Abusive drug addict stepbrother

8 years ago

I've been having trouble finding support for my particular issue. I find most resources are aimed at younger families and in my situation everyone involved is an adult. I've been having trouble with one of my stepfathers sons. He's had it out for me since the day I arrived. He has the tendency to project all his anger onto me regardless of me not being the reason behind whatever triggered him. For example he has purposely walked into me before out of being pissed off that his girlfriend didn't have any hot water for the shower that morning, even though I myself hadn't even taken a shower yet that day. Another incident involved him throwing stuff at the wall to my room one day. I later found out it was over a dispute with his father over a cellphone issue. I find myself dumbfounded by his behavior sometimes, and yes as the title states he does have a drug problem. Has anyone else dealt with toxic step siblings before, and can offer any advice on how I can get through this? I'm afraid I'm stuck in this living arrangement at the moment as I am saving up money for a car and an apartment.

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Comments (2)

sylviatexas1
8 years ago
last modified: 8 years ago
It happens all the time; it's scapegoating, a favorite among abusive & rage-a-holic people.

The best way to "handle" it is, of course, to get away from it.

An old friend told me, "Toxic people are like asbestos. If you can, stay away from it. If you can't stay away from it, don't stir it up."

The problem with a scapegoating abuser is that you not stirring it up won't help-

Something or somebody is going to stir him up, & you're going to pay for it.

You might let your mother & stepfather know, but don't expect much;

women almost always choose their spouse over their children, & your mother's husband is the one who raised this jewel of a guy.

In your boots, I might ask for the money to move into an apartment & to buy a cash car, or at least to buy a cash car; if worst comes to worst, you can go too a shelter.

Put it to them that you want to remove yourself from the situation before it mushrooms into a police matter.

I'm sorry, & I wish you the very best.

edited to add:

On reflection, I want to amend, or at least add to, what I said.

I once lived next door to a family that presented a perfect façade to the world, & I just could not get them to feel anything but contempt for me.

It took me a lot of years to realize that the husband was an abuser, & every time his wife felt his rage escalating, she'd deflect it onto the nearest scapegoat-me.

When the kids became teen-agers, something bad would happen to me or to my pets at intervals,

When I found out the whole story, I got so mad at myself;

I had spent *years* trying to get along *with an enemy*.

I vowed to myself that I would never try to get along with people who were mean to me, never try to convince anybody that I was a decent human being, that I would get really close to the problematic person & very quietly, in a "deadly" tone, tell that person that he/she was to stay the he.! away from me or bear the consequences.

& every time I saw the person, I'd stop what I was doing & stare at him until he was out of my sight.

Again, I wish you the very best.
Tammy Allen
8 years ago
Great advice from Sylvia....just wanna add couple things.

Have you talked to your mother or father bout this issue? Can you lock your bedroom door while inside and away to protect yourself?

How old are you dear?

Are there more younger siblings in the home?

Do you have grandparents, aunts, uncles or close family friend you can trust and confide in? Stay with them till you are more financially stable?

If possible work two jobs to make money quicker to become financially stable and move out. By working more hours you'll be away from home more and less in the line of fire from him.

Not sure what drugs he's addicted to....either way, he could come very unstable and really hurt you or others.

Best of luck...
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Abusive drug addict stepbrother

Comments (2)

sylviatexas1

Tammy Allen

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