Helping a elderly friend with their computer remotely
10 years ago
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- 10 years ago
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9 Great Rules for Caring for Your Elderly Parent at Home
Comments (7)FallDownGoBump... I hear ya... Loud and clear... Sounds as if we're both in the same boat... Hubby has 3 sisters and 2 brothers left and not one of them even bothered to send a card or call on his birthday, let alone any other time. Even if I did ask for help not one of them would... But the real kicker is that hubby has helped EVERYONE in his family and everyone has screwed him in some way... Six of his nine siblings and his father has lived with us at one time or another... When we first married we took in his father and youngest sister with the stipulation that 4 of the other brothers and sisters chip in a lousy $7. a week... The first week we got $21. the next week we got $14. then not another cent or even a crust of bread... I could go on for hours about them but I won't... It only upsets me more... My story: Three years ago hubby broke his hip and two days after the surgery they sent him home with me with no additional help... Three days after that something happened and he didn't know who he was, where he was or who I was... After a two week stay in the hospital, so they could perform every test known to man, they told me he had 2 strokes and a little stiff from the partial hip replacement but otherwise he was in good health and they sent him to a rehab facility ( nursing home )... BTW, while he was there, recovering, his youngest sister got it in her head that since the nursing home offered hospice services that was all they did and turned around and told hubby that's why he was there! Sorry for getting off on another rant... Anyway, after two months the rehab facility sent him home... For about a month and a half the visiting nurse and a physical therapist came over twice a week... By then I had to find a doctor because hubby's meds were running out. After reviewing all his medical records the doctor says hubby had SEVERAL strokes and a heart attack!!!! Ok, sorry, that's yet another rant... Right now I have a 67 year old hubby who moves as if he's 100 and, at times, has the brain of a 2 year old... Hugs, Rita...See MoreComputer and 'girl friend' trouble
Comments (28)I'm with salgal and iowagirl2009. In my opinion, this computer should be wiped clean, "low-level" formatted and reloaded. You lost everything on it already so there can't be much on there of importance yet that can't be backed up after a thorough virus/malware check. This doesn't sit right with me. And OK, the computer and relationship issues are separate issues so deal with them separately. But I would have someone competent do a complete drive wipe and start over. My first thought was they could have slipped in a "back door". For peace of mind, that thing would be sanitized. The son's dealing with this so far. If they're friends, they're friends. Have a sit-down and encourage him to be cautious, tell him you're there for him but you're not going to try to run his life. It sounds like that's where he's at anyway. Illegal to have a computer by the window? That's a new one on me! :) Password recovery because someone who worked on your computer wouldn't give you your passwords? LOL Sorry, but nope. That's not rational. They're not you're IT person, they were supposed to clean malware from your system and they weren't able to do that so how should they be given credibility to have such control over your system? Nope. No way. Uh-uh. Not in this lifetime. Yes, the Admin and separate accounts being kept separate is a good way to go, but in all my years of servicing computers, there's NO WAY I'd ever put myself in the position where I'd be the only one with passwords for a client's computer! Forget liability, forget the silly arguments, I *always* would not only give them the passwords, but tell them TO CHANGE them so there can't be an accusation toward me. Plus 5 year later when they call and cry that they can't remember the password, I remind them that they were to have changed it and I didn't have it. In reality, I doubt these people are all that intelligent computer-wise to do the things a person in that position could do. But that doesn't matter, I'd still have it wiped out. Given they couldn't clean some malware, and of course we don't know how serious it was, nor do we even know for sure there was a virus or other malware on there, but with the toold available now, readily available, free and easy to use, they shouldn't have wiped your computer. For security purposes, if you use this computer for anything requiring a password, I'd change all those passwords. Online banking, credit cards, etc, especially! That data is possible to dig out. When I had a system with important data on it that needed service, the first thing I did was back up the entire hard drive completely. That backup of course would be in my posession. Unscrupulous people could, at their liesure look thorugh your data and see what they could find. Am I overly-suspicious? Often, yes, but that's what I got paid to do. And I've done enough forensic data recovery to be amazed at what is on peoples' systems, readily accessible by anyone and the simplistic passwords used by many people. FWIW, my one partner thought she had a foolproof password on her computer. I guessed it in two tries! I'm not encouraging paranoia, just common sense caution. When something doesn't smell right, I don't swallow it. This wouldn't get near my mouth!...See MoreHelping elderly parent with sale, frustrating
Comments (19)My sibs and I delt with this last summer/fall. My Mom swore she wouldn't be like her mother and leave a full house for the kids to deal with -- but she kept finding reasons not to downsize from a 5 bedroom house to senior living until a health crisis! Her home was in relatively good condition and in a desirable area. But it needed some work to take it from "40 year old nice" to really ready to sell. We all have our quirks and Mom was no different. For example, she had a hard time understanding why we insisted that the dark, unvarnished doors and woodwork in the upstairs hall be painted. But what a difference that made. From dark hole to bright and clean looking (I know some of the painted over handprints were mine from 30 years ago!). Mom was proud of her home and how nicely she had decorated it. And it was nice ...but a "grandma house" and like all of our homes full of more stuff than is ideal for selling. We talked about some things and started on some small things while she was there but waited for the painting and major staging until she had moved out of state. That was much better for all of us. My sister in law could go into business