TurquoiseRose (et al.), I feel the same way. And I grew up in house that was often full of party guests/family gatherings. I would often wind up holed up in a back room reading a book or watching TV (this was before computers & smartphones, of course). & I can't count the number of events I've attended where I ended up in a quiet spot just collecting my thoughts, enjoying the scenery or people watching.

I've been witness to some quite interesting things that way too = J

"I'm an outgoing introvert. I'm not shy at all and I enjoy being around people and schmoozing. But it can drain me and I need to recharge my batteries. I need time to not talk to anyone and sort through my thoughts. "

I like this description, Linelle, and could have written it about myself. I have only one very close friend and a ton of casual friends. We entertain a good bit but i dont consider most of the people we see regularly very "close." I am not sure how to remediate this kind of situation because I think it is more difficult to make close friends as one gets older. I have less time to devote to that initial stage of developing a friend relstionship, and less time for the shared experiences which are what bring people closer together over the long term.

Holly-Kay - you sound exactly like me!

Introverts are not house-bound. Not sure where that idea came from but we're not. I also have friends who are extroverts. The MAIN difference between the two groups, and it's been repeated a few times is how the two groups re-energize themselves.

As an introvert, if you call me to go out for a cup of coffee or a dinner party or a fancy soiree, I'm all over that. And I also invite people to get together with me and have no problem doing that. At the soiree I will eventually move to the side of the room because the noise and quite frankly, the uninteresting idle chit-chat begins to bore me. I will find myself a small but interesting group to talk to. The next day I will need to de-stress and be alone with my thoughts. The extrovert on the other hand will go looking for more of that.

Bill Gates is a classic example of an introvert. He has no problem talking in front of a large group of people but he is uncomfortable doing the cocktail/appie session with them all afterward. He is more comfortable socializing with a small group afterward.

One of my friends who is an extrovert doesn't get it all. She thinks all introverts should become accountants and spend their time doing spreadsheets and I'm like huh?

If I were to only hang out with introverts that would indeed be uninteresting just as if extroverts were to only hang out with extroverts. We need each other just as people with different political affiliations or different religions need each other. It adds texture and dimension to one's life.

I learned something today. I never would have given my self the label of "introvert" but I absolutely am one! And I am ok with that :)

I crave solitude, more often than what I thought was normal, and being married, it has been hard on DH. I am often guilt ridden because I would rather lay on my bed & read a good magazine or sit on the porch by myself and color or crochet. I have tried to explain to him that he shouldn't take it personally, it is not him, it's me. But I know it hurts him. He has come right out and said he is lonely...but I do nothing about it. We see each other over dinner & chat about the day at work but after that, I want my time alone. I work as a school secretary & the staff & students can be very demanding at times. I have also explained this to him & he again, feels neglected. I honestly feel he is just needy....no?

Edited - changed DD to DH, oops

Hey, between 49% and 51% of the populations are introverts and both introvert and extrovert are on a continuum scale. It's not like we're aliens or anything.

And for those extroverts, if you were to meet one of us in public or at an event you would never know that we were introverts.

Linelle, your description also fits me. I am very outgoing and friendly but I need a huge amount of me time.

Lisaw, thankfully my DH is not needy. He does so many things with friends and he is also an introvert so he and I go about our lives together/apart if that makes sense.

I also find that I am by nature a leader, even though I don't seek leadership. I just seem to have a personality that people gravitate to when it comes to decision making or leading.

BL, you are so right. One day DH described me as having a bubbly personality. That is not an adjective I would ever use to describe myself but in his eyes I am.

I'm enjoying this thread Violet. I'm in the same situation. "Mature" Hippy seeking like-minded friends. LOL Having moved a few times my close friends are scattered across the country. Current local was a very wrong move - literally. Hope to make another move soon and find a place to dig in and feel grounded. In a previous location, I found a good friend in pottery class and met others through her. In the last location, I made three very good friends volunteering at a consignment shop which benefitted a local museum. I miss them all.

New Mexico is nice. ;)

I understand that introverts are not necessarily shy. I believe many of you are describing yourselves in the context of moderate introversion. Super introverted people like those in my family, who would score very very low on a big five personality trait analysis on extraversion, don't behave and don't want to behave just like extroverts when they're out and about. Yes they can give presentations and speak passionately in front of crowds, they're not shy. But their tolerance for social interactions and willingness to meet strangers just because is quite low. They deliberately maintain very small social circles with high levels of trust. I remember once telling an introverted friend that I wish that all our different social circles could just come by and be one big happy family and do activities together all the time and she very fervently told me, "that is my complete nightmare".

