I now live across the street from a senior assisted living facility...
IdaClaire
8 years ago
last modified: 8 years ago
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tinam61
8 years agoYayagal
8 years agoRelated Discussions
Independant/Assisted Living VS Living at home
Comments (7)In the past few years I've gone through a similar, but not identical, situation with my mother. She was a very strong willed and intelligent woman, and the family struggled with her physical decline. My father died in 1980 and she coped with the house for several years afterwards. But eventually it was too much for her. She moved in with me 9 years ago, then into an independent living facility 3 years ago. She passed away just a couple weeks ago. (Guess that explains why I'm sitting at the computer sleepless at 3:30am!) The decision to move from my home into independent living was very painful for all of us, so I'm sympathetic with what you are going through. I guess it was about a 6 month process from the time we first started talking about it until it happened. With 2 parents involved, your process will likely take a little longer. We were able to finally convince my mother that we would handle all the parts of the move that she didn't know how to do, that we would be there often to help with church, doctor visits, groceries, weekly dinners out, etc. Our biggest concern about having her still at home was that she had no social life, no one close to her age to talk to and share with, and no one around for too many hours in the day. We were only here in the evenings and both my husband and I had to travel some for our jobs. It's very important for elderly folks who are on medications to eat at the same time every day so they can take their meds. With our work schedules, even though I changed jobs to be home more often, meal time wasn't as standard as she needed it to be. And she started falling down a lot. No injuries, but we knew it was only a matter of time. Like I said, it was a hard time for us all. She felt like we were kicking her out and we felt like we had failed and could not take care of her. But after checking out a couple places, she found one that appealed to her. She declared at the time that she would be dead in 6 months, but with so many stresses removed she lived 3 years and made many good friends. I won't tell you she ever stopped complaining but her life there was good and the people around her valued her friendship and the support she gave them. Asolo gave you good advice: without having your folks declared incompetent by the court, you can't force a power of attorney. They have to willingly sign it. And under no circumstances can you sign their Will. However, you can write the Will up and ask them to sign it - be sure to have it witnesses! I would recommend you keep it as simple as possible - maybe even just one page that states you and your siblings will split everything equally - that way you have the greatest chance of your father agreeing to sign it. Part of his grumpyness may be fear. It's scary to realize you aren't in control of your own life anymore and in many people that fear comes out as anger. If he was like that before, it will only get more pronounced as he ages. Your parents are lucky to have you there to help them and to try to make things easier for them. Be patient and take it slow. They are used to taking care of you, so it will be hard for them to see the roles switch. Let your parents have as much control and dignity as possible; they've earned it and they need it now more than ever. For my mother, depending on someone else felt like failure to her and there was no way to eliminate that. We just tried - and sometimes failed - to make it as easy as possible. But it was worth the effort. Kate...See MorePal, an interesting listing for you across the street from me
Comments (32)I went ( I saw the door leaning on your sidewalk). I like the house and I actually liked it pretty much, especially the yard, which went through to the other street. Quirky and full of character. We also looked at Charles Peterson's house on 3rd and Spruce, that was just rehabbed again. It wasn't too bad. They punched the ceiling full of recessed cans (so many the house was hot inside) and the original floors look like they were coated with epoxy, they are so shiny. A 2013-style master bath that will be hopelessly out of fashion by next week. A couple plastic ceiling medallions where a few hundred more dollars, (in a $2M house) would have put up the real thing. All in all, not too disappointing, comparatively. This post was edited by palimpsest on Sun, Apr 7, 13 at 19:34...See MoreIndependent Senior Living
Comments (28)Would a shared housing situation be worthwhile for a number of people who are finding living alone a bit too much? I think that there are several advantages. There is more intellectual and emotional stimulation/satisfaction that living alone. There'd be fewer chores when four or five or so share them ... and if two can agree on how one should be done, sharing a job is more fun than doing it alone. A number of seniors say that looking after this place is getting just too onerous. Three wouldn't be a good idea: two would become better friends, and one would be the odd guy out. They'd eat better: if it were your turn to get/share in getting lunch, tea and toast just wouldn't cut it, though for many, living alone, they'll settle for such ... (rather frequently?). People who live with you can notice if there are minor changes in your habits or operation, which may give an indication of upcoming difficulties. The inhabitants could check on one another's keeping up with their medications and other health-related issues. There'd be a major saving in housing costs, living in one (usually larger) place than individuals would require. Following someone's release from hospital care, though an individual living alone could well have no one to act as caregiver during their recovery at home, the others in this shared home could pick up the slack while the recovering one wasn't fully capable. And they'd not be a "bed blocker" in the hospital. If the one who had the health problems were not able to take over their share of the responsibilities after a time, the original arrangement would have been that they would need to make other living arrangements. But they'd have developed major savings over having moved into a caregiving facility originally. And quite likely had a preferable living situation in the interim. As the senior component of our society increases, and fewer workers have pensions, it seems to me that arrangements such as this will be helpful in future years. Some say that, while one of those old large, two-storey houses would be a good candidate, that the stairs are a major deterrent for many. I wonder whether, using some of the savings enjoyed from delaying the costly entry into a retirement home, they could build an elevator. Or one of those stair-rail chairs might be adequate ... or even as a temporary solution pending the building of an elevator. ole joyful ... who won't be around, over the longer term, to find out...See MorePros and Cons of Assisted Living
Comments (8)I would suggest that if you pick one your selection should include looking at the skilled nursing area. My husband has some type of neurological problem originally diagnosed as Alzheimer's. Before I was told by one assisted living place that at over 250 he was not eligible for assisted living and most dementia units. I looked at many in this area to find one that had the atmosphere that I thought would be best for him. Although I was told that as a resident became worse they would stay in the unit I never saw through the open doors any that were bedfast. Then I found out the criteria here beyond the weight is that if a person would require more than one person to assist in things like transfer to and from a chair, bathing, and other types of care they are no longer eligible for assisted living. Some facilities have what I would call progressive living, independent, assisted, then skilled nursing. Perhaps not in the same building so you would need to look at both. Ask about the usage of the range in the room if they have one depending on how advanced in care you would need. I looked where my niece was in Minneapolis and was surprised that in a multistory building only three of the stoves were actually connected. They would connect with notice if family wanted to prepare a meal but expected resident to eat in the dining room. This particular one touted the convenience of a bistro that people could get food at all times. That food subsisted of sandwiches and fruit in a cooler. They only served two meals a day if you paid for the meal service. If you wanted an additional meal it was extra. So check out the meal plans. I too will be starting to look for assisted living places for myself although my husband is still in a nursing home doing well. Finance Some facilities have blanket rates for lodging and food with charges for additional care. Such as making certain you have proper meds etc. Others charge separately for lodging and food. These tend to have either prepaid meal plans or bill at the end of the month. Personally I would like to know how much I owe rather than having a surprise at the end of the month. Some centers have shuttles to take residents for things like groceries and activities. Find out if you must schedule in advance for a seat and what happens if the shuttle is full if you would like to shop for some of your food and extra treats. Good luck on your search....See MoreIdaClaire
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