In back of the cabinet over the fridge.

Top shelf linen closet, behind a stack of towels you never use.

If you really HAD to keep this hypothetical item, high up at the back of a closet. You could store it in a bag or bin and label it, so you didn't have to pull it out to see what it is once you forget what is in there, and even label with a date to check back in with yourself to see if you can part with it yet.

I have to say, it would be easier to answer this question if you could tell us (if not what it is) what the components that make it up are. Fabrics will store differently than metals, for instance.

I have a closet that is very tall and sort of deep. I'd shove it way in the back.

Or, in the cabinet over the fridge; I have a deep one of those, and the box would push the important things to the front. It's double height, so I wouldn't worry that it would be warm from the fridge itself.

Or, if I had any drawer / closet / shelf that was so deep that stuff in the back gets lost, that's where I'd put it.

In fact, any shelf that's about 4 inches wider than this object might be a candidate for it.

Wrap it in brown paper or something, and set it at the back of the shelf, then set other stuff in front of it.

Likewise, you could use it to boost things at the *back* of the linen shelf; set short things like bars of soap on it, and set tall things in front of it.

And I also think you should challenge the assumption that you -must- keep it.

It doesn't have heirloom value--certainly not to you. And if it doesn't have value to you, then surely someone else must care.

Oh, and--I'm going to giv eyou the advice that a friend gave us about the ugly Capo di Monte vase we were re-gifted as a wedding present:

Take it out back and smash it with a hammer.

Oh, it broke! (Who's in charge here--you, or stuff?)

I am a firm believer in Feng Shui and that nothing should be kept that doesn't bring you happiness.

:^) Thanks for the brain-storming. I was curious to see what you all would come up with, not knowing what the item was.

First off, this is not a 'woe is me' story, just one that needs a practical solution. The items in question are our wedding photos and a glass cake topper- the only souvenirs of our (small, Vegas) wedding, which was not a great day but the only wedding we will ever have. Our families were not supportive of us getting married and showed up begrudgingly- they behaved antagonistically and put a damper on the day. The only photos were those taken by friends and family. None are good quality, certainly none that you would want to display. They have been stored in an envelope for 23 yrs and irritate me every time they turn up.

In doing my recent photo organization, I thought it would be no big deal, the emotions associated with them would be less, and I could just file them with the rest of the photos at this point. I was quite wrong. After this time, I have a better understanding of how important that day was, and in some ways it makes it even sadder to see them. They are not photos I would feel comfortable putting in with the rest of the pictures.

I guess that's the crux of the matter, if it were just me, I would not keep them, but they are DH's too, though he doesn't look at them either. I don't know if they might be of interest or importance to DD someday, maybe even some day after we're gone and they will just be neat photos of mom and dad. Who knows, they might even become less sorrowful to me a few more decades down the line. I think they should probably be kept since they are in their own way important and irreplaceable, but I don't want to be reminded of their presence any more often than necessary.

Now that you know what it is, what would you do with it?

Safe deposit box!

But, in all seriousness, I'm sorry that your wedding day brought you so much sadness. Your families should feel bad that they ruined it for you. You are still married despite their feelings and that is reason to celebrated! Perhaps you could have a vow renewal and create new special memories and photos with your husband and daughter?

Bad memories are bad memories and I support keeping them as far away and as outta sight as you can. But do save it b/c one day they will remind you more of DH than of unsupportive relatives and you could regret not having them.

As I was thinking about this, I remembered this wooden figurine a relative carved. It is absolutely hideous so I put it away where? Gee can't remember, but the relative is in ill health and won't be here much longer and I'm glad I have the atrocious piece b/c when he's gone I will think about his beautiful skillful hands and I'm sure it won't seem so ugly anymore. But if it is, back to closet neverland it goes!

I'd keep the photos - in the envelope, back of a file cabinet, or one of the many other places suggested. They don't take up a lot of room, and if the envelope is labeled, you won't open it accidentally.

I'd get rid of the cake topper. DH and I had a blown glass one, we picked it out together, we both loved it, we loaned it to friends for their wedding, and we displayed it on a shelf. Our wedding day was perfect in every way (and we're still married 28 years later). But at one point, DH dropped the cake topper, and it shattered into a million pieces. I was upset at the time, but I got over it pretty quickly, and now, 10 years later, I didn't even think about it until I read your post. Pictures are one thing; the cake topper is just stuff.

