Stepmother, inheritance, conflicting feelings

8 years ago

Hello.
It’s a long story, I’ll try to condense it.
My stepmother has been a part of my life for 16 years. For 14 years I have had absolutely no problem with her. As far as I was concerned, she was family. She took excellent care of my dad when he was ill and I’m incredibly grateful.
The trouble is, I didn’t know her that well. Dad suffered a lot from the divorce and I was just delighted he had someone new. I never lived with the pair of them so my encounters with her were brief. I heard various unsavoury stories about her attitude to money over the years but I wasn’t worried, I never imagined I’d be in the position I now find myself in.
What I’m trying to sugarcoat is that she seemed a bit of a gold digger. She herself tells the tale of her interest in him being sparked by his then-glamorous house. Again, I brushed these anecdotes to the back of my mind, who cares, he’s happy.
Dad never married her and those closest to him said they think that was an active decision. Over the years, whenever we found ourselves alone, he would tell me how he wanted to put my name on the contract of the house. I never really understood why and didn’t pursue such morbid chat- I was not even remotely concerned with inheritance. Having pondered this I have wondered if he was a lot more savvy about my stepmother than I thought.
Dad died 2 years ago and both she and I were heartbroken. He had 3 months from his prognosis in which to make a will, and yet he didn’t. My uncle, who has since told me how often my dad would stress that the house must go to me, offered that he go to the lawyers and help to make one. My uncle and stepmother weren’t on speaking terms and she resented his input, telling him (through me) that SHE would be going to the lawyers. My dad was frail and in bed and yet, when he asked where she had gone, had enough oomph to shout, ‘what the F**K is she there for?’.
No will was made, and now, legally, his estate goes to his next of kin. I feel incredibly conflicted as this was never and still isn’t a decision I have made. My stepmother seemed to immediately resent me and hasn’t spoken to me in 2 years. I was left, heart broken, confused, and without both my dad AND my stepmother.
It is reaching crunch point and I am going to have to either say yes or no to the inheritance. There isn’t really a question, I have to accept it, but she still lives in the house. What on earth do I do? She considers it her home, despite having her own house (which she kept throughout their relationship and throughout their financial issues) that she rents out whilst living rent and bill free in my dad’s house.
I wish she had been adult about this in the first place, rather than immediately going to war with me. I am a fair person, I would have tried to come to some sort of fair conclusion, despite it being quite clear what my father’s wishes were. I find myself crippled with the conundrum that this is. The legalities are fairly straightforward, it’s only money, but my moral obligation here is incredibly muddy.
Is my main focus here to do what my father wanted? Is the main focus to think about what she expected from all of this? Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

Featured Answer

colleenoz

8 years ago

I suspect your dad wanted you to have the house but took the easy option of dying intestate so he wouldn't have to actually put it in writing. Take it.

Since your stepmother isn't going to be reasonable, then have her evicted. Bottom line to affording fees etc is that, the house is yours - you can sell it if you wish and use the money however, or use it as collateral for a loan until you get on your feet. You could always rent it out to a properly paying tenant as a form of income for you until you decide whether to keep it or sell it.

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Comments (11)

klnia
Original Author
8 years ago
Apologies for the lack of paragraphs...
kitasei
8 years ago
You will inherit the house, which is what your father wanted and what I'm sure he understood would happen by doing nothing. How long you let her live there, and under what terms, is the question. How old is she and how old are you? Will you need, or can you use, the money before she dies? You say she is living there rent-free, but is she paying the taxes and any upkeep? (If so, do make sure that there is something drawn up legally so that she does not assume ownership through adverse possession or whatever the term is.) None of this addresses the sad aspect of her distancing herself from you, which is what seems to be most important. Is there no one in your families that have remained close to both of you?
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klnia
Original Author
8 years ago
Thanks for your response. I am 23 and she is in her 60s. I would quite happily have her live there if I thought I could trust her, but there have since been various instances of manipulation and law-breaking that makes me believe I can't. To be honest, I'm hurt by her distancing herself, but I have now had to see a very different side to her and may have to accept that she just doesn't care about me... I don't think there is a relationship left to be salvaged. She isn't paying any sort of taxes as I have just discovered the house comes with a racked up bill of them. This is the other issue. I would rather just have her living there, paying the fees, no rent, and we wouldn't have to be each others problem. With the fees from the house, lawyers fees, and all the other costs involved with inheritance, I'm not sure I could do that. I would be out of pocket and can barely pay my rent, let alone all of that.
sushipup1
8 years ago
Who owned the house before your father died? Was it in his name only? In some states, his wife inherits. In some states, it's split among heirs according to other rules. Without knowing a lot more, we can guess all day long. Please talk to an attorney. You can pay for an attorney now and stand to get some inheritance, or you can refuse to see an attorney and lose all your inheritance.
kitasei
8 years ago
Is there any state where an unmarried partner of 16 years would be considered next of kin? I think the stepmother (who is not in fact a stepmother, since they never married) would have to bring a palimony suit. In any case, time is the enemy here. The asset deteriorates and tax liens mount..
sushipup1
8 years ago
last modified: 8 years ago
Sorry, I didn't catch the unmarried part of "stepmother" whixh I now see in close reading. Does your state recognize common-law marriages?
morz8 - Washington Coast
8 years ago
You say your father passed two years ago, and I'm sorry for that. You also added no taxes have been paid by anyone? That's throwing up an alarm flag for me depending on your specific state, and it sounds like you may not have a lot of cash reserves to draw on. I am not in a tax lien state, here, if taxes are 3 years in arrears the house belongs to the county and may be auctioned. Do you have resources to seek legal advice.
sylviatexas1
8 years ago
In Texas, real property owned prior to a *marriage* is separate property & not community property. If there was a loan against the house, the new *spouse* might be entitle to half the amount by which the indebtedness was decreased during the *marriage*, but not the automatic half that community property would give her.

Since she's lived in the house for 2 years since your father died, though, she might have homestead rights.

You need to consult a lawyer at once, & forget about any sort of relationship with this person.
bleusblue2
8 years ago
Does your Stepmother have an income? Does she depend on rental of the house she owns to pay her bills? Was she financially dependent on your dad? Did or does she work and have a pension? For instance, if she didn't have a job because your Dad wanted her to stay home or because she needed to be available for things he wanted to do -- a situation that is common for women -- she may have a very reduced pension if any at all. You say she took excellent care of your Dad and they lived together for at least 16 years. This is a long term commitment not a gold digger because presumably there is only a house left to inherit, no big stocks and accounts. What kind of circumstances will she be living in -- a one room apartment in a poor neighbourhood? Do you understand what I am getting at? You are young with life ahead of you and ability to make your own way. You say your father said he wanted to put your name on the house. Frankly, I don't think it's so simple to see what is "fair" here.
Southern Summer
8 years ago
I agree with Sylvia. You need a good attorney. At this point nothingnis straight forward. Anything you do will require legal action.

Stepmother, inheritance, conflicting feelings

colleenoz

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klnia
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Stepmother, inheritance, conflicting feelings

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