My major regret is that I did not apply myself appropriately while in high school and college.

Of course there were some women that I did not approach because I was intimidated by their position.

I have shared lots of personal feelings with two people, the missus and my therapist.

Personally, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the "what ifs" or the "if onlys". I only feel old when I look in the mirror.....well, that and the normal aches and pains I feel until I get up and start walking around. I do about the same thing every day that I have done for the past five decades. I have a lot to do and a lot to take care of, so most of what I think about are the tasks at hand. I think if I had my life to do over....I would have left home when I finished high school. My parents were very strict and my mother more or less picked my husband. They wanted me to get married because they wanted to travel and there was no one to watch me. **roll eyes** My parents liked my husband because he was a hard worker. I had never rebelled about anything in my life, so it didn't occur to me to not go along with their plans. I guess my mother made a good choice. My sibs didn't help her, and her care fell to me when my dad died in 1968, and my husband was always there to help out. I couldn't have done it without him because she was a very difficult person....at least for me because like most care givers, they are the ones who catch heck for everything, and the person receiving the care and dependent on them, doesn't seem to ever appreciate it. My mother ran me down to everyone and didn't say a kind word to me for many years. So, I can imagine that I would have liked to have left home, but I wasn't prepared to do that. I tried to raise my own daughter to be independent, and she is very independent, so I am happy for her and I never interfere with her choices. But that is all water under the bridge. I have had a good life....some very bad experiences....but I think most people do. I often think you can't really know happiness if you have never known sadness. So, over all, I am happy and I don't spend much time at all thinking about the past....and, no....the regrets are not overwhelming.

My new horizon is my grand baby. What fun!!! And I have time to do lots of things, gardening. bicycling, cooking. Planning to do Zumba and learn line dancing at the senior center.

My younger days were busy and sometimes stressful, but overall I enjoyed my younger life, and I am really loving my retired life!

Sometimes I start down the 'what if' path, but remind myself of the greener grass syndrome, and that many times 'what ifs' are mirages and that the grass isn't always greener somewhere else.

Options on the horizon: To continue loving ( and bugging LOL) people, being thankful for each day of life God grants me and to continue my cardmaking to brighten another person's day.

Regrets...several.. in which hubby and I tried to help others only to have those we tried to help turn on us, but they were learning experiences for us. I'm happy and content in my life. Wouldn't change a thing.

What a time for this post. I have a problem with depression but have not had a "bout" of it for some time. The last few days have been really tough and have been thinking about the past a lot. I don't have regrets regarding things I have done or not done but have been thinking about all those who are now gone from my life. I have three daughters who I know love me but they are all immersed in their lives and families as it should be. I am just feeling really lonely and miss my husband so much. This month will mark 15 years since his death so why can it still tear my heart out. I have lost my mom, dad, 2 very close aunts, my dear brother and most recently a close friend. The loneliness is just overwhelming and I find myself sleeping and eating way too much and feeling pretty hopeless. I belonged to a support group and the social worker who facilitated just retired and married. I think maybe that is also making things a little difficult. Well, aren't you sorry you asked?

There's no downside to assessing your past with a good therapist at least once in your life. Otherwise you can continue as an adult with mistaken beliefs you internalized before the age of reason. Children employ 'magical thinking' to make sense of the world. They are unrealistically self-important and can assume an unrealistic responsibility for keeping their world (their family) stable -- and assume blame if it isn't stable. They are powerless and insecure simply because they ARE children.

For most, this is short term therapy -- months, not years. It's not an ongoing 'looking back'. It's meant to help you know who you are NOW and let that whole person go forward.

People who resist reflection are often people who would benefit most from it. It takes courage. I do not believe you can do it unassisted.

Satine, that would be difficult to deal with. I remember when my mother died, that most of her friends had died quite some time before she did. My husband and I are 69, and already we have lost so many of our friends and family. I guess I don't stop and think about our age....we just think we will go on and on, and yet we are also at the age where we start losing so many people that we have known. We have been married for 50 years and I have always said I am okay, as long as I know Jody is there. I don't know how I would cope if I lost him.

Satine, my heart goes out to you with understanding. Regrets?...when I was in college at the ripe old age of 18, I carried a full load, working three part-time jobs, and no financial help from parents, my boy-friend convinced me of quitting college and marrying him because he told me that I would never have to work because he would always support me...so I did quit. Fifteen years later and 3 children, he was killed...no insurance and I had to sell most of our things to cover our debt. Oh so many times I wished I had my CPA so I could have gotten a better than a $4.33 per hour secretary job. But I did best I could on what I had...raised and college educated my kids and remained widowed for 26 years.

After that period of time, I met and married a gentleman. Life was good for a time...but after 10 years, he died...and again, I was back in a financial need...he carried no insurance either (he "thought" he could always take care of us) but what he did not know, his son had embezzled every cent he had...and what he didn't take, the state did because son did not pay the taxes owed on their company. What I did have, I made the mistake of putting his name on so he could access funds if necessary....so state took all of "my" money also.

I now live on Social Security and a very small retirement fund. I am disabled and have physical challenges, so I need to continue to watch my pennies very closely. But still it comes back to my mind that I wonder how my life might have been improved IF I had only finished my college education and was able to have a better paying job. But life goes on...

