I don't know where to turn, so I figured I'd start here and I'm sorry if I'm all over the place. I need to write as I remember things:

I have been married to my husband 19 years. We have two children, one 18 years old and the little one is 8. He has always been prone to being mentally, emotionally and psychologically abusive, to having temper tantrums, being controlling with everything from how I keep house to money. I understand a lot of what is going in is my fault for allowing it but, please, bear with me. Anyway, in 2012, he had an injury and was on disability for one year. In that year he snapped and his problems escalated. He started to be mistrustful of me and the children. He constantly says we take money and things from him. He always says we are messing with him. He once went nuts and, after midnight, began going all over the house, turning on the lights and making noise with a little siren machine. He went into the children's rooms, disturbing them and not letting them sleep. Now, this was without provocation. He has become insane. Now he hoards everything in his office, which is locked and I have no access to the computer or other things he keeps in there. He complains that I take food he likes to keep for an "emergency" (so much stuff has gone bad because he hoards it and does not share it and he forgets about it). Problem is, he does not give me any money. I don't work and I don't drive (eyesight). I have no access to bank accounts because he refuses to switch banks. We lived (and he still works) an hour away. That is where he still banks. Last week he went nuts and he took all the money from the accounts. It wasn't much ($2800) but now he's hiding the money. He gets angry when I pay bills online with savings because he refuses to put money into checking. He says I use the money to buy frivolous stuff, which I most certainly do not. He continuously says I cannot be trusted. He also gets mad if they cut off the phone or tv because if non payment. He exaggerates, saying he had 15 boxes of powdered milk stored when he really only had 4 or five. I use it for the kids because he never buys milk. I get up every morning to make him a fresh breakfast and lunch (actual cooking) and I set put his clothes and even start his car. He still complains about everything I do, never appreciating anything. He criticizes me and the boys; nothing we ever do is good enough. He complains that something is messy and gets angry, yet his office, which is a pig sty, is perfectly organized and clean. He get angry if I don't have sex with him (which I always do to avoid a problem but which he sometimes avoids in order to cause a problem and blames the no sex on me anyway), if I sleep extra on Sundays, if I don't go to bed when he does. He thinks I spend all day playing and watching tv and singing (I spend it doing housework). If there is nothing to pick on, like dishes in the sink, he'll find an obscure reason to explode, like I took some candy from the MREs he had in the family room. See, he gives me no money at all and he stashes all the candy and goodies away in his office, so what am I supposed to do when my 8 year old asks me to buy him a chocolate bar? He does the food shopping always and I never have a penny for anything. The other day the little one was sick and I could not go get him lozenges or anything else. O had to make do with what I already had. I could go on and on but I'd be here forever. This is the thing. I don't know if he's an abuser or if he's mentally unstable. Does he need treatment, medication and how can I get him to get help. He's paranoid and, I've noticed, his outbursts are cyclical. He will not admit he has a problem, he refuses to acknowledge anything is wrong with him. He either blames me or turns things around to make it seem everything is my fault. He says I'm the one with "issues". My family leaves far away and my parents are old and don't drive anymore. They have no money to help me. I have no friends, really. I cannot get him to go to the doctor, talk to someone or anything of the sort. He says he went to couple's therapy with his ex wife and the therapist agreed with his side 100% all the time. He is 15 years older than I (I'm 43, he's 58) and basically thinks he's my father. Also, although he is almost illiterate, he thinks he is smarter and more knowledgeable than anyone else. Also, his mood is erratic and he can go from normal to enraged in a second, especially if he's looking for an excuse to rage. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where to start. Is he sick or just an abuser? I'm afraid he will get worse as he gets older. Please, give me some advice. I'm afraid to leave with the kids and then lose custody of my little one because of abandoning the home. I'm confused, penniless (I've been looking for a job but find nothing, especially since I cannot drive), scared, frustrated. Is he sick? Is there anything I can do? Please help me !!