Well, I can't speak to your financial situation (I will say though, with my advanced 58 years, 25 seems a bit young to design a house. Don't know which of you is older, of course. The "house in my head" has changed a lot over the years!)

Anyway, the plan: the laundry room is practically in the living room. Depending on how you schedule your laundry activities (and trust me, if you have children that will all change) you might have "laundry in waiting" that might take over the hall floor. Also, in the center of the house like that venting the dryer is a bit more of an issue. Me, I'd put the laundry by the garage entrance, but I like a dedicated space.

personally, I don't like a bathroom door right at the end of a hall, and in this plan that hall is kind of an axis for the house. At least the toilet isn't right in front of the door, but still...

The study is kind of a dead end. Will it hold your home files, or be a work-from-home study? Regardless, and again this is my personal thing, I like circulation and would like another door from the study to the garage entrance.

You could look at other homes to buy, something that doesn't need much work. Then keep the existing home as a rental. You can always build later.

I like it. It seems very compact, yet well thought through. Is it a "craftsman" style exterior? If you have time, could you post the front elevation?

Hard to comment completely without elevations or a site plan but for openers, I LIKE IT!

Secondarily (is THAT even a word??), it's perfectly normal to be concerned about finances but don't let that paralyze you. No decision, over time, IS a decision. Maybe not but probably if you're still at your FIL's house in two years, it's morphed into a "forever" kind of thing.

I'm 63 and over the last 35 years have taken several "risks". Very nervous of course but ALL turned out fine. Like when I up and quit a good paying job to set up my own shop, with NO clients and NO work and thus NO income. Or when I bought 50 acres of vacant land in the boonies for more than a house on a nice lot elsewhere. Turned out both worked out very well. Not to say I didn't have a sleepless night or too but it's worse to take council of your fears. What did John Lennon say....."Life is what happens when you're busy doing other things"??? A full life can't be lived without taking the occasional risk.

Mrs. Architctrunnerguy and I have designed and built three houses over the last 30 years and all have been wonderful adventures. It will be the same for you.

And the best of luck with your project. Exciting times for sure!!!

I too like this plan - except the laundry - I think in a "real room" is better. I've done the "laundry in a hallway" and overall it's a PITA - there's never enough room / shelf space, etc. OTOH is forces you to put the clothes away immediately!

I think this is going to be a rather expensive house build in Cali - and being all on one floor with the complexity of the footprint - it might drive other expensive design decisions (complex roof, etc) but - it looks to be pretty livable.

And it looks like it will take advantage of nice Cali weather with the cool indoor / outdoor connection.

Admittedly, I'm financially conservative, but it's a trait that's served me well -- if you'd told 25 year old me I'd be as comfortable as we are now financially, I'd never have believed you. Still, my thoughts: If you're nervous about this house being the right choice /nervous about money, WAIT.

You can always build this house later, but if you launch into this project and realize later that you bit off more than you can chew, you're into it. You don't have children yet, and they're a big game changer. Keeping your living costs low now means keeping options open later.

Also, at 3000 sf with multiple living areas and multiple eating areas and luxury items such as the disappearing door to the patio, this is not a first house -- it's a move-up house.

I suggest you buy a small "starter house" and continue renting the house you own -- hopefully you'll make a profit each month. Then after you have your children, are more financially set, and are really ready to build ... plan then.

I think the plan is well thought out and well zoned. There are both public and private spaces without conflict between the two. Nothing is too large or too small--which is always a major design challenge to which this design responds. Of course, no design can be truly evaluated without site plan and perspectives/elevations. That said, this is a good design which should stand the test of time and resale, should that be a future desire.

Designing and building a new house is stressful enough, so I would say that if you are hesitant than a delay may be a good strategy to see where you heart and head may take you. Certainly, there should be no reason to rush. Good luck!

Excellent plan. I might add a low shelving unit between the island and dining table but I don't see any serious flaws.

Show us elevations of the new house and a plan of the existing house that you might renovate.

Good plan, but if it is a good idea depends on a number of factors. I know these questions seem nosey and, of course, you are free not to respond, but these are the same questions I would be asking my kids in similar circumstances:

1. You say that you area living on property on your fathers property that could be rented out. Will he also you to keep the rent, or a portion of it to help finance your build?

2' have you purchased a lot

3. What is your budget and is it feasible to build this home with that budget in your hight COLA area?

5. Do you have at least a 20 down payment and established cash flow to finance the remainder, reserving a 15-20 contingency. Very rude question, but necessary, what is your income? If you don't want to answer that here, just plug it into And online home affordability calculator. Remember to reserve a non- home related emergency fund.

