"This isn't a "let it go" question.... She's asking how to greet the parents of the kid who injured her son when she sees them at the next game."

You say, "Hi! How are you?"

Without knowing more (type of sport, age of team members, extent of injury, how the coach was negligent) this would be hard to advise on.

If I didn't blame the other teammate, I might even call the other child's mother tell her that I know it was an accident and hope her son is not feeling guilty about the event.

Hope your son can fully recover.

First, I do hope your son will recover from whatever injury he received.

As far as how to address the parents, if you normally speak to them, I'd speak as you do normally. I think the advice to ask the coach ahead of time if they know about the injury circumstances is good. Otherwise, I wouldn't bring it up unless they ask what happened to your son, and then I'd just answer that he was hurt in practice and leave it at that. Then you'll have your answer. Chances are good they don't know. Or they might have 'heard' from someone else and could be embarrassed and just don't know what to say, same as you.

I'm betting that boy went home to this discussion:

How was your day?

OK

How was gym class?

OK

or if the accident even came up:

Billy got hurt in gym class.

Oh, what happened?

He slid into home the wrong way.

Is he ok?

Yeah.

i agree with maddielee... it's really hard to give any advice without knowledge of what happened... (tho, i also wouldn't be saying what happened online either!!)

my kids also have had some sports injuries that resulted in er visits, hospital stays, dental work, etc... it's a bummer and often there might be questions about the choices of others- of the coach, the refs, the other team's coaches, the other kids, the trainers, etc... obviously, there is a big difference between gross negligence and a questionable choice that happened to result in injury... it is easy to examine something in retrospect... there is risk of injury in all sports.

i would greet the parents as i always have... undoubtedly they will say something to your obviously injured son if he is sitting with you... i would let them do the talking/questioning and let him explain it to them as it happened if they didn't already hear... if they say they were so sorry to hear about what happened, respond as you would with any concern/apology... if you want to say more about the coach or the rules or your safety concerns or their child, i would do that at another time and not in the stands.

It could be that they don't know your son got injured or that their son had a part. Or their son could have downplayed the injury and, thinking it was minor, they saw no reason to call. Or they are afraid of a lawsuit and are keeping mum.

I think you'll have your answer if you see them at the game----they may not show. They'll either greet you as normal or avoid you like the plague. If they do the latter, it's up to you if you want to break the ice for the sake of future games/contact and let them know that accidents happen and you don't hold their son responsible.

Fear of lawsuit or not, if I knew my son had a part in injuring another player, I would still call to see how the kid is doing---it's simply the right thing to do.

kswl2

Tibb, they will see her son sitting next to her. She wants to know what to say if they ask, "Hi Billy, what are you doing? Are you sick?"

I didn't get that from her OP, kswl.

But, still, if they say hi and ask him if he's sick, respond by saying 'I was injured in a game and will be out for a bit."

It sounds to me like she is asking if she should confront them about what happened. I think the answer is no.

FWIW, her son will likely not be sitting with his parents in the stands. Around here, an injured player will likely be sitting on the bench with his/her teammates, depending on the injury, rather than in the stands. Even if not on the bench, if there are other students in the student cheering section, most would rather sit with their friends.

Edited to add, the other parents will still notice he is not playing, and I still maintain the same answer - the OP should not confront. And if asked, just say he was injured in practice.

My guess is her son won't be sitting with them. He is a high school student and will probably be sitting with his friends. My son got a concussion last year playing high school ice hockey and that's how he supported his team. I wouldn't play the blame game although it's clear you're not trying to do that. You wisely recognize that It's up to the coach to discipline. You will only terribly embarrass the parents if they did not know. And chances are they don't. Talk to the coach for closure, and then let it go. And if your son did receive a concussion, which is what it sounds like to me at least, the recovery very good if you follow head injury protocol.

hope your son is feeling better. And you too. :-)

jo

As a parent who experienced the other side of your story, which took place on the playground when my DS was 10, and this also being a small town, I can assure you the other parents probably do know but are too embarrassed to say anything. Of course there's an outside chance their son didn't make a big deal out of it when telling his parents, so they truly are clueless.

