Missing brunch guests- how people never fail to surprise....

9 years ago

I shared this in entertaining but thought you might find it amusing too.......

We had a brunch for 20 of DHs coworkers this past Sunday. I made blueberry french toast, coffee cake, banana bread, egg and cheese quiches, bacon, kielbasa dish, rosemary potatoes, huge veggie tray with hummus and dressing, several fruits individually sliced. We had leftovers of everything and had been freshening and replenishing food throughout the meal.

Everyone arrived within 20-30 minutes of start except one couple who came an hour late. The husband filled his plate, the wife picked a few things.
While I was in the kitchen, the wife began complaining that she was hungry. She said was "hangry" = hungry+ angry. I wasn't there but apparently everyone was quiet and confused because she was surrounded by food. A few suggestions were given but when husband finished, they asked DH his recommendation for a local brunch place, and left. When DH told me they left- I just brushed it off as their excuse for needing/wanting to leave early.

About a half an hour later they returned praising our recommended brunch place. I asked the husband about it and he said- "oh, you know sometimes people just want to eat what they feel like eating" Sure, I get it- maybe you do that before or after?

Later that night , we received an email from the husband thanking us for the invitation and what a lovely time they had. He mentioned that he learned I cook Thai food which is his favorite and hoped they would be invited for a Thai dinner. I said my MY husband, "but what if the wife feels like Mexican that night" ......

This post was edited by newgardenelf on Tue, Feb 3, 15 at 8:48

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Comments (63)

sylviatexas1
9 years ago
' I can't tell if he's embarassed by her or he's on board with her.'

It sounds like there's something else going on.

Maybe she has some kind of social anxiety (or what adellabadella said!).

& it sounds like maybe husband returned because he was embarrassed & wanted to make amends.

Unfortunately, when people are in that mode, they/we tend to blather on & on & make it worse.
momrox4
9 years ago
Another example of how the rudeness of some people never ceases to amaze me.
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Chi
9 years ago
It sounds like something else was going on. Maybe social anxiety, or maybe a hangup. I've heard of people who don't like to eat at people's houses but will eat at a restaurant. Do you have pets she may be allergic to but didn't want to say anything? She may have been an extremely picky eater and wanted to go get McDonalds instead, as 30 minutes seems way too short for a sit down brunch. Or maybe she wasn't feeling well and used it as an excuse to go home and then come back instead of telling people the real reason.

I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt. It may have been a private issue that they didn't feel comfortable telling the wife of a co-worker. It sounds like the husband was trying to make amends with the email and maybe the dinner self-invitation was him trying to reassure you that it wasn't your food?
Fun2BHere
9 years ago
If the guest has learned to cook Thai food, why isn't he inviting YOU to dinner. People can be so odd.
joaniepoanie
9 years ago
Clueless idiots! Sounds like they may have had an ongoing tiff that morning, but whatever the cause you just politely make an excuse, thank your hosts, and leave early. To ask where to go eat the same meal being served, then come back and report how good it was, then invite yourself to dinner in the future.....barnyard animals have better manners!

I'll bet this guy will be looked upon and possibly treated very differently in the office from now on.
User
9 years ago
I'm sure you can guess how long they would have to wait for their 2nd invitation to my home!
fran1523
9 years ago
I really can't agree more with everything that's been said about this. It's just unbelievable.
User
9 years ago
I had a brother-in-law who described odd people as "having only one oar in the water."

I think she would qualify. Very, very strange!!!!
chisue
9 years ago
Is your DH able to avoid the half of this couple with whom he must work? However you slice it, one of them is toxic -- possibly both.

Ignore this -- and them. It has *nothing* to do with you, personally. (Some people should never leave their doting mommies.)
anne_ct
9 years ago
She not only didn't have both oars in the water, Seniorgal...it sounds as though her boat sprung a leak. :-)

Anne
sylviatexas1
9 years ago
but it doesn't sound like simple bad manners or rudeness;
it's *bizarre* behavior, & there's got to be a reason.
anne_ct
9 years ago
Yuh! I agree with you Sylvia. My first thought when reading the OP was that she was having a drug reaction...either to a legitimate med or one off the street...or the lack of the use of a prescribed medication. Either way...something's not quite right.
I would question them both. Her for attending in such a state...and him for encouraging and/or validating her attendance. Very strange pair!

Anne
emma
9 years ago
They need an attitude adjustment. Don't invite them anymore. I can come in their place. LOL
newgardenelf
Original Author
9 years ago
I'm an introvert who likes to cook. DH is an extrovert who likes to entertain. My one rule-- I handle the food, you handle the people.