5. Are there areas you can do later.

Going though this exercise may help you either confirm your discomfort or make you realize that the plan to build is a solid option.

You mention your new plan is 1400 sq ft smaller than your old plan - it sounds like you have already taken some steps to make a new build more financially feasible. Are there certain things about this plan that you are not happy about (you mention you are not excited by this new, smaller plan)? I will say that the new plan seems very acceptable to most that have provided comments so far. That should be a good indicator that you have not alienated any specific audiences should you decide to build this plan, then desire to sell in the future for a plan that better fits your lifestyle and desires. Possibly one of the key factors in that decision is location. Is the current location the exact location you expect to spend many years (has some features of the lot that you would not want to live without)? Or possibly it is just a location that you are not that tied to. If it is the former, you may want to assure the plan does excite you before starting down that path. If it is the later, than building this plan and reselling later to move onto a new adventure in designing/building could be an option.

Little thing, but the master bath, the water closet door needs to swing out, not in. (Don't you hate public restroom doors that swing in, and you practically have to stand on the commode to close the door?)

This is a nice plan (with a couple of tweaks for my personal foibles lol!)

For some reason our architect never gave us a sketch of the exterior for the new plan (we didn't spend that much time on this new plan). For the old plan, we developed the exterior alongside the interior. It was Craftsman inspired before. I also had the feeling that it's hard to decide how much I really like the floor plan without knowing how the exterior looks. I messaged the architect this morning to see if he ever sketched something out (he must have!).

The lot is 101' wide x 108.8' deep (about a quarter acre) in the suburbs and totally flat, so pretty straightforward.

This is the floor plan for the existing house (1320 sq ft plus garage).

Financially, will a new home be a good investment? Consider the highest/median sale price in your neighborhood, does building pencil out? (I suspect probably yes.)

Do you think you ultimately want to be in this school district, or send your kids to private/charter school?

I would lean towards light remodel+move in, for now you can save and defer the decision as to whether to build on this property or somewhere else until you have kids or are closer to it. (Though maybe don't wait too long or you might get stuck with the 2020 net zero requirements.)

Good luck!

Do you have a mortgage on this property?

if so, and you can count on 3500. per month rent, I would put a halt on building. No wonder you are uneasy. Listen to your gut. If you don't feel comfortable doing something financially, don't do it. You won't regret it. Don't let your dh talk you into it either. One partner always has to be the more conservative of the two. Just because the bank will give you the $$$ doesn't mean you should take it.

I don't know what it's like in California, but in the Midwest that's a good amount of rental income. No way I would tear down a house bringing in that kind of $$$, especially if I still have a mortgage.

find an existing home about like the house you already own to move into. If you can get a mortgage for a new (rather expensive) house on the lot where you will be tearing down a house that nice, that brings in that kind of income...then you can probably get a similar mortgage on a second similar home.

now if one of you is a trust fund baby...then ignore my advice :-)

so young..slow down. You don't need this kind of stress.

This isn't an "either/or" situation. You don't have to keep living with family. You don't have to build (or buy) *anything* this size until you need more space.

The kid factor is not 'here and present'. "House" and "Kids" are currently two separate issues. I remember a post on this forum where three of four bedrooms built in anticipation sat empty.

What SFH or condo or apartment can you buy or rent that is 'right size for two' for now? (I'd include your 'teardown' on the list.)

On the one hand, we are too young. That’s part of the reason I’m interested in just doing a little remodeling and moving into the existing house, and forgetting about this whole new house for a long, long time. My parents think that building a house before having kids would be more convenient, but of course there are great reasons to wait until after having kids. DH doesn’t want to remodel and then tear down later (even if that’s many years later). He’s perfectly fine with just living at FIL’s house indefinitely, but it’s starting to wear on me. I guess we could use all the money we save on a night nanny, mother’s helper, and cleaning service after we have kids… :)

The laundry is also one of the areas I’ve noticed could use improvement. It’s something I think we would need to rework with the architect, but it might require more square footage. Ideally, the laundry would be in a room with a door to the outside so the dryer vents directly outside and you could hang laundry easily.

Agree bathroom at the end of the hall isn’t ideal.

I also agree that the footprint looks rather complex, but can’t really comment until seeing elevations, as I’m no architect!

