Someone who was once very close to me posts nothing but anti-Muslim rhetoric, all of which is inflammatory and untrue. There are the stupidest memes out there, and it's mind-boggling to think that human beings actually spend their time creating them. At least this was his practice when I was last on Facebook and I can't imagine he's changed. I hid him but didn't want to unfriend him, although his true colors made me want nothing to do with him ever again, so it really wouldn't have been any great loss. I just don't understand how a fully grown adult becomes something like that -- using social media to hate others and to encourage others to hate as well. So very sad and indicative of a sick soul.

Even though that posting is absolutely true, I can't see the point of posting it as it isn't going to change anyone's mind. Liberals are the biggest idiots on the planet but conservatives are so close to make the difference almost negligible. They both need to come up with a better plan than picking on the other side.

I used to get on FB once a year, or maybe once every 2 years. But then our neighborhood watch started a group so I check it every day just to see if anything has happened in the neighborhood.

I don't really understand why people post or repost things like terriks posted - things that they copied from somewhere else. I just hide those and hope not to see more of the same, but I usually have to hide that stuff several times before I just get to see posts that were really written by my friends. The things that really bug me are when people post something like that, or even something they have typed in themselves, and say something like if you like me, or if you are a _____, repost it and like it. So if I don't repost or like it, I'm automatically a hater? I don't want anyone telling me what to like or what to post.

I also don't understand why people like statements made by other people. For instance, Sue posts a picture of her on vacation. I say I like it, and she likes my reply. Am I supposed to like that she liked my reply? Where does it end?

Many people I know write the most ridiculous political and religious posts. I simply ignore them. I, however do not have any close friends who write things that are disparaging to someone else or their beliefs. I cannot imagine being close or wanting to be close to someone who would do such a thing.

Hmmm...you guys must run in more virulent circles than I do. I haven't seen any dead fetuses or death threats posted by my buds. I guess they're out there though. The posts I find terribly offensive are those that start out seeming so loving and generous and open, and then end in threats that horrible things will befall you if you don't like or share this post in the next 20 min or whatever. My young single male cousin used to post some "rough" items...rough for me anyway, and I mentioned it to him, and he has since cleaned up his act.

I do like fb though as, for me, it's replaced letter writing or phone calling that we used to do as a way to keep up with one another. With people as busy as they are all the time, a lot of 'catching up' just wasn't happening any more and I'd lost touch with family and friends. But now with FB I'm able to keep up with so many all at once, especially those who are at a distance...who had a baby, who had toe surgery, who went on vacation, pictures of how big the kids are getting, etc. I've been happy for that reconnection.

Me, too, Annie. I'm in contact with cousins that I might not be otherwise, and reconnected with friends. It's also a good way to keep up with things here in my community. Wasn't it Gail Sheehy back in the 80s who said in "Passages" that as we become more high-tech, we become more high-touch, meaning that we will reach out to each other more, maybe in different ways than traditionally.

missouibound:" I don't really understand why people post or repost things like terriks posted - things that they copied from somewhere else."

Because they feel right and echo what they're feeling.

I suspect Sue's "liking" your compliment was her way of thanking you. I know I use the "Like" button to thank people if they've said something kind to me.

"But now with FB I'm able to keep up with so many all at once, especially those who are at a distance ... Me, too, Annie. I'm in contact with cousins that I might not be otherwise, and reconnected with friends. It's also a good way to keep up with things here in my community. .... "

That is a truly wonderful thing about FB. The concept itself is great.

My FB friends list is limited. I have a block on it as I mostly use it to keep up with a few old friends and family members. I don't friend just anyone for the sake of having a large friends list to make me appear popular. The only things that annoy me is repetition posts and minute by minute updates of young mothers children's antics and public notices of things they want...hint hint. My dad's wife will post something like eight or nine religious posts in a row that I'm meant to share or "like" and if I don't something bad is meant to happen to me. Still, I just pass these over.

I remain disgusted by how Facebook (then, Facemash) got its start as a "hot or not" rating site. Sure, it's changed significantly since its early days, but part of me will likely forever view Zuckerberg and his classmates as frat boy douchebags.