I would vacuum seal them and then you could put them anywhere.

Thank you guys for helping me figure this out. I've become such a trash tosser in recent years, it's rare that I find something I don't like and end up in a predicament like this.

Corie Hall, for the first few years we were married, we intended to redo the ceremony, but it just never happened. It's not something we dwell on at this point, it's just that the pictures have come up now in the organizing process and I want to make a good decision about what to do with them so they fit or don't.

bossyvossy, hope you find your figurine someday :) See, that's what I did with the pics for years, stuff them somewhere, but then they would often catch me off guard when they turned up. I think I'd like to put them somewhere out of the way, but where I know where they are.

AnnKH, I very much like the idea of the back of a file cabinet. I think that is what I will do. Then I know where they are, but it's unlikely that I'll stumble across them at a bad time. Plus, maybe that is a place where DD would find them a long time from now.

ANOTHER QUESTION though: I was thumbing through the photos and realized what I really hate about them is not just that they aren't the best memories, but also that many of the pictures feel uncomfortable, IYKWIM? You know how wedding photos are often staged and posed, and a professional photographer with good equipment can pull that off? Well, Meemaw with a point-and-shoot doesn't. A lot of the pictures feel very awkward and unnatural- because frankly they are. I am thinking very hard about editing the stack down to just photos that aren't remotely cringe-worthy. Do you think that would be a mistake to dispose of the ones that feel uncomfortable and just keep a very small percentage? That way, it becomes a handful of wedding photos and not a series of photos with a strange vibe? Thoughts?

Thanks again.

I think that is a great idea! Most people aren't interested in looking through loads of similar photos away.

I would pick your top three photos of you and your spouse, edit them on Photoshop (give yourself nice white teeth and rosy cheeks), frame the one you like best, store the others, and toss the rest. The pain of awkward, yet highly significant events, ebbs away slowly at best, so why keep so many reminders? It's about you and him, that's all there is to it!

Definitely pare them down!

We did have a professional photographer, and we had scores of proofs (back in the real film days, so scores, not hundreds). We chose the very best for an album; we bought some proofs in addition to the album; other proofs we dismissed - even with a pro, not all photos are worth keeping. It's a different mindset when you have to pay for each and every print, but at the end of the day, the only photos we have now are the ones we liked best back then.

Don't feel bad about keeping pictures that make you uncomfortable. I think you'll feel great if you unburden yourself of them.

One caution - do keep an eye out for photos of people who are special to you, if you don't have other/better photos of them. If it's the only picture you have of favorite Aunt Sally from Iowa, hang on to it - but put it in a different envelope. One for wedding, one for family.

Can you scan all of the photos and keep them on your computer or on a backup drive? Then you can throw away the hard copies (maybe keep just the few that don't look so awkward), and the images will still be available if you or your kids want to see them later.

Definitely pare them down.

I vote for NOT scanning and discarding, because electronic photos are (I believe) actually much easier to lose. I'm reminded of some Dear Abby letter about a woman who wanted to read the letter her late husband had written to their very young granddaughter to read later. He'd saved it on a computer disk--and the disk format was about to go completely out of use. Dear Abby said: "Don't read the letter, but get someone to print it out and seal it in an envelope for her, or she will never get to see it."

And if they weren't good enough to keep, why have them for later?

Given what they are, I'd put them in a manila envelope, label them, and bury them under whatever photo storage you have. So they're -with- the other photos, but they're hidden and you don't notice them when you go to that box/folder.

Thanks again, everyone. I haven't had a chance to do those photos yet, but am planning to pare them down and put them in an envelope in the back of the filing cabinet. Still doing the last of the other photos and hope to be done soon- though it looks like the flu may have hit our house early this year, so there's been a lag.

We will probably digitize a few photos just to make sure they are never lost, but I have become someone who practices unplugging a lot. I like to look at paper photos and paper books; like to sit quietly in the corner of a bedroom and do just that one thing mindfully. So often if I am looking at pics on the computer, I get distracted and then am online searching for this or that thing that I was just reminded about. I know I need to keep photos in physical form.

