Yikes. Don't allow him to scatter his stuff all over your house. The extra dishes should go into whatever room you've agreed to use as his hoarding room. Get your own mortgage while prices are low and let him deal with his old house in the manner he sees fit. You certainly don't want your landlord to sell to someone else, forcing you to live in DH's former house! My DH has become a pack-rat as he approaches old age. I haven't been able to park my car in the garage in about 10 years. His office is so cluttered that I had to quit working as his secretary/bookkeeper. If any of his 'collections' creep into other areas of the house, I ask him to move it to 'his' room. If he doesn't, I throw it away. He knows it's a problem because he has a difficult time finding things when he needs them. He has tossed all of his junk many times over the years - usually after he has spent days searching for his keys or whatever. The downside is that he then spends a lot of money replacing all the junk he tossed. Why the gradual change in my DH? I believe it is because his financial situation has improved - successful business plus no more alimony or child support means if one new drill is good, three new drills are better! But, I really don't know and I'm not a shrink. In couples therapy we negotiated the 'one room only and you do your own friggin' paperwork' deal, so we live in relative peace. He'll need one-on-one therapy if he decides to address his issue. You can't change your DH. From reading your other thread it appears he was hoarding when you married him. You just have to figure out a way to deal with it -- or not. The fact that you are newlyweds and he's already calling you names is more problematic than the mess at his old house, imo. ymmv.

Are there comforting words possible; that's a complex question and depends on the people in the situation. If there were things that 'should have been said' and your husband has the feeling or thinking that there were; ask him what they were. It's maybe something he kept himself from saying, which he could have said or wanted to say. When words fail a person, they fail a person. People will then, quite naturally usually act or react based on 'instinct' or intuition. If your natural reaction was that words failed, so a hug ensued... that's just the nature of reality as far as you in that situation. By definition it was your best possible response it sounds like. Your friend may not have known how she felt if she only just got a major medical diagnosis, and all kinds of sudden imposed change on her life and any plans she may have had. You could offer literally anything they need, or if they need to talk... if there is anything you could do, ever to help them (that sort of thing). Also make sure their nears and dears know of your offer too because sometimes there are indirect needs; or needs that won't be mentioned but which would be really really appreciated. when words fail there can be no speech; whatever else happens would have to be nonverbal and a hug-- simple human contact and touch-- is not only as good as it may get, but it may also have been better than words could have been at the time

Hi... i've posted my story on the stepfamily forum- am currently breaking up with BF after 13 months- came to realization that he is a controlling person. Just posting here to vent about his terrible gift giving. Some of this may be selfish of me: Birthday - his daughter's birthday was 2 weeks before mine. For her birthday, he told ex he would pay for the party ($300). Ex bought snacks for the kids (?$50)We went together to get her birthday presents- he picked out at least 5 or more outfits for her, wanted to make sure she had lots of gifts to open (his own words), spent $150? My birthday two weeks later: I got flowers sent to my work. Got home, he gave me a birthday card, handed me a small box & said "Sorry, I kinda ran out of money, but I wanted to make sure you had something to open". Inside the box was a decorative coin jar, the lid had a baker figurine, and the jar was titled "Extra Dough". I was very disappointed, but hid it. He explained that since cooking together was a thing that we liked to do together, he thought it would be cute. Then took me out to dinner at a really nice steakhouse (I don't eat meat except for seafood- which they had), and given his money comment, I was very budget conscious that night. I tried to let go of if, but it kept eating away at me so a few days later I brought it up that I felt he didn't place much importance on my birthday - compared it to how he basically spared no expense for his daughter (didn't ask ex to split cost), but then when it came to my birthday it was "sorry, i ran out of money". Wanted to make sure she had lots of presents to open, but got me a coin jar! He then told me I was wrong for making him feel bad about spending money on his daughter. He told me that he could have chosen not to take me out to an expensive dinner, and not to get me flowers. I just felt that he could have budgeted better - knowing he had two birthdays, he could have asked ex to split the party costs, but chose not to (another issue that always came up). 1st Anniversary - relationship was already on the rocks. The week before, I mentioned I was thinking of buying myself some jewelry (had some gift cards to use). He didn't want me to, said that he was thinking of doing something nice for our anniversary and buying me a necklace to match a ring that I have. I said he should do that if it's what he wants to do - me buying a necklace for myself would not be as meaningful as something from him, and that besides I hadn't bought anything with the gift cards yet, and might still choose to buy something else. I didn't have much enthusiasm when discussing the anniversary, but since he brought it up, after that i kept bringing it up - asking him what he would like - should we go out for dinner, cook a special meal, etc - he said we'll play it by ear & never made any definite plans although I kept bringing it up. Day of our anniversary, he said "happy anniversary" in the morning. We met up after work. I had my gifts and card laid out for him on the bed. He got me nothing. I was furious and hurt. Even afterwards, he didn't make it up by planning something for us, or even getting me a card or a gift. His reason - he didn't think I was very interested in celebrating b/c I didn't seem very excited about it so he didn't plan anything (true I wasn't all energetic & excited, but I did get him card & gift b/c I thought it was the right thing to do), and he didn't "want to be the jerk who shows up with a present" when the other person doesn't (so I was the jerk?), and that he never made it up afterwards because I made him feel so bad about it.

From Emily Post "Q: I am throwing a birthday party for my son and want to invite his whole class. I donÂt want other parents to be inconvenienced and would rather this be a B-day party with no gifts. Of course we will have a dinner and give presents from family and close friends after the class party is over. How do I let parents who I donÂt know well know that they should not bring gifts? A: Gifts are expected for birthday and anniversary parties, but when honorees really donÂt want presents, their wishes should be respected. In the past, any reference to gifts on invitations was considered in poor taste, because guests were assumed to know the occasions when gifts were obligatory, and even today, itÂs incorrect to mention gifts on wedding invitations. But in light of the current gifts-for-every craze, itÂs a courtesy to inform guests when presents are not expected. The etiquette is to write "No gifts, please" at the bottom of the invitation  or to tell invitees when inviting them in person or by phone. When you receive an invitation with such a request, it should be honored. Showing up with a present when asked not to would embarrass the hosts, the honoree, and other guests who, correctly, didnÂt bring anything. If you want to give a special token of affection, you may do so at another time." See - it's fine to put "no gifts, please" on your invites. And I don't see anything wrong with having folks bring a dish to share instead of gifts. Do what you want and have fun!