Too much?? advice please
I am a Mum of 2- one being a step child, I am 27 years old and am struggling with our current situation.
Quick explanation of our situation-
To cut a long story short, Me and my partner concieved within a week of being together me being aged 25. I wasnt ready for children but i couldnt get rid of life like that so we agreed to make things work. I love him very much and he also has a 3yo son at the time whom he has 4 times a week who i love very much.
Our relationship was very rushed as we had 9 months to mould our family together. I moved in, grew my bump and learned to love and grow as a family. The turning point was when my partner decided that now i was here, there was no need for him to take his child with him in the morning, instead he could leave him with me so he wouldnt have to wake up so early. I hated this as i was having morning sickness every day and felt like at a time i shoud be relaxing and enjoying my 1st pregnancy, i was having to get up early be sick and look after a child while his mother lay in bed.
I got over this, we had our child and our family has merged together very well but i still feel like the responibility of looking after him is too much for me. My child is not yet in school and when i should be waking up nicely and having morning snuggles with my child, i am getting up doing sandwiches and school runs and i am struggling with this. I do love him very much but i feel like i am resenting him now for not allowing me to have the moments every 1st time mother should have.
I loved that my partner has his son so much at the start but i didnt think that the responibility would be on me soo much to make this happen. In the same breath i would hate for him to see his child less because i said no to looking after him.
Me and my partner have spoke about this before but he sees it as an attack and gets on the defense straight away to the point where i am scared to bring these issues up, but as time goes on, i am getting more and more depressed with the situation and know that i cant take much more of it. I have tried.
Am I being silly, Should I lie in the bed Iv made, Am i being selfish. He goes to work so surely i should look after his child. I just know im not happy doing so and hate the thought of me having to stay in and wait for his son to come home while his mom sleeps in and gets time to do whatever she wants.
I feel like a Nanny and i dont want to be one.