We have no pets.
We've been at group events before without issue.
Multiple bathrooms (one very private-off the laundry- no one was near) and if that's an issue, why come back.
DH asked about diets beforehand- we had a couple vegetarians so meat was separate and my thinking is even if you hate everything at a party- you grab some veggies or fruit , excuse yourself early, and go out after. Or if you know you are a picky eater- eat first.
DH questioned- food cold, not enough, not what they liked, maybe they were too embarrassed to say but any one of those would have been solvable and less rude to mention than just leaving. I was in the kitchen alone, heating up another round, easily could have slipped in and asked about anything privately. We've had several interactions, we aren't strangers.
DH recommended the cafe on the corner and they definitely went becuase we chatted about some things there. No idea what they ate
When they came back, they were chatty and didn't look like they had been crying or smoking (they don't drink) totally acted normal.

He's 30, she's early 20s- the only thing I can think is that she really didn't like anything and was really hungry and thought it perfectly acceptable to duck out for a bite of something she preferred. But that's just a guess.
newgardenelf
Original Author
9 years ago
Flamigo- that thanksgiving dinner sounds AWKward!
joyfulguy
9 years ago
Must have been a "fast-food" place ...

... for folks who play fast & loose with the niceties of life?

Sounds like some kind of a "one-up'smanship" program to me ... for any husband with a measure of concern would have asked another guest on the quiet for a recommendation of a place for brunch, rather than the host.

I agree with the person who said that it doesn't have anything to do with you, in terms of shortcomings ... that it's their action that seems very peculiar.

Even more so in that there have been get togethers with this group before, without indication of her having acted in an unusual manner.

Were I your gregarious husband ... I might be inclined to make a slight, innocuous reference to the event with her husband sometime when they were together, and his reply might give some indication of their/his take on the issue.

ole joyful
rob333 (zone 7b)
9 years ago
Yea, I'm really struck with they came back. If it was me, and I had an issue, regardless of which kind, I'd do what I could to be polite and then excuse myself. I wouldn't go back. Did they have a change of heart? Did they want to be a part of the party, but not the food? I mean, I just don't get it. I agree with sylvia, more here than meets the eye.

I do have one glimmer of hope for ya! I have left a party before because of someone at the party that had nothing to do with the food or the hostess. I kept trying to avoid the offensive people, but it was the host/hostess' parents/in-laws. They were going to be there, no avoiding them. I did try! But I just couldn't do it. Maybe they felt that way too. Maybe they wanted to try again? I can't even guess! But don't take it personally. I sure as heck would never have told them I hated their parents/in-laws.
sleeperblues
9 years ago
The picture is a little clearer now. They are very young and have obviously been raised without manners, probably their every whim catered to by their helicopter parents. I think they honestly thought there was nothing wrong with their behavior, as evidenced by their nonchalant return. Somebody needs some edu-maKatin.
adellabedella_usa
9 years ago
I have a new theory. Is the wife possibly pregnant? Hormones do so really do some really wild things. I remember craving certain foods so bad nothing else was good enough.

This post was edited by adellabedella on Tue, Feb 3, 15 at 20:15
Kathsgrdn
9 years ago
My kids spent Christmas day with their father and had a similar experience as Flamingo. His wife stayed in her bedroom all day, would not eat with them or open gifts. Weird because she bought them gifts but then was mad they spent the day with their father.
jewelisfabulous
9 years ago
What a baby.
chisue
9 years ago
My guess is that she didn't want to go, and it took him an hour to persuade her to attend. (They were an hour late.) Then she had another hissy-fit, and he removed her for another 'little chat' about this being a business obligation, and they returned. Still later, she didn't want to do the right thing and write a thank-you, so he did it.

Time to write in to whatever magazine still runs the column asking, "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" This Mrs. sounds like a complete child. I bet she made Mr. sleep on the sofa. If he's not sorry by now, he will be. I'd steer clear until they work it out, or the marriage implodes.
Chi
9 years ago
Wow so many assumptions! It's possible she just couldn't eat the food offered. I personally wouldn't be able to eat any of it except the veggies, though I would probably eat beforehand if I were hungry. She might be pregnant or have hypoglycemia or any other things that she didn't feel comfortable disclosing and required her to eat something that wasn't available. I think she probably could have planned ahead or handled it better since the host felt snubbed but I don't think she's the terrible person everyone is making her out to be.
sylviatexas1
9 years ago
what chi83 said.

& what I was attempting to say:

The behavior wasn't so much rude as it was outlandish.

Rude would be grabbing all the bacon or monopolizing the conversation or telling the hostess that your mother made a better quiche.

