Our son's dog, Kate B. left us in her 12th year. She slept at my feet on the corner of the bed for so long that I automatically bent my right leg to make room for her even after she was gone. I told my DH that we had to find another friend. He said we could not replace her. I told him that was true but a new little friend would help to fill the void she had left (I boohoo'd for what seemed like weeks...my son could not believe I took it so hard). Six weeks later Tess came into our lives, all 1 3/4 lbs of her and she has been the best dog of our 42 year marriage. She loves us both, loves to talk to our grown son on the phone...hates his 4 huge cats! We just took in 2 black feral kittens we found under our house. I thought Tess was going to disown us. LOL She loves to tattle on what they are up to and with those two they are ALWAYS up to something (what was I thinking!). The good Lord shared a wonderful friend like Tweed and surely HE will send you another that will help you during the trying times you are dealing with. Much love from Tess, YoYo, YaYa, DH and me (((hug))) Peggy

Viola Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dad 10 months ago. He was 68 and I was 34. I think the same way that you are. It will be hard to go through life for the next 30-40 years without dad. My dad helped me out with watching my kids while I worked. He was such a great dad. I miss him horribly. Everything you are feeling is normal. It doesnt seem fair and at times the sorrow cuts like a knife deep inside my heart. Then I get so mad that he died. I guess all these feelings are normal. Your life will never be the same again, something just changes when you lose someone you love. When I lost my dad I felt so alone and realized wow its really time to grow up now because when mom and dad are still here, a part of you stays there little girl. There is no easy answer. Just try to keep yourself busy and cry when you need to. Talking to other people who are going through similiar thing helps me. I dont like going around people who still have there parents. I guess I am jealous, not sure,. In the end we will be reunited again. My prayers are coming your way. Keep posting

What did you decide to do in the end and how's it going? I'm in an almost identical situation to you, albeit in England. I've been living with my parents since graduating from university and have recently accepted a job offer in a place that's around a 3 hour train journey away, so I'll be moving there. I have a cat who lives at my parent's house, but she is 'my' cat, as in, I found her as a stray on the road when she was a tiny kitten, I took her in and she has been a very happy, lovely pet cat since. I feel very close to her, she also sleeps on me, follows me around etc. When I've gone away for weekends etc. my parents have told me she pines in my room and obviously misses me, she doesn't stop eating or anything drastic but still I feel sad to hear she pines and things. I have been looking for a place that is cat friendly, but realistically my budget for a flat/room is small and it would be extremely unfair to take her with me because of lack of space/being on her own all day. She gets well looked after by my parents and I know they will continue to do so when I go, but they have hinted at the fact that they'd like me to take her eventually as we have another, older rescue cat who really doesn't get on with my younger cat. It's just such a dilemma...I'm really going to miss her, to the extent that moving away feels too hard. But I know I can't stay just for her and I have to move my life forward (i'm not happy living at home and I don't like the place I live in). It's just so hard, because I love her so :-((( So do let me know what you did in the end and how it's going. Thanks, Camilla

This is the classic damage that happens to children from divorce. This is why its so important for parents to EXPLAIN TO KIDS why things are happening. kids tend to blame themselves for everything around them because at their age they cannot grasp reality and societies ways of life. Thank God my husband always explains to his kids. WHy he left their mother, why he cannot go back with her. He always explains. There is alot of facts missing from your explaination. There are many reasons a father could have left. One usual reason is the deep seeded hate for the ex wife. And the exwife causing him grief. She may have put a restraining order on him. He couldnt' stand seeing her while picking up and dropping of his daughter. Second. the amount of child support was so heavy he needed to get a better job to support his daughter. If that was so, they yes, he would leave the support for teh benefit of his daughter. Third, he may have been depressed. I know my husband was depressed because he felt at the time of the divorce, being a failure as a husband and a father. He felt he couldnt' fix the situation and left for the benefit of his kids. But he didn't leave the province or state. But he still left and his kids did blame themselves for a while. What this man did wrong was that he did not explain to his daughter that he is leaving not because of her. He needs to leave for _______explaination. It should have been given to your friend. That way she would not have this complex of selfblame, less worth and so. ITs so IMPORTANT. Unfortunately, the damage is done. But i honestly think, she should meet with her dad and confront him with her feelings. Tell him off the bat that she doesnt want to lose the relationship she has with him BUT she has long lingering questions and feelings of the past. She is an adult and has the right for answers. He will speak with her because she is not a child anymore. i have to be honest. What i've noticed is that men just dont seem to see the same things woman do. My father also moved on and doesnt' speak anymore to us since he remarried. He speaks with me on the phone and now is trying to have a relationship. I've been invited this weekend to his house. I know whatever didn't happen in the past is long gone. He was never much of a father to me. I had alot of resentment and hate for him. Felt neglected, not good enough. But overcame it by delving into my environment and friends and talking my feelings out. But what helped me the most was my confrontation with him. It was heated and loud and alot of emotions poured out. But that helped me. Screaming at him and telling him he wasnt' there for me while i grew up helped me. I felt a closure of somesort. And from that point i moved on with my life. i finally married and have a child ofmy own. Your friend needs to speak with her dad. She must on this, or she will never get over her feelings. Regardless of how much counseling is done.