The school didn't contact me when my son's best friend was medi-flighted to the hospital. My son came home and told me what happened.

The boy was fine, just a few scratches but stayed in the hospital overnight for observation. We knew the parents very well, my dh is an attorney, along with the other boy's father, and we didn't even think of lawsuits. But I was still extremely embarrassed even though it was an innocent move on my son's part. I called them immediately and they said all was fine.

The boys were playing Tag on the playground. The friend got to the top of a tall slide & and stood on it, while my son ran to the slide and tagged his friend's leg, which I guess was a bit too hard since his friend fell to the pea graveled ground.

I sent flowers to the boy the next day from my son with "You're it!" on the card. We all got a good laugh from that, but I tell you, it was one of my most frightening, and did I say embarrassing?..moments in my life.

If you run into the parents, don't confront them. If they honestly don't know you can tell them and then laugh and say, "Didn't Johnny tell you?" Then proceed to tell them but please go out of your way to let them know it was just an accident. Because they will be humiliated as it is.

Well, I'll offer another pov. I'd be much more direct - would warmly greet the parents, and then with a bit of puzzlement in my voice would note that I'm surprised I haven't heard from you...pause...are you aware of what happened? They would likely be genuinely curious, pretend to be uninformed, or offer excuses/explanations. I would then enlighten them if they are unaware. This is an important teaching opportunity for the parents should their son not have been truthful with his parents or minimized the truth. Although they may be embarrassed, it is really not your place to try to protect them from their emotions.

I'm really sorry this happened to your son, Lisa, and hope he fully recovers soon.

I agree with gramarows. I don't see any need to pussy-foot around the reality of the situation, and don't really understand why adults - the parents of the two boys involved - couldn't just speak honestly and rationally with one another about the situation. If the other parents are embarrassed or humiliated, that's not of your doing and the onus remains on them to behave appropriately and address what has happened with, at the very least, an outpouring of concern once they are aware of the situation.

Lisa, beyond the concern that your son recovers completely from his injury and the school takes measures to ensure this type of preventable accident doesn't happen again, what do you expect from the other boy's parents? A show of concern? Admission of blame? Remorse? What do you want? Do you want to be able to talk to them about it? Do you want to clear the air? Are your feelings hurt because they didn't reach out to you and you want them to know it?

As others have offered above, there are several approaches you can take, including doing and saying nothing. What kind of outcome are you hoping for?

"Are your feelings hurt because they didn't reach out to you...." and, "A show of concern." Exactly.

Do you think your son would know if the incident was told to the parents? Kids have there own very fast grapevine.

I imagine you will eventually learn the truth. Have you spoken to any of the friends that you have in common? I know I would be leaning on friends for support through this and I can't imagine not saying something like, "I'm really upset that .......'s parents didn't call to see how my son is doing."

Sending healing thoughts for your son.

Whether the parents knew about the incident or not, nothing good will come out of confronting them. It will come out as being accusatory no matter how Lisa phrases it.

There is absolutely nothing to gain by Lisa bringing it up. If the parents did know about it, they'll have to deal with their own guilty conscience, or Lisa will get a forced apology.

If they didn't know about it, why go out of your way to make them feel bad, especially at a sporting event? I guess if Lisa wants them to crawl into a hole, by all means bring it up at that time.

Linelle, I liked the questions you asked.

Good grief! Can't adults have a conversation without it degenerating into a confrontation? We are getting further and further from the "it takes a village" concept of raising a child. It was certainly common in my father's day to have parents talking about what they saw going on, and even reprimanding other's kids, which I'm not recommending. But now parents can't even communicate without it being a 'problem'? I sure would have wanted to hear about it if my kids had ever been involved in another child's serious injury. Or even a not so serious injury. Whether my children had informed me or not.

Again - pussy-footing around is just silly. Adults have conversations with other adults when issues arise. When did we all become so "afraid" of one another? I am truly not understanding the logic in not addressing the other parents. "If Lisa wants them to crawl into a hole ... ?" Why would they do that? Nobody is suggesting that Lisa scream like a lunatic at them. Why assume that there must be a "confrontation"? Competent adults know how to speak to one another about issues. Or at least they should. Obviously Lisa feels the need to have some communication with the other parents, or she would not have even started this thread.

