Big time and in weird situations. I was watching Breaking Bad the other day and found myself sobbing in compassion for Walter White's situation, so you can imagine how I am with real people problems! My sorority has voted me sister most likely to tear up.

Lately I've been angsting over the end of a relationship over 40 years ago. I caused it, I hurt him, and he deserved better. I was confused and didn't have the maturity or communication skills to explain what/why. I can go for a decade or so and not think about it but then it comes back to me and I beat myself up something awful. It returned a few weeks ago and I haven't been able to shake it. Karma is a _____. I'm sure he was hurt but got over it a loooong time ago and here I am still wishing I could have a do-over.

Kind of like that but not quite. My parents are getting ready to move out of state from the town they have lived in since I was in junior high. I wouldn't really call it my home town even. But it's near the small town my mother grew up in--where my grandparents home that was sold before their deaths decades ago was recently demolished. And my dad grew up in another small town in the southern part of the state. Lots of family graves in those places with no one left to tend them. And I went to college in another small town in the northern part of the state.

And I realized that the odds are good that I will never see any of those places again. None of them are easy to get to. They are separated from each other by six or more hours of driving. I don't know anyone in any of them any more really. And I just have no reason to go there.

And for some illogical reason that makes me sad.

Does going back to my hometown for dinner recently and being teary-eyed the entire drive through and out of town count? The town is on the most dangerous cities in the U.S., but has a great restaurant that is 108 years old. Haven't been twice the last decade and we decided to go back for lunch (I wouldn't go after dark!) I saw my 3rd grade school which is being demolished, across the street from my church which is now empty. Downtown, where my family furniture store was located for decades is pretty much deserted. Lord knows what would have happened if we drove down the street where I was born and one set of grandparents lived or the house I grew up in. At least DH was with me and I held it together behind sunglasses so that he wouldn't think I had totally lost it. lol

I can't watch dog/cat/baby/elephant/you-name-it video on Facebook either without tearing up.

Annie hits the death, wounds, sadness, etc on the head. I was close to all of my grandparents and miss them so much... oh geez, I'm tearing up now. I still have my parents, but Mom is not well and hasn't been for several years now. I really think this was my last Mother's Day with her. I've been lucky and haven't lost a close friend, yet. Oh! And three specific pets! I really miss my horses too.... sigh....

On a good note, when we were leaving my hometown we got stopped by a train and I did a video of it on my phone. I told DH it was for our grandson, he loves trains, but it was for me. Nothing better than the sound of a train whistle and the wheels on the tracks.

Dawnidea, I read years ago that females usually remember their past/first relationships with tears and/or would like a do-over but males have moved on and rarely think about them. Much less get sentimental.

Thank you, Allison; I'm going to focus on that:).

Thank you all, I'm glad I'm not alone. Annie, saying your sadness is close to the surface is a perfect description. I'm not generally sad or depressed, or dwelling on the past, but lately I have these frequent strange moments when I think of someone that is gone now, or something that happened, and the grief just wells up so easily.

Yes, I completely agree that grief becomes cumulative, with each additional loss, and maybe that's part of what's going on. Midlife is tough! I think it's a point where you start to take stock of your life, and it can be painful.

And I always thought I was strange, weird, didn't have a life,... whatever you want to call it when I thought of things like this. Well maybe I am and so are all of you but at least I'm not alone and neither are you - I'm right with you.

My boyfriend right after university died more than 30 years ago of a blood disorder and occasionally I think of him. We remained friends, were part of the same circle of friends and would still be hanging around the same circle of friends had he still been alive. I grieve for the what-would-have-beens and still miss him as a friend. There have been others, my best friend in grade 3 who, in grade 3, died of a brain aneurysm and now as a parent I feel for her parents so much.

I'm 62 and my friends are beginning to have health issues and one died 3 weeks ago of cancer. I don't know how I will get through my circle of friends getting infirmed and perhaps dying. It is going to happen but I don't want it to. My mom is 86 and I see how difficult it is for her to have her friends pass away. There were 6 of them from grade 1 who have been hanging around together for 80 years but in the last year 3 have died. It's hard on my mom.

There have been some comforting words and words of wisdom here - I will have to reread them.