Here's something else I've realized looking at pictures, and it applies to the digitizing aspect as well... I started looking for appropriate storage for our old photos and of course you have to have everything acid free, and there are so many specialty bags/containers/etc. Then I realized that 95% of our photos have no meaning to anybody but DH and myself. After we are gone, they are meaningless memories to anyone else and will probably be thrown away. Not saying this to be a downer or morbid, but it's true. Why spend a fortune storing photos that do not need to last longer than our lifetime? Thinking in those terms has helped me start culling out which ones should be stored in a way that preserves them physically and on the computer.

Anywho... thanks again. I'll let you know how it goes when I get brave enough to do it!

BTW, talley-sue, you make a fantastic point. It's easy for us to think our formats will be around forever and our material is safe and sound. Safe and sound doesn't mean accessible though!

A few years ago I came across a box of old 5.25 floppy disks that had all sorts of written work on them. They were done on a word processing program that was huge in its time, but is completely antiquated now. People laugh nostalgically if you mention it :) I ended up destroying the disks because there wasn't much else to do with them. I probably could have tracked someone down with an ancient computer and the program to retrieve hard copies, but in the end I decided what was on the disks was probably not worth that time/effort/money. People would probably argue that formats nowadays will be easier to continue to access, but why take a chance with something that important. I like the hard copies of photos anyway :)

I hope one day you look at the cake topper as a trophy. A tangible testament to each other and your commitment to one another and togetherness despite the unbearable attitudes and circumstances you were successful!

My parents eloped and no pictures were taken. They've now been married for 54 years, I would love to have a picture of them together on that day.

Perhaps you could create a photo album for your daughter with pictures of family members and herself growing up and place your wedding photos there? Give her the album as a keepsake for her birthday or holiday. That way you never have to come across the photos, but you know where they are...in the possession of someone who appreciates them without the negative emotions.

I WOULD scan the pictures. First, it solves the problem of where to place them. Actually, I would make 2 copies of a USB drive and have the second one off site. Second, this way, pictures can be corrected, cropped, etc., making the best out of each one. This way, maybe a few can be selected to be displayed (?). Third, there are many ways to store digital photos that are permanent and not dependent of format or operating systems. This solves the issue of not being able to retrieve them later. Try Mylio, Lightroom, FOREVER, backing up in the cloud, and Historian, by Panstoria, to start.

I put them in an album anyway. I decided someone might like to see them someday. At least, I figure my son would like to see his parents being happy and together. So, I'd put them in an album and then toss it into the closet. How much space could it take up.

Well, here's a bit of an update, finally. After being sick, getting distracted, and plain old procrastinating, the photos have finally been dealt with.

First of all, thank you all for sharing your ideas and what you would do with them. It's interesting to get the different perspectives and look at our situation through them.

It was surprisingly easy to sort the good from the bad after summoning the strength to just face them and whatever emotions they might bring with them. Many were blurry, there were a number where the people who were the most prominent subject of the photo were not even people we knew (like the guy who drove us to the chapel). Some were outright awkward, like I mentioned before, and I hadn't realized how unhappy I looked in many of them- not sure if that was so much the truth, or just poor timing of a photo. Either way, the small 'keep' stack ended up at 15 photos. In going through both stacks again, it felt clear that one stack was photos worth looking at, and one stack was photos without much to offer; I was surprised at how clear the distinction was and that I wasn't waffling about whether to keep more. There were two or three that ended up in the keep pile, that I wasn't real sure about. Maybe we will revisit in a year or two, and ditch them if they still feel wrong.

For now they are in an envelope in the back of the file cabinet. It feels good to have finally dealt with them. They were one of those things that would turn up, get stuffed somewhere else, and then turn up again later- an exercise in denial. Now it feels like a tucked away envelope with the acceptable, and maybe even good memories, of the day.

Thanks again to everyone who weighed in.

I was going to say safety deposit box too, but Corie beat me to it. Just remember, it is the marriage that is important, not your wedding ceremony.

We are about to celebrate 35 years of marriage. We had a little, thrown together hillbilly wedding but hey, I've gone to many elaborate affairs that didn't last more than a few years. Count yourself as blessed.

quasifish, I'm glad you found a solution that worked for you. I just wanted to add that dh and I created a dropbox account that we shared with our 3 adult kids. In it is a copy of our will, our trust and digital copies of our family photos. I suppose there could be a time when formats change but I have to believe that will happen over time and that, between the 5 of us, at least one of us would remember to update.