Thanks for posting this MtnRdRedux. It hits very close to home. My mom is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and last year she was packing up her house to move closer to us. It became apparent that she was just giving stuff away, pictures, dishes, artwork, etc. She no longer had the ability to have a connection to these things. We were able to get her to stop and just put everything aside so that we could have the chance to see what should be kept or what things were important to her children and her grandchildren.

She also has a number of family antiques and when she was first diagnosed I took pictures of various items and had her tell me the story behind everything. There were wedding presents of hers and my dads that she told me about, old jewellery, sterling silver sets and tea sets that belonged to my great-grandmother. I happen to love having family furniture that tells a story and already own some pieces.

Mtn - that was a lovely article. Thanks for posting. My father spent his last 4 years living with us and while mentally he was fine physically he could no longer live alone. One day I heard someone using the paper shredder and walked into the study and discovered him shredding photographs. His comment was that he didn't recognize the people in the pictures so he decided to get rid of them.

blfenton - what a brilliant idea to take photos and pair the with the history behind the items. That's something I could do now in my own home.

That is a sweet article, Mtn. It must be so hard to want to keep items to remember your parents but then realize they won't let you have them. Maire-cate, that is heartbreaking about the photographs.

When my cousin died a few years ago of pancreatic cancer, her DH couldn't part with her things for about a year. Then he developed the beginnings of dementia but kept denying it. A very unscrupulous woman managed to work her way into his life about that time and married him (he is very well off financially), and his kids and their families could do nothing. He memorized the answers tests for dementia to the point he could pass them and they couldn't do anything legally to stop the marriage. It's a heartbreaking situation, as she totally took over the house, put all my cousins things in storage without asking any of the kids what they wanted. About 6 months ago, she called them up and said they had 2 weeks to come claim what they wanted or it would be trashed. My cousin still had some of her mother's art work and things she designated for their grandchildren. There was quite a flurry of phone calls by my cousins kids (we're fairly close) trying to identify things that might have been family heirlooms and who might want some of it that they didn't want. So sad.

It's funny what items resonate with us and represent our memories of our life. I was so annoyed when my grandmother died and my uncle discarded all of her household goods. He couldn't understand why anyone would want "old stuff."

Sometimes, I see things on OneKingsLane that I remember from my childhood. Most of those items were acquired with S&H Green Stamps or were free with some other purchase. OKL usually has them priced for some ridiculously high amount which makes me laugh.

Thanks for posting the article, Mtn. I really enjoyed reading it along with all the comments. My mom is 96 and she had given me things that I used to admire when my tastes leaned more to the layered collected look as she and my two sisters where avid antique collectors. I will keep some things for the memories but will find good homes for the others. I learned thru osmosis a lot of what they would collect i.e. Roseville & Weller, Flow blue China, Fenton glass, Gone with the wind lamps etc....Victorian era jewelry etc.

Interesting article. Heirlooms and the way things are divided up and inherited can cause so much emotional pain and strife in the surviving family.

It is amazing, and so sad, how some people turn into circling vultures. I have certainly seen it in my own family.

I think it's important for everyone to consider, far in advance. Wills and written, detailed, thoughtful instructions can make such a difference.

Blfenton, brilliant idea to take pictures and ask for the stories. I wish I had done that as well as recording stories of my parents' childhoods. I am going to do that as much as possible now for my son to have. So many stories are fading. Sigh.

Sweet article. Haven't read all the comments yet, but had to laugh at the one where the daughter told her mother what she wanted and she said "that old thing?" My sister helps with Mom three days a week. One day when I was there visiting, Mom said "(Sister) wants the tapestry over the MBR FP." I said okay. Then she said something else sister wanted, so I said I'd like my maternal grandfather's mantel clock, to which she said my sister wanted it as well. I said something about the grandfather clock in the foyer, and Mom said "Oh she doesn't want that!" So I just dropped the conversation.

The next week I was talking to my sister and brought up our conversation. She said she didn't want and had never told Mom she wanted any of those things. And she about died laughing when I said Mom didn't think she wanted or needed the grandfather clock. Sister said it is about the only thing she wants. I'm suppose to get the enamel bronze Philip and Kelvin LaVerne coffee table since I learned to walk around it.

We decided whenever Mom brings up the subject again, we will just nod and say okay. Then have a huge estate sale when they are both gone because neither of us want or need most of their things.

