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Stepfamilies
klnia

Stepmother, inheritance, conflicting feelings

9 years ago

Hello.
It’s a long story, I’ll try to condense it.
My stepmother has been a part of my life for 16 years. For 14 years I have had absolutely no problem with her. As far as I was concerned, she was family. She took excellent care of my dad when he was ill and I’m incredibly grateful.
The trouble is, I didn’t know her that well. Dad suffered a lot from the divorce and I was just delighted he had someone new. I never lived with the pair of them so my encounters with her were brief. I heard various unsavoury stories about her attitude to money over the years but I wasn’t worried, I never imagined I’d be in the position I now find myself in.
What I’m trying to sugarcoat is that she seemed a bit of a gold digger. She herself tells the tale of her interest in him being sparked by his then-glamorous house. Again, I brushed these anecdotes to the back of my mind, who cares, he’s happy.
Dad never married her and those closest to him said they think that was an active decision. Over the years, whenever we found ourselves alone, he would tell me how he wanted to put my name on the contract of the house. I never really understood why and didn’t pursue such morbid chat- I was not even remotely concerned with inheritance. Having pondered this I have wondered if he was a lot more savvy about my stepmother than I thought.
Dad died 2 years ago and both she and I were heartbroken. He had 3 months from his prognosis in which to make a will, and yet he didn’t. My uncle, who has since told me how often my dad would stress that the house must go to me, offered that he go to the lawyers and help to make one. My uncle and stepmother weren’t on speaking terms and she resented his input, telling him (through me) that SHE would be going to the lawyers. My dad was frail and in bed and yet, when he asked where she had gone, had enough oomph to shout, ‘what the F**K is she there for?’.
No will was made, and now, legally, his estate goes to his next of kin. I feel incredibly conflicted as this was never and still isn’t a decision I have made. My stepmother seemed to immediately resent me and hasn’t spoken to me in 2 years. I was left, heart broken, confused, and without both my dad AND my stepmother.
It is reaching crunch point and I am going to have to either say yes or no to the inheritance. There isn’t really a question, I have to accept it, but she still lives in the house. What on earth do I do? She considers it her home, despite having her own house (which she kept throughout their relationship and throughout their financial issues) that she rents out whilst living rent and bill free in my dad’s house.
I wish she had been adult about this in the first place, rather than immediately going to war with me. I am a fair person, I would have tried to come to some sort of fair conclusion, despite it being quite clear what my father’s wishes were. I find myself crippled with the conundrum that this is. The legalities are fairly straightforward, it’s only money, but my moral obligation here is incredibly muddy.
Is my main focus here to do what my father wanted? Is the main focus to think about what she expected from all of this? Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

Featured Answer
  • 9 years ago

    I suspect your dad wanted you to have the house but took the easy option of dying intestate so he wouldn't have to actually put it in writing. Take it.

    Since your stepmother isn't going to be reasonable, then have her evicted. Bottom line to affording fees etc is that, the house is yours - you can sell it if you wish and use the money however, or use it as collateral for a loan until you get on your feet. You could always rent it out to a properly paying tenant as a form of income for you until you decide whether to keep it or sell it.

    Comments (11)

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