Not sure why this is on the Marriage Forum?

Cause not much else is...

Well if there wasn't much in your refrigerator I doubt you'd fill it with horse manure just because. This sort of post belongs better on The Kitchen Table, and you'd get a better response as well.

Um-m-m...horse manure. Of course, there has never been any "horse manure" on this forum. ; )

The reason no one says thanks anymore is because their parents have not taught them how to do it and insisted that it be done. My daughter has been writing thank you notes since she could write. Hand-written, put it in an envelope and mail it thank yous, not the pre-printed, fill in the givers name kind that you pull from the internet. On the other hand-my step-daughter, who has been invited to the house for many events, most recently Easter dinner, just decides at the last minute that she isn't coming. No calls, no anything. My husband excuses this with 'That's how the kids are these days.' Not my kid.

Okay, so is that true? Meaning "That's how kids are these days?" I can see that a lot of niceties we were taught have gone by the wayside, but please and thank you? I really am looking for an answer to that question. Right now, I'm considering that if I send a substantial gift or check and get no reply, that person is off my list for anything except a nice card. With certain exceptions, of course, like they are swamped with a new baby or something.

I have many young friends who are well mannered although I think manners may be a thing that you accumulate over time. I agree with you; if I send a gift and there is no acknowledgement forthcoming, it will be the last one from me. I am not one afraid to speak my mind so there have been times when I have called someone to whom I have given a gift and ask them if they forgot to thank me. You teach people how to treat you by your actions. I gave my step-daughter more leeway than I normally would but after the Easter incident, she will no longer be invited to any of my events. Nor will I go to hers. Relationships are a two-way street.

Tough love, but I agree with you, (leaving a margin for a possible apology on her part and a reconciliation). The last birthday check I sent to my nephew, I wrote, "thank you, Aunt Beverly" on the back where he had to endorse the check. He didn't get the hint, so that was the last check from me.

Beverly, I think what you wrote on the back of the check was clever. Too bad he didn't get the hint.

We are struggling with this re my niece and her daughter. Niece is 38 and used to send thank you notes but doesn't even SAY thank you any more. When she was first divorced, I gave her a big check and didn't hear a peep. Second one was half that amount. Nothing. So the next time I saw her, I told her that since she didn't say Thank you, I decided the gift wasn't important to her and I wouldn't do it again. She mumbled something about "I thought I sent it." Now her 12 yo daughter is not being taught the "magic words" or any other social mores. Such a shame.

My sister and I had this same discussion many years ago. We had sent cards, gifts, etc. with no response. We weren't just wanting a thank you, but some kind of acknowledgement of the sent item. We agreed, we stopped sending anything, and if asked, we would say, we had no idea if the item send was even received, so we stopped. Never got asked. We thought we had been ignored before!

I was standing in Starbucks the other day and there were these two younger teenage looking girls standing, waiting for their drinks. Both had the same dull uninviting looks on their faces. Both had their arms crossed and they stood there, with the gloomy look on their faces and arms crossed. It was almost as if, the world had inconvenienced them. That's how their faces read. I finally started staring and when one noticed me, I smiled and finally got one to perk up and lose the dreaded facial expression. Then their names were called (drinks were ready). They walk over, don't make eye contact with the barista, and grab their drinks. Not one "thank you" no eye contact, nothing. I wanted to slap the look off their faces. God help me if I ever have kids... They WILL say thank you. I'll be that mean mom that says, "walk back and say thank you, and put a smile on your face while you're at it" lol....

Some people, especially the younger ones are so wrapped up in themselves that they forget other humans are nearby with feelings. I worry what the world will be like in 5, 10, 15 years...

I hate so say it, but yes, I think many kids nowadays lack basic manners.

If I sent a nice gift or did anything above and beyond, and didn't get some type of response (thank you note, call, visit, etc) then I would be offended and likely wouldn't ever do anything for that person again (unless there was a legitimate reason)... But still, how easy is it to say thank you? It doesn't take long. People are just getting more and more selfish with their time.

I could go on and on...

just think of all the good experiences they miss out on just by using simple manners. It can usually lead to a conversation or some kind of connection. Or at the very least, the good feeling that you get by saying thank you and maybe surprising the thankee into a smile!

I have to wonder if they are losing basic manners due to all the e-contacts that have replaced human interactions? Everywhere I go, people are engrossed in their cells, video games, etc. I can remember when "conversation" was actually a social skill, now it's just "Whazzup".

No, basic manners fell by the wayside decades before cell phones came out.

It's interesting to read this, as I often feel as though hand written cards and Thank you notes are a lost art. I so appreciate when I receive a card that's hand written. I recently sent two gifts to friends each with hand written notes included, the gifts were thoughtful and took time to pick out. No response though not even a text lol. I miss the days when you would receive a hand written Thank you after having a dinner party. It seems like recognition of someone's gift or thoughtfulness is just lost in society, people don't even bother to send Thank you texts anymore.

Maybe those more adept with such manners can help those less so. Instead of feeling resentful, why not call and ask, "Did you get that __________ I sent you? I just wanted to make sure everything is okay, since you never said anything about it."

If they're still totally clueless, but you actually love the gift recipient enough to teach them right from wrong, then tell them, "Dearest, you need to acknowledge a gift with a thank you. Otherwise, you hurt people's feelings."

That one gentle reproach may be all the prompting they'll ever need to be appreciative recipients for the rest of their lives.

You could try sending a self addressed stamped envelope and notecard with a list of options the recipient can select from such as -

__ Love the gift, THANK YOU

___ will be exchanging it but thanks anyway

__ don't bother next time, I don't appreciate gifts

I encourage my kids to say thank you, sometimes this is by a quick phone call, email or text. I would appreciate the phone call if a gift was not acknowledged and hope no one is offended they do not get a handwritten note.

Don't you also love when family and friends tag you on Facebook and tell everyone how much you mean to them, but they won't even return your texts or calls.