I'm so sorry.

Sometimes people get angry when they don't get what they want, & then they get spiteful.

& it sounds like your daughter's understanding of your relationship is that you give & she takes.

nothing you can do about her anger;
she'll either calm down & gain perspective, or she'll carry a grudge & everything will be your fault from now on.

I think I might post a reply *one time* on whatever social media she's used to badmouth you, something like:

I agree, actions do speak louder than words.
I made sure you & my beloved grandson had a home, rent-free, I took care of him so you could go to school, I made lunches.
etc.

& then don't read the hurtful things she says.

Let the next move be hers.

If she doesn't make it, let it be.

Maybe someone else, someone who'd been through this kind of thing, will have more concrete help to offer.

I do hope she calms down, & I wish you the very best.

There's nothing positive to be gained by starting a "tit for tat" on social media. It won't cause her to have an epiphany, it'll only serve to embarrass and anger her, and maybe escalate the vehemence.

I do think you could matter of factly state (in person) that your actions prove that you have been there for her and that you're disappointed and hurt she doesn't see it. Then, let it go -- you can't argue her into believing your side of things.

Lastly, don't cave and let her move back home. Having to manage a household MAY, over time, humble her and cause her to become more introspective.

Drinaz,

You are absolutely right.. Make your own happy life, and if she returns on your terms, fine.

should I ask if this is the way it's going to be I want to say so much in the morning when she drops her off but I shut down thinking she'll say I'm making blood pressure go up or upsetting her she's 5 months pregnant but now it's been six weeks since she hasn't spoken or do i just let it ride it's course

'rules for me to follow and it's been that way for years even before she had children I cry all time and I'm so emotionally tired of apologizing for things in the past and try to make things better'

Your daughter is abusing as well as using you.

If you don't lie down like a good doormat, she punishes you.

If you lie down like a good doormat, she punishes you because you're not doing it well enough.

Cut this nightmare loose, enjoy your life, get *your* blood pressure down.

i'm sure my daughter would say we're the abuser and playing games saying we'll watch our grandchild then when i said she'll have to drop her off she was doing it then one day flipped out and said i can't bring her and why i won't take care of her not once did I say I wouldn't take care of her .I'm always crying and can't get how she can come and go without saying anything when i say bye nothing in response. I know i have some blame but I'm the one talking and she doesn't want to talk /I guess I need to hear again that it's alright to let it go on like this and in the back of mind is the second baby 'baby shower etc.. what do i do i don't even talk with the the in-laws it's horrible i just want to scream and cry.... Sorry for all the whining Thank you for responding

The only way to stop playing a game in which the rules are "I win & you lose" is to *stop*.

Your granddaughter is the bait your daughter uses to control you.

If your granddaughter is in daycare, you no longer have a hook in your mouth.

Put her on notice that you will not be available for child care on (fill in date).

I wish you the best.

thank you for the responses .I'll keep everything in mind and your right about my granddaughter being the bait she has threatened in the past that we wouldn't see her if my husband and I didn't change .I'm the weak and basically stupid one, my husband is alot stronger when it comes to dealing with our daughter he will let her know how he feels while i shut down just for the sake of peace which is so wrong .I've never learned to have a strong back bone now it's getting back at me. I guess it's never to late ..... Thanks again for the responses

at this point my daughter doesn't speak to me i say something and she doesn't respond now i've gotten to the point that i'm just happy to spend time with my granddaughter and if this is the way it 's going to go i can't change that It just kills me when we're face to face and she doesn't even say anything versus not calling or coming over on her day off like she used to.I know I have fault in the past not wanting to talk to her on the phone after having a spat but I've never ignored when we've been face to face I guess this is what it serves me right or I don't know anymoreI know i haven't been the best role model but i have never said the ugly things she has said over the last couple of years. Even her sister has witnessed her and said she 's being down right rude I guess i'll just carry on this way...