So far, I've been pretty lucky and haven't had any offensive-to-me posts from friends. I do keep my friend list small, I don't accept requests from people I barely knew in high school or people from my husband's civic organization (three requests I've recently declined).

I just scroll by any post that I don't like but I can see how it could be troubling if the content was truly offensive. I like having friends with differing life views but truly offensive stuff is another matter. I guess, when it finally happens, my response will depend on the content and the friend.

A friend recently discovered one of the many multi-level marketing products so I had to flag all those posts as something I don't want to see. After so many flags on stuff my SIL posts, she's never in my news feed. She's not offensive just boring since all her stuff is shared from elsewhere and reposts of Minion memes and Angels in heaven and games, never any original or interesting content.

I generally give different weight to something that is likely shared versus something somebody took the time to type out and word themselves. Often if something is shared, I try to give the benefit of the doubt that the person did not take the time to really analyze and think about the message being conveyed. Now, if somebody types something in their own words, there is also a good chance they did not think it through completely but they were willing to put it out there. There are many people in my life whose views are very far from mine on the political spectrum. Sometimes I found what is posted disappointing, sometimes disgusting. Some I understand how they arrived where they are even my response to similar things is different. So for those people who are in my life that are here to stay, I generally make an effort to not even bother reading those things that they share that I know will upset me further and I try to keep in my mind what there thoughts might be if they were aware of my political leanings (it would likely not be pretty and I refuse to engage it, period).

I use FB mainly because I belong to a couple of groups (such as my training group for running and a couple of other special interest groups) that posts updates, schedules, events, etc for its members. These are closed groups and tightly controlled for content. The other reason is to keep up with a few very old, close friends and relatives. There are a few (not close friends) I've had to block because they just basically share cr*p that is totally uncensored, unremarkable, tripe, not relevant and silly. I love dogs and cats but I don't want to see every single dog photo/joke/meme out there. I have either blocked those posts or just hide the similar posts and move on. I don't want to make a recipe someone hasn't verified or play a game.

The memes that are intended to represent one's political or religious views drive me crazy. If your philosophies can be condensed into a few words, you're a simpleton. Memes are one of the biggest contributors to the divisiveness in our country because they take very complex topics and over-simplify them so people can grab onto them and not have to think for themselves or acknowledge that maybe these topics are more complex and take some effort to understand.

Memes... I despise them...

Except the funny (non-political and non-religious) ones... I have a few FB friends who I follow for none other than their senses of humor.

"Memes are one of the biggest contributors to the divisiveness in our
country because they take very complex topics and over-simplify them so
people can grab onto them and not have to think for themselves or
acknowledge that maybe these topics are more complex and take some
effort to understand."

So true, Lisad82.

Also, it's sad to see how hyperpoliticized we've become. When I first saw terriks's subject line, I thought she must be talking about something pornographic or cruel that her friend posted. Instead, it was just a moronic political gibe, more annoying than truly offensive, IMO. Post a gentle "I respectfully beg to differ, but we can still be friends," and rise above it.

I agree, what my friend posted wasn't truly "offensive", but I found it antagonistic. I'm not sure why someone would want to post something that would alienate their friends.

I have no problem when a friend posts something in support of gun rights, their choice of political candidate, etc. But I don't see the point of posting something that is meant to be a put down of a group of people, some of whom are their actual true life friends, unless they want to alienate them.

Disagreements are fine, insults are not.

What terriks said.

I have friends with political views that are ~180 degrees opposite of mine. However, we have other common interests. I ignore their political postings, and focus on the commonalities. And, for some of them, I know that if I ever needed their help for anything, they would be there for me. It is difficult, though, in this atmosphere of the perceived "us" versus the perceived "them" to remain rational and calm.

I don't see the point of posting something that is meant to be a put
down of a group of people, some of whom are their actual true life
friends, unless they want to alienate them.

Seems like that would have made a great reply.

