I think the southern menu sounds fine, and if his dad won't like the cheese than he can skip that dish. If your DH insists on seafood, then offer it up as an appetizer in a crab dip or a smoked salmon appetizer so there will be seafood, but those who don't like it need not eat it.

The other option is to roast a turkey with the usual sides of various potatoes and vegetables. But I find turkey a lot more work to deal with than a ham...

I have vegetarians who come to xmas dinner so I typically make a roast pork and a mac n cheese. The sides are pretty vegetarian anyway so no one goes home hungry.

If it were me, I would let go of trying to please everyone. It sounds way too difficult. I would cook what *I* wanted to cook, making sure that there is someone everyone can eat (sides count!). And if they are so ungracious as to complain, they can just stuff it. And as far as someone not liking cheese--they can skip the Mac n cheese if that's the menu you decide to make. There is absolutely no rule that everyone has to like every dish.

Will the Jewish guest eat ham?

No, the Jewish guest won't eat any red meat.

Maybe I'll just go with the ham then and let my cousin and uncle moan about lack of roast beef, FIL suffer through not eating one side, and just hope everyone else finds something they can eat so they don't go home hungry. At least if I make mac and cheese the kids will be happy.

I really don't want to do turkey,etc. again as I'm just sick of it.

DH really wants me to do seafood, but it just seems like such a hassle since it has to be all bought and cooked so close to the time it's served. Ham can be bought so far ahead, and all the sides can be prepped, etc., so I can enjoy my Christmas morning. My partner-in-crime with cooking, my brother, is going to be in Europe with his wife's family so I'm all on my own!

You could always do some bbq shrimp (served hot/warm) and let that be the seafood entrée for those who don't like the ham. Your sides would be fine with it. It's basically a lot of butter and seasoning (doesn't have to be spicy hot) & baked in the oven.

Does red meat include chicken? My sons' girlfriend won't eat red meat but will eat chicken so when they arrive I hand him some chicken breasts and he knows where the barbecue is so he does it up for her. The other think I make for vegetarians is a guinoa vegetable casserole. I make enough for everyone so that it doesn't seem like a "special" dish for those who don't eat meat. I make it ahead and then just warm it up.

ETA - LynnNM reminded me - we are going to my brothers next weekend for early Christmas dinner and my sons (the other one) girlfriend has Celiac so my SIL has asked me to bring an appetizer and a side that she can definitely eat. I'm bringing things anyway so I will do that. I know what to watch for and my SIL doesn't.

To start, if I were you I'd do the roast that was specifically requested, and it works for all but the BIL and SIL (the anorexic can't really be addressed in a menu, so set that aside for the time being.

I would give up on the Mac n Cheese and Ham, because honestly it sounds like only you want it (I do too!) and it does not help with the BIL and SIL problem or the FIl who doesn't like cheese (heresy!). Make that for you and your family some other time.

So, your second item should be non-red-meat-non-cheese-non-seafood-non-salmon. Chili? An egg dish? A savory bread pudding? A bean stew? Pasta with brown butter and spinach or something (parm on the side). Do you know anyplace to get really good fried chicken take out (the health conscious can remove the skin).

Waldorf salad and roasted veg? Maybe some stuffed veggies for the semi-vegetarians?

Or a nice roast chicken (self-made or store bought rotisserie). Do what you can, and don't worry about pleasing "everyone". If they are hungry, they will eat. Keep the greens, potatoes and pie, they sound scrumptious!

We have several people in our family with food issues/requirements-- vegans, lactose intolerant, gluten free, etc. We solve it by making a big pot of some sort of bean stew or a winter vegetable stew that is vegan and gluten free. This can be made ahead, and takes care of all of the outliers.

Roasted turkey breast is dead easy - takes me about 45 minutes. Couldn't that be done along w/ the roast?

Is asking folks to bring a dish out of the question? Even if it turns out to be a mix of different things, @ least there'll be something for everyone...

If the one expected thing is the prime rib, then why not make it? Working backwards, all the sides can please everyone. If you want to make the mac and cheese, the FIL just won't eat that.

Since vegan and vegetarian are not in this mix (thank goodness!!!) How about:

Tenderloin and Turkey breast for the main

A selection of roasted or baked veggies. Your choice if you want to throw in the mac and cheese.

The seafood casserole is really not necessary, but hey, your DH likes it. I would substitute this instead of the mac and cheese. Or do both. Whatever is easiest for YOU.

