I just left her room, have been there all day with my sisters and husbands. She is not good at all. She is just talking crazy stuff begging us to please take her home to her mom and dad. She is calling for her brothers who all passed away long ago. This all just started with a UTI infection that we didn't know about. The home finally got her on antibiotics and I think the infection is doing better but she is going down hill pretty fast. It is very sad to see her this way. At times she knows us others not. She is 92 and has not been doing very well for a while now but this has really progressed. She is not eating or drinking much either. I am trying to mentally prepare for the inevitable. Easier said than done.

Thank you for your concern I appreciate that.

She can use all the positive thoughts and prayers right now.

I'm sorry to hear that, Raven. It's so hard, no matter how old they are. But at some point we can be grateful for their long lives.

You and your Mom are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope she can be made comfortable; and I believe that even if she is talking the way you describe, that she is getting comfort from the presence of her family.

I'm sorry, Raven. It's like others said, it's never easy.

Shirley

Thanks so much. We have been dreading this time but my main concern is her comfort, and she has said she hurts. I can't stand to think of her in pain.

Talk to her doctor. Sometimes, pain medication is prescribed lightly because of fears of addiction and side effects, but at this time she should in my opinion have as much as she needs to combat the pain as long as it is a safe dosage.

That's what I have been trying to get them to do but it's like pulling teeth for some reason. They did finally get the doctors approval a couple days ago for an injection which helped tremendously. She was able to get good sleep all night long. But the care home doesn't want to do that because she is sleeping through the mealtime. Not that she is eating much anyway. I prefer comfortable with no pain and rest then eating when she is awake and rested.

I'll pray for her to recover and for you and the rest of the family for acceptance.

"it's like pulling teeth for some reason"

Homes are frequently sued for falling injuries, and after all, that is their duty, to keep people safe. The risk of falls increases dramatically with pain medication. Homes can be very good, but the fact is that a pain medicated person needs very close supervision and sometimes there are too few staff to allow for the required supervision.

If you talk to the doctor and make a lot of noise, and talk to the home and talk about home oversight organizations, I think you may get some results.

I second what Satine said about Hospice. They're first concern is pt comfort. Please look into it.

Y thoughts are with you as you go through this.

I agree that you need to make more noise that your mother should have enough pain med to make her comfortable. She's not on a drip to keep her hydrated? I would guess that's why she's hallucinating. Doesn't sound very comfortable to me. :( I'm sorry you're going through this Raven, and you and she have my prayers.

Thoughts for you and your mother!

She is completely unable to move from the bed she can't walk at all so no chances of her falling. She has been that way for a long time. She has had some dementia but never like this. This could be her new state.

I have been trying to get my sisters to ask about hospice, I 100% agree it's what she needs. They are hesitant. I don't think they have a good understanding of what they can do for her. And it's limited availability here.

I also feel she needs IV fluids, we all agree on that, but they said she would have to be moved to the hospital for that and honestly I don't think she can live though that trip. She literally has no veins and they blow out quickly. She is skin and bones and extremely fragile. It's just a really bad situation in many ways. Thankfully the test results show the UTI is cleared up. We have requested that the doctor provide pain patches for her which would provide a steady amount of the pain medication. This is a very small town with limited medical facilities and care which plays a part.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I just don't know how she keeps hanging on.

Blessings and peace for you all.

Oh, Raven, she will be in my prayers as well as prayers for you and your family. Hospice is wonderful; one of the very first things they did for my mother was to get her a very, very comfortable mattress.

Prayers said that God's will be done for your dear mother, Raven and for the strength you will need to get you through this.

Please try for Hospice. They are wonderful!!

I think hopefully today I made headway with my plea for hospice. I have convinced one sister and the steadfast one is bending. At this point it's the best option for mom. I have convinced her to get them out there and see mom and evaluate the situation. I think honestly she is having a very hard time letting mom go. That's not an easy thing to do but when it comes to her comfort and quality of life that is number one. I have resigned myself to the fact that it could be any day, any moment, I love her dearly and don't want her in pain.

I am just praying for peace for my mom.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and thoughts.

You, your Mom, and family are in my prayers.

Raven, I am just now seeing this. I am so sorry. I will keep your mom and you and your family in my prayers. Hospice is wonderful. Perhaps you can at least convince your sisters to let them come and do an evaluation, and let the hospice team explain to your sisters what can and can not be done. Hospice care does not always mean that there is no hope. I pray for your mom to be pain free, and strength and comfort for the rest of you.

Add my thoughts and prayers for your Mom, you and your family. ((((Raven))))

Hunger is an excellent sign! Glad to hear things are moving in the right direction.

I was going to say, give it time. My friend went through this with her father over Christmas. An infection can do awful things to someone who is elderly. But it is just the infection. She will recover.

That's great news!

Sending you my prayers for your mom. I'm happy to see her improving.

These are really hard times, but we all must go through birth, growth, illness, decline, dying and death. Keep the hospice planning moving forward. It's good that she has rallied now, but I believe that she and your whole family can benefit from using hospice services. It's a *plan*, rather than reacting to every crisis. Entering a hospice program doesn't mean death in days! It helps to normalize the situation and comfort he family -- while providing an easier transition for the patient.

I deeply regret that there was no hospice when my mother was dying a slow death with leukemia.

I have a friend whose very elderly relative gets very disoriented every time she gets a UTI, but bounces back when it responds to antibiotics. Where there's life, there's hope. I still recommend Hospice.

An appetite is an excellent sign! It sounds like she is on the mend and yes, uti's can make an elderly person seem very 'out of it'. I don't know if that's from dehydration or what, but hopefully this antibiotic will do the trick. I'm so glad to hear your mom is improving, Raven, and thanks for posting as I've been wondering.

My heart goes out to you, Raven. It's so hard seeing a loved one suffer and such a comfort when she finds some relief. Thank God for the improvement. I hope the family still lets Hospice evaluate her. You will get more help from them...

Well she is not doing as well today unfortunately. It just seems to be a day by day struggle. Today she is looking very gray and cold, not wanting to eat, and not talking.
We get encouraged on the days she is seemingly better then it just flips back to a bad day. They think the infection may be back they are testing her again. I am afraid it is becoming drug resistant.
I am praying for a better day tomorrow.
Thanks for the continued prayers.

Raven, I'm sorry, this must be so difficult. I'm noticing more of a frailness in my own mother in just the last 6 months - lots of us here understand.

I am so sorry to hear your Mother is so sick Raven. I am sending prayers your way for you and your family.

Sue

Raven, I was hoping she was getting better. I remember Mom being like that......one step forward, 2 steps back. You're sure in my thoughts. ((((Raven))))