My paternal grandmother was hit by a car and killed. My dad and his siblings picked straws and took turns picking from items grouped together on tables, in cabinets, etc. My dad was most upset about the glass jar that always sat on the breakfast room table was missing. Most likely his sister took it since she was staying at the house. My grandmother did have tape with names on the backs of some things, and specified each granddaughter was to get a lamp. I was the only one that took a lamp and it's in a closet now. The grandson's ended up with nothing, so when my parents are both gone, I'm going to see if they want anything from our paternal grandparents. Families are so funny/weird sometimes.

I was at my Mum's place the other day and she asked me to send her Cutco knives in to be sharpened. As she removed them from the drawer, she said "your sister M gets these when I die. Here's the proof." It was a note in M's writing that had "these go to M" and it was initialed and dated by my Mum. Great, at least that's one thing settled. They probably are her most valuable, and useful, items.

Great article, thanks for sharing. I have a lot of things from my Grandparents and my DH's family that I treasure. I especially like using my Nana's old wooden spoon. (I pretty much bleached that thing to death before I used it..). We think of our people on the other side quite often here. Grateful that so far Alzheimer's has not been part of our life at this point.

My sweetest memories are of the twinkle in grandma's eyes, mom teaching me how to knit, the times my dad held my hand to help me climb a rock. The things they did for and with me. I don't need objects from the past for those memories.

I do have objects that belonged to each of them but I can't imagine buying substitute things. Perhaps because "things" weren't a defining part of their lives either?

I know people that can't part with any of their past possession-wise. It is dragging them and their spouses down. I'm not talking about hoarding recent purchases. It's an inability to part with things that belonged to their loved ones because they have attached memories to the things. Not down to the bread bag tie level but if mom owned it (dishes, napkins, whatever) they have to keep it. (Is there a name for that?)

I remember going to my cousin's house years after my grandmother died and saw my grandmother's kitschy 1940's cookie jar on her counter. Seeing it literally took my breath away and instantly brought me back to my grandmother's kitchen. I was young when she died and had vague pleasant memories of her but seeing the cookie jar was surprisingly powerful. If I saw a similar cookie jar in an antique store I would buy it in a heartbeat.

I don't have many sweet childhood memories. Dad managed to ruin anything that could have been. Plus we lived thousands of miles away from all our relatives so I never knew my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.

I remember looking through my baby book all the time. Mom filled it up really well, including a lock of hair from my first birthday. When mom and dad divorced, out of vengeance, dad burned all of our photo albums and baby books. I mourn that book all the time but sadly, I learned to not be sentimental. Well, mostly.

I have my paternal grandmothers china, my maternal grandmothers locket, a few paintings from my mom, and a table my sister and I painted when we were little. That's about it.

very bittersweet.....

I am very sentimental about things and love the things I have that were my parents/grandparents. hopefully it won't be an issue for a long time, but I do wonder how much of our stuff our kids will want-- they don't seem to have the same sentimentality that I do, or even as much as my hub, who has less than I do...

I wish I had a child who absolutely adored some of the things I have because I think I would be thrilled to give some things away to someone special who really wanted them.... at this point I'm hoping for some sentimental spouses someday!! :)

That was a wonderful read, it brought tears to my eyes. My Mom had Alzheimer's too and we were so fortunate that she never lost the ability to recognize us. She was an incredible singer and had her own radio show for several years before she married. She was funny, creative, could sew and create most anything. She had seven children. When it reached the point where she had to go to a nursing home, all seven of us divided up the schedule and she had one of us there with her for lunch and dinner and we took turns so she could come with us for the weekends. We did that for three years until she died in her sleep.
She brought music to the home, sang for them, lead them in group singing, she actually enjoyed the nursing home and would say to me when I had her for the weekend "Sheila dear, it's time for me to go home" She could never figure out how I knew where to take her. I think of her so often with only loving thoughts. I was blessed.

I've enjoyed Heather Sellers' books on writing, and this piece even more. Thanks!

Mtn, thank you so much for sharing the essay. It brought back memories of my DM and DGM. I have many things from my DM that mean a lot to me but my most cherished is the painting that she did while at St Joe's Academy. She told me once that while she was working on it she dreamed of having a daughter that looked like that some day. I wonder now if she had met my DF at this point because the girl had curly dark hair and dark eyes just as my DF did. If we ever had a fire that would be the first thing that I would grab.

Unfortunately when my DGM passed she was living with my aunt. She sold my DGM's things and never told any of the family members. I would have gladly purchased my DGM's clock and chestnut table if I had been given the opportunity but it was sold out from under us. I found the exact style of clock on e-bay. It is not particularly valuable but it reminds me of my DGM.