So they've cracked your heart open, eh? LOL Darn! Given time and the smallest encouragement, children will do that. Didn't you know?

It's our DS's birthday this week. We're having the same clear, sunny spring weather we had in 1971 when the phone rang with the news we'd been awaiting: It was his birth mother's OB, saying, "You have a son." What a moment of sorrow and of joy -- fused forever.

I am a grandma to my daughter's two young sons. I found I needed books for stories and to encourage reading, and I had given away most of the books I had bought for our 3 kids. So off to the local library I went, and I shopped for nice books at their Friends of the Library used book store. I suggest that you check out your local library and their Friends used book store too. Ours prices books from 35 cents.

Wow, I can't imagine (and don't need to know) what kind of a familial train wreck resulted in a grandfather being saddled with two young granddaughters to raise. My hat's off to him.

Some consider the "kids/no kids" question thoughtfully, others irresponsibly. I tried to be thoughtful and decided I didn't want any. My wife felt otherwise. The argument/discussion continued for years until I relented. She was right, I owe her for being persistent. She wanted two, as time went on I wanted more. I won that argument. Raising kids and now having a family with adult children has been the most important and rewarding thing we've done. There is no second place, nothing comes close to it.

But it's not for everyone. I thought it wasn't for me, I was very wrong. For those choosing to be childless, I certainly respect your view and choice but you should wonder if maybe you were wrong about yourself as I was.

How wonderful for them! Wonderful for you too, but you and Robert are godsends to these little girls. Never underestimate the powerful influence you are. The time you spend, affection you show, and thought you put into this will ripple throughout their lives.

Maybe your childless years built up a store of patience, creativity, and love that was ready to be expressed now.

Snidely, I can't speak for Murraysmom, or Rhizo, but I have never, never for one nano-second regretted my decision on not wanting kids.

Rhizo, I'm assuming the grandfather is young, as in younger than you? Just assuming, as the kids are so little. I'm sure he's learning things from you as well, and very appreciative the girls having a female-figure in their life right now. It must have been a horrific situation for him to end up with the little girls.

You're teaching the girls, and they are also teaching you things as well.

This touched my heart! Your kindness means the world to these two little girls.

It's true, having children is not for everyone. Snidely, what good could come from looking back at a past decision of remaining childless, especially when you can no longer change it?

Rhizo, you will learn as much from them as themas they learn from you. Thanks for sharing with us. Keep us posted on their progress.

What lucky little girls! Thank you for being such a positive force in their lives.

Snidely, I second Jasdip. I have never, ever, regretted my decision for even an instant. Also it doesn't mean I don't have children in my life. I have plenty. It often reinforces my decision. :)

rhizo, what a good person you are. You are forming lasting impressions and memories for yourself and those little girls.

anne's was a touching story too.

To murraysmom and others, please check again what I said. I understand the decision to live a life without children, indeed I felt that way myself for a long time. I was just sharing my experience, part of which was to relate the dilemma involved when you have to decide about something without being able to experience the alternatives. Spending time with someone else's children isn't close to being same.

Serving as a foster parent or an adoptive parent is a way to change the choice for those who want to. For those who don't want to, that's fine. There are plenty of people who are lousy and disengaged parents, the world doesn't need any more like that. And, of course, their kids deserve better.

I'm inspired to share Miss Margaret Cobb, a geologist at the company where my father worked. After my mom died when I was 9, he took me to the office quite often, and Miss Cobb took me under her wing. As I wrote in this blog post, "My memories of Miss Cobb are among the most vivid and the most comforting from a terribly difficult time."

In 2011, three years after I wrote that blog post, a member of the American Association of Petroleum Geologists contacted me. She was doing research on the first 100 women members of the organization, and asked me to share memories and photos of Miss Cobb. I was so happy to do so!

How does that happen? These tiny girls have managed to weave themselves
into the fabric of our lives. It's a total mystery to me.