It is antagonistic, and I'm sorry your friend thoughtlessly posted it & you were hurt by it, terriks. But such comments are so common these days, unfortunately, on both sides of the political aisle. Like diane_nj said, too much "us vs. them" thinking. That's what we need to kindly, gently, persistently push back against. We're all in this together -- some of your ideas work; some of mine do too. Life's too messy to fit neatly into anyone's perfectly plumb, level, & square ideology. I still feel you should post a friendly "hope you don't think that applies to me" reminder to your friend just so she'll think twice about making blanket condemnations and how they affect good friends.

My name is robo and I used to moderate a punk music messageboard because I (sometimes) enjoy arguing on the internet. Especially if I have PMS.

I remain puzzled what to do when people post things I really don't agree with. I try to keep my online persona fairly in line with my offline personality. If you tell a hateful joke to my face - get prepared for a clapback. But what to do about my self proclaimed redneck cousin who reposts crud memes about protecting the confederate flag? When we live in Canada? And he's dating a biracial lady? That's more on the ignore side of things for me, for the sake of avoiding family drama.

I do politely Snopes people on the regular, particularly these days on myth memes about immigrants. I think in response to the meme up above, if I liked the person I'd either go tit for tat in a humorous way, which I tend to do with my uber conservative father in law, or ask them honestly if they believe in such divisive bullcrap. If I didn't like them, out come the jokes and arguments.

Some of my friends post the most annoying things. There seems little flexibility for anyone's opinion but their own. I unfollow them but stay friends.

I try to not discuss my various political/social beliefs with people I actually see in person. I keep it separate. Many people would find my opinions VERY offensive.

No point in bringing up contention. It's not like I'm going to change the world by arguing with the few people I actually socialize with.

I did actually bring up the topics of politics, religion and money (the 3 No's) at a dinner table once with family guests just to see what would happen. (even threw in a mention to Abortion too just for good measure) I was younger and a bit more mischievous then.

I forgot about the mute option (rushing off to facebook).

I have old high school classmates with very diverse views. It's entertaining to see them go off on each other, to some degree. These are acquaintances, not friends. The racist or lewd stuff makes you wonder if the people think before the post. They probably do, and do so anyways. I just keep quiet.

These responses are very interesting, because they seem to indicate that many people based riendships more upon emotion than intellect. I understand that shared experiences create a bond that exists outside of political and religious affiliation, but I cannot understand how or why one would consider a hateful racist or a complete idiot who posts / reposts virulent claptrap a "friend." Is willingness to rush to your side with a casserole if you fell ill and to "be there for you" really more important than the fact that their thought processes have completely gone off the rails? Can you be real friends with someone whose opinions and beliefs you do not respect?

Values and emotions are driven by intellect and the acquisition of information, simply illustrated by the fact that a baby isn't afraid of putting a loaded gun in its mouth. Sooner or later that information congeals into beliefs, values and opinions. When the combination is a toxic soup of political rants, racism, and jingoism I couldn't care less if I was in third grade with that person or if they are my first cousin......I don't want that person as a friend, real or otherwise.

Some of my best conversations have been with people who are on the opposite side from me politically and/or religiously. But those were always carried on with respect for each other and each other's pov. That is how we cross the divide and find common ground....which is only getting harder to do these days. DH is an avid Wall St Journal reader who wandered into the op-ed section from my NY Times. He determined that they were not even from the same galaxy, let alone planet.

The key is respect though, and perhaps that's where the line is crossed. For whatever reason, I have seen people say things to each other on line that they would never dream of saying face to face.

I almost never flag comments for abuse or use an ignore button - other than if someone is really vulgar or threatening, and I think it comes from this lesson I learned as a kid:

My father was preaching one Sunday at a church in Boston. While my father was giving the sermon, a man came in off the street, walked up to the chancel, apparently dropped his pants, lit a Bic, and started rambling. My father stopped his sermon and just stood there. The man finished, pulled his pants up, and left. Dad resumed the sermon.

After the service, congregants - who'd been somewhat shook up by the incident - went up to my father and asked him why he let that man do what he'd done, why he didn't stop him. His answer was, "He had something to say and wanted to be heard. So I listened." That was probably the most dignity that man had been given in his life.