I've always said I was a sentimental fool, because I have always been sensitive to others pain. I think it's because I have suffered loss from a very young age, starting with two cousins dying as babies. I have a very strong Christian faith, so it really doesn't make sense to me that I feel that way as most of those I have lost shared my faith. I always figured my tears were more for myself or others close to the one we lost.
Recently, I lost a dear friend to suicide. It's such a different kind of pain, that I've been more weepy than ever. My tears are for the life she didn't get to lead, the one she deserved, and that she either didn't have the strength to wait on her dream or worst of all, that she took her life while angry at her family. That is such a huge fear for me.
So yes, I understand being weepy at every day things. I'm all teary eyed now, though at the same time I know how blessed I am for all those that have touched my life and made it so worth living.
I've always thought creative people are more emotional so maybe that's why so many of us here are that way.

I always struggled (and still do) with forgiveness...especially for myself. Then I heard Oprah's definition of forgiveness and it really rang true for me.

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.”

I think a part of our grief, especially those involving suicide, is living with the woulda, coulda, shoulda. If we let that go, it helps ease the burden.

I so looked forward to enjoying so much free time with my Mom once I retired, but, alas, she died before I retired. Not what I had planned or hoped for. But as Jeanne C. Stein so rightly put it...

“Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we're here we may as well dance.”

If anyone is struggling with the aftermath of suicide or wanting to know more about prevention, do check out the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. (Full disclosure, I am a volunteer.) In addition to work around research, education and advocacy for suicide prevention, they have outreach counselors who will help anyone who is dealing with suicide.

justgotabme I believe your are really close to correct regarding the creative and emotions. But add on personality types too. My middle son who is a scientist and self centered has never mentioned or expressed the loss of his brother. Perhaps he has in private, but certainly not to anyone directly. ,Some just do not have the inner voice to resound emotional pain as we do, even if they are creative. And there are so many different ways people grieve. I am creative and carry grief for those lost in the recent years. A pain of loss and the wonderful memories both sadden me. What I wish, but know it is difficult for others around me, is instead of telling me how sorry they are.....that they would ask me to tell them about the person. I so much want to share the wonderful person(s) who are no longer with me. Not for a long history, to honor them.

I am not the sentimental type but DH is. I was in DD's room several months ago and he came in to ask me something. We sat on one of her twin beds and looked at the framed photos of our daughter from nursery school, camp, boarding school, and college graduation, and he burst into tears. She had recently become engaged and he was simply overwhelmed with love for her and nostalgia for her childhood. I am glad to be married to him, as I hope his tender heart balances out my pragmatism.

I think it may be part of aging as I see my husband sniff at the opera or a symphony and secretly wipe his eyes. I know by friends and I have discussed it and we seem to be getting worse!!!!
I've always been this way since a child so it's nothing new to me but now I weep reading the news, seeing hurt children, animals, my grands singing songs, etc.
If you tell me a sad story I will cry with you, it's just spontaneous.even reading cards from my friends and family and on and on. I'd say I shed a wee tear almost every day for someone somewhere but I always say a prayer for the person when that happens. I feel it's a gentle reminder to think of them.

My DH has been uber sentimental as long as I have known him, since college. I think some people are wired that way and others simply are not.

I was so much more hard-hearted when I was younger. I feel youth = self-centered, self-absorbed. Seems like as we age, our minds & hearts become more full & consequently heavier. Grief for my father, who's been gone for over 20 years, overwhelms me sometimes, when I experience something that brings his memory to the surface. It's usually music, which he loved & performed w/ sincere emotion. I reliably choke up hearing 'Edelweiss' from the Sound of Music, which we would sing together when I was a child & nowadays can't get through singing or even humming it w/o my voice breaking.

Funny tho, @ the time he passed, I was so stoic, never shedding a tear @ the funeral service or afterwards.

Thank you Annie, I have been on that sight often and recommended it to others that knew her. The hardest part is we chatted over the weekend and she commented and we interacted on photo I posted on fb the day before she started the process of dying so there were no signs. We were talking of her plans for the Spring and Summer and then she was gone. I found a couple things on Pinterest where it said something about one not getting better, but better at hiding it. It appears that is just what happened. Since we lived a couple states apart, I thought there were signs I didn't see, but her close friends there said she was planning on moving in with one of them to save for the traveling she and I talked so much about. I wonder now if that wasn't just a cover for her prep of selling things off.
Anyway, I too believe that some folks are built one way or the other. My hubby is very right brained and takes loss so much differently than I do. Something I didn't understand when we lost our first daughter to still birth at 24 weeks. He was so calm. He'd hold me when I cried, but didn't cry with me. He did the same later when family members passed on. I thought maybe he'd change when he lost his own parents, but no, he was very stalwart, controlling all emotion, all but when they folded the flag from his Dad's casket. Then and only then did a single tear fall down his cheek.
That does bring to mind my own Daddy's grave side service in my home town when he laid him to rest beside my Mum. We had not lived there since the mid sixties, so my hubby, whom has a degree in the Bible, did the service as we didn't want to have a stranger from a family member's church do the service. At one point his voice cracked and he had to quickly compose himself before he could go on. He was very close to both my folks.
So I've known very few men that were emotional, I don't think "overly sensitives" are only women as Kswl said about her hubby. I do believe age does make one more sensitive because as we do so, we realized what is behind us, is more than likely more time, than what's in front of us. Because of that I find myself wondering how I can make this side of now as fun, or more so, than what's behind me.
Losing a 47 year old cousin to cancer with two more fighting it, I'm sure, is making me more sensitive lately.