No mystery here. You have tapped into the innocence of children. They are repaying you with love. You are not judging them but nurturing them and giving them the greatest gift: time and attention. You are the female role model for them, something that the GF can't give. I bet he is very thankful for the both of you.

I'd like thank Robert. I doubt this would have progressed beyond keeping the girls out of your hair had he not had an influence. Actually, that thought was in my head back when you first wrote about the girls; there was something *there* that made me hope this would all work out even better in the future. See? Now I'm a soothsayer!

Thank you all for your thoughtful and caring responses. I am very aware that we are important to these little ones; I've thought a lot about that.

Their grandfather is older than we are by quite a few years but is doing a great job with the girls and seems to be enjoying it. I so wish that his wife was still alive; she would have treasured the girls.

I don't regret for one second my decision about never having children. I am enjoying my brief encounters with these two imps....they are so darned funny and smart....and am secretly gratified and more than a little surprised to know that I have it in me. Yes, they are teaching me a great deal.

"It takes a village". No kidding, they were in their new bathing suits yesterday when they came over. The youngest had her tiny bikini top on backwards, lolololol.

How funny, Rhizo. I'm so happy for all involved.

Those are wonderful ages; you can do things with them, and they can understand most everything you explain in a simple way. If you had your own kids or grandkids, you probably wouldn't have the time or energy for these dear little ones. Things work out, in life. Thank you for sharing your joy.

LOL Murraysmom!

How many times do we all know of women or young girls who have kids and shouldn't?? It's in the media all the time.

We knew what we wanted, or more what we didn't want, and took action that was right for us. Our families (I'm sure Murraysmom's supported hers), understood my decision and my mom often said that it's good that I didn't have kids. She was 150% in favour, knowing my total apathy about kids.

Baby photos, real babies, inspire a meh, or whatever, with me, but show me a baby animal, and I'm all over it.

Rhizo, thank you for sharing and so happy that your life is sunnier from a direction you never expected.

Anne, thank you also for sharing. Yours brought tears to my eyes.

How wonderful that the cuties bring you such joy. They receive more from you though. Sounds like everyone is having fun.

I wonder how many of us had a special adult in our lives - I had Rose who lived a few houses away from us. She was my Mother's best friend and I loved when the 2 of them would get together in the afternoon for a cup of coffee and a chat. Rose wasn't able to have children and so I was the lucky recipient of her affection and attention.

When I was in 6th grade she and her husband finally received approval to adopt 2 little girls. Everyone on the street rejoiced because we knew how she had longed for a family. As her daughters grew I felt it a unique honor when she me to baby sit so in turn I tried to show them the same bond that she had shared with me.

We know quite a few couples who have chosen not to have children. One of our closest friends loves to dote on her nieces and nephews - but she has opted to be 'child free'.

Oh Anne, how awful for you, yet thank God you had a wonderful neighbour. I have tears in my eyes thinking of how you had to find love elsewhere. My heart is breaking for you.

Rhizo, I just saw your post about the little girl with her bikini top on backwards!! Oh, please, PLEASE post some funny moments with them. They would be a joy for us to read. I'm sitting here laughing out loud picturing that cute little picture! Priceless.

Good for you, Rhizo. I am glad you have found common ground on which to interact with these deserving girls.

I am also glad to learn that there are several on this thread who are like me - who prefer to be child-free. I am NOT child-free - I have two sons - but if my husband had not wanted children, I definitely would not have any.

I played with dolls when I was young and I think I enjoyed it like any other girl, but when I became of babysitting age, things began to change. I was the oldest of six children and my mother was eager to escape a bit, and I can't say that I blame her. But the straw that broke the camel's back were my mother's sisters. They lived nearby; one had five kids and the other had three. I was the oldest of all. When my mother and sisters wanted a break, I was pressed into service. Imagine being 13 years old and being responsible for 13 kids!!! I think these experiences had a great deal to do with me not wanting my own kids and not only that, not enjoying ANY kids hardly at all even now - almost 50 years later. (By the way, before she died my mother apologized to me.)