as a home stager. She did a stupendous job moving things around and adding a few items borrowed from her home or bought cheaply at target to really make the house look more updated and spacious. Some of the things we did: Kitchen-Thoroughly degreased kitchen cabinets, replaced pulls with inexpensive ones off ebay, took valences down and decluttered. Family Room-Updated colors by Padding and arranged a nice throw cover on her 50's sofa, removed shabby recliner, took everything from built in bookshelves and put a select few books back with a few display items. Took down window coverings to enhance light and update. Wrapped fabric around window seat cushion to blend with updated colors.Removed endtable. Room looked more spacious and inviting. LR-Rearranged and packed away boxes and boxes of very lovely knicknacks, and art work. Took up rugs that were on carpet. Had sheers and drapes open for more light. Bedrooms- took up rugs to show hardwoods,painted dark slider closet doors, took out many small items of furniture including bookshelves, sewing machine, computer desk, etc. Moved some stuff into other rooms for better balance. A br papered with a small ruby pink print wass transformed by putting a dark tan spread on the bed and removing some dainty accessories and adding a small wood dresser from another room. It was amazing how the changes neutralized the pink and pulled out the neutral tan from the paper. In the mbr her worn out bedding was replaced by a nice comforter and plenty of pillows (on sale a target)all arranged like in a magazine. The family photo galleries were taken down and walls repainted as needed, many curtains taken down and replaced by inexpensive sheers. The carpets were professionally cleaned and , boy, did that ever spiff things up. All in all, it was a lot of work upfront but the result was that my Mom got a good price quickly as compared to some homes that have stayed unsold. The area in NJ had a slowing market but we felt that being in a desirable neighborhood, by a good school, and now in move in condition, that the house would sell w/o difficulty. We priced it fairly but not too low. The first looker made a low offer we rejected much to the realtors dismay. Within 10 days the a much better offer was made by a much more qualified buyer. They love their new home. Wish I'd known about the Mr Clean trick for her counters. Good luck with your Mom. If you can, get her moved, then get the condo spiffed up. In the long run it's easier on everyone and the only way to do some things w/o offending her. Keep stressing how you fix up a home to sell is not the same as how you live in it--that it needs to be a little bare....See MoreGetting Elderly Drivers Off The Road, Part Deux
Comments (38)rosemaryt, you have a tough situation and my heart goes out to you. Best wishes in a successful resolution to the problem. This is a very frustrating thread to read. People screaming for you to go commit a felony makes me just shake my head in disbelief. Laws vary from state to state so when you get "armchair lawyers", including myself, giving you advice, take it for ideas only since your situation will vary. A few things do come to mind though. First, the police are sympathetic and in fact, that's good for the public as a whole but doesn't help for this situation. Now you need a "hot dog" cop, but the problem is to find one. There are other options though, again however it varies in different jurisdictions. One is a "citizen complaint", "criminal complaint" or citizen's arrest. You need guidance to do this properly and if appropriate but seems to me that it could in this case. I'd doubt very highly you'd get him committed for evaluation with the adverse positions of the doctor and social worker. However if he is truly senile, and it's documented, then a guardianship is a definite possibility. But an involuntary guardianship is not easy, and rightly so. But you might be able to propose a temporary guardianship, a conservatorship or something to get a start. This won't be quick most likely, but is an option to consider. In MN, starting a guardianship proceeding would be more likely to get an eval ordered. Again, your state will vary. I hope you're paying no attention to the fools who suggest that you will be financially responsible for his actions. Good grief where do people get these ideas? That's stupid, plain and simple. C'mon folks, she needs help, support and ideas, not ridiculous ramblings. I suppose someone will running offended and I'll get a friendly reminder but so be it. It needed to be said. Likewise that you'll force a cop to do something, that you can sue the cops if something happens down the road and well, it's a highly emotional situation and obviously many people aren't thinking clearly. People watch too much "Boston Legal" or something and want to threaten to sue for anything thinking that people will cringe and fold. It may work with someone who doesn't know better, but threatening people that know better doesn't do anything more than make the person making the threat look like a complete idiot. Don't get caught up in that. It won't work. Also, I agree you should keep the insurance on the vehicle. I'd even go so far as to make sure the vehicles are, in fact insured. You insure the vehicle primarily so if in fact he has no valid license likely won't affect the insurance at least until he gets into an accident or ticket, at which time the company likely would cancel the coverage. Newspapers, TV, radio, media as a whole... well, this isn't a huge story in news terms but someone might be interested. But I think I'd pursue it with low expectations. Disabling the car hasn't worked. So you need a different plan of attack. Take a deep breath and try to relax. I know it's easier said than done though. Obviously you can't be following him around all over, first because you don't have the time and secondly you could be guilty of stalking if he is angry enough to push it, which he may well be. But a private security firm or private investigator is able to, but of course that will cost something. They can gather evidence, video his operation and even be able to make a complaint, though I'm not sure that many would want to get that involved. I could contact my former PI firm and see if they have any suggestions but since the laws vary, I think you'd be better off to seek some guidance locally. Most good places won't charge you to talk to you about the case and give you some ideas. Again, my best to you and yours. If I think of anything else I'll post again. I know what a tough situation it is. And my experience wasn't quite as drastic as yours, though my dad should have quit driving 20 years earlier. But that's a whole different story....See More- 10 years ago
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