Missy got this in an email from a friend the other day and asked me if she should dump her friend. When I was reading it and trying not to laugh she gave me dirty looks and had to leave the room. I heard her laughing outside the door so knew I was not going to get hurt. She still weighs 115 like she did in high school. Runs rings around me. "HIGH SCHOOL CLASS REUNION OF A 70 YEAR OLD WOMAN I went on a starvation diet the day before, Knowing that all the extra weight would just melt off in 24 hours, Leaving me with my sleek, trim, high-school-girl body. The last forty years of cellulite collection Would just be gone with a snap of a finger. I knew if I didn't eat a morsel on Friday, That I could fit into my senior formal on Saturday. Trotting up to the attic, I pulled the gown out of the garment bag, Carried it lovingly downstairs, Ran my hand over the fabric, And hung it on the door. I had prepared for it like any intelligent woman would. I stripped naked, Looked in the mirror, Sighed, and thought, "Well, okay, Maybe if I shift it all to the back ..." Bodies never have pockets where you need them. Bravely I took the gown off the hanger, Unzipped the shimmering dress and stepped gingerly into it. I struggled, twisted, turned, and pulled And I got the formal all the way up to my knees ... Before the zipper gave out. I was disappointed. I wanted to wear that dress with those silver sandals again And dance the night away. Okay, One setback was not going to spoil my mood for this affair. No way! Rolling the dress into a ball and tossing it into the corner, I turned to Plan B: The black crepe caftan. I gathered up all the goodies that I had purchased at Saks: The scented shower gel; The body building and highlighting shampoo and conditioner; The split-end killer and shine Enhancer. Soon my hair would look like that girl's in the Pantene ads. Then the makeup -- The under eye "ain't no lines here" firming cream, The all-day face-lifting gravity-fighting moisturizer with wrinkle filler spackle; The 'all day kiss me till my lips bleed, and see if this gloss will come off' lipstick, The bronzing face powder for that special glow. But first, The roll-on facial hair remover. I could feel the wrinkles shuddering in fear. Okay, Time to get ready! I jumped into the steaming shower, Soaped, lathered, rinsed, shaved, tweezed, buffed, Scrubbed and scoured my body to a tingling pink. I plastered my freshly scrubbed face with the Anti-wrinkle, gravity fighting "your face will look like a baby's posterior" face cream. I set my hair on hot rollers. I felt wonderful. Ready to take on the world. Or in this instance, My underwear. With the towel firmly wrapped around my glistening body, I grabbed the black lace, tummy-tucking, cellulite-pushing, ham hock-rounding girdle, And the matching "lifting those bosoms like they're filled with helium" bra. I greased my body with the scented body lotion and began the plunge. I pulled, stretched, tugged, folded, tucked, twisted, shimmied, Hopped, pushed, wiggled, shook, caterpillar crawled and kicked. Sweat poured off my forehead but I was done. And it didn't look bad. So I rested. A well deserved rest, too. The girdle was on my body. Bounce a quarter off my behind? It was tighter than a trampoline. Can you say, "Rubber baby buggy bumper buns?" Okay, So I had to take baby steps, And walk sideways, And I couldn't move from my buns to my knees. But I was firm! Oh no I had to go to the bathroom. And there wasn't a snap crotch. From now on, Undies gotta have a snap crotch. I was ready to rip it open and re-stitch the crotch with Velcro, But the pain from past experiments was still fresh in my mind. I quickly sidestepped to the bathroom. An hour later, I had answered nature's call and repeated the struggle into the girdle. I was ready for the bra. I remembered what the saleslady said to do. I could see her glossed lips mouthing, "Do not fasten the bra in the front, and twist it around. Put the bra on the way it should be worn -- Straps over the shoulders. Then bend over and gently place both breasts inside the cups." Easy if you have four hands. But, with confidence, I put my arms into the holsters, Bent over and pulled the bra down ... But the boobs weren't cooperating. I'd no sooner tuck one in a cup, and while placing the other, the first would slip out. I needed a strategy. I bounced up and down a few times, tried to dribble them in with short bunny hops, but that didn't work. So, while bent over, I began rocking gently back and forth on my heel and toes and I set 'em to swinging. Finally, on the fourth swing, pause, and lift, I captured the gliding glands. Quickly fastening the back of the bra, I stood up for examination. Back straight, slightly arched, I turned and faced the mirror, turning front, and then sideways. I smiled, yes, Houston , we have lift up! My breasts were high, firm and there was cleavage! I was happy until I tried to look down. I had a chin rest. And I couldn't see my feet. I still had to put on my pantyhose, and shoes. Oh ... why did I buy heels with buckles? Then I had to pee again. So I put on my sweats, fixed myself a drink, ordered pizza, and skipped the high school reunion. If this did not give you a good laugh -- you're too young!" It is the spirit of the person that makes them beautiful so wear the remembrances of every little thing with pride, all that I have met here are beautiful and i have not met any in person yet.

Beth -- You're Paul Gaugin is still on back order at Hortico, along with mine. I put in 3 orders from them this year totalling 31 roses (which includes 7 that I received but that failed to break dormancy last year and which they are replacing at no cost). On Dec. 3, they sent me a "confirmation" of my order and said it would ship out on Dec. 15, And, of course, all of the roses are still shown as available now on the Hortico website. Today they called me and said of my 31 roses, only 11 would be available to ship out on December 15, and that this is their only remaining ship date to the US for the year. The other 20 (including Paul Gaugin) are now backordered, again. I chose to hold off until January for the whole lot of 'em, rather than pay double shipping costs (which was what they were proposing). At least they didn't hit my credit card early this time. But, it's still maddening. "Available" on their website does not necessarily mean the roses are "available" at all. It means "we might get these roses in someday." And Hortico seems to be getting worse than in the past, in my considered opinion. Kathy

So many misconceptions. First, the assumptions that Saturday will be cut... nope. Tuesday is the day they'll cut. Thinking it'll reduce staff? Nope. Some possible temp/part-time maybe but nothing significant. Some electrical/heating cost from the buildings being shut down. Think that they'll lose hours? Hardly. They're under contract, though it should be re-negotiated by someone with some guts. Our not using is causing them to have financial trouble??? That's totally laughable. The mismanagement, overpayment of employees, letting them work 3 hrs and day and get paid for 8+ OT... and they still have trouble with deliveries? LOL One of the local towns has the post office paychecks being sent FedEx... because they kept LOSING their own paychecks! I know a number of people who work at the, excuse me, are employed by the post office. I know a lot of the stuff that goes on there. Want to restore financial soundness? Cut back on unneeded management. Make all of them work the full 8 hrs instead of having someone else punch them out later, go take a nap and come back and other scams. Pay them what they're worth and no more. Quit giving incentives to do less, and give incentives to do more. Quit giving carriers a vehicle and then paying them mileage on their own vehicles. These are all normal and sound business practices for but when you're government subsidized you don't have fiscal accountability. Actually, having the post offices open 7 days a week would be a better option. Make it more convenient to use, and have people wait on customers instead of leaning on the counter in back watching. I do as much as I can by phone or internet and will do more and more as I can. We talk about all the bailouts from airlines to auto companies but forget about the ongoing bailout called the post office.

Sounds like several here are getting close to ... "second childhood" ... ... from one who's got 'way beyond that. I think ... or, so he claims. Anyway ... enjoy being 70 ... and I was going to say that you get one more day to enjoy it ... but that was last year's crop. ole joyfuelled ... and it appears that quite a few here share similar "fuelling"