As an example, my father has not had a close friend outside of our family in 20 years. He's a successful executive, his direct reports love him, he's very genial with his work colleagues, he enjoys talking to people about his greyhound when they stop him on the street, he enjoys performing music and has recently taken of the banjo in hopes of gigging around town, but he is literally zero friends that he would ever call on the phone because he considers his social life full with our family and his dog.

My mom is more social than my dad. She had one friend, who has now passed away, she talks to her sisters, and she now has one other friend and my step grandmother that she considers a friend.

my sister is a very successful leader in her profession. She has lived in Toronto for 10 years and has one close friend in Toronto. She does occasionally go out with her work colleagues as well.

These are all happy and relatively healthy people, they just do not need that much social interaction in their life outside of a very very small circle. By contrast, even though I'm not a raging extrovert, my willingness to have dinner parties every month for 15 to 20 people looks very strange to them.

If I had to host a dinner party every month I would leave town! I am very happy with a relatively small group of friends. I would rather have a small group of four or five good friends than a tribe!

Just remembered another introvert story. I have two friends I think would be perfect introvert friends for each other, they both love cats, both child free by choice, they both have very sardonic senses of humour, they live literally two blocks from one another, and I just feel like they would be a perfect match. Without indicating to them that I am matchmaking I've been inviting them to the same events, large and small, for the past three years. I'm talking clothing swaps, yard sales, dinner parties, board game nights. All activities they both enjoy. But yet I have never gotten them both out of the house on the same day in three years.

I honestly feel he is just needy....no?

Maybe he is, but at least he's being honest with you. It sounds to me like he's seeking your attention because it makes him feel validated and more secure in the relationship, and that's just how he's wired. I think it's wise to listen to these cues from our spouses. I think you're very lucky to have received them verbally, as oftentimes they come in non-verbal form and unless you're really paying attention, they can be easily missed.

I'm not saying you should heed his every beck and call, but it may be worth it to look at ways the two of you can compromise so that he gets more of what he needs in togetherness (some people just have a strong need to simply be in the same room with their partner), and you get a satisfactory amount of solitude.

TRose, I know that feeling of being in a group of people, talking, laughing, feeling really great, and then suddenly, no warning light, battery dead. I just want to get out of there, take a long walk, go home. I need to stop talking and hearing people speak at me.

My late husband was also like this, esp. around our families. Our relationship was really good because we both needed down time, space of our own, not constant hand-holding togetherness. I gave him his space and he gave me mine.

Question for those here who are introverts: Morning or night person?

I'm just like Holly-Kay as she so aptly described herself, " I am very outgoing and friendly but I need a huge amount of me time." Me, too! My husband and daughter describe me as "the universal friend", and joke that everyone from the UPS delivery people, to waiters, salespeople in the stores end up as my friend. Not really, we just enjoy chatting together. I enjoy people and am genuinely interested in them. But, like Holly-Kay, I need a huge amount of me time, as well. I'm lucky that I get that or I wouldn't be quite so happy (LOL).

Yes, you totally get it, Linelle! I am remembering one work event in Denver where folks were all gathered around making small talk, and my battery just died. I immediately got up from where I was sitting, headed out the front door of the hotel lobby, and found an out-of-the-way bench where I could just sit quietly by myself and soak up the sunshine and fresh air. I remember how that almost instantly rejuvenated me. I had to force myself to go back into the hotel and surround myself once again with people, because all I wanted to do was just continue to sit there with my own thoughts. Somehow that solace is very, very comforting.

This photo sums up my idea of heaven. I have actually been this guy, on numerous occasions. He's at Muley Point on Cedar Mesa not far from Bluff, Utah. You can sit there and listen to the wind and just feel how alive you are, a part of it all. Humans? We don't need no stinkin' human. ;-D

Re your morning or night question: I'm pretty sure I'm just a 10:15-11:30 a.m. person.

I'm eccentric with a somewhat sarcastic sense of humor and enjoy lots of me time. So, not easy. My husband is my best friend and we go out a lot for dinner or appetizers where I enjoy socialising and meeting new people. Due to my husband's work schedule and unreliable days off its nearly impossible for us to have couples friends. Another difficulty is that I hate clothes shopping and the mall and especially hate it with other women who have to look at every little thing. Sometimes I think I would have been better off being born as a man lol. I have a very small group of friends and that suits me. I would like some artsy friends though.

