Step-Mother Wedding Etiquette
southernsummer
10 years ago
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Comments (30)
colleenoz
10 years agosylviatexas1
10 years agoRelated Discussions
Wedding - Dress Etiquette - wearing white
Comments (55)auntjen, DH (and therefore I) have had to go to a couple of not-particularly-liked co-workers' weddings purely for office politics. He didn't give crap one about the co-workers (and I wouldn't have known them had they stopped me on the street and kicked me in the shins) but had he not shown up things would not have gone very well for him in the office. Some workplaces are just lousy like that, if you don't participate in the "office culture" you're sunk at review time. There were other "unwritten-but-really-required" activities like the bar-hops and expensive restaurant lunches (of course not paid for by the employer) for stuff like birthdays and departures that contributed to his leaving that job. Things like that added up very fast, and DH was the lowest-paid person in the office by a BIG margin - like there were several people in that office making 10x what DH did. At the time I had ONE nice dress, and it was the standard all-occasion, all-season "little black dress" with princess seams and elbow-length sleeves. I wore brightly-colored accessories - shoes, purse, and chunky vintage jewelry from Goodwill ;-) - and didn't get any guff from anyone....See MoreStep funeral etiquette
Comments (14)You did fine in a difficult situation. I will assume that DH would have attended both funerals (or at least the visitation of the kids' Gma) if it would have been possible. Not sure what timeline is considered 'correct' in thank-you notes, but I think it took my mother a few weeks to get them all sent. She was busy dealing with the loss of my dad and she did her best to get the notes out in a somewhat timely manner. Seriously, with Dh not able to attend, the flowers sent by you respresenting your family's condolences (DH, you and son) along with a sympathy card to BM was fine in my book. I will assume you talked to SKs and expressed condolences on top of the arrangement sent to the funeral home. To expect you young son to attend was not required. If DS were older it might have been nice for him to say attend visitation to show support of his siblings, but he's a child (not to mention these siblings do little to show their kid brother support in his times of need). Let it go. You did fine. Let them chatter all they please. If it's not one thing your family does to 'upset' them, it's another. There's no winning with these kids and you did your share of acknowledging the passing of their Gma. Your husband does not 'owe' them an explaination as to why he went to the funeral he did go to. While the passing of any family member is hard, even expected ones of those who have lived long lives, the sudden passing of a child/young adult would be heartbreaking...your husband did what he thought best and so did you. Not to sound mean or unsympathic to your SKs loss, this time next week or so, they'll find something else to make you/DH the bad guys. They always do. You'll never please them. This too shall pass....See MoreStep family not part of the wedding party
Comments (25)I think it is extremely sad that other people step in and express an opinion about what they think should be done at someone else's wedding. This is one time in your life that I feel if your feelings are hurt or if you disagree with what has been planned you just suck it up and keep your mouth shut. I guarantee you that any rude or hurtful comments made to the bride about her special day will be remembered for years to come. It is unbelievable to me that even if you were to feel slighted that you would have the gonads to complain. In this case I see no reason for your wife to have said one word. Making comments about what someone has planned for their wedding is in the same category as insensitive comments made at the time of some one's death or about the funeral IMO. My SD33 just emailed me her pictures of her wedding. She and hubby went to Hawaii and got married on the beach. They did what they wanted to do. It looked absolutely beautiful and I am so happy that they did what THEY wanted to do. Would I have liked to see it, sure but they did what they wanted to and the memories that they made will be about them and not all the step/bio/half relations that would have screwed the whole thing up. My SD has been through enough in her life. She has earned the right to decide for herself what she wants. She has my blessing and I am proud of her. Now, when she has a baby we'll talk again! LOL I have mentioned at an earlier date, on another post, that my feelings were hurt to a degree during her first wedding. I said nothing and looked at it from her point of view as best I could. I have never regretted keeping my mouth shut. Not an easy thing for me to do in most situations but that time I did. She still does not know that at the time I was a little hurt. She will never know. IMO the words that need to be spoken at these times are "Is there any thing that I can do to help you?"...See MoreIdeas for a Mother to make her daughters wedding special
Comments (13)I cherish the *handwritten* recipes I have on scraps of paper, index cards, in letters, etc. You could photocopy them and identify the cook with full name -- and a photo if you have it -- then assemble them, one to a page, in a 'cookbook' with sections for Appetizers, Meats, Desserts, etc. The MOB could add a few lines about the person to each contribution. ("This is Aunt Susie, 1905-2000. She was a good cook. She was married four times, and dogs loved her too!")...See Moredotz_gw
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