Outlandish would be something that the person can't totally control.
As people have suggested, pregnancy, allergies, panic attack, social anxiety.
FlamingO in AR
9 years ago
Eating and then asking the brunch host for a restaurant recommendation, going there and then returning to talk about it is about as odd as it gets, IMO, for the one who cooked and cleaned for hours and hours and invited a houseful of people over to enjoy it. If a person has special dietary needs, she should not attend functions without either eating first or bringing something for herself which she could quietly give the hostess with an apology for being difficult. Making a to-do about being "hangry" while surrounded by food is more than baffling and I think any hostess would have been put off by that. Then to email and hint for a dinner invitation? The audacity!

It's too bad that the OP will remember this brunch because of this couple, but maybe in time it'll be one of those funny stories they'll laugh about. Sadly, the couple will probably remain clueless to their lack of manners and never be aware that they acted badly.

As for the weird Thanksgiving dinner we attended, yes, it was extremely awkward, newgardenelf. The man apologized profusely, he was mortified. We were pretty shocked but tried to tell him it was no problem. I never did meet his wife. It was certainly the strangest dinner party we ever were invited to.
party_music50
9 years ago
I interpret things differently... more like chi....

Since they showed up very late, I'd guess they had a problem/commitment that caused the delay, and/or they might have been arguing about something, which would certainly explain the 'hangry' remark once they arrived.

Maybe she was angry because she wanted to do something completely different that was important to her -- rather than spend the time with her DH's co-workers at a brunch!!!

Maybe she wanted to leave for a few minutes so they could resolve whatever she was angry about.

Maybe someone's perfume was making her sick and she needed to get out of there!

Maybe she's a "picky" eater... or maybe all she really wanted was a glazed doughnut... and now that you've given their ages, maybe she is pregnant -- or wants to be. lol!

Was the brunch on Superbowl Sunday?! that might explain it! :p

Your home and the group of people you had must have been extremely quiet if you had 20+ guests and yet your DH and you (and everyone there?) were aware of their comments, wishes, and actions. If I had 20+ people over and 2 left I wouldn't notice it.... and I definitely wouldn't question them about it or complain about their perceived "bad manners" or "rudeness" or whatever....

I wouldn't think a whole lot about their behavior, especially given their ages. :p I think the DH was very nice sending the 'thank you' and Thai dinner request.
pudgeder
9 years ago
I'd chalk it up to lesson learned.

That lesson being, never include them on the guest list again.
jewelisfabulous
9 years ago
Agreed, pugeder. Awful behavior and then a request that the OP cook for them again?! That takes chutzpah!
sylviatexas1
9 years ago
right.

It takes chutzpah, they're horrible excuses for human beings, there's no other explanation for seemingly insane behavior.

It must be deliberate rudeness to the point of insult.

right.
Elmer J Fudd
9 years ago
I think the conduct described is childish, impolite and stereotypically self-centered. It's inexcusable.

Who hasn't faced this, when food at a party or other function is not to one's liking or insufficient or inconsistent with one's dietary needs or preferences? You keep your mouth shut, dry your tears and blow your nose, and be a good guest. Have a good time, it's not the end of the world. If you leave hungry, there are always lots of options.

Most people eat three meals a day. If you dislike what's served at a function, another opportunity to eat is only a few hours away. You can wait until then or have a snack in the meantime.
nicole__
9 years ago
Dang! That's very weird behavior...she's got issues...
Jasdip
9 years ago
I'm amazed at the amount and variety of food that you had prepared. She was beyond rude, I'm at a loss for words. If she couldn't find anything to her taste at your table, that is her problem. Her husband is an enabler, and has taken a page out of her book.

Put it behind you, and don't give either one of them the time of day.
Georgysmom
9 years ago
Sorry for those trying to make excuses for this couple. Simply put, there are no excuses. If you're pregnant and not feeling well, you politely thank host and hostess and tell them you're getting a migraine or something and leave. If you don't like the food, you have a glass of water, visit with the other guests for a reasonable amount of time and leave graciously. If you know ahead of time you have food allergies, you bring something with you just in case. If you were having an argument, you put on a happy face for an hour, leave and finish your argument when you are alone. What you simply don't do is ask the host/hostess for a good place to go eat and then return. It's unimaginable.
jewelisfabulous
9 years ago
Well said, georgysmom.
redcurls
9 years ago
"When it's YOUR turn, I'd love to try YOUR Thai as well." would have been my reply.
redcurls
9 years ago
"When it's YOUR turn, I'd love to try YOUR Thai as well." would have been my reply.
newgardenelf
Original Author
9 years ago
I finally got the end of the story. I knew DH knew but didn't want to say...