I hate clothes shopping and the mall and especially hate it with other women who have to look at every little thing.

Oh justerrilyn, you nailed it. They go over to the complete opposite of what I like to wear and go, isn't this cute?!!! I can only uh-huh so many times before I want to scream, "No!!! It's hideous, and I want to get out of here!!!"

The only women I can shop with are my daughters but especially the oldest. I love clothes shopping on-line so I don't have to deal with people. I had a sales lady who would pull and hold items for me that she knew I would love. Then I could just pop in try them on and jet out. Now I usually order on line and return what doesn't work. DH got me a gift certificate for Christmas and I can't force myself into going.

Clothes shopping...yep, hate to do it with other women because as you are looking and trying to concentrate, some types keep holding up clothes off the rack every ten seconds...look at this, oh isn't this cute, oh this is nice, hey this would look good on you...blah, blah, blah. No thank you, I do not need a loud striped polyester shirt with collar.

I usually buy on line but for a special occasion I love the sales women in my local Bloomingdales. They don't sneer at my $limit and always find me something nice on sale.

If I have to venture into the mall I have already done research and know about what I want and the color I'm looking for. I'm focused and fast.

hate clothes shopping and the mall and especially hate it with other women who have to look at every little thing.

LOL, and here I've always thought it was just me! I'm really kind of relieved to know I'm in good company.

OMG, I have to tell you about shopping with my friend. We had lost touch for many years, and decided to meet up in a city for a week. She suggested starting our shopping at Nordstrom Rack, and I thought "yes!" We don't have any kind of Nordstrom in my small city. It turns out that in addition to shopping for herself she also likes to sell on ebay. I looked around for about 20 minutes, didn't see anything I wanted and was ready to go...

She was still perusing the same clearance rack that she had started on, and was only about 1/3 way through! Then she wanted to hit up every Ross store...

You can probably imagine my inner screaming.

I remembered why I only shop alone.

Introversion/extroversion was explained to me as "where you get your energy". Those of us who are introverted get our energy and recharge within ourselves. Extroverts get their energy from others. I think *how* we interact with others is much more a factor of other personality traits.

I have a very few close friends and I don't really seek out new. A person becomes a close over time .. but time isnt enough. While there are a number of things that are required for someone to be a good friend to me.. I think a universal need is a similar value structure. I think this is a primary reason why my closest friends come from my childhood and college.. we had similar backgrounds and upbringing. I think that's also why so many people make friends at church. But shared values isn't enough as only one of my three siblings is a "close friend". I love them all and we are all close.. but only my relationship with my youngest sister transcends from sister to best friend.

So back to the original question: where do you meet like-minded people? I don't think you can seek "close friends" but you can surely seek out people to be friendly with, companions for outings, etc. I have rekindled friendships from the past and made new friends via work, friends of friends and (at my past house) neighbors... also here! Many of these fizzle out.. usually because they don't understand that I don't want to get together every week. I don't do well with expectations on my time. Saying you want to stay home with a movie, a book, your own thoughts doesn't go over well with people who aren't also introverts. I don't think they stop liking me-- but they stop inviting.

As I am trying to find/make better balance in my life, I have been thinking about starting a group -- a book club or a cooking club. It's on hold for the moment but I am hoping to start it up in the spring. A friend recently signed up for a knitting class-- not my thing but I know she enjoyed it and enjoyed the people. I have thought about taking an art class. Will I make friends? I don't know.. but I guess I am not seeking friends as much as some social stimulation.

I think I can relate to something in every single post on this thread. I'm reading along, nodding, yes! That's me! Such great insight here.

I love spending time with people, but also need alone time. I used to work retail (furniture) and after a long day of talking, talking, talking, felt like a zombie when I got home.

I'm laughing at the shopping posts, because I had a friend like that. Our kids played together, and were neighbors. When a ROSS store opened in our town, we decided to go check it out. She proceeded to look at every item of clothing in that store, slowly. I wanted to pull my hair out. Later that evening, we (with our husbands) were chatting in the yard, and her husband said, "Jill, did ****** wear you out with how she shops?" YES. :D

Re: making new friends in middle age. After my husband died, almost all of our friends ran off and didn't look back. I'm talking 15-20 yr friendships. I heard the reasons much later ... I scared them, they were afraid of catching death cooties, they thought I was suddenly a husband stealer (yeah, as if losing the love of your life turns you into a sex maniac and all men are game, watch out, I'm coming for yours! Seriously, it's too ridiculous for words), and some just didn't know what to do. Anyway, it has made me very afraid to open up again. I thought I knew my former friends, but was very wrong. It shook me to my core, and still hurts all these years later, as I see them out and about, but they turn the other way. It also hurt me for my daughter, as she had grown up with them in her life, played with their kids, etc, and then they acted like we didn't exist.