My friend is going through major health issues with both her parents right now, so although I do not miss those days since my parents are deceased, it just brings up that I still miss them and I can't just pick up the phone and call. I am 500 miles from my friend, so other than phone and email, there isn't much I can do to support her.

I am the youngest of my siblings, and my sister just had her other knee replaced this week. Everything went well, but still major surgery is always a risk, both for the surgery itself, then infections and potential medical mistakes. My BIL was almost killed a few years ago after his knee replacement when he was given the wrong dose of pain medication.

I have another academic friend, and we both just got tenure. Both of us do mourn for a more simple life from our younger days sometimes.

Oh Gsciencechick, how scary for your BIL.
As much as I adore the friends I've made online, there are times when I too, wish the simpler days. I'd certainly sit less. LOL

Annie - Sorry but could you clarify this a bit for me. “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.”

Perhaps I am reading it and seeing it out of context. Is this in reference to forgiving oneself for something or for forgiving someone else for something. To me, the statement seems somewhat hopeless, as though there is no rectifying the situation. I get that there is no changing the past but it doesn't mean that the present can't be fixed. I could easily be misinterpreting this statement and if it's an Oprah statement that is highly likely!

I've learned not be too emotional over the years. It's a better coping mechanism for me to be a bit detached and on an even keel. But I when I hear the music from West Side Story, I dissolve into a quivering, sobbing lump. My son went through a difficult period in his late teens, and one of the few happy times was when he played the part of Riff in West Side Story. He was terrific, a brief & shining respite from the cr@p we were going through. The finger snapping in the prologue sets me off every time.

Aw, I hope all is well with your son now awm.

Thank you, justgotabme, that's so nice of you. He's doing ok now.

I could easily be misinterpreting this statement and if it's an Oprah statement that is highly likely.

******

Me too! Ugh, Oprah and her "a ha" moments!

Just last night I looked up someone that I worked with years ago, and found he died of a heart attack. I was shocked and so sad.

awm03 West Side story is my go to when I feel miserable. It's been that way since I was 13. It has to be the original, not the movie, or the one with Teri Te Kanawa and Carreras. The other one that helps is Sinatra singing I'm a Fool to Want You. Then there is the Elgar cello concerto. All of these help my misery and regrets.

blfenton, in my take on it, it applies to forgiving both oneself and others. For example, if mother didn't drink, I would've had the perfect childhood; or, if I hadn't done X, he wouldn't have left me. Whatever it is, we blame ourselves, we blame others. We rehash the past as if somehow that's going to fix it. It isn't. Or that somehow being a victim of our past is going to alleviate us of our responsibility for our own behavior and happiness now and in the future. It isn't. Rather, if we accept all that happened in the past happened exactly as it had to, that not one thing that you did or someone else did led to the result, but a thousand forces, events, choices, and elements, from yesterday and from a generation ago, came together to create that result, then we can realize that the past could not have been other than what it was. Rather, if we recognize that the past is the past, that it has brought us to here, wherever here is, and that is where we need to be now, we can move on.

Mind you, this doesn't mean we can't learn from the past and use that learning to make different choices in the future. But it means that at that time we did what we knew, others did what they knew and it led to a result that is now beyond our ability to change. Give up believing in the past you wish you had and accept the past that was. Then forgive yourself for believing it could've been otherwise.

This link is to a video of Oprah on forgiveness...

Hind sight is 20/20. I normally live by the understanding that I didn't know what I know now, so how could I have made a different choice, or seen something that wasn't there to see at the time?
And maybe, in the case of my friend that took her own life, I realize that she didn't want anyone to see just how bad she felt. And maybe, just maybe, she didn't see it herself. Maybe she was trying to convince herself with all the plans that she was making, that all would work out in the end. Maybe.
I do know now, that I may never know, and that I can live with that. I have to.

