"I feel like going to look at those things will be a huge waste of my time..."

Sounds more to me that using this KD is even more of a waste of time and money. If they refuse to listen to you there is an obvious disconnect. It sounds like you are making your wants and needs know so.....................

It sounds like she's a salesperson first and foremost - she's selling you stuff and the design element is just a way to get to the sale of all the components. If you use her, it seems like you'll have to be very, very firm about what you want & don't want.

I sent her an email saying that I felt we couldn't pick the paint,
flooring, or backsplash until after we picked the cabinets/countertops
and asking if she is able to schedule appointments for us to see
countertops/cabinets during our Nov 6th appointment or if we need to
reschedule to a different date, so I guess we'll see what she says. If
she is still pushing to see the flooring, backsplash tile, and paint
after my email then I will absolutely ask for a different KD... I was
just trying to get a feel from others if I was being unreasonable.

Carrie - That's the thing, she doesn't sell anything and kept telling me how quartzite is so expensive and would I be willing to look at quartz and would I be willing to consider engineered wood instead of hardwood floors because it's less expensive... She keeps saying how everything I like is high end and expensive, which I know, lol, but it's like she is trying to talk me out of it.

Our design build team was like this. More focused on small aesthetics and paint colour than function. They elected not to bid on the build and it's for the best.

It sounds like you guys don't mesh.

It does seem like she may not be the designer for you. I think layout, cabinet style and color and countertops should come before paint, flooring and the backsplash.

I didn't work with a kitchen designer, but I had very strong ideas of exactly what I wanted and what I wanted where. I set up a Pinterest board which I shared our cabinet maker it really helped him to see the vision. Maybe examples would help her?

The backsplash was the very last thing I chose and it was after everything was already installed in the kitchen.

her qualifications may be more "interior designer" and got into kitchen design later on. She probably thinks she is motivating and getting you inspired. I would dislike this because I would end up doing all the work in the plan......and still be afraid she would "miss" some technical aspect in cabinet ordering or some area where you really need expertise. Do you have another option ? I would move on.

Will they prepare their bid on the project after your choices are complete? If so, it may be that they are steering you to cheaper materials in order to keep their bid lower. Did you give them your budget number before you began? If so, they may be trying to stay within the number you gave them, including their profit. My experience was very similar to yours. I still got the kitchen I wanted, at the budget I set, by switching to a single-man GC. The trade-off was that I had to wait many months to move up on his project list because he was in high demand.

any other options? I don't pick up that you are "feeling it" with this KD. Maybe slow down or take a break and rethink before you get to involved.

Things don't get any easier or less chaotic from here so the chances of a strained relationship just go up.

This has potential to be great or a great dissapointment. I just finished an 8 month reno. and it was overall good.

p.s. I think picking paint depends on so many other choices like counters and cabs and backsplash. Unless you are just set on one particular color and nothing else will do, I would wait to see how the other components feel before paint choice.

We decided to go with this design build firm because we felt that they
had a lot of good/creative ideas for expanding our kitchen without
losing our patio, which other builders we talked to didn't and/or wouldn't consider. They also had some really good ideas on how to connect our indoor/outdoor space better. That being said, those ideas came from the owners of the build/design firm and we didn't start working with this designer until the first "design appointment" 3 weeks ago. I was so excited for our 2nd design appointment yesterday, which was obviously disappointing for several reasons.

Corie - I have a Houzz ideabook for the kitchen which I shared with her and she had pics from the ideabook printed out for the appointment.

Herbflavor - I honestly don't know if there is another option available at the build/design firm, but if I'm not happy with her response to the email I sent then I will absolutely speak with the owners about other options.

Hey there. I would wait to hear back to see what her response to your email is. If not favorable, yes, then speak with the owners you met with and explain and evaluate the response. If not good after that, move on. You will save yourself a lot of head and heart ache to come. This type of reno is usually full of twists and turns and you need someone you feel comfortable with and that you feel is listening to you. If you already feel this way so early in the process, it's really not a good sign.

Our architects that pointed us to the custom cabinet company said to only deal with the owner and when I called they put me through to a KD who I felt I then got stuck with, she was difficult to deal with and made the process quite miserable, however, I am extremely strong willed and when it comes to my kitchen, not easily swayed! So as much as she'd try to convince me I didn't need "that big of a trash cabinet" or that many drawers, I just politely told her to stop changing the layout and keep what I said I wanted. But I have a few more wrinkles from that chick. Save your face!

Good luck. I sent you message!

"The part that was bothering us is that the designer seemed really
focused on little aesthetic types of things and was missing the big
functional types of things"

You may have to bluntly tell her that UNTIL the functional layout is done, with the work zones and aisle widths and traffic flow all settled that there is no point in discussing purely cosmetic details.

Sanity check--this seems like a whole lot of frustration over a minor thing. If this "really frustrates and bothers" you and your husband to the point of firing her after a second appointment just for suggesting materials, and you "lost it" after reading her email, this project is going to be a tough road.

As of right now, you don't know that what she comes up with in the redesign won't be fabulous. I talked about all kinds of things with my KD on our first meeting, even backsplash tile, which is typically the last thing anyone decides. I got a great kitchen despite it, or maybe because of it, as we built such a rapport. Maybe her true love is the aesthetic design aspect of the project. If you found someone who is truly talented in that area, consider yourself lucky. I would look at the materials she's suggesting to see if your design aesthetics mesh. That will show if she has listened to you or is off in her own little design world.

We used a design/build for our whole-house reno which included enlarging the kitchen. Before we even looked at firms I already had taken myself to cabinet showrooms, granite yards, flooring places, tile places. I had done my research on different products (such as granite vs quartz and engineered vs solid hardwood - price difference isn't that great and is worth it depending on how long you will be in your place). You can just walk into these places around here without an appointment and people will talk to you.

That gave us a jumping off point for our discussions. The kitchen design was the main point of our conversations and she spent a lot of time talking to me about how we work as a family to get a workable design. When we were done that THEN she helped me pick elements to get the look that I wanted.

There is no doubt, you as the client, as the person who has to live with the decisions and choices, have to be very, very clear about what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with and how you rank your requirements. For eg. it could be that you can only have 40" aisles because of something else that you want such as a larger island and then you start talking compromises. She needs to know that sort of thing and you need to understand it.

Thank you so much for sharing all of your opinions/experiences! It always helps me to get other perspectives when I get worked up about things :-) I heard back from the KD and she was very accommodating and willing to change our next appointment to go look at cabinets/countertops rather than flooring/paint/backsplash. I guess it's a matter of opinion as to which ones you should choose first, even though to me it seemed like you should definitely pick cabinets/countertops before picking the other items.

Glad to hear she was willing to accommodate your preferences!

I had the same experience, KD's more interested in picking out doors than layout. They would show me something, I'd make comments then wait 3-6 weeks to see any changes. Then when I saw the change it was like they forgot what I said. That is when I found an ipad app and started designing my own layouts. I then took them to a KD who helped me tweak them.

In my experience you can get much better KD help on GW, than with many/most KD's.

Keep keep in mind too that there are many people who enter this process only thinking about the aesthetic aspect of the project. We used a design/build firm for our addition that involved moving the kitchen to new space,adding a bathroom and converting the old kitchen to a bedroom. It was great to work with one company and not a bunch of subs.

We didn't engage them until we were pretty sure of what we wanted and they helped us refine those ideas. Made it easier on everyone.