You have/had "strange" guests. LOL

Linda- she stayed solo back in March and swore up and down that she heard the garage door engaging all night long. (The guest bedroom is upstairs over the insulated attached garage.) I placed a security cam in there for awhile because I thought maybe someone had hacked our system. Moved it a few weeks ago, after all it caught was us bringing in groceries.

Plllog- yep, plan to do just what you suggested- all in that order.

I don't do long-term sleepovers and don't offer them. Friends passing through the area are welcome for a night or two and an offer is always extended. When the tables are turned, I'll usually stay in a nearby hotel for a visit in their area that's longer than a few days.

A visit to a second home in a vacation area I'll do for maybe three days. Not longer.

No relationship is enhanced by spending too much time together, or overstaying a welcome. Maintaining my long term friendships is important to me. I won't risk them by being cheap or allowing someone else to freeload for too long.

Like my mom always said, fish and guests stink after 3 days. We finally got wise after almost 40 years of guests, we got rid of our guest bedroom and turned it into an office. We live on the coast of CA and everyone wants to visit.

When we go to visit, we don't like to impose and always stay at a hotel. We like our privacy and to be able to come and go. And also eat when and what we want.

Good policy Snidely, and one that we personally follow except on rare occasions. This last couple has had severe problems with their teenaged children and really haven't been away together for 5 years, so we thought it would be nice to offer them a relaxing 4th of July weekend, since the holiday allowed the husband to take Friday off from his job. To say the plan backfired is an understatement. I don't feel like they were freeloaders, especially since they only spent the weekend- but, they brought a ton of baggage with them. Their entire life is about coping with addiction and raising their daughter's daughter right now, and that is ALL they can talk about. I actually thought that having her husband along on the trip would temper her safety issues, but it obviously did not help. She did not want to do anything associated with the holiday except watch me cook:-) Oh, and then critique the meal afterwards.

I used to own a sailboat and over the years we did some cruising on our boat and on friends' boats. There's an old saying that when on a boat trip, the boat gets a foot or two shorter every day. Meaning, after some number of days, the boat is too small and everyone is standing on everyone else's feet and getting on everyone else's nerves.

I don't know how to say that in a house context but the fish smell model works. Your mom was wise!

This reminds me of my dear father. Remember, back in the old days, folks didn't have "guests." We had "company." And of course that was pronounced as "compny." My DF often said "I like comers and goers, I don't like comers and stayers." Good policy to remember.
Sue

My niece just had our other niece and her family for 2 days. The children all slept in the same room. My nephews room. There were 4 younger ones from 3 to 8. my niece and her hubby gave up their bedroom and king size bed for her cousin and husband. They slept on my nieces bed that is raised and close to the ceiling. Oh my I don't know how they did it. But somehow everyone was fine. I even had a raised blowup bed they could have used. But where would they have put it in her house. Young couples just make do with what they have. The baby was in a pack and play. We all had a great 3rd and 4th.

Good for you grandmamary. I had 10 total at one point. 2 infants, two toddlers, 4 parents, assorted friends coming in and out. 3 pack and plays, one crib, one Murphy bed, two guest rooms and a diaper genie. Then, two days to change sheets and my friends from Paranoiaville. I think I did okay:)

This is another reason we love our RV! We can go visit family and friends and still have our own home to return to and relax and they can come visit us too at the rv park. There are always good RV parks close by.
At my husbands family home we have set up for electrical and water hookup which has worked great but now with the new rv it takes 50amp rather than 30amp so we have some changes to make. However if we don't need to use both AC units we can get away with using 30amp.
I love seeing family and friends but I like being able to go back to my own place and relaxing especially now with the health issues, just makes it much easier on me. And my dog goes everywhere we go.
We used to have lots of long term visitors but not so much any more. I did not mind so much with those that pulled their own weight and cleaned up after themselves and did not think I was maid service. Because believe me I AM not. lol

Just add me to Snidely's post.

Why couldn't the woman just wash her bra? It could dry while she slept.

As far as the delusional one, if her DH doesn't take responsibility for her then she would not be welcome in my home .

