Hi Mark I enjoyed your website very much, thanks for sharing, got tickled on plants that are making it and some hope. ha I have pacific pearl and playful. Pacific pearl is just starting to leaf out, hope for a bloom this summer, bloomed last year, playful also. Playful in the ground is just starting to leaf out, very slow. Am excited too have second year plants, hope for blooms this summer. You and your wife look so happy, great pictures. Karen B.

If you're feeling stressed, annoyed, and generally brought down after every interaction with your mom, then she IS toxic for you and you have the right and the duty to yourself to set some boundaries with her. The fact is, she has the choice to behave in a way that's pleasant for others to be around or in a way that puts people off and she has to live with the consequences of her choices. Saying that she shouldn't have to change is the same as saying "Your feelings don't matter because I'm the only one who's important around here." There' s a great book and website by Karyl McBride called, "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" that describes the havoc narcissistic mothers create in their daughters' lives. It's not your responsibility to make your mother's life happy or to heal her childhood pain. Limit the time you spend with her to brief chats and keep the conversation about the weather or something else non-controversial. You're struggling to better yourself, she can do the same. When she tries to pull you into the negative talk, tell her you're learning that life is much easier when you approach things with a positive attitude. It takes two to play tug-o-war. If one person drops the rope, the game is over. Drop your end of the rope. Good luck.

From the limited info you gave, it would not be unusual if your daughter resented another woman coming into your life after having you to herself for 11 years. She has already seen two women come and go and maybe she is leery of this one too... maybe she sees her as temporary as well so why bother to establish anything close? It is more concerning when you say your fiance treats her sons like kings but hates your daughter. That seems more of a problem than your daughter not liking her since your daughter has cause to be cautious with her feelings. As a stepmom, there is no way I would have entered into the marriage if I didn't want us to be a family. I've had difficulties, as most parents and stepparents do, with my kids and my stepdaughter... and everyone getting along. However, it is something that we work on all the time because we all want this to work... and it is a lot of work to blend two families. It does not get easier.. it usually gets harder. I would also have a problem being married to my husband if he did not want to at least try to make things better. He has his problems with how my grown son behaves, but he actively looks for ways to improve the situation. The fact that you say your fiance does not want to give any is a HUGE red flag and perhaps it's time to control what you can... maybe consider her a girlfriend and not a fiance for a while? I wouldn't be planning a wedding/marriage with someone that wasn't willing to give any to make the family situation better. I agree with kkny, that your daughter is getting the short end if you don't stand up for her. She is still the kid and your fiance is supposed to be the adult.

Its easy for people to say run and get out of this relationship, but if you're truly in love with him, it's not an easy thing to do. I'm sure you already know that. I think you have to do a few things. First, if you can't accept that he has a child and you're not "his first", then move on because it is what it is and it's not going to change. There is a child involved and it's not fair if you go into this relationship with some bitterness that could affect this child later on. If you are truly in love with this man and can't live without him, then accept that he has a child, accept that you need to be a loving stepmom to this child and have a heart to heart sit down with your fiance to let him know that and most of all, that there can be no more lying/deception. I'm not making excuses for his lying at all, but it's possible that he knew how you would react and how you want to be his first and that's why he was embarrassed and scared to say anything. If you let him know that you're supportive of the fact that he now has a child, hopefully he'll be more forthcoming in the future. If not, move on. And I'd also wait a while if you do get married, before having a child. Wait and see how he does with being a father to this other child before you put another child into the picture. If he's not a loving, supportive father to his first child, do you really want him to father your child? I would think not. Bottom line, you can't re-write history, accept the current situation or move on. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.