Sorry to hear that. My sister-in-law keeps all kind of junk, she even keeps stuff like old newspapers, nothing goes to trash. My brother finally got enough of it after 20 years of marriage. So what he does now just throws stuff out when she is at work. If it is not being used and is not hidden it goes to garbage. She does not complain anymore because house is finally clean.
I hope maybe marriage councelor can explain to your DH that he has to find balance. It is anxiety producing to have that much junk.

What is it, exactly, that you're supposed to be grateful for? Sounds to me like your hubby is some kind of nuts. Here and elsewhere you've described a combination of packrat and ogre. I can only assume he's good for something but don't recall from your other writings what it was.

Oh Scarlett, I feel for you.

Your DH does have a problem.

But what to do, he has to admit to it, I guess, before things will change. Is there any way you can facilitate that ? Buy him a book, or take him to a counsellor. What sort of relationship do you have with him, doesn't sound very harmonious if he is calling you names. You don't deserve that, my dear girl.

I hate junk, and wastefulness, so I discard things all the time. I strive for the minimalist look !

Good luck.

I was at a new years party last night and the hostess pulled me aside to confess how her husband recently called her a )@#$%^(*. My heart sank and the rest of the evening was ruined.

Such language crosses a line for me, I'm sorry for you.

As for the junk, he's got some issues to work through that paint and relocation cannot solve - it's a control thing, he's feeling out of control so he collects to feel secure.

Yikes. Don't allow him to scatter his stuff all over your house. The extra dishes should go into whatever room you've agreed to use as his hoarding room. Get your own mortgage while prices are low and let him deal with his old house in the manner he sees fit. You certainly don't want your landlord to sell to someone else, forcing you to live in DH's former house!

My DH has become a pack-rat as he approaches old age. I haven't been able to park my car in the garage in about 10 years. His office is so cluttered that I had to quit working as his secretary/bookkeeper. If any of his 'collections' creep into other areas of the house, I ask him to move it to 'his' room. If he doesn't, I throw it away. He knows it's a problem because he has a difficult time finding things when he needs them. He has tossed all of his junk many times over the years - usually after he has spent days searching for his keys or whatever. The downside is that he then spends a lot of money replacing all the junk he tossed.

Why the gradual change in my DH? I believe it is because his financial situation has improved - successful business plus no more alimony or child support means if one new drill is good, three new drills are better! But, I really don't know and I'm not a shrink. In couples therapy we negotiated the 'one room only and you do your own friggin' paperwork' deal, so we live in relative peace. He'll need one-on-one therapy if he decides to address his issue.

You can't change your DH. From reading your other thread it appears he was hoarding when you married him. You just have to figure out a way to deal with it -- or not. The fact that you are newlyweds and he's already calling you names is more problematic than the mess at his old house, imo. ymmv.

The problem with this hording business, is that it is not only the horder that deals with the junk. If that person dies, (sorry for the grim example)others have to deal with the junk.

I think I decided to manage my own messes, and get rid of things when necessary, because I had to deal with a whole household of my parents "stuff", that went back for decades. It made me realize, how we should not burden our loved ones with such a task. Of coarse some clearing out is normal, but not piles of papers, going back decades, and thousands of plates, and christmas cards forever...I think you get my drift.

My daughter (20) is a horder, and today, I find myself trawling through her stuff, looking for her passport. She is going to Thailand, at the end of the month. She lives in the city, but her room is still in tact, at home, with stuff. So dear old mum is spending hours looking through it all the find her passport. As yet haven't found it !

Mother of horder.

Thanks, everybody,
Asolo, DH is not an ogre, but I probably make him sound that way because I write on this forum when I get really mad. It's an outlet. Venting here is probably saving my relationship right now!

Bunglogirl, what is Ymmv? I don't know that one.

Yes, this hoarding thing is getting to be an epidemic. Just about everybody I know either knows a hoarder or is one! Even TV shows talk about it. DH grew up in large, cash-strapped family, but none of his sibs is a hoarder as far as I know. Some say it is a form of OCD.

We passed New Years Eve and day in silence, finally he told me he was "just kidding" about the ungrateful B thing and where oh where is my sense of humor?

I know lots of couples say awful things to each other in anger, but we are usually pretty civilized during a tiff, no name calling, no throwing the china, etc. We are pretty good at keeping to the subject, even when really ticked off. I guess that is why it really hurt, he has never called me any names and vice versa. I'll survive.

"I guess that is why it really hurt, he has never called me any names and vice versa. I'll survive. "

Tell him that his name calling hurt you.

He needs to apologise, for things to move on.

That old resentment always lurks around when we try to gloss over things and move on.

ymmv = your mileage may vary

OH! Of course. LOL!!!