You're a good person to try to help. Now you have done "enough, already"! (I don't know where that phrase comes from, but I use it all the time.)

I could relate many tales of visitors.

The one I recall with most horror was a family (close relative of my husband's) who arrived without notice and with 6 kids when I had the flu. I told the wife I had the flu. Her answer, "You don't look like you are sick." In they came for dinner and the night. Incidentally, they parked two big packages of food in my refrigerator but never offered to share.

I survived.

The last long term guest we had was supposed to stay for a week, until she moved into a new apartment. She was here for over a year. Never again!

terilyn, that happened to a friend of mine. It was a nightmare for her.

The bra thing wouldn't bother me. We have all forgotten something when packing and I could easily see how someone wouldn't realize it till their only bra was dirty and had nothing to wear for the day.

I love having guests. I wish people would visit more often. We have plenty of space.

.Oh my.....borrow a bra from your host? I've never heard that one before! I always pack one extra day's clothes (at least) in case of rips, spills, etc..

We let a friend stay with us for several months when he got a new job here while his wife stayed behind so the kids could finish school, they could sell the house and pack up. I didn't think it would be a big deal since he was gone at work all day. Well, I think it permanently marred the friendship. I could tell he couldn't wait to get out of our house the second they closed on their home here and we couldn't wait for him to leave either. He wasn't a bad guest, but the close proximity for a long time when we have different habits, taste in TV, etc was just too much. I would never do that again!

Even if it's family or close friends I prefer to stay in a hotel. I feel the same as caflowerluver.

Your whole drama made me laugh! Best part of my day! Wow! The borrowing underwear is one thing, but accusing your neighbor of stalking? Who is this woman? Would anyone have a reason to stalk her or is she just unstable? Sounds like the latter to me. And she tried to get into your master bedroom? Paranoid. Feel sorry for her husband. I'm thinking they wore out their welcome!

I like Pillog's advice. Chill awhile! It will soon become funny!

Is your one guest usually paranoid? That behavior is concerning.

Hi Suzi- I am happy that you were able to laugh with me over the strange events of the weekend. To answer your question, there was no reason for my guest to think that someone was stalking her. She had left the neighborhood to get something at the local Target center, and happened to notice someone behind her on the circuitous route back to our home. That is going to be fairly common because most folks in our neighborhood shop there, and our street runs to the back of a neighborhood where there is no other egress. So the chances that one of the 50 or more folks who live back there were shopping at the same time is fairly high. She was driving a nondescript car, and she is not an attractive target in other regards. She came back in the middle of the day and saw a black truck around 11 last night in front of the neighbor's house. Now, since this is Texas, nearly every other house has a truck and about half of them are black:)

She is a very old friend from my 20s ( I am nearly 60 now), and she has been through a lot in the past few years. But, her behavior is definitely off kilter right now. Trying to enter my room without telling me who was at the door is/was not a good idea. My husband was in bed asleep and I was on headphones, thankfully still awake catching up on the news from overseas. Fortunately, we habitually lock our bedroom passage doors whether or not we have guests over. She was frantic and would have scared the *&^p out of me if I'd have been sleeping.

I did take plllog's advice and chilled out for most of the day. Had a glass of wine and caught up on our favorite recorded shows with my husband tonight. I am sure it will be funny in a few days-

Just a note to

chi- when you plan to go out to play golf in 90 degree weather and have other public things planned later, you're going to want to change your sopping wet bra- especially if you are a D+ size. It was not a big deal in itself, but it was indicative to me that she is not thinking straight right now as I am several sizes smaller and there is no way she could wear my things without considerable discomfort. I asked her what she was thinking actually, and she told me it was just too much trouble to get into her bedroom dresser to look for another one before she came up.

Yes, mimipad- I was a little disturbed by that level of paranoia in an old and dear friend. I think her husband is a little codependent, not wanting to make any waves regarding her behavior. He knows it's a little crazy, and did not even bring it up this morning at breakfast. So, we'll see what happens over the next few months. I don't drop friends unless they do something heinous, but I will definitely not invite them back until something changes. If she is having issues here, chances are that she is having issues elsewhere and she needs some specific counseling.

