The other bright side is living in California near the ocean. As close to heaven as you can get...right Jeri? *** You are absolutely right. We are close enough to get an afternoon sea breeze, most days, and to see a sparkle of ocean at a distance out our living room window. And when possible, we get even closer. And Red is right, too, about the beetle issue. The closest we come to those is the fig beetles. They're objectionable, but large and slow, and easy to catch and kill. If I had to face those beetle invasions, I just don't know what I'd do. Jeri

This little step daughter of mine is very talented at turning every situation under the sun to "her" situation. Over the Thanksgiving weekend we rang bells twice for the Salvation army. The first night was cold but not bad. I managed to ring bells for the entire 2 hours. SD10 left with her dad to get take out food. Sat in the chair that was left by the Salvation Army and ate a little bit of her food. When we got home she ate the rest of it putting her about 1 1/2 hours past her bedtime. The next evening we rang bells again. SD had to be ringing the bell if she was outside. She spent a lot of time in the store with her dad and they went into the store this time to buy her food. It was colder outside this time but she was in the store most of the time so no big deal. When we got home she had to get into her food again for just a couple of bits. She has always done this, eat a couple of bits, leave, come back 5 minutes later and eat a couple of more bits. Drives me nuts and I try to stop it. DH doesn't. She is nearly in tears saying that her feet feel like they are going to break off. Not possible. I walk into the kitchen with 2 dogs in tow and find her sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, eating while dad rubs her feet. Give me a break. Sit on a chair, put some extra socks on, put the food away because it is past your bedtime and you had the chance to eat an hour ago.......She is a scene stealer and DH and his family encourage it terrible. I don't, can't stand it, never treated my children or anyone else's that way. I will now finish my bell ringing for this season alone. I have 3 more dates to do. When my kids and I did this when they were younger non of this drama was there. We had a wonderful time. I didn't set it up with the intention of making it a party for SD. As far as her telling her family that she is saving up for a laptop......they will send her a check in excess of any Christmas or birthday present. That is how they do things. Her Aunt sent her $150.00 a couple of years ago for keyboard. We hadn't even talked about getting her a keyboard. I have convinced her dad that she does not need a laptop at the age of 10. We have a computer that is for her and my son and my son is rarely on it so she basically has a computer. When DH asked her why she wanted a laptop when she had a computer already she said that she wanted to take the laptop to her friends house......I'm sure I don't have to stress the dangers of a 10 year old having unsupervised Internet access. Plus the costs incurred when an item like that is not taken care of properly. DH said no. She was not old enough. She wants to play club penguin and webkinz on the laptop. I told her that when she started to depend on a computer for research for school, around 16, we could talk about it. She is a wonderful little girl with a few very annoying habits that have been allowed to run rampant before DH and I married 3 years ago. I've never seen a family like his. The children completely run the show. What they want they get. No manners, no boundaries, no punishments, nothing. That is until she met me. We are all going through our house and getting rid of stuff and donating a lot to charity. My DH and I have decided to implement the "Less is more" attitude in our family when it comes to what we live with. If the kids get new things the old things must go. SD has kept every happy meal toy, book, stuffed animal etc. that she has been given since she was born. I am not kidding. We are working very hard to have her let go of things.......I don't what this has to do with anything.....I'm off on a tangent....so sorry!

You need to model for your daughter the kind of person you want her to be. What kind of person do you want her to be and what kind of lessons do you want her to learn? I want my grown kids to be the kind of people who are generous of heart, loving and kind to all who are in their family circle. I want them to have a generosity of spirit that believes that love is not a pie to be sliced and there is only a certain amount of love to go around. I want them to believe that love expands and encompasses, and when someone else joins our family circle our love expands, not detracts from everyone else's share of love. For your daughter's sake, you need to be that person. You need to model that inclusiveness so she will have good relationships with both families - yours and your ex-wife's. If your stepkids love you, have a good relationship with you and value your opinion, then hopefully they will love your daughter because they love you. Think about the woman you want your daughter to be, suck it up and model those values. Do you want her to grow up to be a person who is paralyzed with guilt, or do you want her to grow up to be the person who takes a situation and makes the best of it with joy and grace, forgiving herself and others? Whatever you wish she would do in your situation, you need to do it. That's your job. She will have difficulties in life, make mistakes and struggle. It's your job to model how to get through those times. Even if it's hard, you have to start doing your best to do what's right. Once the actions start, the heart will follow. My husband is the type of person who has fun everywhere he goes. Whatever situation he's in, he will make the best of it for himself and everyone else there. Over the years we have all come to appreciate that rare and wonderful trait so much. Give that gift to your daughter if you can. Good luck and I hope this helps.

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say, I feel your pain! I can totally relate to what you are saying. We have a very hard time throwing things out too. And not because we pat ourselves on the back either, it is because we just can't! Sometimes I am jealous of those that can. I don't mean something like hoarding...I mean changing something out because we are tired of the old. We have two behemoth tube-style televisions. We do not watch much tv so we will never wear these stupid things out. One of them my DH won in a raffle with a $3 ticket before we were married. They are so annoying, but I just can not, even with great sales and deals, go buy a new one just because I don't like the old ones. None of our furniture (which most of it is previously used) "matches" but apparently it is going to last forever, so I will forever have mismatching furniture. That is the kind of stuff I can't get rid of. I try not to bring too much other clutter into the house, knowing I have a hard time throwing things in the garbage. I even cringe when I have to throw broken toys away, not because I think they aren't garbage, I just think of the space in the landfill a worthless broken toy is going to take and it seems so wasteful. Over the years we have really become way more selective in what the kids can bring into the house too, because of my dislike for things that break easily and have to be thrown out. Dedtired, where do you get stuff that you can put in paint cans to dry them up? Now THOSE I would love to get rid of!