be something else that is causing her violent dementia. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't hesitate to put my Mom into care and as I said I had it easy until my Mom got cancer and I had to give her insulin shots but taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer's will suck the life blood out of you. 8 years since my Mom passed away and I am still trying to find out who I am and to put my care taking in the past and not let it define me anymore. I must say though after the first couple of years of taking care of my Mom I became a better person and had to let go of the anger I was feeling at having to give up my life as I knew it, my savings, dating life, getting married, having kids because I chose to do this. I learned to be happy because I knew if I wasn't happy I would be in H'll on Earth. Alzheimer's in a terrible disease, much more terrible for the person that is doing the care giving than the one who suffers from it. I hope your friend gets some help for herself and her Mom sooner than later. Anne...See MoreL Bay
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