Maybe this is harsh, but I can't stand the mentality that just sweeps important things under the rug because someone might be so ultra-sensitive as to take offense or to get their feelings hurts instead of bucking up and confronting an issue. I've dealt with this in my own family and it means that nothing gets resolved, but resentment and misunderstanding festers. If it's not something you just "let go", then you look it square in the eyes and you deal with it.

I agree with Linelle. Lisa has not made very clear what it is she is looking for. She also hasn't given us the details of the situation, i.e.: what happened, the extent of the injury, etc.

what is the need to discuss it with the other parent? To teach that parent a lesson about injury etiquette?? Where would that get anyone? If I were to hazard a guess, Lisa wants some affirmation from these parents that they know the role their son played in her son's injury.

If it's as simple as "What do I say?', say what you would say to anyone you meet in public.

But anyone who wants to speak to the parent of a kid the think injured their kid is absolutely looking for a confrontation, even if not consciously. Parents are very defensive about their children, and most parents, when approached in a situation like this, it seems to me will feel like they re being blamed, chastised, whatever.

And to be "royally pissed" at the school coach, and the kid's parents...is IMO very misguided. I guarantee the kids aren't mad. They're scared that the parents are going to go off the deep end.

I don't really understand, Kswl, how on the one hand you can say you'd be peeved at all parties here but then say speaking to the other parents, you're really pissed at, would not be confrontational.

No one wants anyone to get hurt. Injuries happen when anyone plays sports. Being alive is inherently risky. I think seeking blame is about misplaced anger and only serves to make a difficult situation worse.

If you have kids, it seems to me their going to get banged up, injured, make mistakes, as are other people. Move forward.

If you can't tolerate other people making mistakes or your kid getting injured, don't put them in sports and homeschool them so they're not subjected to other people's mistakes.

If I were to make a wild guess at what Lisa truly wants, I'd think it's nothing more than a little compassion from the parents whose son caused the injury. I don't think that's too much to desire. We all want someone to see us - particularly in a situation like this. True, she can't demand what she may be seeking - but she can absolutely seek it nonetheless.

Thanks for everyone's perspectives. It's a moot point now because my son's not going back to school for a while. I was initially hoping for a way to learn if the boys' parents knew so our encounters wouldn't be awkward. But I've got bigger issues now than etiquette.

Kswl2 wrote above: if there is even a slim chance that your son will not completely recover from this injury or that it will be a long term recovery I would not say or do or sign anything that would limit your legal right to damages.

Yes, this ^^ . I have dear friends who are sharing their compassion (and I appreciate all that you've offered in this discussion too). But its kinda not about this anymore.

The other kid did not cause the injury. Physics likely caused the injury.

Kswl, was that necessary? An explanation of the contradicting thoughts would have been more appreciated than that.

Awwww, Lisa. I hope your son's road to recovery goes smoothly....for him, you and your family.

As the parent of a son who played sports, I would never, ever have not acknowledged what happened, if I was the parent of the kid who caused the injury. I (and my son's dad, we were still married while he was in school) would have spoken with the coach to make sure we knew the facts. We then would have reached out to the parents of the injured boy. It's simply the right thing to do.

The only way the injured boys parents would not have heard from us asap, is if we somehow did not know. Which I can't imagine in our small town.

Maybe the other parents really do not know?

Lisa, wishing your son a complete and quick recovery.

And I understand it was "one of those things". But for me, I would have been expressing my sincere concern over the whole thing to the parents of the injured boy.

I'm so very sorry, Lisa. Thinking of you and your boy.

Thank you, kswl. I appreciate the apology.

That tense back-and-forth, though, is illustrative of why I and others here have suggested Lisa just move on, that being direct with people on touchy subjects usually makes them defensive, not reflective, and it tends to make matters worse, especially when there is no real gain to be had by bringing up grievances.

Btw, when apologizing, it's best to not follow the apology with a "but...".

Lisa, I hope your son is feeling better soon - best wishes for a quick and full recovery!

