What a great idea!

What a lovely idea. My grandson went to a birthday party when he was in preschool and the theme was princesses and pirates. It appealed to all the little preschoolers.

I heartily disagree. Because it's a celebration you never should mention gifts at all. Charity is a very personal thing. Proper etiquette has always been that gifts should not be mentioned on an invitation. That includes mentioning no gifts as that is saying that gifts would normally be expected. The guest decides whether to gift or not. The host does not.

If the host doesn't want to keep the gifts that are brought and chooses to donate them later that's well and good. But birthday parties, weddings etc. are celebrations, not fundraisers. It's narcissistic to push people even with hints on where to put their money.

The firemen were the entertainment for the kiddies. Once again in my world the host pays for the entertainment. The host should give a nice donation, not expect the guests to pay. Hosting a dinner you don't pass a hat for the tip or the cost of the wine. Ditto for kids parties.

no need to blast anyone for being kind-hearted, sensitive, & generous.

This is 2016, not 1916, & it was a child's birthday party, not a debutante ball or a society wedding.

Children's birthday parties are much like showers; anyone who gets an invitation assumes that a gift is expected.

I'd guess most people would prefer not to spend money for something that would be donated to a charity rather than kept & enjoyed; most charities get way too much junk & not enough cash.

No donations were requested/demanded/solicited, & for all I know the fire department was paid; it seems like they would have been, doesn't it?

The invitation merely said that you could put a donation in the hat if you wanted to.

The child's mother stipulated that the party was a party, not a gift-gathering occasion, which was thoughtful & sensitive of her...

& isn't the definition of manners making other people comfortable?

Oh, yeah.

It is.

My own manners, what is done in my circle, are like Watchmelol's, but I appreciate new manners for new times, and I think Sylvia's cousin's party, and the one Lindsey talked about fit well with the current mode among young people. In an era of e-vites, I don't think stating "no gifts" is the faux pas that it used to be. I don't really like "gifts will not be accepted", however. It sounds mean. Generosity goes both ways and one should accept a gift in the spirit it was intended. One will be a lot happier if one doesn't try to control people, especially guests. Making sure they're comfortable, fed, entertained and don't drink too much (if it's that kind of party) is enough to worry about without having to micromanage what kinds of gifts they do or don't bring. If they really want to bring Little Johnny a toy truck, even though you've said no gifts, just say thank-you.

That said, as I've said before, I come from a gift giving community. When the party becomes about "loot", there's a reason to redirect the child's attention, but there's also something to be learned from both giving and receiving, personally. Just as clever is a great substitute for money at a shower, it also can be at a birthday. Ask for a refrigerator or furnace box at an appliance store, and bring a submarine. An Xact-o knife, Marks-a-lot and duct tape are enough to turn it into a thing of wonder. Add a few scraps of fabric and you can make a puppet theatre.

There's an immense amount of play value in cheap, retro toys like jacks and jump ropes. Make up your own board game customized to the birthday child. When it comes to the stresses that Sylvia mentioned about worrying about who's going to be judging (which may be a real issue for many), just opt out of the game. Look at your own wallet and abilities and choose a present, if gifts are the thing, based on what you think will delight the child within that range. It's the delight that's important, not what the gossips might say. Just look 'em in the eye and say, "I just knew he'd love that color!" or "Isn't that so much more fun than something that needs a battery?"

I'm not sure what a "gift giving community" is but I think all of this depends on the birthday celebrant's age and peer group practices. Being the one family who says "no gifts please" when the circle of friends doesn't do that can be seen as pretentious. Telling a 5 year old or even a 10 year old that s/he is having a party but unlike those of his/her friends, he's not getting any gifts, can be confusing and doesn't accomplish anything.

People pick the wrong times and places to "make a statement" or to re-engineer traditions. No one is going to be put out spending $10-$15 on a silly child's gift, and no child is going to be ruined for the experience. Or by having the sugar in the cake and ice cream. Common sense seems hard to find these days.

Oh, and please don't tell me to bring a gift to donate to charity. I like to choose my own charitable recipients, you're welcome to do the same.

A four-year-old will not be crushed & doomed to therapy or Jerry Springer if he/she doesn't get presents at a birthday party.

The colors & cake & games are stimulating & fun & a ride in a firetruck makes it a full day, & that's plenty.

edited to add:

just remembered something that made an impression on me many years ago.

Although it concerns Christmas rather than birthdays, it's something worth remembering.

Years ago, a colleague bought some Christmas presents for a family that was struggling (they've since gone on to better times).

My colleague bought wallets or purses for the children, & into each one she put a $5 bill, with a note that said, "so you can get your parents a Christmas present".

because, she said, it's important for children to learn that presents aren't a one-way street.

In our household, birthdays are considered rather low-keyed family celebrations (parents, siblings and maybe a grandparent). There is a cake, presents, and a choice of what they want for dinner. Sometimes we would do something fun, such as play miniature golf or go see a movie, or something like that. None of our children became emotionally scarred for not ever having a bounce house and 25 friends over to celebrate. I asked sometimes if they would want a big party, but they always said they were happy with the way we celebrated birthdays.

I am really soured on gift grab parties of any kind. My 21 month twin grandkids have 3 completely full rooms of toys (their room plus the two spare rooms) and the living room is the most used playroom and constantly has toys strewn about. I can't imagine what they could possibly need. Maybe diapers :-)

There were over 100 guests at their first birthday party, all bearing gifts.

Kids' birthday parties are getting more and more over-the-top. There are also a number of articles in our paper where the child having the party, stipulates donations, cash, etc for the Humane Society, or a family who lost everything in a fire etc.