The things I would change were not in my power to do so. But the big changes would be that my parents would live to a ripe old age. I also wish I was wiser and more insightful when I broke up with one boyfriend. He was the nicest boy I ever dated, but I got bored, and only years later did I learn that I had hurt him deeply when he did not see the breakup coming. I now see that we were not good at communicating about important relationship issues.

It may be I have just come to terms with all the ups and down over the period of my lifetime (81 years and counting), or I have led a most perfect life. I am sure that the cruelties of living, the stressful and painful times experienced; prepared me for who I have become....and who I was all along the way. To take away any of the challenges we or I endured on our family journey would change who we are. My only regret is that I didn't KNOW to tell my children how much I LIKED them. As children, and as adults. I like who they are. I do have my DH of 60+ years , so I have not had the challenge of losing him.....

Seniorgal, I don't post here often but enjoy your comments so much. You give me some insight into what life may be like for my mother who is 98. She is fairly independent but relying on me more all the time. I only wish she would have considered a retirement community long ago.

I used to regret not hanging onto a college boyfriend, somehow fantasizing that he would have been a better husband than my ex. I recently found the old BF on the internet. Ew! He is divorced and now lives in the Philippines with a woman who is less than half his age. I presume they are happy. He is 71 and she looks to be in her 30's. Perhaps they have both found what they wanted, IDK, but it gave me the creeps.

I am lucky to be healthy and am finally able to enjoy travel. I do regret not doing it when I was younger but am grateful to be going at all.

I know my memory is no longer capable of actually studying and taking courses.

I can't evaluate your memory, Pink, but I wonder if you might be wrong about that. My memory isn't what it used to be, but I studied (and studied!) for my ham radio license a couple of years ago (at 71), and got 100% on the test. The next day my son told me I should start studying for an advanced license, so I got that too (only 96% this time).

My grandmother took up French in her sixties and became the first American-born Life Member of the French Institute in NYC. I remember I wasn't allowed to ask for anything at the dinner table unless I made my request in French. Later, I appreciated the facility this gave me with French restaurant menus. :-)

I'll bet there's something that appeals to you that you could enjoy learning how to do, or learning about. Most of us don't need a bachelor's degree at this point in life, but there are other learning opportunities out there. They can be so rewarding.

As I mentioned in an earlier thread, I joined an improv group last month. So much fun! Long ago I promised myself I would get involved with community musical theater when my kids were older. When the time came, it was impractical for me to undertake that big of a time commitment. And now I find the idea of rehearsing till 1:00 a.m. pretty daunting. So improv is perfect for me. It even involves singing once in awhile.

Sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time these days, Satine.

It sounds as though, apart from your daughters, there are few around who've known you for a long time. If there are one or two, maybe a good time to find a way to spend some time with them, dealing with life at whatever kind of depth you feel comfortable with. Sometimes friends know us quite well, and if we have certain similarities of interests, we can find some new viewpoints with regard to ourselves and life, or different viewpoints on old ideas.

Feel free to come here to share at whatever level you find attractive, as you'll find a variety of viewpoints here and often folks who've trodden similar paths, with whom we can find common cause.

And many are perceptive ... and empathetic.

Sending good wishes and some hopes for more satisfying days ahead for you (((((Satine))))).

ole joyful

Oh Ed, thank you for your kind words. February is just a tough month for me being the month of several sad events. Your words helped me realize that there are people who care. Satine

jim_1 - Have the same regrets about high school, but no one seemed to care.

marilyn_c - Agree with you about caregivers, but wonder if the person cared for feels resentful because of their position? I was a caregiver while raising two children and attending a full-time job, but definitely was not appreciated. Today, my son does everything he can for me, and I NEVER fail to show appreciation.

lindaohnowga - Sadly, it does not usually pay to wear a white hat. There is another post on that subject in this forum.

satine - No, I'm not sorry I asked, but I am sorry you are suffering loneliness. Is there another support group you can join? Saying a prayer for you.

chisve - Do you feel a close friend can be therapeutic? Unfortunately, not every one can afford a professional.

Sometimes religious professionals can be helpful in terms of helping one look at one's self thoughtfully.

But ... select one with care: quite a few want to stick a ready-made garment on one ... or should that be a ready-made heart ... religious system?

It's important that a confidante be someone who listens well, really cares about you, and is willing to help with an idea or two, here and there, but respects one's validity as a person enough to leave that person free to make that person's own way. We may feel heart-sick over a family member/friend/client wh's a known alcoholic ... but that person has to be allowed the freedom to choose and follow their own way.

I've felt that a major part of my responsibility as a parent is to encourage, challenge, consult with, offer differing viewpoints, etc. to my child as s/he journeys the road to independence: but s/he has to grow up to life her/his own life, to pick up his/her own marbles, etc.

(When my son says that his current fund of knowledge leaves him with the understanding that the "God" idea is very likely a figment of humankind's imagination ... sometimes I wonder whether I did too darn good a job ... but we've had some interesting conversations - mainly after he saw fit to admit to the depth of his scepticism).

ole joyfuelled ... most of the time

No, I do not believe a friend (or pastor, etc.) can guide a person to discover (uncover) the deeply internalized 'untruths' that are warping his life. If individual therapy isn't an option, group therapy may help, at least in part. The 'child' within will fight like heck to hang on to his beliefs. People resist doing this work *because of* the 'mis-beliefs'.