Love it! Good for you! I can't even imagine somone having the nerve to say something like that to me, but I sure hope if it ever happens, I'm just as quick minded and assertive as you were! Some people have real nerve!

I probably wouldn't have commented. Either he was a jerk or was using sarcasm to say he doesn't like veggies. I don't mind sarcasm, but I try not to engage jerks.

Way to go. What a distasteful man. That reminds me of the time I was shopping at walmart. There was a woman behind me with 5 very badly behaved children. She was also heavily pregnant. Clutching her wic vouchers and ebt card in one hand and her iPhone in the other, she was telling whoever she was talking to on the phone very loudly about what was in my cart. She was complaining about having to wait behind me in line since i had so much stuff. (I only shop once or twice a month for everything)Then was going on about how it must be nice to be able to buy whatever I wanted and that I must have a good "man."(Basically that's what she said, she was very crude about it) im not sure why she didnt go into another checkout lane,there were several open with shorter lines. I ignored her for a minute or two until it became clear that she very obviously wanted me to hear her. I admit, though, that I was in poor form and decided to stoop to the level of certain stereotypes for the sole purpose of either pissing her off (i fear nothing as I'm always armed) or shaming her into a sniveling example of humble remorse. (Not likely) I calmly told her when she got off her iPhone that I was sorry that breeding was her only life skill, and choosing appropriate partners to practice that life skill with may improve her and her spawns prospects. I offered that maybe if she were more discriminating in her tastes, she would not have to rely on people like me who work real jobs to feed her and her spawn. Then I asked her to remember that her pregnancies are both preventable and treatable, but she seems perfectly happy exploiting her uterus to death to provide a work free income. Then i said "I am sorry that i decided that is not good enough for me,and work for what i want. She proceeded to swear at me in front of her small children. To which i said,"what a classy example for the next generation."Then as I was leaving, I loudly announced to the cashier (poor thing) how rude the offender was,as she didn't even thank me for paying for her groceries. Her response was a one word expletive that was probably the fanciest word in her vocabulary. I'm kinda ashamed of it now, since I didn't know her personal situation. But at the time, I felt like she deserved it. Now I feel like I should have just come up with some one liner like OP did to tell her to mind her own damn business,and be grateful for what she had, as so many have less. Or even better, treat her as though I couldn't even hear someone that far beneath me. Hindsight.

If this situation had been even a little bit different, I would have reacted in another manner, no doubt. I'm typically considered the peacemaker in any kind of conflict, be it familial, professional, or personal.

This man's comment was so loud that it actually made me and the cashier jump, the bagger froze. His tone was confrontational, his affect was that of a person who doesn't get put in his place very often.

I did exactly the right thing in that little split second of time. I refuted his comment very simply, and then dismissed him by turning my attention back to my own business. It was never my intent to escalate the situation and I didn't.

Maybe I am the only one, but what he said doesn't really seem rude to me. Where I live, good organic produce is very expensive ($2 avocados, $4 grapefruit, $3 cucumbers yesterday) and packaged food is much cheaper. I would have assumed he was making excuses for his junk food choices but it doesn't seem like he was being rude to you.

He may not have been the one who smoked. I despise cigarettes, never smoked in my life but I was teased in school because I reeked from my mom smoking in the house. Just being near a smoker is enough to cause a bad odor.

I agree rhizo. I trust he had nothing to say in response. Mission accomplished.

Chi, it was rude because it was unprovoked and OP said he was very loud and pointed about it. No one made any comment at all about his food choices, so he had nothing to explain away. Instead, he wanted to guilt rhizo about her choices. That WAS rude. Who looks at other peoples purchases and not only resents them for the ability to make them, but then rudely comments on them, as if their opinion should matter to a complete stranger?

I don't doubt that rhizo read the situation correctly. Who loudly blasts out unsolicited snide comments about the contents of someone's basket anyway?

I'm so tired of the pervasive need to be PC and living in fear. The man was a bully, a paper tiger and apparently folded like a cheap suit. He got Howard Bealed. Maybe not that epic, but you get my point.

Good for the OP.

Smiling now because some of you good people are making it more of an event than it really was! :-)

How much does a carton of cigarettes cost these days? Or a pack?

People are odd, that's for sure.

I've had people comment on what I buy before. "Must be nice to be able to afford organic". Yes. Yes it is. I can afford organic because I save my money by not spending it on other things, and make my choices based on a scheme that includes price, quality, ethics, environmental concerns, dietary requirements, nutrition, and more. It is a sliding scale. I do have to buy less and usually focus on ingredients that I can then turn into other things myself. I budget to be able to do this. We try to waste as little as we can and we compost/recycle/reuse whatever possible.

