I can really relate to this woman - I live on a 1/8 acre suburban lot, just one block from a subway stop in a close-in suburb, and I've ripped out nearly all the grass and replaced it with a mix of native and non-native perennials, shrubs, and trees with just grass paths inbetween - my garden is also NWF certified. I'm sure there are some people who hate my garden, but when I am out working in the front yard I get nothing but positive, unsolicited comments from the pedestrians who pass by. But I do make an effort to keep it fairly neat, and I live in an area where all the houses are older, a bit funky, and there is no HOA....we have a tolerant live-and-let-live attitude here, but there are other parts of my town that are HOA restricted and my type of gardening would probably be prohibited. There are some towns near me in suburban Maryland (Takoma Park and Greenbelt come to mind) where the towns actually ENCOURAGE the 1/8 acre suburban lot owners to take out their front and back lawns and plant natives and xeriscapes. There are entire blocks in Takoma Park, MD where everyone has done this and it's just beautiful to walk down those streets in any season. If they keep hassling here, perhaps this lady should move to another area where the neighbors think more like she does...

Interesting thread. As a rookie I'm not sure I have that much to offer, but some thoughts (I'm home with the flu today, so apologies if I'm less than coherent!) - in looking for original plans for your house, can you check neighbours with the same model (assuming there are multiple examples)? Wwe live in a pocket of about 20 of these little bungalows (there were 3 original designs, although they've been so altered over the years sometimes it's hard to realise!) and when we started working on plans for ours, I looked at as many of our neighbours' houses as I could, mostly to see how they had solved the problems this old house presented. I learned A LOT, and it really helped when we started considering what could/couldn't be done, and where the original bones were (since our house had already had some alterations made by previous owners). - from your post I get the feeling that you want to hand off a lot of the "hard work" stuff to professionals, but also that you want to have tight control on decisions. I will say that in reading here and elsewhere, the folks who seem UNhappiest with their remodeling experiences are those who've handed off to the professionals on the assumption it would all work out the way they wanted BECAUSE those people were professionals (bad English, but I hope that makes some kind of sense). For a project as substantial as you're considering, I do think you'd really REALLY help yourself by finding a design program you're comfortable using and drawing things - both for yourself, AND for the people you hire. My GC has repeatedly told me that part of the success of this project - and one of the reasons he could keep costs down - was because the drawings I gave him made it 100% clear what I wanted to do. Sure, it was his job to figure out HOW to do it structurally, but by working together - often with the design on the laptop so we could show each other what we were talking about - we avoided costly miscommunications. There are a lot of user-friendly programs out there more intuitive than the two you mentioned and, in your case, it might be a couple of hundred dollars and a few hours well spent. And it will give you WAY more control over the project, as your own understanding of what's happening will be greater. - I think whether or not you need an architect or structural engineer will depend on local requirements; what you're doing sounds like a really good GC could handle it UNLESS there are CA-specific requirements which insist that specialists handle specific areas. We did a fair bit of structural work, but our municipality is one that has a very easygoing attitude about permits - basically, if you don't change the footprint, they don't really care (we heard this from multiple GCs, builders and neighbours, so it wasn't just one person's opinion). We have managed wonderfully with a GC who handled everything (literally - no subs). It's worked well for us, but I suspect in CA the story may be different. Talk to neighbours who've done work and interview loads of folks across the range of price bands and see what you can glean in talking to them (I learned a LOT talking with the other 5 contactors - the ones we didnt' hire). You need to get a feel for the many different ways a project like yours could be approached. - "phase" the work. This is something our GC did that made it HUGELY easier. He broke it down, in order, so we could see where we were going and how it would all work (essentially it was: 1. create access to attic ie build the new stairs 2. reinforce and finish attic 3. holiday break 4. work on removing or framing wall between kitch/diner as appropriate 4. install kitchen). We were never in any doubt as to the PROCESSS so, even when we had to make adjustments or there were (minor) delays, we knew how it would all fit in. - while obviously you will need to forward plan so that initial work doesn't then have to be changed to accommodate subsequent work, be prepared to be FLEXIBLE. One of the reasons our project has run smoothly is because while we had a clear plan, both sides were willing to adjust as necessary during the process - it wasn't a case of clinging to ideas which simply wouldn't work in reality once we got inside walls to see what was there etc. That's another thing, too - beware ANYBODY who can "promise" that something will work before opening up a wall or seeing what's really there (think of all the threads in here where people have been disappoinited and had to make significant changes once a wall was opened and revealed something other than was supposed). There is ALWAYS a workaround, but, IMO rookie opinion, it's easier to find those when you don't cling to fervently to one single idea . This is also where being able to draw ideas for YOURSELF comes in handy, since you can play "what if" and come up with possible alternatives (I know I keep harping on about this despite the fact you said you DON'T want to do that, but I truly believe it will help enormously in so many ways). I had several "contingency" plans already thought of just in case we had issues with, for instance, taking down the wall. In the event it wasn't a problem, but I figured I'd better have more than one way of doing it just in case! Sorry for the rambling nature of this - I'm not sure I'm necessarily addressing your specific questions, but just some ideas fwiw. Start compiling lists of local requirements/experiences/contacts via neighbours and local friends and colleagues, consider buying a user-friendly home-design program so you can play "what if?" for yourself and also create drawings of your ideas which will be clearer than any description (and also avoid a "middle man" interpreting what you describe, sometimes leading to misunderstandings and disappointment), be willing to stay flexible as variants arise when the work begins and things aren't quite as anticipated, and most importantly... ENJOY the process! I confess that I have found it HUGELY enjoyable, much to my surprise. Yes, stressful - particularly at first before I "got used to" people coming in and cutting my house in half as a matter of course!! - but fascinating and very rewarding. Best of luck!

