rob333: Do persevere to find your friend! With success, the bliss is so meaningful it may change your lives. Good luck, and please let us know what happens. Pink

This brought tears to my eyes as I am so happy for you two. I have kept in contact with my childhood neighbor over the years. I hear from her on my birthday and I try to remember hers. We always keep in touch around the holidays and I did keep in touch with her dear mother. Sadly my friends husband passed away a couple of years ago. We had so much fun as kids playing at each others houses and outdoors too. We went to different high schools, she went to college and I married and had 2 boys, she had 1 daughter. Friendships should last a lifetime mine has and I am thrilled that you are getting caught up on each others lives.

Absolutely and good luck! I lost touch with a friend years ago--one of those I grew up with and spent nights with. After marriage we lived in different places and we gradually drifted apart. Even though I kept putting out cards and phone calls, I would get no answer. A couple years ago her father died and I attended the visitation. She thanked me profusely. We have spoken weekly since then. Today I am meeting her for lunch. When couples reach the empty nest stage and the widow/widower stage, it is more than important for them to have as many friends as possible. They become a lifeline. Friends are the safety net of life. Have all that you can.

I lost a friend some years ago. I finally figured out why she abruptly dropped me. I sold my house and moved to another state. She was going to help at a Rummage Sale for a Nursing Home and I had promised to give her a few things. I gave her only a couple of new appliances, misunderstanding what she expected. She has refused all overtures since. I wonder if she understood my situation--I had unexpectedly sold my home in three weeks and had to pack and dispose of things quickly.

I wonder if she ever thought of the stress situations I had been through-nursing my husband for over 7 years after his stroke and subsequent fall--he was in a wheelchair most of that time. After his death I had two major surgeries six months apart, then put my house up for sale. During that time I had supervised the building of an addition to our house to accommodate his needs. During this time I heard nothing from her. My children tell me to forget it but I still feel hurt about it. One hates to lose a friend. I have later realized that she often was "not speaking" to one person or another for some reason so I guess I should not have been surprised.

Thanks for listening.

Great that you found your long lost friend. I've kept 3 childhood friends. One of them since I was 7 and she was 5! We went on a little mini vacation this past Fall together. My 85 year old dad (his birthday is today!) had a cousin who he lost contact with decades ago. They were raised by their grandparents for the most part and were like brother and sister. She, with the help of her grown kids found my dad. They talked on the phone frequently over the last couple years before she passed away. I'm so glad they found each other again. My dad has dementia and it's getting bad, but he remembered her.

seniorgal - This situation would not be easy to "forget". The hurt will remain until there's some relief for you. Is it possible to contact this friend and try to explain? Sending a prayer that all is not lost between you. Pink

(((seniorgal)))

Happy birthday to kathsgrdn's dad!

My story doesn't have a happy ending, I wish it did. My former BF & I spent nearly half our lives together until about 5 years ago when she chose pills (not prescribed to her) over me. I tried to help her, I went way above & beyond what anyone would dream of, to no avail. I told her that if she didn't get professional help, I would have to end the relationship. It was killing me emotionally & physically. My family suffered as well when she went on her "tirades", I just couldn't do it anymore. She also lost her own family, or most of them anyway. Her husband divorced her and 2 of her 3 sisters disowned her as well as her DD. It is just so heartbreaking.

But I miss her (the old her) so bad, I still cry about it. Especially this time of year, we always went Christmas shopping together & usually stayed at a nice Inn on the coast. All I have now are very happy memories, I don't allow myself to remember the hatefulness, sleepless nights, midnight calls of anguish & mean spirit. I remember when we laughed so hard we peed our pants a little, the thoughtful, generous, gentle nature of my soul mate.

There is no way to make amends, she attempted to destroy my marriage, my relationship with my DD & tried to get me fired from my job. Luckily, for me anyway, nobody believed her lies, she turned vicious once she realized I followed through with my threat to end our friendship. It was downright pitiful.

I often think maybe someday I will find it in my heart to forgive her, but I honestly don't think I ever will. My life & my health have improved so much without her constant drama torturing me.

When will I stop missing her?

((((lisa)))) You will find a way to forgive her. Do it in your time, when you are ready.

Friends and family relationships can be the best and the worst of life's experiences. Fortunately some become incredibly important and enriching, while others often need to be endured or at worst, ended or minimized.