I can't say I have never judged somebody else on the content of their cart, but I try to keep it to myself LOL.

Dances.

So interesting to read accounts of being "produce shamed"!. Now, if you loaded your organic groceries into a Hummer...

Hahaha, mimipadv!

That was great comeback, Rhizo. I only think of the perfect retort long after I should have made it.

I buy lots of fruit and vegetables every week, and I've never been produce shamed (thanks for the new phrase, Mimipadv :) . About the only remark anyone has made was "wow, you sure eat healthy". Upon which I showed her the ice cream hidden behind the bag of oranges. :)

Not to mention the $$$ he spends (or will) for his cholesterol and COPD meds.

:-)

He was rude, no doubt. Cigs are prohibitively expensive! Maybe he was drunk on top of everything else, LOL.

"How much does a carton of cigarettes cost these days? Or a pack?"

Here in upstate NY they now seem to run around $90/carton or $9 a pack. It boggles the mind how anyone can spend that kind of money for something so bad.

I buy lots of fruit and vegetables every week, and I've never been produce shamed (thanks for the new phrase, Mimipadv :) . About the only remark anyone has made was "wow, you sure eat healthy". Upon which I showed her the ice cream hidden behind the bag of oranges. :)

********

I've never been produce shamed either, and I was thinking about this thread while at the store this week. I get a lot of produce and can't imagine getting an unsolicited, snide remark about it.

This rude gentleman should follow me around at the farmers market. His head would explode!

I have to admit, I am very judgey about what's in people's carts, but I keep it to myself. The other day I was at the grocery store, with my cart filled with organic produce and health food items. The family in front of me, all overweight and reeking of cigs, had a cart filled with junk food. The tab was 249.00, and they paid 49.00 for the groceries with the rest on EBT. I think they probably don't know any better. It was sad. I probably wouldn't have said anything to the guy, because you never know these days what will happen in the parking lot!

That's great, Angelaid!

I don't judge other people's carts. If I notice them, it's about the story behind it. A kid's birthday party, a "grown up" party (booze and chips), Sunday dinner.

OTOH, I sometimes look at my cart and worry about what other people will think. Like when I have a lot of produce at home, because I tend to overbuy, but no proteins, and have meat and cheese and nothing green. Or I have plenty of fresh food, but am short of sweets (which I underbuy), and canned (jarred) goods, such as tomato items and pickles.

If you look in the cart of someone who grows most of their own produce and buys their meat from a local farm, but doesn't bake, you might see cupcakes, pretzels, sandwich bread, candy, ice cream, ice cream cones, and pie, but almost no fresh food. And that person might actually have the healthiest diet of anyone you know.

Additionally, you don't know if the cupcakes a woman on food stamps is buying are her child's only birthday treat and gift. You don't know if the sweets being bought by the Santa Claus shaped man are for his grandkids to take to a party. You don't know if the "healthy" looking twig with the mounds of kale and goji berries is going to eat them, or sell snooty smoothies so she can buy more cocaine.

You cannot know anything true about a person or his life from a basket of groceries.

You can know that a boor who is not only judging your purchases but doing so in a bullying and aggressive manner needs to be set back. I think Rhizo, the OP, did that well. I couldn't have done as well in the circumstances.

I only look at other carts to see what I am missing out on. My comments tend to be "how did I miss seeing that?"

I wonder sometimes if the cashiers take any notice of what people buy and judge, or if they are jaded to it. I remember once when my sister was violently ill, and she asked me to go pick her up some immodium and some preparation h,as she was afraid to leave her house in case of an "accident". I decided to test my theory. I bought the immodium, the prep h, a can of lysol, a mop, one of those candles with the Virgin Mary on it, and a bible. The cashier didn't even blink.

Want to bet he never would have said that to a MAN? Good for you for standing up to the jerk.

amylou.....that is ridiculously funny!

Speaking of cashiers, I've had many comments or questions over the years, friendly and curious about food items or a soap or anything. I've swapped recipe ideas with the cashier, the person behind me in line, and the bagger!

No, no....it's not typical and no bogging down of the pace of checking out is involved, but it happens pretty often. Just the other day, the bagboy and I swapped skin secrets, lol, inspired by the Kiss My Face soap I had purchased.