And yes, JLC, I do think in general, that it has something to do with midlife. As we age things seem to progress, and then we hit middle age and things go the other way. The kids leave home, marry and have babies of their own We andour spouses retire or prepare for it and all of a sudden we have time again and we wonder why the time went by so fast, as we watch our children, nieces and nephews become "us" and we take on our parents rolls. It's no wonder we get weepy so easily.

carolb, I agree. I was certainly more self-centered and hard-hearted when I was younger. Perhaps that's why there is pain and grief in this world...to soften our hearts and teach us compassion.

Though there is a personality trait I carry...I've always been a happy ending crier. I could be tough as nails through the rough times, but when it's over is when the guard comes down, as they go sailing off into the sunset, happily ever after.

I think part of it is stage of life in that, esp now that I'm retired, I have a lot more time on my hands. When I was working crazy hours and traveling and all the rest of full catastrophe living, I had no time for emotional baggage....I was simply too busy and it was so easy to distract myself from my feelings. But now that I'm retired, there is less distraction and a lot more time for reflection on the past.

justgotabme, if it helps at all, 90% of those dying by suicide suffer from a mental disorder at that time.

Annie - This makes sense "Give up believing in the past you wish you had and accept the past that was. Then forgive yourself for believing it could've been otherwise." Which I think is part of your take on it.

Probably when we were younger as well, our emotions, or mine anyway, were taken up with my children. The highs and lows of raising them, the emotional angst that comes with raising them and for me, ensuring that I stayed on an even keel for them.

Thank you Annie. I did read that on the website you posted above back when it first happened. I do believe that was a lot of what was going on. She suffered chronic pain and didn't have support from her family. I know more, but I won't say it here. I'm handling it as best as to be expected, I guess. It just pups up and kicks every now and then. I think that's normal.

I've enjoyed the words of wisdom here, especially for those who have suffered loss.

I have always cried or teared-up at weddings, sad movies, and of course, really let it go at funerals. Thank goodness for waterproof mascara! I too found that as I got into middle age and the kids were moving on with their own families, I seemed to become more melancholy about life in general. Especially with the loss of our own parents, it seemed to bring our own mortality into play.

Now nearly 20 years after his parents death, my DH saw the death of his youngest brother due to cancer, which really affected him. He is also a very sentimental guy and occasionally will bring up 'John' and how senseless his death was at an early age. And his dear childhood friend suffered a massive stroke last year. Many of our childhood friends have passed away in the past 5-10 years, so we both have been reflecting on the past, but also seeing how a healthy lifestyle is paying off. And trying to spare our own family the grief that we know eventually will come.

I had a very rough childhood. My dad was an evil man and did some terrible things to my family. I developed a stoicism that allows me to openly talk about some horrible things without flinching. I'm mostly a pragmatist who doesn't have room for sentimentality.

On the other hand, DH is incredibly sentimental. He has a savant-like vivid memory and he can put himself right in the room of some event that happened 40 years ago. I've always been amazed by his memory but sometimes it's a curse. Along with the memories come the emotions of the little boy who loved his absentee father or the teenager who disappointed his now deceased mother.

sixtyohno, thank you for mentioning the Elgar concerto. I'd not heard it before. So beautiful...

annie_d. said: "We rehash the past as if somehow that's going to fix it. It isn't. Or
that somehow being a victim of our past is going to alleviate us of our
responsibility for our own behavior and happiness now and in the future.
It isn't."

Yes, yes, yes to this. I left an unhappy home at 18. From that point on, the credit for all the good things and the blame for all the bad are all mine. It was my world to shape to the best of my abilities.

I am very sentimental about my children and my first DH, other than that not so much. I absolutely loathe crying and would rather endure just about anything other than tears.

The other day as I was driving home from work I passed the road that we lived on when I was a toddler. I pass this road every day and usually I am not affected by it but on this particular day I was thinking of how proud and surprised my DF would be to know that his daughter owned a business not a mile from our old home. I sobbed with sadness and felt such an emptiness in my heart that the loss of my parents and so many others has left.

We live each day not actually realizing how fragile our lives are. Our lives turn on a dime and we can have our future changed irrevocably by one small incident.

Had I only known years ago how much I would long for information and stories that my parents and grandparents could have told me I would have asked more questions.

JLC, thank you for posting this!

Holly- Kay, I feel just the same about wishing for those long-ago stories.