"Oh, it's JUST a tote"

Was it the caretaker who made the comment? Was the gift for her, or for your Mom? If it was for your Mom, she did not need to comment, especially in that way. If it was for her, she still should have shown good manners and thanked you, gifts are not mandatory, but perhaps she was expecting something (handmade or otherwise) that would be just for her.

Was not my intention to go on a caretaker bash fest. The woman is awesome and loves my mom better than anybody else. I was just trying to illustrate how disappointment can't surreptitiously escape out of our mouths when gifts don't meet our expectations. I have no beef against this wonderful lady, just trying to illustrate homemade vs store ought and curious about your thoughts on that specific topic.

Handmade gifts are my favorite! Just received three beautifully decorated Mason Jars from my Ex-DIL. They are now part of my Thanksgiving centerpiece and I absolute love them! (love her, also).

I think you have to put in the time and expense to truly appreciate homemade gifts. Doing so gives it a whole different perspective. We've always made our gifts because it's like giving a piece of yourself. I also totally understand the caregivers careless words and how deeply they can hurt.

I crocheted hubby's brother a beautiful afghan in masculine colors and design for Christmas one year when I picked his name for the gift exchange. I made it extra long because he was a tall man. When he opened it he looked so disgusted and cast it aside and said, "What am I going to do with THIS!" The disappointment on my face after all those hours of work.....

But on the other side of the coin.... Our son had so many really great friends when he was in high school that I knit them all (male and female) mittens with the long cord that goes through your sleeves so you never lose one. Each pair was different (and a good way to use up all my leftover yarn). I tucked things like movie passes and gift cards to places to eat inside the mittens. That started the mitten craze at school that year (LOL). They all loved them. As gift tags on each pair of mittens, I did 3-inch counted X-stitch Christmas stockings with their name stitched into the front of the stocking. Several years later I was in one of the "kids" apartment, and over the fireplace hung his X-stitch stocking I'd made years before. Now that's a WIN! :-)

-Grainlady

Was it possible she was making a poor joke?

Win some, lose some. In a perfect world, everyone should love your home made gift.

It is disappointing when we don't get the recognition we think we deserve. Especially after putting in hours of work. But, you have to know your customers!

Although I don't make gifts for Christmas, it is similar to thinking that you found that one perfect gift, after much searching,only to find the person is going to return it for something else.

I have since developed the attitude of doing my best and it's up to them to keep it, regift it or exchange it. I'm fine with all of the above.

Unless you know for sure, I wouldn't spend hours making something that might be of no interest to someone.

Side story: I have a SIL that is a master knitter. She is beyond obsessed with knitting. Yet, I have nothing from her. She makes shawls constantly for herself, I guess because it is a quick way to show off the difficult and intricate new design that she has learned. I'm sorry, call me selfish, but I can't get excited when she wants to talk about her knitting! Throw a sweater or blanket my way, for goodness sake! I would use it proudly.

I have found that as I get older, I am losing my "filter." Things pop out of my mouth that even I am surprised about. People who are not crafty can't appreciate how much time and effort that can go into a project that then can appear effortless.

"I have since developed the attitude of doing my best and it's up to
them to keep it, regift it or exchange it. I'm fine with all of the
above.

Unless you know for sure, I wouldn't spend hours making something that might be of no interest to someone."

Truer words have never been spoken. This is the perfect attitude as far as I'm concerned. It's too bad so few people feel this way.

" just trying to illustrate homemade vs store ought and curious about your thoughts on that specific topic".

"but perhaps she was expecting something (handmade or otherwise) that would be just for her."

The tote was, and is I'm sure, beautiful. Homemade or not, she may have been expecting something that was just for her, this gift was for your Mom's stuff.

Good points made here. I am a beginner seamstress so I was very thrilled w/how it turned out, so yes, it is possible that I as giver was more admiring of MY work than intended recipient. And after all, you can buy cute, cute totes at Joanns, etc for very little so how excited can a recipient get? Gotta be honest about your motives, thanks for sharing that diff POV.

@ellendi6161. Wondering if your SiL notices your face/body language and she mistakes your boredom with topics on technique with boredom for shawls themselves. Maybe you should casually ask why she hasn't made one for you and how much you'd like and appreciate/-maybe she doesn't know. I had a similar situation. A male relative carves wood and when he talked about carving competition, etc I was secretly lamenting I had nary a carving. One day I got the courage to ask and he told me he thought I was not interested. My facial expressions betrayed me Had betrayed me, it seems. These days I am a proud owner of one of his items.