Would love to see this guy say that to man. Wait.....he wouldn't. I bet he also tells women to "smile."

Meh. I've never bought into the "Judge not, lest ye be judged" concept. I suspect there is a portion of that bible story that either missed the translation or we are missing part of a story. Mother Nature designed us to have certain thoughts and prejudices or instincts. We make develop opinions or make decisions aka judgements all of the
time. Judgements are based on our experiences and knowledge. Having a
certain thought or even sometimes specific actions doesn't necessarily make you bad or good. It's true, you may not have the
whole story. Then again, you might. It's up to us to decide if we want to proceed any further with the situation once we make the judgement.

There's a difference between forming an opinion and judging. There's a finality and absolute quality to judging. For me, however, it's the unkindness behind the assumptions that's bad. Looking at another person's choices and evaluating them against your own, thinking that you wouldn't yourself be happy with those items, is fine. Assuming someone is feckless, unworthy, bad, good, or anything else based on a single load of groceries is shortsighted, mean and likely wrong.

I freely admit to having some unkind thoughts about people who feed their growing children mostly sugar, starch, and processed crap. If that makes me mean, so be it.

My point is that you can't know that's what they're doing by one grocery cart full. If you know--like have been in their homes and seen them feeding their children regularly--have at it. Even talk to the parents about good strategies for making healthier choices. Or curse them for fools. But you can't know that the "crap" you see in their basket is their primary food any more than you can know that the heaps of produce are in someone else's. Like the gal who buys everything the TV doctors say, but lives on cheese and Twinkies.

"escalated rudeness"? Hardly. angelaid_gw, this obviously is a very sore point with you for some reason. Don't know the reasons so all I can do is wonder what is the problem. You're (probably and assumably unintentionally) suggesting that if someone is sued, they shouldn't answer the complaint. That would be "escalated rudeness", or any number of other examples I won't give.

Chi makes a couple of excellent points. I first read it as, well "rude" though I don't like the judgmental arrogance of that term, and it was unnecessary. But you have me thinking on it.

Nothing wrong with what the OP did or said. Some are escalating a molehill into a mountain perhaps.

Very well said adellabedella_usa. We're told all our lives to make good judgments so why does it become a dirty word to some?

I proudly and laughingly admit to judging some people. For instance those who go on a tirade about people who drink a bottle of water and filling the landfills with all those bottles! while they screw open a bottle of some soft drink as they're carting home the 500 pack of disposable diapers and cases of Keurig cups...

I'm with Plllog... a grocery cart doesn't tell the whole story.

Usually tales like these go hand in hand with fat women on food stamps with a passel of badly behaved children.

"There's a difference between forming an opinion and judging"

Yes indeed. Opinion starts with an "o", while judging starts with a "j".

I find people who without invitation start to blab with strangers and feel obliged to comment on anything personal to be creepy. Especially in stores but anywhere else for that matter. I ignore them. "Yes ma'am, I am buying a case of beer and a few pounds of broccoli, I honestly could give a s*** what you think about that. And yes, I am possibly too old to be this little boy's father, that's why he calls me Grandpa"

Women seem to be more frequently mindlessly chatty than men.

An opinion is mutable. It is often altered or changed. It can be formed absent all of the facts and be refined, improved or refuted based on further information.

"Judgment" has finality to it. It implies that all the evidence is in. It also implies authority to judge. Judgments can be appealed or overturned, but they have weight and effect.

Men might not chat at you because they're not interested in you, but they often start conversations with me and chat on about nothing consequential. Thus, proving my point, that you can't draw a broad conclusion without a much broader set of facts.

Snidely, be quiet and go to your room.

"Women seem to be more frequently mindlessly chatty than men."

Oh Snidely not in my world. The men and the boys love to talk. Gotta love them though. Bless their hearts.

And.....didn't the OP start this thread because a man mindlessly (and with judgement) chatted her up?

Anyways...opinions are like....

I'm surprised by some of the comments here, doing just what this guy is accused of, except judging people on their unhealthy food choices. Who cares what someone puts in their cart? if someone wants to live on donuts it's none of my business and I suspect a lot of people who buy package or convenience foods just aren't that good at cooking and wouldn't have a clue what to do with fresh produce to turn it into a meal.

This type of judgement seems very pc to me, people want to judge others on their diet now? it's crazy. these days it seems no one can do anything without someone else wanting to have some input. I also think some people just try to make mindless conversation in the grocery store, maybe this guy was just really bad at it and it didn't come across as intended lol

"Women seem to be more frequently mindlessly chatty than men."