I'm moved by the stories and thoughts that some of you have shared. My situation has really revived some recollections and feelings within most of you. I am especially touched by the memories of someone special in your childhood. I, too, had someone who stepped in for me and I'll never forget her kindnesses.

rhizo, I just loved your story. Thanks for sharing.

Mr. Todd, I was maybe 4 years old. He lived next door. His grapevine grew over the fence and i munched on free grapes all summer long. He grew roses and I remember he "always" (it was probably only a year or two) let me get the first bloom.

I felt so special! I got flowers before his wife did!!! He passed away but I still felt close to Mrs. Todd. I remember begging my parents to let me go next door to watch the news (I NEVER cared about the news) with Mrs. Todd. I remember the TV wasn't in the living room, but in a back bedroom/office area.

I sat through the entire thing, bored out of my mind and not understanding what they were talking about, but feeling VERY important because I was there with Mrs. Todd.

We lost contact after we moved but Mr. and Mrs. Todd will always hold a special place in my heart.

Mrs Gross was a lovely neighbor who gave me attention my own parents never did. I went over to her house on moving day and introduced myself and stayed for hours. I think I was seven. My mother's sister was another person who never had children herself, but gave me the attention I never got at home. I can understand women who decide not to have children. I think they're brave.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Children can be so much fun, I have had four of them. We have not had a lot of grandchildren, just two granddaughters, Mandy and Alyssa. Mandy is grown and has our only great grand child, Alex. Alyssa is five and is so funny. I am sure your girls too are funny. Yesterday her Aunt Cheryl was going to write down our food order for McDonald's so Uncle Kevin could pick it up. Alyssa gives her order which always includes water. No, Aunt Cheryl let me write it, you won't do it right. "Now, how do you spell water". We got so tickled. Aunt Cheryl had to spell out the food order till Alyssa got tired of writing. Your girls will love crafts, baking, gardening and all sorts of things. They may take to adult coloring too and be very good at it. Soon Alyssa is going to have a fairy garden at their house. Please continue your stories of the girls. Those girls are very lucky and I think you both are too.

Sue

Oh I LOVE this story! God bless your hearts for embracing these two little ones. I adore any time I can get with my great nieces and nephews, they call me Ka-tee or Hey Lady, I never, ever tire of it.

Maybe someday God will bless us with grandkids of our own.......sigh. If not, I'll be a fabulous great aunt to all my siblings' grandkids.

I love it! Melted your heart it seems. I don't have children of my own either. My husband had a son and now I have 5 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren and another 2 on the way. We don't get to see them often since they live so far from us but I enjoy being with them. I have lots of neices and nephews that I absolutely love. I have never been one for tiny babies, I think I worry about not doing something correctly. Your input into their lives will be with them forever. I wonder, since the grandfather is elderly what would happen to the girls if he gets ill or worse. Is there other family? What if he asked you to take on that responsibility? Things to ponder! You are earning your wings lol.

Raven- it's funny to me that you say you've never been one for tiny babies; I haven't either!! I'm a mom of 4 and I can honestly say, the baby stage is my LEAST favorite stage so far. (I say, so far, because I haven't lived through the teen years yet!!)

I remember reading a quote from Angelina Jolie several years ago where she described her baby as a "blob" (she got a lot of flak for it) but it resonated with me.

Even as a mom, I will smile and coo at your baby but I'm not enamored with them or clamoring to hold them. I never have been. I don't "love" babies, but I do "love" inquisitive toddlers and children.

Babies are HARD and endlessly messy!!! Tireless work with no real interaction. I was SOOO happy when each of my kids reached a stage where they truly developed a personality!!

I always knew I wanted kids but man...that baby stage was almost enough to knock the desire out of me.

I'm glad I persevered though, I've now got a quite curious 3 and 4 year old at home and a 7 and 8 year old in school and we have the most fascinating conversations!!

I have several friends that never wanted to have children. I admire them because having children is not for everyone. I also know a few that should not have had them. We knew from the start we wanted children. I can say it has been one of the best things I ever did with my life. They are all grown with children of their own now. We have so much fun..

