Yes! Years ago, I interviewed for a job at a Jr. High w/the principal. Through the whole interview, he made contact with me maybe 3 times, and most of the rest of the interview he talked to me with his eyes closed.

I was half tempted to move to another chair to see if he'd notice. LOL I didn't of course, and I got the job. Worked there for many years, he still talked w/his eyes closed, although he got better w/the eye contact.

Hope your hubby does well w/the next surgery and has no complications.

You probably are correct to not force the issue, as there are many in the community that DO have an inability to make good eye contact. Many on the autism spectrum who are high functioning but have that disability. DH has a Urologist that is very "hyper" as well as lacking in the eye contact arena....kind of unsettling at first....but, then, one just needs to get past that feeling.

That surgery is pretty scary and I wish him well.

I am wondering if this is his way of not connecting personally with the family and the patient? In this way, he stays focused just on the mechanicals of what he needs to do.

It is odd, but if he has a good reputation, that is what counts.

Side story: I have to go for brain MRI's. The first time I had a technician that was abrupt and not friendly. When my surgeon reviewed his images, he said they were really good and thorough. That ended my idea of requesting someone else!

Another story comes to mind, but the opposite. I once interviewed for a student internship in a psychiatric facility. The woman interviewing me had big blue eyes and she never for a minute took her eyes off me. I told my supervisor I could not work there! I did get to speak to the student who had the position the year prior and he said it was indeed creepy.

((((Sending healing thoughts to your DH))))

Hoping for the best for your husband.

We have a neighbor that never makes eye contact. I thought he was hiding something since my dog freaks out when he comes up to chat, but he does have an autistic son. Is autism hereditary?

I hope your husband has an excellent outcome.

I could have written exactly what you said about eye contact. I am much older at 65 but few people take me for it. Most put me at least a decade younger. I do believe a lot of it is due to how I carry myself and the fact that I always make eye contact. I walk into a room like I own it. Fake it til you make it. LOL Haven't heard that in a long time. It's true.

My husband drives me crazy with his lack of eye contact. He says he's visualizing what I am saying. To me he is not hearing what I have to say because he is not reading my face.

I seldom make eye contact because eyes aren't all that interesting to me. I do however find mouth expressions endlessly fascinating. You'd have to have pretty fascinating eyes for me to look at them.

Eye contact or the lack of it can be cultural sometimes.

Along with cultural influences lucillle mentioned, it's often a sign of an introvert.

We had an associate pastor at church who would look over our heads when he preached --- not making eye contact at all even though he would shift his head from the left to the right --- all the while looking over our heads. He would literally give his sermon to the clock on the wall in the back of the room. After his sermons you felt slighted, and somehow that your very presence made him feel uncomfortable. It was weird. One-on-one, or teaching a small group, he was completely personable. He was my favorite associate pastor and such a brilliant man, and I was sorry when he left the church for another position.

I agree with some of what's been said.

No matter what one's cultural origin, in the developed West, failure to look people in the eyes when talking to them can be a major negative. Those in careers that involve dealing with others through the course of the day need to learn many behaviors that may not come naturally Some of which require real effort to do consistently, and for many people looking directly at others when conversing falls into that category. In a work environment, doing so says "What you're saying is important for me to know and I'm listening". Not doing so says the opposite.

For those of you raising children, it's something important to teach them to do. For those who never developed the habit, it's never too late.

Texas, sometimes you can find some quirky personalities in surgeons - if you trust his expertise, I wouldn't let it bother me if I were you. It's his skill you need, not his friendship.

My endo was helping me track down a surgeon to do a revision of an older not-so-great foot surgery my SIL had done years ago. I'd asked her because 1) she is probably the brightest woman I know, and 2) had danced in college and I knew she'd had an abused foot repaired herself.