@mojomom:

1. We currently live at FIL’s house, which is also his home. When we move out, he will not rent our room to anyone else.
2. We purchased a lot with an existing house on it that we intended to teardown. The existing house is currently being rented out until we decide what to do with it.
3. I’ve been using $360/sf to estimate costs for new construction. (I’ve been hearing $300/sf, and added 20% to that) So around $1.1M for this plan, and it cost $1.65M to buy the lot.
4. The Zillow affordability calculator says we can afford it. Including the down payment we already put on the lot, we have $1.4M, so we need about another $1.4M as a loan. Property tax is around 1.15% though in CA we do benefit from Prop 13. DH earns $184K plus $75K in stocks, and I earn $140K plus $55K in stocks. We currently have around $400K in retirement accounts that we wouldn’t touch. I believe we can afford it on paper, but like mrspete said, there are many unknowns when kids come into the picture that get me thinking. And putting all our non-retirement funds in the house is scary as well. Right now we're clearly in the green.
5. In this case, I don’t think it makes sense to build part of the house now and part of it later.

As Oaktown suspects, building a new house should be a good “investment” in this area. Newer houses in our neighborhood (zoned for the same elementary school) sell for $3M to $3.2M. Building should cost us less than that including the cost of the lot.

The existing house cost $1.65M and rents out for $3500/month so it's not really a great income generating property (a townhouse would be much better). On the other hand, rents keep going up - if we're still renting it out when our tenants move, we should get around $3950/month for it.

Thanks for the info. I misunderstood the situation with the current rent house --sorry, . It seems to me that you might be overextending yourself on a 1.4 million dollar loan. I know I wouldn'!t be comfortable with that at a slightly higer income. However, we are nearing retirement and our income will be decreasing, while IF ALL GOES WELl, yours should increase at your age. And at your age you should have more risk tolerance,. But the kicker is your initial comment "I don't feel exacted about it." At your age, the biggest luxury you have is time to weigh your options. I think I would take advantage of that at least until something comes along that you are more excited about. You are in a position to save a whole lot in just a few years while you wait for something perfect.

One thing to think about. If you do decide to have children, will you feel comfortable if one parent decides to take some time off. Real estate and building costs are off the charts in your area. With the market the way it is, I would take your stock options out of any feasibility calculators. Make sure you are comfortable with your financial situation. Do not trust the online calculator blindly.

First the house looks very well planned out. It's a good layout and looks like it would work well for a future family.

As for the rest, only you can decide what will work for you. Either way though, I'd suggest you figure out a way to move out of FIL's for your own peace of mind.

Here is my argument for light remodel+move in:

If you build you are probably 18 mos out, minimum, since you haven't started permitting. Do you want to live at FIL's house for up to the next 2 years?

The construction folks in the area are crazy busy right now. Personally I think there might be a slight lull some time in the next few years that would provide a more opportune time to build, but that is just my gut.

If you move, your work commute will be shorter and you will be closer to social activities with your friends. (Assumptions)

If you move, you will have your own space to gather with your friends, and it might speed up the process of having kids (if that is what you want).

I think it is unlikely that you will find a better place for less rent than you are charging.

But here's the main thing: moving in will allow you to get to really know the neighborhood and the neighbors before you decide to make a long-term commitment to the location. I am guessing that in 5-10 years there is a non-trivial chance you might decide you would rather raise your family in, e.g., Los Altos. I say this only because I have seen things play out that way with several friends of ours. But who knows? Maybe you will love it there so much you decide to build your dream home and live there for the rest of your lives.

Oak town brings up some good points.

I used to live in the Bay Area, and while it is lovely and dynamic, it's also prone to some really breathtaking boom and bust cycles. I think you have to ask yourself, very seriously, what happens if even one of you loses your job, and the market crashes 50%-- and then stays down for several years?

If the answer is, "we'd still be o.k. because we have a huge cash war chest in reserve," then you're fine. If you have millions, it doesn't matter what you do. (Although, in that case, why are you still working?)

However. If you would be financially devastated by the above scenario, then maybe you should reconsider.

Then again, unless you have very deep roots in the Bay Area, you might find yourself transferred out of there at some point. DH and I made some money there, and were able to cash out. Getting out of Dodge and pocketing the profits can put you ahead of the money game for life. Financial independence is a beautiful thing.

So sticking with what you have is a valid option. I think the existing house is perfectly fine as a starter home for two people, and you could make it do even after a kid. Millions of Americans have raised their kids in ranch homes like this one.

