Anyone got read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up?
10 years ago
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- 10 years ago
- 10 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
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When life changes for the elderly
Comments (22)auntjen ~ It sounds like your G & G will be fine, and I mean that sincerely. Yes, it is a monumental change, yes it does affect the whole family, but it's a very smart and unselfish move they made. Backstory: My dad developed Alzheimer's when he was in his late 50's. We know that now because when he was finally diagnosed (in the mid-to-late 1970's), there was little or no information, let alone research, available. As my father becamse increasingly affected by the disease, it became harder and harder for my mom to care for him. By the time she knew she needed help, they were both in their early 70's. She made a very smart decision by moving back to Manhattan where the resources and help were more readily available. I'm an only child and she got her support and strength from me. I lived about 2 hours away from them and would spend the weekends in the city with them, staying with my dad while my mom took a much needed break from being his full-time caregiver. Even though I was not the primary caregiver, I was married and working full-time, which made things a tad difficult to juggle. I thank goodness that, at that point, I didn't have children because that would have only made things more difficult. We had been researching various alternatives with the support of my dad's doctor, focusing on nursing homes, and we found a very good one that was affiliated with Mt. Sinai Hospital. She put dad on the "waiting list" and after what seemed like an eternity, my dad went to The Jewish Home and Hospital for the Aged, part of Mt. Sinai. What a blessing that was, not only for my dad but for my mom, who was becoming increasingly worn out from caring 24/7 for my dad. Many family members could not understand how she could put my father in a home. Terrible, thoughtless comments were made and she was made to feel like a pariah. And this was when her family should have been there for support. Very few family members visited my dad in the nursing home. I'm sure they figured that he wouldn't recognize them. But what about my mom? Wouldn't she recognize them? Wouldn't she appreciate the small show of support? But I digress, except to say that I remember which family members were there for support (and which weren't). I have forgiven them, preferring to think that they really didn't understand the result of their actions. Your parents and you and your family are doing the right thing, even though it might feel wrong. Your G & G did the right thing for your family. They made a selfless decision for the good of their family. That's love....See MoreCan you work magic on my bedroom? I've got Photos!
Comments (27)Ok, here's where I'm at. The Wasabi--not going to paint with it in this room. So, I'm torn between a cream (Affinity yling yling) and the Weimaramer. I was playing with the BM tool early this am before work on my home computer, I will upload some more ideas later. Anybody have the yling yling? hey it rhymes with Yuengling so maybe that's a sign. Would the Weimeramer, (can we call it "W" for short?) be too dark coming from the Baltic Gray foyer? Busybee--if you have any photos of W in real life, can you post it for me to see? While we are at it, any opinions on nightstand color? If I have a black bed, must the side tables be black/dark wood? Would white look too disjointed? Alrighty, thanks for the help and all the feedback. Back to work. Can't wait to get home tonight to play with that software some more and watch Ralph Lauren on Oprah. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I'm considering the Wasabi in the attached bathroom. If I can get it to work and look like it has a reason to be in there....See MoreLife Got Busy
Comments (126)SamKaren, let's be honest. What you were hoping for was your BF to come to his senses and turn things around. I think you need to read the book, "He's Just not That in to You." I am wondering too, if after his infatuation wore off, he is not interested on sharing you with other men. Although accepting at first, this may have become a turn off and you are no longer a priority. He has now made his feelings clear, no doubt about it. You should not be sitting home the entire weekend. Start looking in to things you can join. Food pantry, is there a local bowling club, a lunch bunch, where singles meet for lunch? Don't forget too, that making friends with other women often leads to more of a social life and possibly men. You like cats. Is there a cat club? Volunteer at a shelter? Are there young people in your building? If you are basically shy, it's hard to put yourself out there, but try to strike up conversations so you get to know who your neighbors are. This could lead to one friend in your building. The truth is, some of us have to work really hard to have a social life. Others are magnets and are included in more things than they can handle. I remember years ago when my youngest was in grade school. She realized that she needed to make friends and so we went through her class list and arranged play dates. It was interesting that no one refused, yet these same girls just didn't think to invite her first. Things greatly improved when she realized she didn't have to sit back and wait for things to happen. SamKaren, you are still relatively new to your area. Conversation can start with where is the cheapest dry cleaner, or the best Chinese food etc. Don't give the negatives here any thought. When you come here, it is what often happens. I have asked advise here and was shocked at how many people took the opposite view. I thought I was clearly right and came to vent! Yet, if so many agreed, it was time for me to see things differently. Some come across in a mean way, or one person couldn't understand why I posted the problem at all! Nothing should be insignificant. Again, for those of you offended by whatSamKaren might post, do not open them! We are not just about photos, recipes and talking about the weather!...See MoreLife events that changed you as a person?