One friend did talk to me when she heard I was in a new relationship ..... she saw me at the store, and said, "So glad you met someone! When he moves here, call us, and we'll go out." I wasn't invited unless I was coupled. Ugh. My best friend (I thought) sent me a text a month after my DH died, saying it was time to get over it, me being so sad was making things hard for her.

Now my closest friends are fellow widows, and I love them dearly (we met in support groups), but many live out of state. It's a strange situation to be in.

Wow MizGG, that's a sad story. Sorry you had to go through that. What do you mean by they were afraid of catching death cooties?

Thanks, justerrilynn. :)

It's an inside (dark) joke with my widowed friends and I, many of whom lost their friends, too .... seeing our loss and pain scared people, so it was easier to not be around it. It might happen to them.

MizGG so sorry about those fair weather friends. Death cooties :-D

MizGG, I totally get the death cooties thing, and I love how you described it. My peers and I were older when my husband died (59-ish), but death scares the crap out of people. It's like we are contagious. Plus, they don't know what to say, if the mention of something will send us into a puddle of sobs. What disturbed me the most was the complete absence of any mention of him in social settings. It's why I sought out people who'd lost their spouses. Otherwise, people avoided us or acted like nothing had ever happened. They just didn't want to go there.

Thanks, rgrs. :)

My wid friends and I have warped senses of humor, clearly. :D (Sometimes, you just have to laugh through your tears!)

MizzGG, forgive me if this is wrong of me, but I kinda want to go punch that woman in the face who texted you and told you to get over it because it was adversely affecting her.

OMG. There aren't even adequate words to describe the utter crap that must inhabit a person's soul that would enable them to do something so terrible.

You're a beautiful woman and I would imagine the pulling away by other women did have a lot to do with their own insecurities, jealousy/envy, and perhaps even the shaky state of a marriage or two. That doesn't make what they did right by any stretch of the imagination, though. I also think that sometimes when people do behave badly by commission or omission, they are often later embarrassed by the way they treated someone and feel guilty about it, but lack "whatever it takes" to make things right, so they either try to justify and rationalize away their behavior, or ignore it completely.

It stinks. And I still think a face punch or two would be in order.

Wow MizGG, I guess I've heard of that phenomena, where coupled friends ditch the recent widow, but never to that extreme where even a bestie completely flips. So sorry it happened to you.

I guess I have reached a point where I have different sets of friends. I still have several old high school friends but we get together rarely because of geography. Several of us communicate via e-mail & FB. Then there are a few who I have known in my college/pre-marriage/early marriage days. You know those, the ones who know where the bodies are buried, lol. The ones who have stood by you through thick and thin and may not always be close by geographically but you can call them and pick right up. Still meet a couple of them for lunch and day trips and we enjoy ourselves. They are the only two I can shop with besides my DD (totally get it, justerrilynn).

And I have some I met in my late 30's-early 40's who are my good friends now. They went thru me with my divorce and all of them are either single, divorce/re-married, widowed and we are great friends. We have lunch together on our birthdays, cook for each other when someone is sick, and some of us travel together on girl trips. I know I can call on them if needed.

I've lived around here for so long, I'm constantly running into people I've met. It's a matter of time that, when I retire, I'll run into more of them somewhere when I start volunteering and strike up some sort of closer relationship that way.

When I had to have unexpected major surgery, a very wise person said, "you will now see who your true friends are."

It was indeed shocking to see who stepped forward and who stepped back.

MisGG, so sorry that none of your friends were kind enough to step up to the plate and be supportive. I am also stunned that some admitted to you that they were afraid you would steal their husbands! My goodness. You are better off without them.

I'm glad you have friendships that are now meaningful for you.

My heart broke for you when I read that, MzGG! I am so sorry, but glad that you've found better friends now.

You are right, ellendi6161, about unexpected things and finding out who reacts and how they react. Three years ago I injured my knee and had to have an ACL reconstruction. Pretty major for me, being normally very active. My neighborhood is very rural, but the ladies of the neighborhood pride themselves on helping out when someone is sick, and we often host lunches or go out to lunch as a group. Up front, I only let a couple of them know I was having the surgery and when, but not a single person, except my closest neighbor, offered to do anything (the usual meal for example) as they do for others in the neighborhood. The e-mail to all never went out to the group and I just kept quiet about it. Next time we got together I mentioned it and no one said a word. But everyone jumped on board not long after when someone had cataract surgery. Really? I just had that done and could have cooked a full meal the day of the surgery. I guess I have a different perspective of how supportive some of my neighbors are now.