Not knowing my SIL herself, she asked me - Is she the type who needs to feel warm and fuzzy about her doctor, or does she want the best foot guy on the west coast. We chose the one who was abrupt, cranky even, demanding of his patients and with genius hands for doing revisions. She had a great surgical outcome, flawless results ;-)

I'll think positive thoughts your that husbands results may be wonderful this morning. When you first mentioned his retina a few days ago I had no idea it would be something this complicated - and I hope his eye is healed, well very soon.

As a young man in the 1920s, my father was driving with a friend along a rural highway who decided to try to beat the train across the railroad tracks. He lost. My dad's left ear was almost torn off, but he recuperated well with hearing loss in that ear. He did not tell us he could not hear well, but he reminded us constantly to look someone in the eye when we were talking and to speak up and to enunciate clearly. So we grew up with that mantra daily, along with reminders to stand straight and throw our shoulders back as teens. We all developed a poised manner from those constant reminders that served us well. I remember a young clerk one day telling me that I must be someone important as she rang up my purchase. I asked her why she thought so, and she replied it was the way I carried myself and spoke to her. Interesting.

In some cultures it is impolite to look directly at anyone not a member of your family. It is a sign of respect for a man to avert his eyes from looking directly at a woman -- or at his 'betters'. Our landscaper has several Mexican workers. All of the older men avert their eyes.

I'd rather have a brilliant surgeon with high-functioning Asperger's who doesn't look you in the eye than a good ol' boy friendly type who isn't so good in surgery. Now, for a family doctor, maybe the more social one will be fine.

I recently had lunch with a man that I used to work with, who was sounding me out about possibly going to work for his company. When we used to work together he never had any problem looking me in the eye, but during the entire lunch he never looked me in the eye once. The whole thing felt very squirrely. I did not take him up on the potential job offer.

Update: surgery went well, the best we were hoping for and, the surgeon made and maintained eye contact with us!

I think it was similar to what eld6161 said. With the previous surgery, he didn't know until he got in there that the retina was half detached and flopping over on itself.

He had to put a heavy liquid in to hold the retina down but that liquid could only be in the eye short term.

Today's surgery was to remove the heavy liquid and replace with a heavy gas.

He said the retina is looking great and now all we can do is wait and see how it heals over the next several months.

I joked with my husband that we have learned if he doesn't look you in the eye, it is bad news with potentially poor prognosis; looks you in the eye, everything is going well!

Oops, lost sight of the original thought. Sorry TG, best wishes for a prompt recovery and desired outcome.

Oh ...I'm so glad to hear the surgery went well! laughing about the eye contact prognosis you observed tho...

Glad the surgery went very well. When this happened to my b-i-l some years ago, he had to spend weeks in a recliner with his head tilted a specific way--no tv or reading either. Does/did your dh have to do this or is that what the heavy liquid and gas are for? I think I would go stark raving mad if I had to do what b-i-l did.

sjerin- since the initial surgery 10 days ago, he had to be flat on his back, looking straight up. He was allowed to watch stuff though so my dad built him a rig that would hold his tablet and another that held his laptop so he could still work. (Dr said it was alright)

Now, with the gas bubble he has to stay upright during the day and sleep on his left side. Absolutely NO reclining or laying on his back. After 10 days in that position, he is very happy.

My youngest son, age 27, is on the autism spectrum. Among other signs is the lack of eye contact. He has been that way since the day he was born! Of course not everyone who lacks eye contact is autistic, but it is one of the identifiers.

Texas, have we had an update from you? If so, I'm sorry that I've missed it. I hope his recovery is proceeding well....

He goes for a check up tomorrow. We will find out if some of the restrictions will be lifted. I know he is ready. He's tired of being so sedentary! Thank you for asking!

How did he stay on his left side only, while sleeping?

Jasdip- he uses pillows shoved behind his back but honestly those are just there as a reminder. He normally sleeps on his left side.

Doctor said his eye is looking great and he can resume normal activity. He can't fly until the bubble is gone but we can travel by car which is great because I was planning a weekend getaway next week for his birthday.

Wonderful news! I hope you both have a great time on his birthday, I'm sure you are both relieved. Life back to normal, you must have been so ready for that.