For me, it truly depends on what it is. My mom loves to make crafts, she has a craft room in her house where she embroiders towels, makes quilts, crochets, knits, etc. Problem is, I don't like ANY of that stuff.

My style is the opposite of hers, which I would describe as country (she calls it that as well).

For most of my life she has given me gifts that are her style, and I don't like them. In the past few years she has mostly quit.

I think, if you are going to give a handmade gift, think about what THEY would want to receive, not about what YOU would want.

Bossy, my SIL is long distance, so we are not often together. I always admire what she is doing as they are truly works of art. It's internally that I don't feel "excited".

I have offered to pay her to make me a sweater coat. She agreed, but then again, she went back to Alaska, and I didn't pursue it. I think it was my way of hinting that I would love something handmade by her that I was willing to pay for it!

She is a bit odd in certain ways. She will send me info on knitting exhibits and shows in my local area as if I would be interested in going. When my daughters were young, we went to visit. The girls were interested in her knitting. She did offer to teach them,but on the very last day! Her excuse was that she wasn't really a "teacher." It would have been an amazing experience for my daughters if she spent time with them sharing this talent.

Edited to add: Exactly Texas."Think about what they would want."

When I'm giving to someone, whether putting in the time to make it, or to look for a special gift, it's important that I take into consideration the choices and desires of the recipient with regard to the proposed gift.

Once it's given ... it's theirs, so up to them what they do with it. As gifts shouldn't carry residual, if invisible, strings, my participation at that point should merely be ... to learn a lesson with regard to next time.

By the way ... for folks who've downsized from a larger to a smaller dwelling, or are considering such, having parted with many precious things ... or thinking of the necessity of doing so, soon ... will quite likely make them somewhat unenthused about a gift of a "thing": better a gift of time, to spend with them, get together for dinner or other kind of pleasant experience that doesn't leave a visible residue for them, with the chore of wondering where to put it, when they'd prefer something long owned that was higher on their priority ladder than this.

ole joyful

I love handmade gifts. I appreciate the time and thought that went into the gift.

I once saw Goldie Hawn and her sister on a TV talk show. Goldie spoke of making quilts for family Christmas gifts the year she hit it big in show business. Her sister apparently expected something much grander, which Goldie could afford. On the talk show she apologized for her less-than-gracious reaction to her gift those many years ago.

I hope my family and friends enjoy handmade gifts, because I give a lot of them. My cousin and I have a fun tradition: We've promised to be creative while spending as little money as possible. We've made things for each other, and we've also given gifts purchased at thrift stores. We love the inventiveness as much as the gift itself.

The most labor-intensive gifts I've made for my kids are photo books. The largest of these covered 40 years of our family's dogs and cats; the most recent was about my mother and father. Here's the back cover.

I wanted to create a hostess gift of dried blooms and such found about the property but couldn't come up with a nice container. So I bought a ready-made floral centerpiece (see other post) for $$$.

For me it's the opposite of what some of you are experiencing. I've been the recipient of bought gifts that people spent good money on, which were well appreciated, and regarded with gratitude, for the fact that I was given a gift, however perfunctory, but which were not appropriate for me for whatever reason and went right into the give away box.

I've never had a handmade gift that wasn't thoughtful. Some haven't been my particular taste, or particularly well made, but they look lovely to me because of the love that shines out from them. They do get retired when they get too tatty to salvage, but I tend to hang onto them past their useful lives.

Gifts really aren't about "getting stuff" but the expression of caring that goes with them. I was delighted when Santa Claus gave me a Vita-Mix for my birthday. But I was also delighted when he gave me a new cd from one of my favorite singers for Christmas. I wasn't thrilled with the plastic necklace a cousin gave me, but I was delighted that my cousin gave me a necklace that looked nice with my coloring, even if I gave it away.

We can choose to be happy and appreciative, or not. I hope all who are making presents this year have them met with appreciation.

Alisande, that is simply beautiful; I love the sentiment. And, by the way, the silhouette of your father could easily pass for MY father!

Thanks, Suzieque! We both have good looking fathers. :-)

When it comes to gifts, my feelings are "it's the thought that matters". Whether it's something I have use for or not, I prefer knowing someone set aside time to do something nice especially for me. I love making gifts too and do try to consider how my gift will fit into the recipients world.

Last year my mother gave me a handmade bag for my crochet, in it were the knitting needles and a rug hook that belonged to my Grandmother. She complained the bag turned out too small, but it was perfection to me, my smaller projects fit perfectly in it and sometimes I use it as a purse. My mom is a beautiful seamstress and loves to sew, but she has severe rheumatoid arthritis so I know what when into making that bag, how could I not love it? Also, It was my Grandmother who taught me to crochet, knit and hook rugs so even though I just crochet, I absolutely cherish having my Grandmothers favorite craft tools.