MizGG, I had to read your story a few times for it to digest. I can't believe people would act like that. Your supposed best friend's text was the worst slap... how dare you make it so hard for her.

I've become so particular about friends. My criteria is that, upon leaving their company, I have to feel good about myself, whether it's how they made me feel or how I felt toward them. I just have to feel good. I've been in too many "friendships" where I had an icky feeling inside that I ignored. Several years ago, after a walk with one such friend, it dawned on me that she made me feel like $&*$ about myself! The feeling was so clear that I never ignored it again, and it's my measuring stick of sorts.

Another friend is taking advantage of me lately and I'm weighing the benefits of the friendship. It's tough. I'm ready for some new friends I think.

So true Ellen - all those sayings are true - a friend in need is a friend indeed.... friends through thick and thin....

Thanks so much, everyone ... your kind words mean a lot. :)

And OutsidePlaying, I'm sorry that happened to you. I know it hurt. What is wrong with people?!

I do meetup.com - and I search to join groups with similar interests. Not specifically singles or such. For me- photography, adventurous cooking, the outdoors, book clubs. I've also re-connected with friends from much earlier days.

Right now, I have to say, if you find a friend who will clean out kitty litter boxes when you have a broken leg - I seriously and seriously have to pass this forward.

MizGG and Linelle, your post saddened me because I remember the same thing happening to me. I had three children aged 11 to,17 to raise and I had started nursing school four months before my DH died. With worrying about my children adjusting to no father, nursing school, and becoming the head of household the last thing on my mind was stealing someone's husband. My DFs from school remained close and never shut me out but I found a lot of neighbors and friends from church deserting me. What was most hurtful though was how shabbily my children were treated by some so called friends.

One neighbor's husband had the brass to ask me for dinner. I shut that S.O.B. down so fast his head was spinning. His wife was a lovely lady and I was absolutely in shock that he would do that to her and I was absolutely furious that he thought I had so little character.

I hadn't thought about that in years but I now realize I'm not alone in that experience.

Holly Kay, thank you. I'm sorry for your experiences. Wow, your neighbor's husband! Unreal, just awful.

Linelle, you, too ...... and I'm so sorry, I didn't see your post up there before! Hugs to both you ladies.

TR, I just saw your post, too.....I don't know why posts aren't showing up for me! Thank you. I love how you put things. :)

It's the oddest thing .... that behavior when the chips are down, and we need them most. I'm so not a needy person, I hate asking for help, and as you both know, when grief is fresh, we're in a shocked daze. So raw and scared.

Same here, the people still in my life would not say his name, or bring him up. It took about two years before my family would talk about him (granted, they loved him for 23+ yrs, and were hurting for him, too. But I just wanted to hear his name so bad).

It taught me some hard lessons, that's for sure. I've had to work hard at not letting it turn me bitter. What they [friends who ran] never thought of was how hurt and disappointed my late husband would have been at them. They really disrespected his memory -- he was a wonderful man, and good friend to them all. He would have been the first one to help them in this situation, mowing yards, etc .... helping in any way he could.

Holly-Kay and Linelle, that is a very good lesson about the fear of bringing up your deceased DH's name. One of my oldest and dearest friends has been a widow for some time. When we talk, we often reminisce about her DH. We laugh and tell 'J' stories. He was a very talented man, a good friend, and I think it would be sad & a dishonor to not remember him. I am so sorry you, your children, MizGG, Linelle, and others were treated so badly, especially by people you thought were your friends. That is such a let-down.

Six weeks after my husband died I went to an out-of-town dinner at a home of old friends of his and mine (we grew up in the same small town). Everyone there knew us both from way back and had been at his funeral. I had debated whether it was time for me to be socializing and I decided that the company made it okay. They did not mention him the entire time. No little solemnity or prayer or whatever one wants to call it. Nothing. Fortunately it wasn't something that hit me at the time. It was only later, once I got home, that I realized they just didn't go there at all. But it said more about them than me.

People who haven't been there are scared that if they speak of it, it will happen to them. In my grief journey I found what helped me the most was to speak my truth, to acknowledge that death will touch us all and no one gets out of this life alive. From death can come deep blessings.