I haven't had an overnight guest in years. But I remember back years ago, you run yourself ragged cleaning before they come, buy tons of food and try to stock little niceties like bottled waters, hand soaps for the bathrooms, etc. They come and stay, when they leave you have to clean again. Speaking of your paranoid friend who saw a "stalker", I have a friend who once said "There's this strange man following me around town, but he keeps changing his face..." Made me laugh, even then.

I really don't understand people. When I am invited, I go out of my way to be agreeable. I have even agreed to Indian food which is my least favorite of anything to eat!

I think people don't stop to realize that when you are visiting, you are the one on vacation. Even if your relatives or friends take time off, they still are in their home having to deal with everything they normally do, plus you.

I understand everyone has their own comfort level. But, now might not be the time to watch TV into the morning, or leave your dirty dishes around like you do at home. It's not hard to take cues from your hosts.

I have a cousin who lost many friends after they traveled together. It's more her fault than theirs. To her, the sights are what is important. I think that when you travel with others, you and your friends come first. Compromise is key.

I asked her what she was thinking actually, and she told me it was just too much trouble to get into her bedroom dresser to look for another one before she came up.

*****

Um, well okay! I'm ample like your friend and wouldn't think of leaving the house without a spare! That goes for underwear, too.

Always, always pack more undergarments than needed!

It's even funny that she'd even ask you to borrow a bra of yours when she had to have surmised she would have been spilling out of it!

National lampoons musicgals 4th of July vacation. Live!

I'm not trying to diagnose your friend, but . . . My MIL recently died of senile dementia, and I now look at odd things she did years ago, and wonder whether they were early signs of the disease. In hindsight, the odd behavior could be categorized as the result of reduced impulse control and decreased cognitive ability. One day we were working in her yard using loud, heavy equipment and had ear protection on. She wouldn't wear hers (it messed up her hairdo), and she kept trying to have a conversation with me (about nothing) and wanted me to remove my ear muffs. At the time it was just odd and annoying. She was also very good at hiding her disease. So your friend trying to barge into your bedroom and saying she didn't feel like going upstairs to pack a second bra - these things could be nothing, or they could be something of concern.

Sorry for what you endured, I've never heard of crazy stuff like that...be careful, if she's being stalked she also might think you're trying to steal from her...

As they say, you don't know someone until you've lived with them. It's hard to have one set of guests after another and be a good hostess to all of them, so hats off to you for surviving!

I had to laugh at the underwear borrower. Anyone who wanted to borrow my underwear would have to go commando under their clothes as mine wouldn't fit their smaller bodies. lol I just think that my relatives would probably wash them out overnight.

Just an update- thanks to all who gave feedback over the past few days. My immune system succumbed to the stress this week after things quieted down and I caught a summer cold. Adrenaline let down. I was quite sad too for a couple of days-

I did get a chance to talk to our neighbor who told me that the black truck in question, was indeed the vehicle belonging to her oldest daughter's boyfriend who was there at that time on the night of July 4th.

My friend called me a couple of times after the weekend- full of light and roses. This is the way it always is after she says or does something strange. I think she realizes it on hindsight, and then tries to gloss over it.

I told her about the truck and she seemed to accept what I said, so theoretically that should dismiss any qualms I have about inviting her up again. But, the truth of the matter is, although we will remain friendly in our communications, I have decided not to have her here again for a very long time. Found out that she also recently lost another long time friend over what may be construed as similar issues. She wanted to invite a stranger to another friend's beach house for a getaway, and apparently pressured the friend enough to have her dig her heels in and say no.

Just a note. We travel LOTS in our motorhome. Recently on one of our long weekend trips, I washed my bras the day before, and hung them on the laundry room doorknob to make sure I picked them up on my last check thru the house. Guess what??? I left without them, and was stuck the whole weekend+ with my one and only bra. I was able to rinse it out once, and go braless on our way home, but it was uncomfortable. And forgetfulness does happen! Thankfully too, that it wasn't this last 9 day trip with temps hovering over and around 100º the whole time.