I hope your son is better soon too and it's good to hear that the school is working with you regarding his medical care. I've only scanned through the replies and all of the suggestions seem valid. There's a lot to consider and everyone reacts to things differently for whatever their reasons. I think your comment about not being litigious may be key. So many people these days are sue happy and it could be that the parents are aware of what happened but are fearful that legal ramifications may be in play, they could have even been advised not to contact you by the school or even an attorney. Just a thought or something to consider.

When I was in 7th grade, there was a fad going around where kids "tagged" each other by rapping people on the knuckles with a pen or pencil. It was very painful.

In math class one day, "Moa", (last name was Morrison, and everyone called him Moa. He was a punk) tagged me with a fat metal pen. It killed, but I didn't react because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

But then I started feeling really sick. I got up to tell the teacher I was sick, and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor looking up at my best friend; I had fainted as a result of the shock the pen whack sent through my system.

Oh, what an uproar. I was carried down to the nurse's office, of course, where I threw up and was completely out of it. They had called my father, who came to the school to get me.

Moa, of course, was in huge trouble. The school wanted to suspend him for what he'd done. But while I was in the nurse's office trying to recover and get enough strength back to get to the car to go home, my father sat down with Moa in the hallway. I actually walked by them at one point, and I heard dad ask him, "Why would you do this?", in a very calm and gentle voice. Moa, of course, grunted. "I don't know." I'm sure he felt like crap.

At any rate, my father simply suggested to Moa that he not do it any longer, and he convinced to school to not suspend Moa.

I went home and recovered.

End of story, and I think the correct end. Except that I was called, "Faint" for the rest of my life in that school, which fortunately was only one more year, including someone writing, "Faint" on my new locker once we moved into the new school. "Hey, Faint. How ya doing'?"

Kind of funny, actually.

ETA: I guarantee Moa remembered that act of kindness, gentleness, and forgiveness from my father and it had more of an impact on him than any suspension would have had, and a positive impact as opposed to a negative one.

Lisa, let the people who love you and are reaching out to you help in whatever way they can. It sounds like you do not like to impose on people, but this is no time for stoicism.

As for the other parents, they absolutely have been advised by counsel to stay off the radar and not give incriminating statements. That would include "I'm sorry." Not being able to contact you has likely added to their own grief over the situation. Don't be mad at them or take it personally. Be mad at the system.

I wish for your son a full and speedy recovery, and that you all may find some comfort.

Lisa, sending healing thoughts and wishes for your son's speedy recovery.

Lisa, I hope your son recovers soon.

I am so sorry you and your son are going through this! Ugh...sports injuries are the pits, especially preventable ones. My dd is a serious athlete in a quite dangerous sport (competitive cheerleading, not the rah-rah sideline type but the "throw you in the air and do a flip up there type.") She has sustained 2 serious injuries in the sport that required emergency room visits. One was a fluke & she is recovering right now, but the other was 3 years ago when she was 10. One of her bases sort of "checked out" of a stunt, or had a brain freeze, or SOMETHING....anyway, bottom line she was supposed to catch dd in a cradle, didn't, and dd fell to the floor & broke her arm. Everyone was horrified, and I know the child involved & her mom felt terrible....these athletes are drilled to never ever let this happen. However, while we received so many phone calls, visits, & good wishes from teammates, I never directly heard from this mom or child. I really do think they were embarrassed, and while if the situation had been reversed I would have absolutely reached out to her (most likely taken my child to visit hers with a "get well gift," I have not really held it against them. Everyone handles things differently, and I know that this is a dangerous sport which sadly my dd is absolutely addicted to. I hope your ds recovers quickly and completely. ((Hugs))

Deleting my all comments.

Lisa, hoping for the best possible outcome for your son, a complete restoration of his health.

The boy isn't even responsible for the injury. Lisa said, " It occurred due to negligence by the coach." I can't imagine the parents are holding back from calling Lisa because of a potential lawsuit.

All part of childhood.

Peeps need to chill and stop wanting to be angry at someone.

Lisa, I'm so sorry this happened, and hope your son heals well. It's so hard as a parent to see our kids hurt. :(

My husband was injured playing sports at school, another boy got too aggressive, and purposely knocked him down hard from behind (hockey). He had to have major knee surgeries, and it still affects him to this day. Not sharing this to scare you, as my DH's situation was different, just as understanding of your frustration. I get angry when I see how his knee swells up daily, and knowing the other parties took no responsibility for it. Yes, accidents happen, but they do need to be discussed to try to teach kids to be more careful. Being reckless can cause life long injuries.