I learned such a huge lesson from that. People just want to be heard, and we don't have to agree with what they're saying to give them an ear and just listen.

Annie, I can respect anyone's stated opinion that is based on some reasoning and ability to defend it, e.g. argue coherently for their point of view. What I've seen on Facebook and the kind of stupidity posted in the example at the beginning of this thread is the polar opposite of reason. And I neither respect those biases (hates standing in for opinions) nor friend them.

I do think that most of us have an inherent desire to think the best of others, especially when it's someone we have known for years. As in the case of the man that I referred to above who used Facebook as his sounding board for bigotry and outright hatred towards Muslims, it stunned me to realize what he had become. He is an ex of mine - someone that I am intimately acquainted with and have shared my life with - so it was a bitter pill to swallow when the realization hit me fully that this is who he is today. I so wanted to see the light in him, and hope it's still there somewhere. But I just don't know. The kind of focused hatred that he has chosen drags a person down into a pit of darkness, and eventually the clouds conceal what was once there.

I have had a much harder time "writing off" someone like him. Others with whom I might have been merely acquainted are infinitely easier to let go of and move on, without much (if any) of a second thought.

I think the bottom line here is that we all deal with conflict in our own way, and each relationship presents its own unique situation. There's no "one size fits all" when it comes to letting go of people we find toxic.

I work in a controversial field where public opinion is both maddening and fascinating. As I learn more and more about what makes people feel certain ways about this topic, I can recognize the underlying motivations in their posts. Then I go in and see if it's possible to diffuse the polarized feelings that are building up. I only do this with people that I don't know. It's utterly fascinating, and it's helping me learn about where the anger/fear/misundersatnding is coming from and how it can be mediated. It's successful surprisingly often! And it keeps me engaged without getting (too) mad.

I guess I'm fortunate to have FB friends who for the most part don't partake in the foolishness. As for political stuff, there are a few who "share" the latest anti-whomever meme, but they seldom have the gumption to write anything original. I'm thinking of one friend in particular who has a Benghazi fixation. So I usually just ignore all that stuff.

Also, I grew up in a military family, in military towns. So my feed is always full of a lot of support veterans stuff, which is fine. It junks up my feed with patriotism, but whatevs.

I'd really love it if folks posted their own stuff more and quit filling my feed with shared appeals for dog rescue, Madge cartoons about woe-is-the-aging-woman, bible verses/inspirational poetry, and cupcake recipes. Enough with the cupcakes already!!

And if if you do post your own stuff, I prefer funny, snarky stuff thankyouverymuch. Not vague references to someone who has done you wrong, or an hourly update on your aching back from your low impact car accident three years ago.

I fear I've said too much.

Couldn't agree more, jakabedy. I only share humorous posts and only occasionally. My personal posts are usually travel related and I try to make them entertaining. I average about one post every couple of weeks unless we're doing a trip I think others would find interesting. Before I hit "post", I ask myself if it has value and if I would enjoy seeing it in my feed. I, too, have gotten very adept at scrolling at lightening fast speed and using the "hide" button.

The only people I relegate to the "ignore" list on Facebook are the ones who never post anything personal - only reshared crap. I get bombarded with enough advertisements everywhere else that I'm not going to voluntarily let someone clutter up my free time with reshared cartoons, recipes, and inspirational tripe.

I've been shocked to see some people post things - hateful, mean-spirited, divisive filth - and I figure I now learned some valuable information about that person. But whether I ignore them or not - they're still out there spreading that information. How I respond to that varies by person and situation - but for me, relegating that person to my "hide from my feed" list doesn't make me feel any better. I guess I'd rather know how they really feel than pretend such hatred/ignorance doesn't really exist - but I also know your mileage may vary. :)

kswl - it's an interesting point that I'm pondering for my own situation. I couldn't imagine personally making a big stink with a family member for a few reasons - very large, fairly tight knit family with low drama, plus due to my middle class (vs most of their lower class) it would come off as very snobbish and certainly not change any hearts and minds. But I wouldn't be above engaging them in conversation. I'm lucky in that for the most part my family are relatively left wing (certainly extremely left wing compared the average American) so I don't even feel tempted to get into dust-ups with them. The confederate flag thing was the worst I've seen--but is coming from someone who I don't think could even tell you anything about the civil war. But they get forwarded on memes from other people and that's where it ends up. Looking back I wish I could have found a non-condescending way to bring the topic up with him, maybe via private message.