Hi nanny- I totally "get" leaving things behind. I have left many personal items; shampoo, pj's, socks, etc. behind and realized that upon arrival. But there are things that are appropriate to expect to borrow from your host (toothpaste, disposable razor, hair dryer) and things that are inappropriate to expect to borrow- and one of them is my underwear:) The other biggie I guess, would be my toothbrush:)

It ended up being much more trouble for her to go out and buy bras, then it would have been to spend 10 minutes digging through her dresser for a spare. As it was, I could see that my lingerie drawer was about to become analogous to Goldilocks and the three bears story, with tryons to see what fit the best. Just blows my mind thinking about it.

It blows my mind that a grown woman would be so lazy as to not pack appropriately because it's too much work, and then be so socially inappropriate.

Um, no, you can't borrow my bra. A sweater? Sure. My bra. No.

I totally agree...What??? borrow underwear....only a two year old maybe. The idea of borrowing & 'try-ons' more than blows my mind. Fortunately, there is a Wally-world in every small town and village in today's world. My most "tact-ful' reply to her (after a wide-eyed expression)..."we can stop along the way" to ?". LOLing at the three bears image.

Yes, mimipad and nanny,

To put it in agricultural terms, my pots were too small for her plants:)

It's good to be a guy, that question to borrow bbd's would never ever come up . Even after a fire destroyed everything the guy had, the protocol would be to roll them in a towel as you show him the shower. Never to be spoken of.:-)

Lol jeff- it's probably hard for a guy to fully appreciate the situation in all its glory, as the standard line my husband might drop with a wink is , no bra, no problem. In reality, it is really uncomfortable and not a good look at a certain size and age... people of walmart comes to mind. We got the bra into the wash immediately after golf but this piece of merchandise needed to air dry so she was stuck without one until she finished shopping and the original probably didn't dry until the next day since our humidity is very high and things don't dry quickly.

Just fyi for any guy still reading this... a good bra starts at about $35 and they are easy to ruin if they get stretched out in the wash or.... by other means. So, there was definitely not going to be a "try one on for size" party in my bathroom.

I learned my lesson when I was young. I ran out of shampoo as I was packing for 2.5 weeks (I learned not to buy opaque bottles too). I figured I was going to a moderate sized city and they'd have a department store or nice drugstore where I could buy shampoo that wouldn't screw up my hair. There wasn't a beauty supply anywhere near, but even though the conference I was at was in a high end suburb, my host didn't know where there was a good place to buy shampoo! Her idea of a department store was a discount clothes place that didn't even sell cosmetics. I finally found a Walgreen's, but there was way too much fuss and bother over what should have been an easy thing to buy. After that, twice, the nights before similar trips, my watch battery died--who knew the kind of thing that makes the dog nervous (i.e., packing) would make watches lose their stuff too?). I learned from the shampoo incident that it's not so easy to do an errand while travelling, so instead of trying to find a jeweler to replace my battery, I bought whatever gift shop watch was cheap at the airport or conference hotel. One time it was in Las Vegas, so I got a big rectangle depicting a blackjack hand. Ugly watch! $12. Lasted for months and kept decent time. :)

Re the "pots": Overnight delivery is a good thing! Who couldn't use another bra or two? If a friend or neighbor can't send one's own, spend the $20 and have a couple of new ones delivered! As a hostess, I'd spot the guest the delivery fee (or make up for it in extra meals or admissions bought) sooner than putting her in my own undergarments! OTOH, I do have extra new toothbrushes, and am happy to give one to a friend in need....

Thanks plllog- she was bouncing around by midday Friday in a cotton t-shirt, so things were not looking up, if you know what I mean. Overnight delivery would have been too slow even if we had it here, which we don't. Since I'd already spotted her about $100 for lunch and golf that day, I didn't feel any neccessity to buy her a brassiere as well.

Nor should you! I only mentioned the delivery fee because some people really fret over it. I thought there was overnight everywhere, silly me.You are a very kind and generous hostess. It's too bad that people have overstretched your generosity. I hope you'll get a vacation of your own this Summer where you'll get a little pampering and attention for yourself.

Delivery is a great idea. I'd offer for my guest to use my Amazon Prime account, but not to pay any extra to get the delivery quickly.

