I'm with you on this. I don't even like filling out the envelope with my own address to save the recipient the time.

I don't but I will either call and thank someone or send a heart felt email. I have one sister who does it religiously and expects it in return but settles with my call. I have a couple of relatives who don't acknowledge at all and another that's a hit and miss, sometimes it takes months to hear from her. It used to bother me, but then I just decided to give if and when I wanted with out any expectation and if I heard back great, but if I didn't who knows how I may feel if the occasion presents itself again. I like that I no longer feel obligated.

I was brought up to say thank you for anything I'm given...even a compliment! I gave a friend hoya plant cuttings today and she thanked me twice...verbally...but a written thank you would have been appropriate if I'd not been gifting her in person.

This is why I'm teaching my kids to write thank you notes.

My 8 year old had her birthday a few weeks ago and as soon as we got home from the party, we wrote down each gift and who gave it. She had a week to write her thank you notes and I mailed them.

I figure it is a good habit to get in, even though I wasn't raised that way.

I did send thank you notes for graduation, wedding and baby shower but my parents didn't really teach me to do it, I just understood that it was expected.

If I can engrain the habit in my children then I can spare at least a few people from the frustration I have felt after hosting 3 different baby showers, a bachelorette party, going to at least 3 weddings that I can think of plus countless graduation and baby shower gifts and I have received exactly ONE thank you note.

Grrr!!!

I don't like having to address my own card either. The one graduation party was given together with a stepdaughter we didn't even know. I didn't want to give one without the other.. I taught our children to do this. Our grandchild send them to us..

When my kids were growing up they weren't allowed to play with new toys or spend birthday money until they had written thank you cards. That was my attempt to teach them manners and I'm happy to say it worked..........

.........that is until they became adults. Only my daughter still writes thank you notes and they are so beautifully worded that I save them. Sad to report neither of my boys send thank you notes.

I do the same, either call or send a thank you note.

My nieces & nephews (in their early 30's) sent me a thank you texts or just a thank in person which I'm fine with that. However, when I gave gifts on their weddings, they sent me thank you cards along with small gifts. I was quite touched as I didn't think their generation would still be sending thank you cards and gifts(?). The gifts added a personal touch for sure. I later found out, I was the only one among my siblings to receive the gifts. That certainly said it all. My nephews & nieces don't often say or do much but when they do, it's very meaningful.

Address your own card???????? I have never heard of this! It's extremely tacky. If they're not sure they have correct postal addresses, it not being a mailed invitation kind of party, a nice thing to do would be to have a nice desk sized address binder with a pretty pen, put it out like a guest book, and ask people to enter their details so the honoree can move forth from this rite of passage with contact information for the beloveds who have come to share in the occasion and perhaps give a gift. It could be high tech, with a computer station. It could even be file cards to go in a box and golf pencils. The one thing it should NOT be is the actual envelope or card that is being sent as a thank-you!

I don't really like address labels on personal correspondence like this, but I can easily ignore that so long as the note itself is personal. (I.e., mailmerge on the envelopes is fine, but please don't send me a form letter!) I'm fine with a personal e-mail or phone call, or an in person thank-you for all but the most formal occasions. The great thing about thank-you notes, however, is that in the middle of a whirl of a party it's often hard to see and appreciate what has been given, if the gifts are even presented and opened during it. The note gives you a chance to say something personal to someone you missed, and to acknowledge the thought behind the gift.

On the same subject, however, what's with hostess gifts that have no name on them?? Yeah, you handed it to me, but it was wrapped and looks just like three others, and when you handed it to me, I was trying to keep the toddler (not mine!) from falling out of the front door, kiss you hello, keep half an eye on Aunt Mary and her cane and give the hairy eyeball to one of the boys to go help her, take your coat, make sure you had a drink and someone to talk to, and knew your way to the hors d'oeurve, all the while keeping watch of the time so the dinner didn't burn. Yes, you brought me something or other, but danged if I know which of these nameless parcels was yours! If you don't get a lovely thank-you note, and only a kind of vague acknowledgement, please don't blame me. I have a good memory, and I love you, but you have to do your part.

I think what especially upsets me is when I go out of my way to get something special. For a niece's 30th, I contacted her husband to find out a local spa and hair salon. He told me her favorite place. I sent the gift card and heard nothing!

I wound up asking my sister if her daughter, my niece, got the gift. And, she did. She told her mother, yet "forgot" to tell me.

It's a bit of a downer. Part of the fun of giving a gift is to share the excitement the recipient hopefully feels when getting the gift.

I also taught my daughters to write hand written notes. I don't think they still do. Personally, a written note is fine, but if I had my druthers, I would prefer a phone call. People rarely speak on the phone nowadays.

I do send them. But I don't expect to receive them. Times....they are a changing ;)

Sometimes you just want to know if it was received at all.
Several years ago I sent, from the store, a very nice set of silverware to the
bride of a nephew. I never received a thank you of any kind. We are not close to
that part of the family and have always wondered if the store actually sent it
if they received it or what. They divorced after a couple of years so I guess
it doesn’t matter. That was the last time I had a gift sent from the place of
purchase now I send a check at least I know they got it when it’s cashed.