My daughter played sports, too, and had she been involved in causing an injury, I most certainly would have reached out to the other party.

Hugs to you and your son.

Don't do sports if you want to avoid injuries.

Wow. Lisa, I'm so sorry this has happened -- I hope your son recovers quickly.

Lisa, I'm very sorry your son is injured and will have to miss school for a while. My DGD plays varsity soccer and her team alone has had 3 players suffer concussions this season. My other DGD out of town (on her JV team) also had a concussion and missed 2 weeks of school as a result. It's very difficult to see this happening to these young players, especially needlessly when negligence was involved. We have heard of many other cases in other schools, so it almost seems like an epidemic. I also have learned there is much more focus on ensuring the post-injury care. As was explained the vulnerability to more injury doesn't end with the headaches and other immediate symptoms, but can continue well past the 'all-clear' to return to school. Again, best of luck as you deal with this situation, and I hope you continue to receive support & compassion from your friends around you.

Lisa, I hope your son will be able to recover quickly. Nothing worse then having a child who is hurting.

Please let us know how he is doing when you feel comfortable doing so.

I started up the line thanking your posts and just decided to say THANK YOU to everyone here in my reply. I really appreciate the perspectives on this situation.

I come bearing good news: my son is doing much better today. We are not out of the woods yet but the doctor is pleased with his progress and we are so relieved. Thank you all for your thoughts and good wishes.

Also the mother of the teammate who hit him called me last night. She was told by another parent what had happened and, of course, she felt badly. We had a nice conversation and I told her how much I appreciated her call. So all good on that too.

Oh these high school sports. Interesting stories above. My DH and I both played in high school but that was a long time ago. All my kids play sports and they have learned some great life lessons about health, teamwork, respect, listening to authority, self-control.

What I notice though is the year-round emphasis on strength and conditioning training at the high school level. This makes for strong teams and players who are resilient. But it also makes for a lot of teens who develop the muscles of men with the brains and decision-making skills of boys. Girls are strong and competitive too but somehow they seem more level-headed.

Editing for brevity. I tend to write war-and-peace posts.

Wishing speedy healing for your son. i am glad you had a conversation with the other parent.

Thanks, Eandhl2. You must have read it before I edited that out. Yes his was a bit different version but I can't get caught up in that now. It's not important and none of my business what he's telling his parents.

I'm so glad your son is doing better, and also glad you were able to talk to the other boy's mother.

Kswl2, I'm sorry you felt the need to remove your comments in this discussion. I thought you offered a much-needed balance for me because I needed to be reminded that it's OK to be angry about a situation that impacts my family. So thank you. I don't have to take a perceived high road in place of demanding answers for what happened to my son. If any of our issues were so simple we wouldn't post them here. This forum is such a valuable place to gain perspective.

Glad he is getting better, Lisa. It is a very tough time for all of you now. Your son's recovery is all that matters.

So good to read your post this morning, lisad, and know that your son is already getting better. And best of all that you have had a conversation with the other parent, which I'm sure was weighing heavy on your heart. Yes, it can make you angry. The Mama Bear comes out in us, doesn't it? And your analysis of high school level sports is spot on. DH and I played sports back in our day too and it so did our kids, even though with them it was evolving more into what it is today. The year-round emphasis on strength and conditioning is what we do appreciate in what we see with our grandkids. But they are still kids and it's often hard for adults to remember that when they see such strength, focus and maturity in action.

lisad82 - I'm so glad your son is on the road to recovery. Hopefully you can hold him back so that he fully recovers before jumping back into his sports.

Teen boys think they're indestructible until they're not and they're friends all think the same.

Lisa, I am so glad your son is feeling better and doing better!

I deleted my comments simply because they seem to attract a certain kind of "dog with a bone" response that is not helpful to the OP and lowers the tone of the discussion at large.

Very glad you did get the intent of my responses though. Child rearing is not for the faint of heart, is it?