Comments (40)In 1998 DH had a really good-paying job for that time (actually even for now) & a pretty big 401k for someone not yet 30 years old. I had a pretty good job & fair balance in my 401k. We also had a house payment & one car payment. Then DH decided he wanted to leave the security of his job & start his own business. I didn't want to do that, but that was his dream. I worried that if I refuse to even try that he'd always resent it. So he left to start the business, which actually went very well at first. We weren't as prepared as we should have been with savings in the bank, etc. But we needed to make a fairly quick decision due to a large project that we would lose if we spent too much time considering. Then he decided that he should start another related business. I worried that the time he would have to put into the startup would take him away from our main business, but he was sure it would be okay. Several months before DH left his job, we found that my mom's cancer had spread again. She was given only months to live. DH left his job in Aug, my mom died in Feb, & I was laid off from my job in April. That's a lot of major life events in a short time. For quite a while, my life involved working full-time, helping my parents at night & on weekends & doing the accounting for DH's businesses when I had time. I admit that I was distracted by the demands of working full-time & helping care for my mom. My dad was very difficult to deal with during this time. He was having a hard time accepting that mom was going to be gone & he was very angry & demanding. This made my life even more stressful. After I was laid off, we decided that I would work with DH managing the office & doing the accounting. So I sat down one day & really began looking at the bills. I knew we had been charging a lot on our credit cards. DH's original business, which had done well at first, was indeed suffering because he was spending too much time getting the other business started. He was putting off projects & the cash flow had really decreased. We were more deeply in debt than I had imagined. Things began to turn around some, but we were unable to make any progress on our debt. I kept the bills paid & made sure that our credit rating wasn't affected, but I was paying minimum payments on most things. We eventually ended up forfeiting his 401k to help pay some of our debt. Even so, we still had problems because business had dropped off. I sank into a very deep depression & was suicidal. Those were really dark times. My doctor believed that it was just too much happening too close together. He felt that I might have been able to handle things better had they not all happened one right after another. I did go on medication & it helped a great deal. I finally got up the courage to ask my dad for a loan. I was raised to be very private about finances & to not get into debt except for something major like a house or a car. It took a lot for me to admit to my dad that we had so much debt. After I explained the situation, he had one question, "Why didn't you come to me sooner?" He wasn't happy that we had gotten in so deep, but he was more than willing to help. He told me to get him a list of everything we owed & bring it to him. We then went to the bank, where he used one of his CD's to secure our debt. Consolidating it into one monthly payment with a much lower interest rate made it so much easier to deal with. DH went back to work with his old company soon after. We closed one business & sold the other to a competitor. I learned a lot from those bad times. One thing is that I make sure to pay close attention to our finances regardless of how busy or distracted I am. The other is not to let my pride get in the way. My dad would have helped us much earlier if I'd just swallowed my pride & asked, instead of pretending that everything was fine. I also learned that depression is an illness & not something that you can control. I used to think that there was no such thing as real depression & that people were just weak because they gave in instead of forcing themselves to be happy. I now know the truth about depression....See More- 10 years ago
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