I discovered I can discuss death and dying. I can sit vigil during someone's last hours. Who knew? I am a grief volunteer. Been there, done that.

Sheesh, I had no idea of all this that people face when loosing their husbands. Although I know no one in this situation when it comes my way I will be sure to be there for them.

I have to say that I am so blessed to have a DH who is so supportive. He has always welcomed my first DH's family with as much warmth as his own. He has never had issues with having such fond memories of him. The children and I always remember their DF and my DH at holidays and major family events and there isn;t a vacation that we take that we don't remember Daddy and how much fun he would have with the grands!!

Terri, yes if you are in the situation where a DF loses a spouse, don't be afraid to talk of the loss and your fond memories of their loved ones.

ETA: Exactly Linelle! Recounting what happened to my DH helped me to accept that his death was real. I tried a grief group but I was 41 with young children and I don't think there was one person there who was within 30 years of me in that group. I actually felt resentful that they had so many more years with their spouse than I would ever see. I went once and never went back. Years later I realized how unfair it was of me but at the time I thought they were the lucky ones. The experience of aloneness, when you are young with children to raise, is not an experience I would wish on anyone.

Holly, that's wonderful about your DH. Mine is widowed, too (our spouses died four days apart), and we talk about them, remember them, etc. I know I would have liked his late wife very much. There are no insecurities, they were much loved people who deserve to be honored and remembered, especially when kids are involved. (Of course there's a balance with it, we know we are first in each other's hearts now.)

My DH's late wife has an identical twin sister, and I adore her. It is surreal .... pictures of her and I together, there I am with someone who looks exactly like DH's late wife. She has always treated me wonderful, and if they lived close, we'd see them all the time.

They were together 20 yrs, my LH and I together 23, so those families will always still be family to us. I only had one in law (BIL) who wasn't happy about me meeting someone, but I think he has accepted it now.

People are terrified of anything that might draw discomfort into a situation - for someone else, but especially for them. They fear "making someone cry" or somehow starting something that will cause an uncomfortable "scene."

So they say and do nothing.

It isn't right and says a lot about our deepest uncertainties and insecurities. We have progressed as so many ways as human beings, but the ability to be open and give true comfort to each other is where we still seem to be so inadequate.

I include myself in this as well, of course. I know there have been times when I should have said something, spoken a name, or simply wrapped someone in an embrace and told them I care. My own uncertainties kept me from doing so.

I am so glad you ladies who were widowed shared your personal stories. I think we all can learn a very valuable lesson from each of you.

I think the word is *compassion*. Many people, even those who have gone thru the experience of losing a loved one themselves, still feel a certain discomfort in dealing with anothers' loss. I must have a 6th sense since I pick up on their uneasiness instantly, and find myself becoming the comforter, it's such irony. Not to be cold, or non-compassionate, but it's real life. Loved ones leave us, sometimes very unexpectedly, but it's still ok to talk about it, about them, and maybe an experience you shared with them. Believe it or not, all these little things are what make a heart heal, along with time.

I once told a woman I had a 'slight' friendship with about someone we both knew who had passed away. Her response to me was, bummer! I was in such shock over her response my mouth literally opened, but not a word came out. Compassion seems to have become a lost emotion, and a form of love in, and of, itself. Please Lord, never allow me to forget that.

One strange thing I noticed through this: no one told others who had lost a family member to get over it, move on, "I can't handle your grief", "Why do you still have pictures out?", etc ... yet felt that way about a spouse. In fact, if I brought up a nice memory of my mother (she passed when I was 28), it was met with kindness. And that "best friend" I mentioned above was always talking about her BIL, who tragically died a year before my husband. I held her in my arms many times when she broke down about it.

Human behavior can be odd, that's for sure! I'm still hoping to find more new friends, there are way more good people than not. :)

MizGG:

"One friend did talk to me when she heard I was in a new relationship ..... she saw me at the store, and said, "So glad you met someone! When he moves here, call us, and we'll go out." I wasn't invited unless I was coupled. Ugh. My best friend (I thought) sent me a text a month after my DH died, saying it was time to get over it, me being so sad was making things hard for her."

Neither of those slimy "humans" are worthy of your gift of friendship.

One thing that bothered me about a recent thread on Kitchen Table (though I didn't call them on it -- I just sighed inside) was people talking about what they'd do for party entertainment, bringing in COUPLES for their fun.

Sorry. I'm single right now, and NO I am not looking to steal your hubby from you, or from anyone. GROW UP.

If (IF we really were friends to begin with) well, just they need to GROW UP.