I too have been fortunate to reconnect with several old friends from yesteryear and they have become some of my better friends. Again. At the same time, we all have "friends" that we drift apart from over time, often quietly so and without significant drama as with lisa's sad story. I have a number of such former friends around, I suspect most of you do too. I know where they are, they know where I am, but other than nostalgia for the old days, recent encounters and contacts reinforce the notion that we've each changed in different ways and really don't click as before. With those, I've taken a "don't beat a dead horse" attitude. It is what it is. Good luck to all with your friends.

I too reconnected with an old friend about 5 years ago. Like many others, marriages, moves, kids all contrived to keep us from connecting. She made the first overture and I jumped all over it. We met in grade 8 and were the best of friends to the point where I was her bridesmaid and then she was mine but then life got in the way.

We see each other now every couple of months and we go for a walk and then lunch and we talk nonstop for 3-4 hours. I count myself lucky that she called me that one day. I have known her now for 50 years.

I see her more often than I do one of my sisters!

I'm thrilled for those of you who have experienced the same thing as I did.

seniorgal and lisaw (((hugs)))

Keeping friendships is important, as is renewing ones that have lain dormant for a time.

As you say, senior gal, the friend who backed off had developed a certain reputation for cutting people off, whether temporarily or for longer, so you weren't exactly surprised.

Often people who do that don't feel as secure within themselves as we/they'd like, and would be better for them if they could develop ... so they feel that they have to treat others badly, over slight slights (or even imagined ones). Then find it hard to admit error, ask forgiveness, and retread the friendship.

It may be that, should you so choose, you might find her and the earlier problem may have been forgotten ... if not, and she isn't willing to let a bygone problem lie ... I hope that you could more or less shrug your shoulders and say, "So be it". Only you know, or can conjecture, how you'd react to her renewed negativity, which would be a major factor in whether you'd choose to reach out.

Whether you do or don't ... I hope that you can give your current concern a decent burial.

Yes, Lisa, it is so hard to separate the image of the person that we loved from that of the harridan that that person became later. And continues to be.

The memory of the former hurt is too fresh ... and hurtful ... and it is hard to find grace sufficient to forgive, even though we know that it wasn't the lovely person that was responsible.

I think, though, it is well to remember that when we carry such anger and bitterness, it doesn't hurt the one against whom we're angry ... but there's a good possibility that it may corrode some part of our psyche.

I hope that you may find grace sufficient to let that anger and bitterness shrink and dissolve, then flush it down the toilet ... or give it a decent burial.

Seems to be quite a lot of talk about burials in my story today: shared in too many related to those of my friends, lately ...

... or becoming part of the furniture in my own spiritual house, maybe?

ole joyfuelled

I often think maybe someday I will find it in my heart to forgive her, but I honestly don't think I ever will.

You seem to have a working familiarity with dealing with addicts (including maybe cutting them off, so you are not enabling) so help yourself by remembering this - they cannot help themselves, that is what makes them addicts. As you may understand the viciousness that came on was probably part of a denial syndrome (there was nothing wrong with her so the rest of you must have been evil for saying there was - or whatever else you tried to do about it - and therefore deserving of her worst). The fact is addicts are born with a predisposition to addiction, once something gets its hooks in them they may never bounce back - even relapsing until they die despite repeated bouts of detox or other treatment.

In short, think of her as having been struck down by a terrible mental disease, as being a victim herself, as though turned into a carnivorous zombie by the addiction - and not responsible for her actions. Which to a greater or lesser extent is true.

Yes, Embothrium, unfortunately, I have too much familiarity with addicts. I have 2 brothers that are drug addicts and/ or alcoholics, I haven't seen one of them for 3 years and it's been a little over a year for the other. Don't care to see them and what they have let happen to their lives, not my circus....and they are BOTH downright mean!

I understand what you are saying, I really do, but I simply refuse to believe they can't help themselves. If you know you have a "predisposition to addiction", why would you let your guard down to that point???

My bio-Dad & Grandfather were both alcoholics, both died of liver failure. That taught me to be very cautious & celebrate moderately, I NEVER go over board. Why would I risk that?

I do believe there is an underlying mental health issue with my former BF, I don't hate her, I pity her...and she has no idea