There is a counter point of view which says that, with the internet, we can choose to live in an echo chamber where we interact with only those people who agree with us, and this can further entrench divisions.

When I see someone posting truly hateful things I tend to defriend them in real life and on facebook. For me that experience is rare.

Or you can not have such a thin skin and realize there is crap like this posted back and forth by conservatives and liberals alike but realize the liberal stuff doesn't offend you because you are liberal. IMO, any blind loyalty to one party or the other is foolish. The system sucks regardless.

I did see a very offensive post today about Hillary Clinton. And, I'm not even voting for her. It was a post showing premature twins being held by I guess their father with a heading something along the lines that if they were still in the womb Hillary would be all for their deaths. Then it said...two babies Hillary wouldn't mind killing. Those sort of posts are just wrong wrong wrong.

Not offensive ... just stupid.

I posted Bernie's latest ad on my wall today. One of my cousins had this to say:

Bernie
Sanders is a diehard communist. That is a fact. He has been since he
was young. I can't believe you would actually vote for him.

We're so polarized as a country, it seems like anything anyone posts has the potential to offend someone. I laugh at most of the memes I see targeting people from all parties because our political system has just become so unbearably stupid, there's nothing to do but laugh.

I'm not on Facebook though. I find it creepy that virtual strangers share so much private info and know so much about each other.

That Bernie ad, btw... those who know my politics know there are absolutely no circumstances under which I would ever vote for Sanders... but that is an amazing ad. The best political ad I've ever seen in my lifetime.

I love that ad - full of optimism instead of fear.

It's too bad that so many people don't know the difference between communism and socialism.

I'm following candidates on both sides via Twitter. It's such a reflection of how we're communicating issues these days... in 140 characters or less. It's like memes without the graphics. But it's also how many of them are reaching out to young voters because they learned lessons from Obama's camp on how to use social media. They often also "answer" one another's tweets about issues with veiled replies... it's like a constant debate.

I don't follow them on FB because I don't want their posts on my timeline. I've looked up their FB pages though--they're all public and you don't have to be on FB. But only a handful of people follow me on Twitter so who I follow isn't a big deal to them. (It probably confuses them because I follow Dems and Repubs.)

I am sure many of my friends are tired of what I post on FB. I wouldn't call it political, though-- I am more focused on social justice. For example, I am far more likely to post about Tamir Rice than I would to post about Bernie, even though I love Bernie. If my friends get tired, I don't care-- I post what I do to share with my other friends who are equally concerned with social justice. We aren't trying to change anyone's mind, but rather to inform each other about the latest issues.

As for offensive posts, I call people out on them. I do the same in person.

If you want to know one kind of person who repeats the sentiments in the original post, take a look at the comments of gregbradley on the "do you believe I. God" thread. It's deliciously ironic.....he us so busy lambasting people for believing in something so "obviously" stupid (his words) he doesn't see he is repeating someone else's idiocy and trying to pass that off as reasoned thought.

I hadn't seen that Bernie ad, but I totally approve that rarity: a political ad that does nothing to trash any other candidate...not to mention I'm a Si and Gar fan from way back. :)

I noted that too, kswl. Interesting juxtaposition...

Right now I just skim past -- consider the source and move on to the next post. Although it got a bit hairy on there after the Paris bombings.

But I'd rather know that someone thinks a certain way -- they can bundle their thoughts and opinions up into some stupid meme, cherry picking their points. I do end up thinking a lot less of them as people.

I avoid posting about politics or religion, myself -- but of course there are those observations that I don't consider political, but others might.