The only male relatives I have are my husband (almost 70), my brother....who is in his 80's and my nephew, who is in his 50's and married. (Oh, and I have a son-in-law, who is around 40 years old). I don't expect any of them to have a sexual attraction towards Carol Christmas. I mean, we may be kind of "out there"...I am a possum rehabber and that is kind of strange, but making anyone feel sexually uncomfortable would be the fartherest thing from any of our minds....of that, I am sure. I think my nephew would like to have some family. His mother and siblings are all dead. She is likely, his full sister. I would caution him (and will caution him) if this proceeds, to go very slowly and let her take the lead on this. She may never want anything to do with any of us, and that is understandable. She might well resent any intrusion in her life....and I understand that completely. My life is very quiet. I would not be open to a bunch of drama, myself. I will see if I can find an adoption group to join. If for no other reason than to get feedback on what they think about this. If I go to any meetings, I will take my nephew. I'd invite my brother along, but he is getting kind of feeble. The very last thing I want to do is cause anyone any discomfort or make them feel uneasy. Just because she is a blood relative, does not mean that her life experiences haven't made her entirely different from any of us and she may have nothing in common with us, and no interest in us whatsoever. I am not at all a pushy person. I don't want my "idle curiosity" to be a source of trauma or pain or the slightest bit of problem for anyone. I would like to give her some info on family health issues....which really aren't many....we are all very healthy....and I can give her pictures of her birth mother. I can fill in any gaps she may have, but I would want her to know that she is under no obligation to include me (or us) in any part of her family. When I was growing up, my grandmother (father's mother) lived next door to us. My mother never got along with her mother in law, and from what I understand, the worst insult anyone could say in our family was "you are just like Grandma Stout"....who really was known to be a rather mean old lady. I remember when I was about 9 years old, going over there to play with a couple of cousins and when it was time to eat lunch, she made me go home. When I came back, after lunch, I had left my stick horse there, and my grandmother had thrown it on her burn pile and was setting it on fire. I tried to pull it out of the fire and she hit me with her cane. Anyway, I really looked up to one of my cousins....mainly because I loved horses and she knew a lot about horses....although neither of us had a horse. Anyway, I was not allowed to play with her, and the last time I saw her was in 1957, at my grandmother's funeral. I found her on Facebook and I very reluctantly sent her a friend request and message. I was afraid she would want nothing to do with me, because our families didn't get along. However, I was pleasantly surprised...and we have become good friends and we often joke about how shocked our folks would be that we have become good friends.

Could it be her clothing? Sometimes if people wear clothing multiple times between washing it will start stinking badly. The problem is that usually the person wearing the clothing has become immune to the smell because of proximity. I know I've had that happen to me with sweaters and such in the winter that I don't always launder between uses. I don't notice a smell until I come back to it after a break and then I wonder how long I was wandering around smelly, lol. I'm more inclined to think that because, as carla mentioned, if she's been swimming every day she shouldn't smell that bad unless she's putting dirty clothes back on. If she's in an apartment or another place without washers and dryers in the home, it's really easy to get more lax about laundry hygiene because it's a pain to haul it to the laundromat or the coin washers in the basement.