My son in law is really great at making homemade gifts. It's become a tradition that every year he makes my husband a tin of his favorite shortbread cookies. I still have a recipe box my younger sister made me when she was a kid. I've made wreaths, afhgans, place settings and gift baskets as gifts. A few years ago, I put together books about our late father individually customized for each person in our family and they were a huge success; I still get feedback about them.

I crocheted my first baby afghan, which had a few mistakes in it, for a young friend that I use to work with. She hugged it to her chest & buried her face in it & said that her grandmother use to crochet & she had passed away. She said she thought her baby would not get any thing home made-made my heart smile!

Love your story Janey, isn't that just the best feeling?

That's why I love garage sales, so many beautifully crafted items that the receiver didn't care for...I get them for cheap and appreciate the time put into making them.

I too love to receive and give homemade gifts. In fact my sister called from Ohio to tell me that most of her ornaments are being put up on her smaller tree this year. She doesn't do a big one anymore and she said most of them were made by our mom and me. Mine were ceramic's as I did ceramic's back in the day. Now I'm thinking a smaller tree is what we need for just the two old ones here at our house. My sister was a kindergarten teacher for years and every child through the years gave her a teacher ornament. She has given to a charity now to pass them along to others who might have a need. She said you wouldn't believe how many she had well over 35 years of teaching I'm betting there were a lot. lol

I do love to give and receive home made gifts -- for the last few years I canned apple sauce, made pickles and salsa and tomato sauce. I figure if people don't have space for knick-knacks (and many might not) these gifts are always consumable!

This year is going to be difficult -- I didn't can anything this year (as I spent most of my free time on new home construction). And now with my leg broken, I can't go out shopping for the co-workers and local friends I'd normally provide gifts to. I won't be driving again until 2016. (My brother and his family I send e-gourmet and similar gifts to, since they don't live nearby. Or if I'd actually visit them -- I won't be able to, this year -- then they get something I can transport on a plane.)

I lack the patience to sew or knit, so that's out.

My favorite gift was a bed quilt-comforter made by my ex-housemate, in colors he knew I'd appreciate. And his father made me a wonderful wood cutting board.

I love any kind of gift I get. Sometimes I make things for my kids. This year the girls are getting two embroidered kitchen towels. I know they will use them. Two little ones are going to get embroidered pillowcases. One with trucks on them and the other mermaids. I used to have two sons in law and a boyfriend of a granddaughter that I would make boxers for .

After the boyfriend broke up with the granddaughter he asked her if she thought I would make him some more. She said no. He is now the local Chief of Police and when I see him about town, I can't help but think, I used to make his boxers. My one son in law has passed away and up until his death he would wear the boxers I had made. He even wore them to the hospital when he had to go for treatments. For the remaining son in law that I make boxers for, I will make him some for his birthday. Son and other son in law would most likely not wear them, so I don't bother to make them for them. I think if you receive a homemade or store bought gift it should be received with the way it was intended, to make you happy.

Sue

OH wow, my Daddy would have loved those homemade boxers! HEEHEE! He was really picky and wanted them just right and after a while the stores didn't even make the type he liked to wear but he just had to make due.

Edit to add: I love homemade food type gifts. I used to get cookies from my SIL and my sister just made me some of her delicious homemade preserves. So much better than from a store!

My son quilts baby quilts for special family and friends. One friend was showing her gift from him to one of her friends. The friend thought it was so beautiful that she had this young mother ask my son to make one for her, which she would pay for. My son turned her down. He explained that it takes many, many hours to assemble the designs he makes, and his supplies run to under $200. She offered to pay more, but again he declined. He is willing to put so much time and $ into a quilt for only a loved one.

My father's cousin Peggy lived in the Berkshire Mountains, and ran what would now be considered a bed-and-breakfast (except she fed them dinner too) to make ends meet. Her gift to us every Christmas was always happily anticipated: boxes of homemade fudge and penuche. So delicious! We would open them by the tree Christmas morning, and eat some then and there.

My husband was raised in Moscow and defected in the mid 80's. About 15 years ago when he first met my son in law, he told him about Russian black bread, a favorite of his that he'd been unable to find since he had left Russia. For Christmas that year my son in law did some research to learn about the black bread and to find an authentic recipe. He then made my husband a loaf and hand wrote the recipe out for him on a card so I could make it for him too. My husband said that it was one of the most thoughtful gifts he's ever received and we still have the card with the recipe written on it.