Talk to the teacher and talk to, and listen to your daughter. The important thing is not whether in an objective sense, it's a lot of responsibility so much as whether your daughter feels like it is a lot of responsibility or burdensome to her. One way people have had success with different 'buddying' systems for support has been to have alternating designated 'buddies.' The people defined as 'buddies' (your daughter's present duties and position) should have defined limited terms so that they can have breaks. The child who needs the support can gain experience interacting with others too. It can be a very positive experience for the whole class as well as an excellent way to build a sense of 'community' among people/students. It's true that in a literal sense, people can't 'be their brother's keeper' but it is also true that some people are just uncommonly gifted in different areas in ways that allow them to be able to help others. Helping others who require help basically helps out the whole group (in the smaller sense of the whole class, or even your daughter and the girl with the vision problems; or in the larger sense of all of humanity). People in your daughter's position might well be gifted enough to theoretically be able to perform naturally well as a 'buddy.' That shouldn't be allowed to cloud the fact of her age and developmental stage, and the fact that she has needs too. She should have a limited, defined role as a 'buddy' and it probably would be better for _everyone_ involved to have a system that allows for rotating 'buddies.' The problem for the teacher then is to figure out if they can, and how they can (all the rest of the class) be included. Some children may not be able to perform as well, or might need 'buddy training' or something to be able to do even minimally well. The teacher should be informed that your daughter sounds like she's feeling 'burnt out' over this chore. You can listen to your daughter. You can share your own experiences of when you had to perform something similar (caregiving?, aid?, and there was seemingly no end to this role). If you've had that kind of experience you can give her tips and encouragement. Does she think that there are other students in the class who could do a good job and work well with the girl who has vision problems? Would a rotation schedule where the different student 'buddies' had limited terms of duty help for her? (You can ask her those kinds of questions). it's really hard to maintain motivation and anything like a positive attitude when it feels like a 'duty' is only a chore and like one person has been singled out to bear the load so to speak (take time to say out loud how appreciative you are about how she does things, and how she's been able to work in a caregiving sort of capacity like that... some adults are more or less incapable of functioning in that capacity at all; she's probably an extraordinary first grader)

Unless your state is much more well off financially than most, it's highly likely that even if social services decides his mother isn't the best caregiver for your grandson, they will try to place him with a family member. That's generally what happens around here, at lease, if there's anyone at all in the family who is remotely interested and capable of caring for the child, so I wouldn't be overly concerned that a call for a little help would necessarily shunt him immediatley into the foster system. However, it probably would be a good idea to check around to make sure how things work in your specific jurisdiction. What about calling a home health service? Explain the situation to them and ask what help they can offer and what it will cost. After all, young mothers sometimes need to have medical procedures, so I'm sure the appropriate temporary help is available--you just need to find it. What about hiring a responsible babysitter? Will your medical 'time off' be in the summer? you might be able to find a teacher or responsible college student who might like a couple of extra weeks pay during her vacation. If you belong to a church or other group, you might find a few women there who would be happy to pitch in. The one thing I wouldn't do is force your dd to take care of a child she has no interest in. I know it's an extreme case, but wouldn't little Kaleigh (sp?) Anthony have been better off if her mother had been allowed to put her up for adoption, rather than being forced to keep her by her mother? I'm definitely NOT saying your dd is like Casey, but I also don't think it would be in your gchild's interest to have an unintersted mother caring for him. Sorry to say, but her behavior is very symptomatic of a person with an addiction. there's plenty of help around for you--I'm confident you and the other grandmother will find a way. One solution might be to put the child in daycare during the day (M-F) so the other grandmother only has to watch him a few hours a day. There are child care/day care facilities that will take short term cases like this, but you may have to do a little digging to find one. Good luck

Hi Synchrony - To answer your question -- Yes, I know two children who have a history of seizures and resulting developmental delays. (Both talk and walk fine now, though they're 14...) They are both lovely boys, kind, lively, fun, well-mannered, and a pleasure to be around. They're both struggling in school and in special education classes, which is how I know them. There's also the possibility that I (and you) know many other children who had early seizures, but that they're indistinguishable from their peers now, so we don't recognize them. I looked at your link from the other post, and see that you are in the UK. (She's darling, by the way!) As an American, I don't know exactly how your health system works, but I do know that there are resources available for children with developmental delays (and your daughter's development IS delayed at this point), and that as the parent, you will need to PUSH hard to make things happen. Your daughter should qualify for services -- at the very least, Speech Therapy to help her learn to talk, and Physical Therapy to help her learn to walk. I assume her seizures are being taken seriously from a medical perspective? And that she is receiving proper treatment to help prevent future seizures? Her Pediatrician or Neurologist should be able to give you some information about what services are available in your area to help your daughter catch up to her peers. If they can't or won't refer you immediately, please look for parents' groups in your area. Search online, call the schools -- keep looking because they are out there. (You can usually find a group for parents of autistic children, and even though it's not the same problem, they should be able to tell you what steps to take to get your daughter the kind of help she needs to get started.) Quite simply, there is no one else on the planet who cares about your daughter's future as much as you do, and you need to remember this at all times -- particularly when folks tell you to relax and wait and let 'the experts' lead the way. If you 'wait patiently', that means your daughter does not get the services she needs.