Although, I've been seeing FREE same day delivery lately! My computer's power cord broke and by the end the that day, I had a new one!

I ordered just before noon and by 9 pm, it was at my doorstep!

I loved it and would weep a bit if I moved somewhere that didn't have Prime.

It is so true that you really don't know a person until you live with them. My favorite sister and I try not to stay at each others home for more than 5 days.

My BIL doesn't really like socializing but has told my sites how easy we are as guests. My DH likes to run, exercise and do yoga. He does all these things and so he doesn't have to be entertained on a daily basis. I do things with my sister, so BIL gets a break. Then we all do a day trip and eat all dinners together.

It get's hard when one is in vacation mode and the others still have every day obligations on top of entertaining.

This thread has been mind-blowing! First, you are an amazing host and I hope you get some time to recuperate now. Second, the whole "it was too much trouble to find my bra" just simply blows my mind.

I can't imagine traveling anywhere, for two or twenty-two days, without all the appropriate underwear. Socks? I'm diabetic so I pack two pair for every day, plus extras. Bloomers? Two pair for every day, plus extras. Bustenhalters? At least one for every day plus a couple back-ups. Laundry bag to keep the worn items in for their trip to a washer? Yes!

I don't have a lot of clothes; I don't have expensive or fashionable clothes. I do have clean, comfortable, respectable clothes. I do have a well stocked unmentionables dresser. Life is too short to run out of clean socks or extra changes of everything.

I have borrowed sweaters. I have borrowed jackets, and once I even borrowed a pair of full-length evening gloves. I have never imagined borrowing a bra.

If laundry facilities are easily available; I take 7-10 days worth of undies. I wear simple, basic, mostly cotton items. Nothing I travel with is too delicate to not just toss in a washer. Cotton diabetic socks in either white or light grey; cotton comfortable unmentionables; and mostly cotton, slip-on running bras. IF I have to be dressed up a bit more I will pack one of those under-wired, molded, torture devices with the snaps and buckles and itchy lace - and usually opt to stick to the comfy but supportive running bras.

I love the silky, lace items, but not for travel. And for what I'd have to pay for a top-of-the-line fancy bra, I can get four, or more, of my running bras.

Is it really "normal" or "average" or whatever the correct term is to have only one or two bras and wear one more than once before laundering? I know I'm too sweaty to get away with that.

well you gave me a great lol...I've taught my girls and guys to pack for at least an extra day if not a week... in fact you should have seen the clean clothes that dh brought home from recent convention at ohio state u...you never know when you have a spill of food (and can go change) to simple things like the weather...I even insisted dh always take casual and slip-on shoes...which he does at all the business trips for years....and we also learned when traveling with kids, to look for motels with washing machines...even some campgrounds have them more and more...

the one thing we've NEVER had to do, is lock our bedroom door! we've had grands at night pop in (if they're scared or sick) but adults?? never! i'd think twice before asking them back...

Mimipad- I DO have Prime, and I love it. But, it still takes about 2-3 days to get things out here in the National Forest where I live. It was a lot quicker for her to go into town than wait for Brown;-)

Everyone has the greatest stories! Thanks for sharing. I thought this would just be a short vent, but I've enjoyed the hilarity.

Thanks for a good story - with additions from various other posters.

Perhaps your friend could have gone bra-less ... but that'd be a bit of a drag.

If you'd washed (correction - "she'd washed") her only bra at day's end ... when the rinse was complete, even if the weather was somewhat humid, if she'd stood and swung them around her head for a quarter hour ... perhaps they'd have been dry by morning. The swinging taking place outside, of course, to avoid splattering the walls ... even if it were only residual rinse water.

And, hopefully, before 11 p.m. and the arrival of the non-appreciated big black truck.

Told by a guy who wears squeezy socks (varicose veins) that he's supposed to wash every night, so has had three pairs, operational for about five years or better, all of which he took with him on a recent six-day visit (two of the nights in a hotel in a city an 8-hour drive away)visit to brother and s-i-l on the dry Canadian prairies, and would have had a hard time getting only one pair dry by the next morning, even in that dry climate.

ole joyfuelled