I do value FB -- while I've learned some of my friends and relatives are shallow, I've learned that others have nuanced viewpoints and can express themselves very well, and I'd simply can't wait to travel the physical miles to just hang out and chat with them, over tea or wine. (And no, our viewpoints don't always match.)

I also value seeing my cousin's renovations of the small church across the road from her original house -- she and her husband have done marvelous things with it, and have just finished adding a kitchen -- I think they're truly ready to move in and sell their original house. She also has my dream job -- she works for the Smithsonian, travelling around the world, bringing back artifacts, and setting up displays in DC. Without FB, I'd not be able to follow her like I am, now.

I value getting back in touch with another cousin, two weeks younger than myself, whom I hadn't seen in person since we were fifteen -- her life diverged markedly when she vanished around age 16 to a troubled couple of decades apart from any of her relatives. FB helped re-unite her with myself and a few others of her relatives. I also re-connected with a good college roomie from back in the day.

I valued getting updates from the daughter of a friend in a state over, who'd fallen, had a concussion, went into a coma. The daughter had access to her mother's account and shared information on my friend's recovery process to everyone.

So, for all the ucky memes out there, and the vast overabundance of sharing of things that the writer did not create or write him or her self, there's gold at least among most of my FB friends. And I'll NEVER re-post/share something someone tells me I HAVE to share on my wall. No matter how well-meaning. Because I'm not the sort of person to "demand" it of others.

PS: I have called people out on offensive posts. I really have it in for the cherry pickers who only pick the examples that buttress their "case", by pointing out other examples of such and such. I don't do it all the time, because sometimes I just can't be bothered.

i choose not to check FB daily... sometimes i only check it once a week. i skim past so much... i really don't see too much offensive crap- probably because i've been fairly selective with who i have accepted as 'friends'. i do have a couple of 'friends' who seem to post mostly photos of their partying and alcoholic drinks-- i feel like i'm still in hs or college when i see those!

i would have to be pretty darned offended to comment negatively on an offensive post, just as i would have to be pretty darned impressed to comment positively on a copied positive post. i usually only comment if something personal about my friend/their family is posted and i have something to say about it!

i do have some friends who are into posting flowery, inspirational stuff which sometimes annoys me! and the stupid, something like 'if you are the mother of a daughter/son/child who you're very proud of, etc' repost this message... it's like they post it because they feel the need to affirm their love, pride or whatever for their kids online...!? thank goodness i don't have kids who are checking my posts looking for that type of stuff from me and will feel hurt/unloved if i don't post that!! same with the full of pride posts that friends sometimes post on their kids'/hubs' birthdays... i really don't feel the need to do that! sometimes it feels like it was a creative writing assignment or something!!

Artemis, yes, one positive I have noticed on FB is the tact and wit of some of my friends and family members in their posts. The brevity enhances the judiciousness (in a way that simply sharing a meme does not).

Kswl2, I noted that about one of gregbradley's posts too as I skimmed through it. :-)

I enjoy reading or listening to political views. That said I only like to hear/read why they like so & so. What so & so wants to do. I walk away when someone just wants to rant about so & so & put them down. This includes the politicians, I can't stand the attacks on each other. No one looks good by trying to make someone else look bad. I delete FB messages like that.

My elderly Great Aunt is very active on FB. She has one nephew who has a very dfiffernt political outlook and when she posts some political meme, he'll pipe up with his rhetoric. But she handles it with grace; sometimes she'll debate him but most times she'll just say "Dear Nephew-I love you and our opinions, while opposing, make the world go round'.

I wish I were as gracious! I did have it out publicly with my brother-who posts very hateful things, and a bunch of other people jumped in against him too-he took the hint and quit posting negative things. It was quite interesting at a recent family funeral-my brother was surrounded by all this other family with a differing opinion, yet everyone got along.

When I was on FB I was unfriended by my very own aunt after I posted something that spoke to needless, senseless gun violence after the Sandy Hook massacre. That told me a lot about who she is and her militant pro-gun outlook.

Another older family member chastised me for using the "f word" in a discussion my brother and I were having. She said, "You kids need to watch your language." You kids?!? I'm in my 50s and he's in his 40s! LOL!