And just because everyone else in Silicon Valley is catching "real estate fever" again (again! short memories!) does not mean you have to go along with the herd-- they might be getting ready to stampede over the cliff.

Why am I being such a Debbie Downer? Because there are signs that the global economy may be slowing. Look at commodities, emerging markets, the stock markets, China, what have you. We just had the worst yearly start in the entire history of Wall Street.

In many ways, we are uncomfortably close to deflation. And the Federal Reserve can't reflate housing any more than it has-- even if we go to negative interest rates. If we enter a deflationary recession right now, with the Fed out of bullets, then things might get very pear-shaped for a while.

I really hope I'm wrong, because I have skin in this game myself! ;)

"The existing house cost $1.65M and rents out for $3500/month so it's not really a great income generating property (a townhouse would be much better). On the other hand, rents keep going up - if we're still renting it out when our tenants move, we should get around $3950/month for it."

yes, I agree. Well, now I can certainly see the wisdom in living in the existing home rather than continuing to rent it to someone else. If you are fairly sure you will tear it down someday, I wouldn't put much into it.

still trying to wrap my brain around a 1.65 million dollar "lot".

ps..I do like your house plan.

You also could look at it this way: If the house shown in your plan brand new on your property was for sale for $3M today, would you buy it?

Why am I being such a Debbie Downer? Because there are signs that the
global economy may be slowing. Look at commodities, emerging markets,
the stock markets, China, what have you. We just had the worst yearly
start in the entire history of Wall Street.

In many ways, we are uncomfortably close to deflation. And the
Federal Reserve can't reflate housing any more than it has-- even if we
go to negative interest rates. If we enter a deflationary recession
right now, with the Fed out of bullets, then things might get very
pear-shaped for a while.

All this and more is why my house represents 9% of my total net worth. You don't want all your assets in one place, and you don't want to take on too much mortgage debt. This is harder in a high COL area, but it is essential to building security and wealth. It's also hard because so many other people DO overextend themselves financially to own THE HOUSE, but remember that the average American family is two paychecks away from being unable to pay its bills. Don't aspire to be average!

I guess if we were actively planning a new house, it would feel like a good reason to continue living with at FIL's. Just staying to “save money” until some indefinite point in the future is totally different for me. DH also thinks that things might slow down in the near future and then that would be our chance to build, which is partly why he just wants to stay as is instead of remodeling and moving.

Oaktown is correct that we would be closer to work and other things.

I’m pretty sure our neighborhood is great for us (only need to walk south a few blocks before it becomes Los Altos), but you never know. Other older friends of ours have mentioned getting to know the neighborhood as a good reason to move in as well. We both grew up in the Bay Area and have a lot of family here, so the Bay Area in general is definitely where we want to be.

First step is to get out of FIL's house. I am guessing that will help make other decisions more clear... I'd not be able to decide anything without privacy, my own space, and my own "stuff".

As someone who has live in and raised a family in Mountain View and Palo Alto, I understand all too well the inflated real estate values there (including Los Altos and Los Altos Hills). With the economy, stock market and job market bouncing around and unpredictable at the moment (and predictions of a not-so-good year for the stock market and business), my recommendation is to do nothing that puts you out on a limb and vulnerable. If you can delay major financial decisions until smoother economic times that would seem to be a prudent decision regardless of how much you may want to move and start your own custom nest. Good luck!

Is there no 'third choice' where you could live? Not with inlaws. Not in 'teardown' house'. A condo you could rent in an area for young couples?

That is a really nice layout, although I do not like the laundry in the hall either. I would move it to the mudroom or other side of the pantry with the outside access. Not only does it seem not enough room for laundry, but machines can be loud. We had a laundry on the other side of a wall of our family room once and it was hard to hear the tv when a load was going.

Also, do you need a tub in the bath outside the office? Seems that should be a half bath, since you have two other full baths on that level.

I don't mind a bathroom at the end of the hall. We have that configuration now. It creates separation between our bedroom and the children's (which are in the same wing and placed much like your plan), and it is easy to give people directions when they visit (since I took out our half bath to create a better mud room).

I can see where with your DH being older, he might be more comfortable with taking the major step of building, but I'm with you--mainly because of the uncertain economy. How long have you been married, how long have you owned the property, and how long have you been living with your FIL? How does he seem to feel about you living there?