We have a couple at church that chose not to have children. She is a middle school music teacher and adores kids. We have a children's moment at church and she does it. It is so funny each Sunday. My grandkids come with me and they adore her. They look forward to her so much. She is making memories with them, too.

Rhizo, you and Robert are making so many memories for these children. You made me chuckle at some of the things you have shared with us. Loved the swimsuit story. Plus you have become a great help to the grandfather, too. Years from now when the girls become adults with possibly children of their own they will be telling the stores of Rhizo and Robert. You are two terrific people!!

Anne, your story warms my heart.

As a friend puts it, 'Thank God & the Great Universe for people like that!'

My aunts were my special grownups.

My neighbor Jeremy said that he got a Scout badge for crafts (or sewing?) because an older neighbor lady taught him how to sew & scrapbook & make greeting cards!

Thank you one and all who have commented on my contribution to Rhizo's original post. Life got in my way and this is the first chance I've had a moment to return to the Table to read this entire thread.

It was my way of telling...from my own personal experience...just how special Rhizo's contributions are to those two young girls. And...by example...to personally encourage her to continue. So often we all donate a moment of our lives to another without ever realizing how special...and how important...that small donation is to a needy soul.

I'm sure my angelic neighbor was aware of my home situation as she lived within a half acre of our driveway. But she was wise enough not to intentionally intrude. Instead, with permission from my mother....she made sure I recognized her open door and made my visits such a warm treat that I never ignored that opening. I don't think my mother was overjoyed at her interest in me...but the woman was at least of a grandmotherly age and my mother wouldn't have dared to deny her.

She was one special lady and to this day...I owe her so much. It really does take "a village"...but in situations like mine where the need wasn't necessarily so publicly obvious...it took a very caring and astute grey haired angel. Throughout my adult life...I've tried to give her kindness forward. And it warms my heart every time I see someone else do the same. So let me repeat my thank you...to Rhizo and to all of you. The world would be such a dark and frightening place to many of us without you.

Mr. and Mrs. Black were an elderly couple that lived a few doors down, when I was little. They had never had children of their own, but were wonderful doting grandparent types, to all of us neighbourhood kids. Whenever my sister and I would go for a little walk, they'd call out "Hello geddles!" if they were on their front porch. I never knew why they called us that, until my mother explained that they were Scottish, and 'geddles' was just 'girls' with a Scottish accent!

The title of this thread is, "The mystery of little girls" ... and I'd like to add another word that starts with "m": how about "the magic of little girls"?

Thank you, Rhizo, and others, for being an alternate Mom to these little ones who need one. And to you others who found a loving one when you were in need: sure makes changes in one's life, doesn't it?

ole joyfuelled

Tears have come to my eyes several times since reading and reading these posts. ((((((to you all))))))

This afternoon, the youngest spent time with me on the patio, showing me her little Barbie 'computer'. (An annoying little contraption, lol.)

All of a sudden, she jumped up and ran off, "I'll be right back!"

She returned wearing a little head band with a glittery elf hat and ears. She plopped down next to me and said, "and what do you want for Christmas, little girl?"

Oh my gosh - that is so cute. I had sons, no girls, so I love hearing these little stories of your neighbours. Thanks for sharing them.

I'm so glad you've told us about these sweet girls, rhizo--warms my heart. Please keep telling us about the cute little things they say, as I imagine it makes the vast majority of us smile.

Rhizo, many years ago one of our local journalists wrote a column. They would always start with "Sarah came by today" Sara was his little neighbour girl, and like yours, she took a fancy to him. He wrote of her little stories and antics and had all of us in stitches. I missed reading his columns when she grew up.

So please, please post her little ditties. I love reading them, they make me laugh.

This is one of the best threads of ALL times!! It just makes me happy each day to see the new posts. Rhizo, if it won't divulge any private information, what do these little sprites :) call you and Robert?

