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am i guilty of being a dh abuser?

12 years ago

Hi folks, I just joined today because i had questions about my DH being needy and clingy.

But from going over other forums i noticed info that i may be abusing him emotionally. case in point- he needs sex and cuddling daily. sex at nite, cuddling in am.He says he cant sleep without it. I like sex in the noontime, when my 3 yr old &16mo old are napping. (simutaniously? almost never)Plus he works 7-5 M-F, and wk ends are busy. Anyways, i am EXHAUSTED at nite, when my head hits the pillow, i pass out. no joke.Just thinking about doing ANYTHING after 9pm MAKES ME GRUMPY.I just want sleep so bad.Its the only thing im addicted too. Around 9pm, im so ready to hit the sack (to sleep). When we first met i was a single mom of a 10 yr old, i was 27, i had the "energy" every nite.Now, i dont. He tells me things like i "tricked" him into being with me cuz he thinks i hate sex. I dont, i just like it on the wkends when the kids arn't clammoring at the door/in the next room. So he has pinned the ever-pressing responsibility of babysitting on my now 13 yr old (who resents this intensly) which in turn created resentment in me. So i dont play into feeling amorous unless its appropriate. His friends have referred to me as a gameplayer. I think their immature-they dont have kids.He guilt trips me endlesly,every am if i dont wake up at 5 and snuggle him, or respond to his advances every nite.I do however initiate/folow thru anyways 2xs during the week but its difficult and emotionally draining for me when i im wishing he could just let me be, and not feel guilty that I dont Love him anymore as he likes to quote it.The guilt trips have gone from that to the sz of his um not being enough to even slamming my past ex's in comparison games that get quite crude about him not measuring up, blah blahh. So, I just read "one is being mentally/emotionally abused when partner withholds sex and affection".Am i withholding? am i an anaware abuser who is passivly aggressing????or am i just legitimatly sleepy? Maybe all this guilt tripping has made me subconsciensly un-in-love with the behavior and im trying to escape the rewarding system at nite to try and train him into understanding my body clock better? i dont know what to do anymore. Its been 4 years of this same fight, every other day for days at a time, untill I "give it up" He tells me i use the "power of the P----" How gross! He isn't known for his social grace and tact but that is offensive. Because i dont see myself that way. I just feel so wiped out at the end of the day and my giving reserves feel tapped out and I just want to be left alone for a few nites at a time or maybe just one, who knows if he actually tryed,but HE WONT LISTEN! i pulled the counseling cards years ago, he said ok..still havnt gone... ahhh! help! advice! please!

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