Intolerable. Is that because of personalities, lack of privacy, how his house is set up, other? When I was in HS, we lived with my grandparents for 3 years and that was easy. When I was divorced with 2 young children and lived with my mother for 3 WEEKS that was intolerable. My daughter and her 3 young kids lived with us for several years which was necessary for her due to finances/schooling, and was ok with us but restrictive for her (dating--but she had built-in babysitters) and the kids in some ways (no pets, etc.)--we were all happy when she was able to buy her own house.

Could you move into your rental, and if/when you decide to build, put your things in storage and move back in with your FIL, or rent something else then?

Anne

Could you try living there without remodeling, to make sure you like the neighbourhood and then move back into the FIL's house a few years down the road when you're completely sure about what you want to build?

Is there no 'third choice' where you could live? Not with inlaws. Not in
'teardown' house'. A condo you could rent in an area for young couples?

Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing. Options abound! Why don't you try making a list of the choices available to you -- along with their pros and cons. Often seeing things in black and white helps you make up your mind.

- Stay with FIL -- saving money, but taking a toll emotionally

- Build now -- expensive, locks into cost, removes flexibility once children arrive

- Buy something small now -- gets you out of FIL's house, decreases savings

- Light remodel, move into house -- gets you out of FIL's house, puts off big decisions, cuts down on savings

What else can you add?

Housing inventory is extremely low in the area; prices, including rents, reflect that scarcity. I know a bunch of folks looking, who have been looking for a while (years). So I would be very surprised if they found a better arrangement than the house they already own. Nice to have options, though!

We bought the property 1.5 years ago and having been living at FIL's for the same length of time. FIL is fine with us living at his house. We pay the property tax and for some of the maintenance so he benefits financially. I'm sure he likes DH's company as well.

In the time we've lived at FIL's, FIL has been at the house 45% of the time and his wife from China 20% of the time. I think I could have comfortably lived with that situation for a very long time. But last month FIL's stepdaughter moved to the house as well. She is now attending community college in the area. Her English isn't good and academically she isn't very strong so it'll probably take her more than 3 years to transfer. Right now FIL needs to stay here and help his stepdaughter so he can't travel as much.

FIL's wife from China is now starting to spend more time here since her daughter is here. FIL also keeps saying his wife's business in China is doing really badly so maybe she'll move here permanently. His wife is not much older than DH and she's beautiful, so of course I hate her. Being a little flippant here. :P She's okay. For Christmas once she bought me a "teddy" from Victoria's Secret. Last Christmas she bought me men's cologne. One time DH's brother and I got a lovely view of her butt since she was wearing a short dress while doing the dishes. Neither FIL, his stepdaughter, nor his wife are good at cooking so we end up doing more of the cooking when we don't eat at work. This may be okay now, but I imagine raising kids here will be annoying. I guess with all the money we save we could just eat out all the time. :P

DH is okay with living at FIL's indefinitely until I think we're financially solid enough. But I don't think I will feel financially confident at least until we've had all our kids, so at least five years say. I don't really want to live at FIL's house for another five years with our future kids. I am fine with living at the existing house, but DH does not want to give up on the dream house. He says we should just earn more money.

The advantage of renting out a totally different place is we wouldn't have to do anything with the existing house. It does look like we could find a newer small condo (probably <800 sq ft) in Sunnyvale for less than $3,000/month. http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/apa/5420357098.html But we would lose the flexibility of not having a lease. I have a tough time picturing DH signing a 12 month lease. Personally I don't feel it would be worth it either.

Buying a newer townhouse these days costs more than $1M.

Just my own two cents -- it sounds like it is getting more crowded at FIL's, and if you start having kids it will get even more crowded, and more obligations will be going in a variety of directions. I'd seriously consider getting that small condo and doing the lease. It's less a commitment than building that house (during which time you won't be getting the rent money anyway), saving up two or three more years, and then building. If you end up tearing down your dream property house, and building, and if it should be ready to move into when you still have, say, 10 months of lease left on the condo -- would it be possible to sub-let? (I know, often not.) There's always something good about having your own place (whether small and not permanent) than potentially wearing out welcomes and promoting family rifts when the FIL's place fills up.

At 25, I would want to live in an area with other young people. I would feel like a little money machine, working and saving and living hidden away with an inlaw. I would want to BE *a couple* with my DH and socialize with other couples. (How can you even invite people to come visit with you at your inlaw's 'full house'?)

How do YOU want to live? *I* would rent somewhere and live as a couple for a year. *I* wouldn't build a house with space for kids until they exist. (As you see, having the *space* invites all kinds of people to move in!)