Whistle, In the Southern fashion of good manners, they call us Mr. Robert and Miss Dorie. (That's what grandpa instructed them to call us.)

Unless they're chanting to us, "Robert and Dorie sitting in a tree, k-I-s-s-I-n-g..." First names only, then.

I have no idea why they sing that to us; they may have seen us holding hands or kissing at some pont.

The little one asked me yesterday why Barbie wears so much makeup. She doesn't approve, I don't think. I told her that Barbie is a grown-up girl, not a little girl. " But that's still too much makeup."

I'm waiting for her to ask me about Barbie's other exaggerated attributes!

LOL.

Love it! Someone encourage that little girls mentality about the makeup! Sounds like a confident and charming girl.

Awww, love that they say Mr. and Mrs. Get ready to keep explaining about Barbie!!

When I was growing up, we had neighbors, George and Adele Knorr, but to me they were Mr. and Mrs. George as I didn't learn her first name until much later.

Now we have 3 young one next door, 1 boy and 2 girls. Every so often they call for Augie (my father) and he ignores them until they call for Mr. Augie. Then they have his full attention.

Whistle....it's not "Mrs.", but miss or Miz. It's so cute to hear them.

I used to think that "Mr Jock" & "Miss Ellie" thing was regional & outdated, but I like it now.

It's not the "Mr or Mrs Ewing" that we had to call adults when we were small, but it's a sort of acknowledgement that we're...what? grownups? LOL.

& even if it is regional, that's okay.

Yesterday I deposited some money in the bank for a friend, & the teller gave me the receipt & said, "All done! Mr Nick has access to his deposit now."

I was one of those little girls who charmed the socks off a childless neighbor couple. This couple were in fact the beloved go to friendly neighbor to countless youngsters in the very small town where we lived.

Moving in next door at age 5 was one of the top 5 best things to happen in my life. I had a good home life, but if the chips were down for any reason, I could be found at Bert and Dave's house pouring my heart out.

Bert taught me things that my Mom didn't do like knitting, crocheting, quilting and cooking with her Italian twist to everything. And Dave instilled in me the love of gardening. I helped him plant the flowering sweet pea seeds in always cold mid March. My fingers would be freezing to the point of pain, as we wound the string on the 50 foot long frame that the plants climbed on. But I was helping Dave and would have it no other way. He always saw to it that I got that first picking of those oh, so sweet smelling flowers for my room.

Twenty years ago DH and I were making the 400 mile trip 'back home' to take my Mom out for Thanksgiving dinner. We stopped at the nursing home where Bert was living. Slight dementia had at age 88 taken hold on her, but she was other wise doing ok. I told her that we had come to take her out for Thanksgiving dinner. "Oh, no" she said, "that is just for family, you go on ahead and enjoy you time with your Mom". Bertha, I told her, you are family! "Well then", she replied, "by God I will go with you". I was so pleased and proud to have her with us for that day. My "Bertha" would be gone within a year.

Rhizo, over the years, I have always tried to be that 'go to friend/neighbor for the kids around us. I hope I have succeeded and hold even a small place in the good memories of those kids like you are doing now.

Today, I must add to my post of yesterday. It is about one of those neighbor
kids whose life I hope I touched in a good way.

After my post here yesterday, I received in the mail a large envelope from a former
neighbor family that moved away 7 years ago. Their little boy is now 17. At age
5 he was diagnosed with Aspergers. His parents were determined to do their best
to find all the best solutions possible to help him live a good/normal life. In
the envelope was the announcement that this handsome fine young man had achieved
the rank of Eagle Scout! His project was refurbishing a playground at a park. It
was a big undertaking involving top soil, sod and seeding areas, plus french
drains for areas that laid in water during heavy rain. I am so proud of this kid
who did in fact spend time with my DH helping with a small similar project in our yard
when he was just 9 years old. His parents are to be commended for pushing to get
him the special help he needed. I hope we also helped a little.

That is what good neighbors do.

Oh, Igmd, how delightful! You must be proud as punch.