The husband told DH at work his wife was upset because while she was eating her fruit, other people had seconds including husband who ate the last piece of the quiche which is her favorite and the only thing she liked.

Guess what I was heating in the kitchen- yup, another quiche. Lol

Their arrival to leave was maybe 20 minutes. I was in the kitchen maybe the last 5 minutes of that time. You guys are right, it was loud and busy so I didn't really notice they left until they came back and DH told me about it later.

Honestly, I don't take it personally. I agree with georgysmom, there is no excuse for any of the behavior and if she could have held herself together for five more minutes she would have had exactly what she wanted.

I don't think they are bad people but they have some manners to learn and growing up to do. Perhaps another hostess will educate them.

P.S. You have all been so supportive. Thank you for the kind words- it was a lot of work and DH was appreciative. I had a great time with everyone who came that day and sharing the ridiculousness with you. I knew you'd have a chuckle or head shake over it just as I have!

This post was edited by newgardenelf on Wed, Feb 4, 15 at 17:07
Jasdip
9 years ago
My God, I would have thought some fruit or vegetable slices would have sufficed. She must be a very picky eater.
chisue
9 years ago
Nice try by the DH of the little brat. He should stop 'making nice'. He's just making it worse. (Wonder if he's trying to convince himself that's he hasn't married a problem child.)
FlamingO in AR
9 years ago
Gee, I guess that's a risk you take when you show up an hour late!!! Wow. Talk about passive/aggressive. "Where can we go to eat around here?" translates to "you're out of quiche and I'm ticked off about it?" Was your husband supposed to know this? She could have asked!
suzieque
9 years ago
WHAT ?!?!?!?!?

Wow. You're a very generous hostess, newgardenelf. What an incredibly spoiled brat.
Georgysmom
9 years ago
Well, I'm glad you got the whole story. However, my opinion doesn't change one iota. It will make for a great story over the years. I have a few about some in-laws that are jaw dropping but it does provide great conversation at parties. LOL thanks for sharing.
Alice_sj
9 years ago
Newgardenelf, your brunch sounds fabulous, and I would be thrilled to have a friend invite me to such an event!

Georgeysmom, I agree with you completely!
arcy_gw
9 years ago
I was waiting for the part where you discover she has some severe dietary needs. Sounds like these aren't friends, only in a group of obligatory add ons. Perhaps next time you should think of a way to creatively exclude some spouses.
dances_in_garden
9 years ago
So. Recipes? LOL!

Dances.
adellabedella_usa
9 years ago
Not excusing the lady. I've always had problems with breakfast foods. Fruits, cereal, donuts, and breads have always messed with my blood sugar even when I was a little kid. They never held me over for very long. I have always gotten "shaky" if I don't eat. My cheerfulness declines rapidly. We've learned a lot more about diabetes in the last several years. I think this may have been the 'hangry' thing. I'd give her another chance. There may be an underlying medical condition of which she isn't aware. She may not recognize the symptoms. It is pretty easy to grab a cheese stick or other snack to tide you over. First, you have to recognize the problem.
newgardenelf
Original Author
9 years ago
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/overnight-blueberry-french-toast/

I've made this several times- always a crowd pleaser.
Georgysmom
9 years ago
The biggest problem here, imo, adellabedella, was asking host/hostess where a good place to eat was, leaving and then returning. Who in their right mind would do a thing like that? You make up a polite excuse, leave, go eat and go home, not return to the party, LOL I could even make an excuse for coming an hour late….getting lost, running out of gas, over sleeping, etc. although in todays day and age everyone has cell phones (even me….though just a flip top) and one could call, apologize and explain why they're going to be late and ask the hostess not to hold up the meal because of us and we'll get there as soon as we can…..Just saying.
adellabedella_usa
9 years ago
Georgysmom. I agree she was totally rude. Sometimes, even in rudeness, it doesn't hurt to have a little compassion.
Chi
9 years ago
Maybe they realized after they had eaten and felt better that what they did was rude, so they came back to try to be polite and make amends? It sounds like they were fine after they returned and sent a thank you note, which I find to be pretty rare these days. I still think the dinner invitation was a lighthearted attempt to assure the hostess that her food quality wasn't why they left.

I guess I have a higher tolerance for people making etiquette mistakes than most people here. I always assume there's something going on that I'm not privy to and give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm socially awkward myself and I'm sure I've stuck my foot in my mouth a few times without intending to offend anyone.

Missing brunch guests- how people never fail to surprise....

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