Sushi, you are a much better person than I am.

I can see these mean people suddenly throwing themselves on Daddy's comatose body or casket, crying and streaking in some guilt ridden dramatic Calvary moment, taking over, suddenly demanding to talk to doctors, undertakers, changing medical plans / funeral arrangements and undermining every medical decision and every move that his wife makes. They made their bed, and they can lie in it. I have a friend who actually had two separate funeral home visitations to avoid having to stand next to horrible step children. I know someone else whose husband's ex of 25 years showed up in a black veil expecting to stand in the receiving line. I'm not calling anyone. They can hear through the grapevine or read about it in the newspapers.

I never thought of that. . . . I’d be more inclined to agree with
Sushi. But, I suppose if you can be
married to your husband of 14 years, do things with his children/SKs for about
the same length of time, think you all get along, and then go to your SD’s wedding and be treated like
you are a piece of gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe and the entire scenario
is completely set up like your husband and his ex- are still married, including
him walking his ex- down the aisle, all without neither you nor your husband (dad) being given a heads-up, then I suppose after 25 or so years of
marriage, your husband could pass on, and his adult children, his ex-wife, etc.
could all show up expecting to be A#1, with you being relegated to the trailer
trash heap pile once again? Oh great, after
wedding-hell now I get to look forward to funeral-hell!? I guess I’ll just try to put that out of my
mind for a while, a long while.

Vilen, my husband has a heart condition that can be treated with surgery or medication. After hubby decided to take the medication route, SS started insisting on getting involved in the decision making... Never bothered to go to a doctors appointment, just became an instant internet expert and implied that if anything "happened" to Dad he would hold me responsible. I'm not calling them for anything.

Sorry, southernlights. Sometimes adults/kids just don't want to admit that their dad and his wife love each other like husband and wife and want to be treated like husband and wife. The loss is theirs.

A colleague is going through a hard time right now because her husband of a lot of years is on hospice. His parents & siblings haven't had anything to do with him since he stopped paying their bills,buying them cars, being their scapegoat...now they're coming out of the woodwork.

When the wife told them "no dice, you don't get to torture him any more", they enlisted cousins, aunts, uncles, *neighbors* to call her & "intervene", telling these dupes that the wife is the problem, that she's alienated him from his loving family all these years, etc.

She got a court order to protect him from harassment while he was in the hospital & nursing home, & she changed her phone # & email, & blocked them on facebook.

It happens all the time, & it's always about greed.

Protect your dear husband & yourself.

We set up medical powers of attorney, which protects a spouses decision making ability in case one spouse is unable to speak for themselves.

That will help, but you would be surprised how a combination of guilt and greed can cause estranged family to become rabid at these times.

thanks for the comments and advice everyone and I'm sorry to hear that some of you have similar issues. We did take care of the will some time ago. Son and his wife were completely removed, but my husband has made provisions for the granddaughters he's never been allowed to see. that's the kind of guy he is. It's so very sad and unnecessary. I find as I get older I keep asking the question more and more, what's wrong with people? You go through life and have choices, you can be kind or you can be a jerk. Why would you pick the second one? I'm far from perfect, but to be mean to people who've done nothing wrong to you, especially family, I'll never understand that. And what's even sadder is that I know my husband is just one of many who has experienced this. I know a family who's mom was on her death bed waiting for her son to come see her, and he refused. This was a mom who in my opinion was as near perfect as a mom could be, totally devoted to her family her whole life. There was an evil DIL and $ involved in that situation as well.

In laws and step relationships can be very similar. Also, the loss of a gravy train can be very traumatic for some people.

Please note that I was responding to the question of notification of the father's passing. Not a serious illness. But after the fact. And it could be well after the fact (after will/estate is settled) as far as I care. But yes, I think some effort should be made.

I agree with that, after funeral arrangements have been made, or well after. We live in the same area, so word travels fast.

Have a similar situation. Mil who stole from me then when confronted lied to her son, my husband, put him through hell with her lies. years later my husband got sick, one phone call from her ( he was off work for 4 mo.).

He went to the mayo clinic in her hometown, where he grew up had to stay

in a hotel , mil still lived in the home son grew up in. Got to visit with her one

evening while there. She and her daughters left Thursday morn for a long weekend at a casino.

so do I call her if my husband passes? Will let someone else make the call.

give them just enough time to fly down for the funeral. she won't be welcome in my home.

dont want to give mil or her other children reason to sue me for pain and

suffering.

Some judge may give her some of what I have.

I'm so sorry, josephine.

My friend/colleague's husband was on hospice.

Trying to do the right thing, she told his horrible mother when he was within days of dying.

His sister showed up & "read to him"...the only book she had in her car evidently- a Stephen King novel!

Then his mother came by when he was sleeping, stayed about 2 minutes & left "instructions" with the nurses that they were to withhold his morphine so he'd be awake when she returned!

After he died, the mother planned her own memorial service, separate from the one the widow had, & notified facebook that she was next-of-kin & his facebook account now belonged to her. & facebook turned it over to her.

My friend hasn't had any luck getting facebook to respond to her, so she can't access his account, can't get those memories, etc. & his mother can, & does, use the account to dramatize her own "loss".

so I'd say, don't let anybody know anything until you've taken care of everything & they can't make trouble.

Cash the insurance policy, have the funeral, get the bank accounts & internet accounts locked up, probate the will.

Whatever you do, don't take chances;

protect your loved ones, & protect yourself.

The loss of a gravy train is indeed traumatic, & vicious people have a field day whenever there's a crisis or loss.

Financially & emotionally, they feed off things like this.

Take care.

Thanks Sylvia, I feel sorry for my husband. He is the victim of his mothers

cruelty. I have told him to have his mother come visit but no...

this same woman had a sis who was in the hosp for two wks, knowing she

would never leave the hosp, and never let her her sis know she was dying.

would think some people would learn.

just glad we have 4 sons, his stepsons, who cares for us and keeps in touch.

thanks Syl

how much rain did you get last week?

our little farm in se tex, just north of vidor got 10 in.

don't know how much, but it was over 4"! & now it's raining again.

Just south of here, Corsicana got some terrible amount, maybe 12" or something, & had massive flooding.

Watched the weather channel.

saw the rig on top of the hotel.

stay safe and stay dry.

This has nothing to do with this forum.

will take it to Texas forum.

take care syl