I wonder if your ex is not putting your daughter up to the things that she is saying. She pretty much just gave me an ultimatum that if I don't end my relationship with "some girl" that her and my relationship is in jeopardy The "some girl" comment sounds very much like the "you look like you're 16" comment that my (30 year old) sisters (6 year old) step daughter made when she (sister) got serious with "dad". It was something that SDs mom had said (trying to imply that she was too young to be with him). There is a lot of poisoning that goes on (whether intentional or not) when people split up. It seems like sometimes, even if mom moves on, she's still not willing to see dad do the same. You need to (gently) find out if the ultimatum (end it or lose me) is coming from your daughter or your ex. When my DH's ex found out that I wasn't going anywhere, she cut off all contact between DH and his two children. He hasn't seen or spoken with them in three and a half years. Is there any chance your daughter believes something like this could happen? Is there any chance that mom is telling her things like, if your dad marries her, he won't have time for you, or he'll have a new family and won't want you anymore...or you're not going to go stay with him if that 'girl' is living with him...etc.? Good Luck!! Just one other thing I'd like to comment on... Dyans World...you say My father didnt want to take care of me and left my mother, my father married someone else and had other kids, my father sucked. BUT my step daddy was the best thing that ever happened to me to this day he will always be my daddy and the bio can jump in a lake. Please know that I am saying this in the most heart felt way, and I mean no disrespect to your mother or 'daddy'... I don't know how old you were when your parents separated...but I know that for the past three and a half years my husbands ex has been telling his children (and anyone else who will listen) that he "didn't want them", that he "abandoned" them, even that he abused them. She has told them so many lies that these children, who used to crawl up on his lap and yell "Daddy! Daddy!" whenever they saw him, are now afraid of him, even though they wouldn't recognize him now if they saw him. (They were 1.5 and 3.5 when they were last together.) Mommy has remarried. She has the children calling her husband "Daddy" and refering to my husband, their bio father, by his first name, or as "Bad Daddy" (told to a therapist by daughter a year ago). I am fairly certain that she also tells them that it is my fault that he doesn't want to be with them, because we have a baby (their little brother, that they have never met). I cannot express to you the pain and sorrow, the depth of mourning that my husband has gone through, and still goes through when he thinks of his two children. They are so close to us, only five minutes away, yet they could as easily be in another country. We do not even know what they look like. I have cried, both with my husband, and for him, for the pain that he faces every day, and because of the knowledge of what his children, whom he loves very much, are being raised to think of him. We have been fighting, through the lawyers, for three and a half years, with no success, because we cannot give up, but in my heart I know that if we don't get to reestablish the relationship in the next five years, they will be lost to us. They are being so thoroughly poisoned against their dad. He has been vilified... that if they reach the age where they can tell the courts whether or not they want to go (around 12 or 13) before they get to know the loving, wonderful man that their father really is, they will never get to know him, and we will lose them forever. I mean no disrespect to your mom. And I'm not trying to downplay the significant role of the Daddy who raised you along side your mother, but sometimes things aren't what they seem. If you haven't heard your bio dad's side, from him, then can I please encourage you to try to contact him? You may find that this stranger, who left so long ago, has loved you and thought of you and mourned the loss of your relationship all this time. If that's true, try not to feel that he gave up on you...the courts are so biased against fathers...I know that it is such an emotionally draining battle...every letter from the lawyer is like a knife in the heart, when they tell you that you cannot see your children, and many people say, "Just let go" "Move on" or tell them that if they keep fighting for access they're just causing more turmoil for their kids "they're better off, if you just leave it alone" "they've adjusted to their new life" "you'll only upset them more". My husbands ex took the children and left, got a new beau, married him, and is trying to make her new "perfect family" with him, and writing out the past...and my husband with it. If you go and find your dad, you will never have the relationship you could have had, if you'd grown up with him in your life...the memories of our childhoods impact our bonds...but you still have the option to build a relationship from this point on. Somewhere out there, there may be a man who loves you and misses you, to this day. Kind thoughts. Verena