Sorry about the anorexic BIL. I might ask him what he would feel comfortable having. I'm guessing it will something you can just pick up at the store, no prep needed.

We have a similar issue in my family-- it's resolved by offering a two but relatively simple main dishes. Sister usually does a ham, pork roast or tenderloin and I make Ina Garten's baked Shrimp Scampi -- which is delicious and can be made ahead (and even frozen) prior to the party. it cooks in about 15 min (longer if frozen) so it goes in when the other main dish meat is resting. It works out perfectly and is really a pretty presentation.

The people who eat both have ham (or whatever) and a few of the baked shrimp scampi... and those of us who only eat one or the other are happy too!

For our large group, I make a double batch and cook in a couple of large round bakers. For Christmas, I don't serve with rice or pasta.. just as is. You definitely want to use a larger shrimp so that they sit as they do in the photo.

For those that have special diets, I would ask them for some suggestions to work into the traditional menu of favorites.

Maybe you can make what you want and order some Chinese take out too. ;-)

As a life long vegetarian myself, I think you should have the mac and cheese. It is a very filling and satisfying main dish for both vegetarians (not for vegan, does the Jewish eat it? I don't know if that is further limiting.) and for kids. If FIL doesn't do cheese then he doesn't have to have it, just like the vegetarians don't have to have the meat that you are serving. I don't expect that I can eat every dish, just that I can have some things to eat- and just sides does not always work well, depending on what the sides are. Also, I am always willing to bring along something that I can eat so maybe ask those with special diets to bring a main dish that works for them if you are not able to accomodate.

I spoke with my cousin and she will host New Year's Day and make a prime rib. So she'll get over the lack of beef.

I ordered a very expensive ham from Snake River Farms. I hope it will be good.

I love that idea of shrimp scampi, Funkyart. I can probably ask my mom to make that ahead and bring it. I think it will fit fine into the "theme" too. Happy carnivores, happy kids, happy semiveggies, happy Jew.

Ham

Mac and cheese

Shrimp Scampi

Collard greens w smoked turkey

scalloped potatoes

cornbread and oyster "stuffins"

red cowpeas

cream biscuits

assorted appetizers and desserts

Oh, and BIL will eat only plain lettuce (boiled), plain baked potatoes (easy enough), plain boiled chicken breast (ditto), or plain boiled lobster (only before noon - Ha!). I let DH deal with that one though.

Glad it worked out for you-- and hope you enjoy the recipe. OH-- very important. I find Ina's recipes very reliably good but not always healthy. I use 1/2 the butter in this recipe!!

You really mean boiled lettuce? I have never heard of that. Why would one boil lettuce? Poor guy.

"Boiled lettuce"? OMG, that guy is a serious case. How incredibly sad. It made me shudder when I read that!

Well, the shrimp scampi sounds good...but I can do you one better...shrimp & grits! My friend has an absolutely to die for recipe, it can be made ahead AND it goes great with your southern theme!

We have ordered the Snake River Farms ham a few times, Butternut. It is very good.

For those of you who do make-ahead shrimp, do you actually cook the shrimp beforehand? I can't imagine shrimp is as good reheated.

Thanks all! Yes, BIL is sort of sad, an eating disorder hiding behind various undiagnosed GI issues, he has gradually eliminated every potential trigger from his diet (dairy, wheat, gluten, salt, sugar, fat, etc.) I think he boils the lettuce thinking it will be easier to digest. It's been an issue since his teens and he has been to so many specialists around the country who find nothing wrong. Not my monkey, not my circus. Invariably, MIL will make some broth or something for him and sneak some forbidden ingredient into it. Hard to blame her as he is rail thin and quite unhealthy looking. But that always causes a big blow up.

Glad to hear that the ham is good, sas! I was thinking, maybe Funkyart can correct me if I'm wrong, that one would butterfly the raw shrimp, arrange in the dish, and put the buttered crumbs on top, then hold it. Then at the last minute just bake it to cook the shrimp and crisp the crumbs.

Nini - I love shrimp and grits and would love the recipe if you've got it! (I'm a New England girl, but my dad's from Alabama, so I guess that's where I get my love of southern food :) )

Yes.. exactly! You prepare the dish up to the point of baking-- it sits in the light marinade (wine, etc) with the butter-shallot-panko crumb topping on top.

I don't let it sit overnight-- but a few hours ahead is fine. You can also freeze it at the same point,

cover dish at least everybody would have something they liked.....i have a similiar problem....