I've always found it's men who start mindless conversations at the store etc, maybe they're single and lonely and just want a bit of human interaction and figure women are more friendly and polite about it.

The old saying goes "You are what you eat", and it's true. Yes, it does affect me when someone fills their carts with donuts and soda. It affects all of us, in one way or another. Our society is 70% overweight or obese, and the costs to all of us are increasing monumentally. A change is sorely needed before we implode on ourselves, from rising health care costs to rising disability rates due to diseases brought about by poor food choices like diabetes and heart disease. If we continue on this path, the outcome will not be good. I see the health ravages on a daily basis at work, and you do too if you are honest with yourself. It's everywhere you look.

I think people try to make other people's choices about them as a justification to judge. I think health care cost etc are the type of thing that always increases, and never seems to go down, so companies try to justify it with marketing that its someone else's fault, you know like the unhealthy fat people are costing everyone else. Maybe the unhealthy fat people die younger and don't linger in poor health in their old age like the thin healthy people? How much money does that save? There's always another way to look at things.

"Yes, it does affect me when someone fills their carts with donuts and soda."

This is the sort of belief that drives judgement, do you really think that person buying donuts and soda cares? or that your judgement will make a difference? I don't see the point of it, or justifying it, it doesn't achieve anything apart from making one person feel superior over another.

Not that I mind if my thread goes off-topic, but I would like to remind you good people that the focus of this incident was bullying and very intentional intimidation.

I very much appreciate that only I was the target; only I heard the tone of his voice and only I was able to make the judgement of his mean spirited intent.

If he had said the same words but in a non confrontational manner and in a normal volume, my response would have been entirely different.

We would have had a "mindless chat" about the prices of the produce that day. I don't typically load up on the exotic stuff myself.

When we are the subject of a bully's aggression, we can choose to defend ourselves, either aggressively, or in a reasonable fashion, or lie down and play dead.

I've done the "lie down and play dead" part, and don't like it - it belittles me: if you're going to belittle me, most of the time you're going to get a response.

I thought that it was appropriate that the bullied person gave a spirited response.

The fact that it was a man acting as something of a bullzdozer against a strange women was not lost on me, either, and I was pleased that she gave him back in kind.

Bullies need to be confronted in their lairs. it seems to me.

The role of the bystander as enabler and the ideas of training them to not just sit back and do nothing is not O.K., but that bystanders should support the one who is being bullied, by telling the bully to treat people fair is important as we grow to be concerned and participatory citizens ... that the kind that it takes to make a democracy fly, isn't it?

ole joyful

Well said, OJ!

rhizo - everyone has forgotten about you being harassed and has now focused on whether or not we have the right to judge others. :)

" everyone has forgotten about you being harassed and has now focused on whether or not we have the right to judge others. :)"

I think judging others is at the heart of it. He had no right to judge rhizo for her choices, just like no one has the right to do that. We can all have our own beliefs, but none of us are better/worse than anyone else, and when you try to judge others you are basically saying one of two things, either "you think you're better than me" or "I'm better than you", and it's all bs. People just need to mind their own business and stay out of other peoples.

Wow, that's quite a leap to suggest a connection between a loudmouth in a store and democracy!

OJ, your response sums up quite eloquently how I felt. Thank you so much.

Moonie.....you're right about the change of topic! Lol

Carry on!

My feeling is that the jerk felt guilty about his purchases so made his stupid comment. And I do rather think it is the comment of a bully.

I love your response, Rhizo. Don't take remarks like that lying down. Last week I was at the grocery store parking lot. A woman ahead of me was putting her car through all kinds of maneuvers to get the space closest to the door. Meanwhile traffic was backed up out to the street. Someone behind me beeped at her, which she deserved. She gave ME the finger, assuming I was the beeper. I really told her what she could do with her finger. Ha.

Hi dedtired,

She gave you a finger-wave ... and you gave her somewhat more than that ... not quite a shampoo.

But I remember our parents threatening to wash out our mouths with soap, sometimes, when we used some inappropriate language.

ole joyful

I didn't use any foul language, unless the word damn is considered foul. Managed to express myself without sinking to her level, as did Rhizo.

Whoever raised him obviously never taught him what I call The "Thumper Method"...remember Thumper from Bambi? If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all....I sooo wish more people would follow this...Like you...he started it so you finished it...I honestly don't know what I would have done...I'm usually taken aback by such comments I probably would have sat there dumbfounded...