I have a niece and nephew (brother and sister) who were both married in the past year. My DH and I received thank-you notes from both of them. My sons who gave a joint gift didn't receive a thank-you note from my niece and their gift to them was nicer than ours! My nephew sent them a thank-you note thanking them for the wrong gift.

I never send a gift from a store because I really don't know in what condition it's received in and whether or not it's the correct item.

I do it and I make sure my children and grandchildren do as well because I nag them until they do.

When my parents had a blow out, formal anniversary party (but not a wedding style one), I designed the invitations and a matching thank-you note. The printing was nicely done on nice paper, but really didn't cost a lot compared to basic stuff like food. Having a large stack of personalized notes makes things so easy. It was a nice touch, having it match the invitations, seating cards, etc. There were plenty extra, and my mother still prefers to use them 10 years later.

Kids could do the same kind of thing. Design their own thank-you notes and make a stack of them, keep them in a lovely box with a pen, ready to write (we always had bought ones; something one always had at the ready, however). They could be digital or linoleum block print or any image that can be scanned and printed. They should all be the same though, so the kids don't get stuck on wanting to keep the best one and the pink one and the one with the dog on it, etc. I think if you put the same importance on the object and ritual of writing as you do on the meaning it becomes more tangible for kids. I'm perfectly happy to receive the "draw JC a picture" type of kid thank-yous done on notebook or copy paper, but I know it's kind of a drag for them to do them. Creating a note, and acquiring or making envelopes that fit, and finding or decorating a beautiful box for them, is rewarding in itself, and then getting to use them in the beginning is something to look forward to, rather than a boring chore. (One can hope (though perhaps futilely) that before it's a bore it becomes a habit.)

For a large formal party or wedding (well more than 50 guests, i.e., beyond what most can remember), where you have reply cards (or the digital equivalent), it's so easy to use a card file box or spread sheet to keep track of the addresses, gift received, note sent, etc. Just a little organization does wonders. I said my piece above about gifts without tags with names, but it's really hostess gifts that lack them, usually, except that occasional one where the card fell out and you have to use process of elimination and call the mom to confirm. Given that you have a gift and a tag and know you're going to open and separate the two, being prepared with a smartphone or spiral notebook, writing the description of the gift on the card as well, and keeping the card in or tied to the gift, are all strategies that let you know who gave what. Having the giver write it out for you and address the thank-you notes is TACKY and LAZY and RUDE. I would make an exception for a developmentally or mentally challenged individual who had a particular deficit in focus and organization and really needed help (most don't).

I'm sorry. I'm going on and on. I'm just a bit shocked and really ticked off at the chutzpah.

My ex dil always had her children send a thank you. Started when they were little. They still do it today as they are teens and 20's. They may been the type where you filled in the blanks when they were younger and couldn't write much or sign their names it still meant something to me. My other grandchildren always make sure and say a big thank you to us in person. Along with a big hug, The adults never send a thank you. Adult nieces and nephews do when it is a graduation or a wedding gift. I do think it is a lost art.

I have to agree with StolenIdentity, times are changing and there are lots of things that are done differently now than say 20-30 years ago. I don't think it's rude or thoughtless not to send a handwritten note as long as some method to say a nice got it and thank you is used. But to not hear anything is unacceptable.

I certainly do. A gift is not a requirement and I'm touched when I receive one - I like to let the giver know that. (probably some of them are scratching theirs heads saying "I wonder why she sent me that?")

Well over a year ago, I attended what was called "the million dollar wedding" of a distant cousin, with a gazillion other guests. Since they were "out of my league", I looked at their many registers and spent far more than I normally do for a gift....but no thank you has come and doubt if there will ever be! I am thankful that I get a verbal or text to thank me from all of my immediate family members.

The only thank you notes that I wish would be stopped is for funeral memorials and other acts at that time. There are so many important things to do when someone is grieving that notes are adding another burden to the family.

I keep thank you notes in my desk at work, and at home. My boss also still sends thank you notes. I'm in my forties, he's in his sixties. My son will send them on occasion.

plllog, you do make a good point. Actually, when it comes to cards making them you and my mother could be cut from the same cloth, lol. She's 83, quite computer savy, and loves making her own cards. They are special and I've saved them all.

Just wanted to let you know that I write thank you notes and have taught my kids to do the same. If I may say, they write awesome notes -- lengthy, funny, grateful notes. We're just about to send off a batch my youngest wrote following his recent birthday.

Since the gifts you gave for the new graduates were likely delivered in May (?), I think you could contact their mothers to ask if your gifts were received as "you hadn't heard anything and wondered if the item(s) had gotten lost". As for the new mothers, give them until the baby is about 6 months old and send a note of inquiry (along with asking how the baby is doing, of course).