Will you continue to work full time when you have children, or will you lose your income? Have you figured child care costs into your financial situation if you continue to work? Would his Chinese wife be insulted if you ate separately once children arrive? Eating out adds up; better to save this money for the new house.

One reason it worked well for a number of years with the 3 grandkids at our house was that there was a small kitchen in the lower level of our place, so we didn't have to deal with the tension that comes when different generations (also cultures in your case?) have different ideas about how children should act, etc. When my mother went to live with my brother and his 3 kids, her constant comments about and to his kids and wife created an unbelievable amount of tension; my SIL deserves sainthood, and it's a miracle their marriage survived!

DH and I were mostly on the 1st floor, and my daughter's family slept on the 2nd floor and did everything else in the lower level walkout when they were here. There was plenty of space, and they could have friends over, but it wasn't like having their own house where they would have had them over a lot more.

Anne

Did you mention how long you've been married? I'm guessing it's not been too long. Have you both ever been living just the two of you or did you get married and move into FIL's home?

I think you both need to move out on your own and define yourselves and your marriage at this point. And I don't think you need the stress of building a house right now. Keep the rental a rental, and you go and rent something else.

A large reason of why I don't really want to build the new house anymore is because I want to keep open the possibility of one or both of us going to part-time at work (80% or 60%), or taking extra unpaid time off. I don't know what we'll really want - I keep hearing that leaving your kids at daycare and going to work is much less work than staying at home with them! But we should at least keep the option open. If we build the house, it wouldn't be as easy to do that.

We lived together 1.5 years before moving into FIL's house, at DH's townhouse which he sold.

... FIL has been at the house 45% of
the time and his wife from China 20% of the time ... FIL's stepdaughter moved to the house as well ... FIL's wife from China is now starting to spend more time here ...

I understand now why this situation has been acceptable for a while, and now it's not. The dynamics of the household are changing, and since it's not YOUR house, you have no say-so. I'd be irritated in that situation too.

large reason of why I don't really want to build the new house anymore
is because I want to keep open the possibility of one or both of us
going to part-time at work (80% or 60%), or taking extra unpaid time
off. I don't know what we'll really want - I keep hearing that leaving
your kids at daycare and going to work is much less work than staying at
home with them!

You're right to consider these things before you build. If you build at the top of your budget, you're probably locking yourself into working full time -- and removing your options before you have kids isn't a great idea. Keep in mind, too, that sometimes life makes choices for you: A friend of mine -- young, healthy, took great care of herself during pregnancy -- never thought she'd end up having a preemie with special needs, but her plans to be a working mom flew out the window when her daughter was born. And we're assuming that you'll have one child at a time; if you should have surprise twins, that might influence your choice about whether to stay home or not. The big point is, keeping your options open by keeping your housing costs low is wise.

Keep in mind, too, that having kids doesn't mean just diapers and daycare. You're going to want to start to save for college and other kid-expenses while they're still small. Speaking as the mother of TWO college students, you definitely want to have your financial act together by the time they're teens -- that's when the real costs hit.

Having done both, no, using daycare isn't less work than staying home -- not by a long shot -- but it's different work. The reality is that small children are lots of work. If you're at home, it's easy to be tired all the time because you're constantly meeting the kids' needs, which are constant and immediate. The never-getting-a-break aspect can be hard. On the other hand, if you're going to work every day, you're excused from some of those constant needs, but when you come home you still have to put in just as much effort to give them their bonding time /play time /reading time /etc. -- and the cooking, laundry and housework is every bit as time consuming -- but you have fewer hours in which to do it. You'll have more money if you're working, but you'll have more things to juggle too. The right choice for your family probably rests in your personal circumstances and details: how flexible your jobs are, how difficult it'd be for you to re-enter the workplace later, whether one or both of you travel, availability of day care, even your commute time plays into the equation.

My thoughts:

I think you should look for a mid-point. Clearly you want to get out of FIL's house, especially since things are changing in the household. But building is expensive and scary. So look for a happy medium between staying and building. Either move into your rental house "as is" -- someone lives there now and is okay with it -- or buy something modest. Then build later when your life and finances are further down the road.

Thanks for the update. That's encouraging. Gosh, we are such a bunch of aunties here with our advice to firstly Establish Yourselves As A Married Couple In Your Own Home -- wherever it is!

So glad you updated us and only the best for you and DH